2015 predictions

[SouthLanarkshireWhite]

A wee less than serious look ahead.

Barry gets it right in 2015 and after finishing fourth leads his newly built team to play off success against QP and Stirling.

Further strengthening of the squad in the summer means we get off to a good start at our new temporary home sharing with Shettleston Juniors.

John Sweeney returns claiming he never really wanted to leave as Barry explains he is exactly the type of player we need.

Rangers start their second season in the championship after losing to Hibs in the play offs. Rumours pick up again about wee Barry leaving to be Asst manager to new boss Michael Laudrup

Gus makes a poor start at StMirren following his departure from the non wage paying amateurs, who in turn collapse as new boss John Brown calls his team pussies following a 6-0 defeat to Annan.

Cannibal joins the CIC tot make changes from within.

Shawfield Aggro claims a fight with every other Clyde fan at Brideton X on the last Saturday in September and

Brigton Clyde finally admits he is John Alexander.

Scotland beat Germany 1-0 and then draw 1-1 away at Gibraltar

Happy new year. More frustrations to come.

[Clyde soccer trendy]

You failed to mention Barry boy getting rid of all his January transfer signings after Hampden on January 3rd.

Starts with u/20's for one game. Gets shot of them after Big Bad Boab attacks team at half time with a pick axe for only being 3-0 up.

U/17's no better..................eventually finishing up with u/14's in last game of season against the Queenies with the only over age player Ally McCoist being subbed at half time cos he had to go home to tend to a dying daffodil in his garden.

Barry boy immediately after the close 8-0 defeat signs a new improved 15yr deal and brings in bomber Brown as director of football.

Meanwhile the board scrap plans of any notion of changing name to Ek Clyde ( much to the relief of the 3 remaining fans who are more worried at state of the toilets)..........................

Only to then reveal that they will be moving to Auchtermuchtie & changing name to Muchtie Rangers.

After the announcement the 2 remaining CIC members resign in disgust when they find out that the brand new 5 seater stadium will not have glade fresh in the outside loos and 4 of the seats don't match.

Happy 2015 :-)

[Clyde4life]

A wee less than serious look ahead.

Barry gets it right in 2015 and after finishing fourth leads his newly built team to play off success against QP and Stirling.

Further strengthening of the squad in the summer means we get off to a good start at our new temporary home sharing with Shettleston Juniors.

John Sweeney returns claiming he never really wanted to leave as Barry explains he is exactly the type of player we need.

Rangers start their second season in the championship after losing to Hibs in the play offs. Rumours pick up again about wee Barry leaving to be Asst manager to new boss Michael Laudrup

Gus makes a poor start at StMirren following his departure from the non wage paying amateurs, who in turn collapse as new boss John Brown calls his team pussies following a 6-0 defeat to Annan.

Cannibal joins the CIC tot make changes from within.

Shawfield Aggro claims a fight with every other Clyde fan at Brideton X on the last Saturday in September and

Brigton Clyde finally admits he is John Alexander.

Scotland beat Germany 1-0 and then draw 1-1 away at Gibraltar

Happy new year. More frustrations to come.

After 7 years new technology is found and the Canada tape is proved to be in working order. No outcome arises other than "I told you so" but directors from the time are exonerated from any skullduggery and have a nice day or two.????

[SouthLanarkshireWhite]

After 7 years new technology is found and the Canada tape is proved to be in working order. No outcome arises other than "I told you so" but directors from the time are exonerated from any skullduggery and have a nice day or two.

Said tape shows no evidence of GR misbehaving, but as tape was showing the game not the dugout it proves nothing.

GRs employment record since 2006 shows what a nice person he is and how well thought of he is in UK football.

Do we really need to re visit this again.....?

[Clyde4life]

Said tape shows no evidence of GR misbehaving, but as tape was showing the game not the dugout it proves nothing.

GRs employment record since 2006 shows what a nice person he is and how well thought of he is in UK football.

Do we really need to re visit this again.....?

Less than serious remember ????

[Albino Rover]

After the defeat to Albion Rovers on 10th January, the following week at Hampden Arbroath manager Allan Moore will bite Gus MacPherson and be banned from all football activity for the rest of the season. Arbroath's promotion hopes will be killed when Ally McCoist takes over as manager, and after slumping to 8th place within a month he will be put on paid gardening leave. Arbroath will enter administration.

On January deadline day Barry Ferguson will tender his resignation as Clyde manager and register as a player with Rangers, along with Nacho Novo and Jorg Albertz, who will have been brought in on £25,000 a week to replace all the club's departing youngsters. The new-look "Immobiles" team will finish the season 9th, in addition to a 9-1 defeat to Celtic in the League Cup (the Rangers goal being an Efe Ambrose o.g.) Mike Ashley will have to rescue the club from administration four times between January and May, at a total expenditure of £1.6bn, and will be declared bankrupt. Sports Direct on Sauchiehall St will become the street's second Celtic superstore.

After Bazza's departure Jim Duffy will return to Clyde, leading them to a 4th place finish and building them their own stadium in his spare time. They'll beat Morton in the play-off semi-final and the two-leg final against Queen's Park will prove to be as epic a clash as has ever taken place in part-time football. At full-time all pretence will be abandoned as players, coaches, fans, directors and physios alike take part in a mass brawl, dubbed "The Battle of Hampden". Gus MacPherson will be bitten several more times and treated for rabies. In all the excitement nobody will remember the score, and Morton will stay up by default.

Anxiety will get noticeably worrying among Montrose fans as they slide to 10th place, but no one will expect the George Shields assassination, which shall take football by storm. Days after being appointed new manager, a poisonous Lily of the Valley plant will be found in Ally McCoist's meticulously-kept garden, and a Link's Park tea lady costume discovered in his wardrobe. He will be found guilty and given the harshest sentence known to man- a 5-year contract as Montrose manager.

After nine consecutive postponements, Elgin City's groundsman will resign and the Borough Briggs pitch will disintegrate into a primeval swamp. The groundshare with Forres Mechanics will prove ideal as they finish the season unbeaten despite having to play three games a week. A colony of undiscovered species will begin to evolve in the BB swamp; Jim Weir will offer several of them short-term deals.

Annan Athletic poster pidmondoo will be given an Oxford dictionary for his Christmas and begin his MA Hons in Economics in September. By the end of the year he'll have been fast-tracked to a senior position at Bradford & Bingley.

Following a disappointing season and poor attendances, East Fife will appoint King Kebab as head of half-time entertainment. Attendances will rocket but the club will get involved in several indecent exposure charges and legal battles with animal rights groups.

Berwick Rangers will defeat Spartans in the Scottish Cup. John Devlin will immediately take over as chairman and announce that all subsequent Cup matches will be played at St. James's Park. At his first "pay-what-you-can" match, at home to Annan, new millionaire pidmondoo will increase his admission payment to £2.25.

Shortly after moving into their new stadium, East Stirlingshire Football Club will discover that its land encroaches on a store used by Grangemouth oil refinery. The club will win the court case and get to keep the refined oil found on its land. In 2020 Shire will win the Champions' League.

Highland and Lowland League champions Brora Rangers and Edinburgh City will face off in an epic 5-5 play-off first leg; Brora winning the second leg 1-0 by shrewdly playing with some defenders, and informing their goalkeeper that he's allowed to pick the ball up. After spending the time after the semi-final watching inspirational sports movies and learning the offside rule, they will beat Montrose in the final.

League champions Albion Rovers will celebrate a historic title win by finally releasing the second instalment of the weekly "Rovers Round-up" feature. All 300 Rovers fans barred by the chairman throughout the season will be allowed back for the title party. Upon winning the league, Darren Young and Sandy Clark will sign 5-year contracts, only to be sacked weeks later, and replaced by Stephen Simmons and Billy Dodds.

[Lichtie78]

After an oil-rich Ugandan businessman, Moses Kwagi, takes over Montrose, they sign Zlatan Ibrahmovic for £5m+Garry Wood. But Zlatan fails to obtain a driving license, meaning he can't make the #trek from his luxury Easterhouse penthouse. Montrose agree to loan him to Pollok for the rest of the season, where he is then arrested during a game for the possession of 'class A #bantz'. Montrose are later relegated at the hands of Clachnacuddin, but are re-instated because all the footballers found the name Clachnacuddin hard to say.

After curing Elgin of all Lesbians, Marvin Andrews departs the club, only to return 3 weeks later as manager after Jim Weir reluctantly takes the AC Milan job. Marvin Andrews then goes onto sign the whole 2006 Trinidad and Tobago World Cup squad, keeping them up.

East Stirlingshire continue to be fairly irrelevant, and in fact finish 7th for every season remaining this century.

Clyde cause outrage by signing Ched Evans, Barry Ferguson claiming he liked the welshmans similar attributes to Leigh Griffiths, and that his name sounds like a type of cheese. Clyde finish 8th, with new chairman Massimo Cellini unveiling a plan to move to East Timor, under the name ET Clyde.

Berwick, after mysterious businessman who goes by the name 'Radamir Lomanov' buys the club, are promised champions league football within the next 2 months. Although they finish 6th in league two, Lomanov buys every season ticket holder a sky box with sky sports installed so they can watch any game from Europes premier competition.

Annan Athletic are renamed South Scotland Soccer Superstars at the request of new owner, J.R. Chapman, of Houston, Texas. J.R., the cousin of Jim, ties Jim down on a 24 year contract. Former Arsenal star Andre Santos arrives and shores up the defence, while they cruise to a 5th place finish.

East Fife finish 4th after manager Gary Naysmith uses his Everton connections to sign Terry Masson, who also used to play in blue. They finish 4th, but are eliminated in the play offs by League one side Stirling. Local paper shop owner Hafeez Ahmed, says the club are 'fake and smelly' in an interview with the Wall Street journal, and sells his majority sharehold to Craig Whyte. East Fife 2015 join the east of Scotland league 2 months later after East Fife go bust.

Albion Rovers finish 3rd, after John Gemmell forgot to put his handbrake on, and his car in the grounds car park rolls onto the pitch, maiming EVERY Albion player, except Gary Fisher. They play the rest of the season with Gary Fisher and their u-12s team.

Queens Park finish second, after being extremely consistent by drawing every single game 0-0. Gus McPherson is hired as director of football by Peterborough and Jackie Bird takes over.

Arbroath win the league comfortably, but are hit with a defensive blow after Kevin Nicoll is banned for eating one of Albion Rovers u-12 players. Todd Lumsden confesses he is actually two midgets welded together.

[cfcuk]

Said tape shows no evidence of GR misbehaving, but as tape was showing the game not the dugout it proves nothing.

GRs employment record since 2006 shows what a nice person he is and how well thought of he is in UK football.

Do we really need to re visit this again.....?

directors at the time agree they made an arse of it

and scotland has its first sighting of arial bacon

[slycottoncat]

East Stirlingshire continue to be fairly irrelevant, and in fact finish 7th for every season remaining this century.

Happy for that to happen!

[slycottoncat]

Shortly after moving into their new stadium, East Stirlingshire Football Club will discover that its land encroaches on a store used by Grangemouth oil refinery. The club will win the court case and get to keep the refined oil found on its land. In 2020 Shire will win the Champions' League.

Could happen!

[BrigtonClyde]

Brigton Clyde finally admits he is John Alexander.

:lol:

Bit harsh......I've only no got a clue some o the time

Clyde re-introduce the throwing of Solripe cartons into the crowd.....

....& then charge each recipient £5 before theyre allowed to leave the stadium

[shawfield shed boy]

Shortly after moving into their new stadium, East Stirlingshire Football Club will discover that its land encroaches on a store used by Grangemouth oil refinery. The club will win the court case and get to keep the refined oil found on its land. In 2020 Shire will win the Champions' League.

Could happen!

^^^^^^^^

This is the best so far & made me smile;)

[SouthLanarkshireWhite]

:lol:

Bit harsh......I've only no got a clue some o the time

Clyde re-introduce the throwing of Solripe cartons into the crowd.....

....& then charge each recipient £5 before theyre allowed to leave the stadium

To the tune of Chaka Khan followed by a punch up styled on Amir Khan

[BrigtonClyde]

Aaron Wilford, Fabien Bossy & Raffaele de Gregorio to be inducted into the halls of fame.....

....Of everyone they played against

[berwick-the-unbeatable]

Albion kick 2015 off with a bang as they announce that Darren Young has extended his deal to remain at Cliftonhill until 2018. The next day he is sacked for not being old enough to fit in with their stadium, with John Coughlin brought in the next day. Coughlin's first work is to visit the Owens for some chips. Following that, he heads to Cash For Kids, where he immediately proceeds to nut John Devlin before raiding the safe for the £10,000 Cough claims John owes the club, in addition to £10,000 additional interest. Coughlin then lodges a bid worth a combined total of £20,000 for Michael Bolochoweckyj & David Greenhill of East Stirlingshire, who accept. Eventually Coughlin signs the whole of Berwick's 2006/2007 title winning squad in January, and go onto finish 8th despite their average age of 35, because well, no one is gonna finish below Montrose & Elgin.

You won't be surprised to hear that Arbroath bottle it once again. Arbroath's title hopes are ultimately killed by the sensational return of XBL, who appears on P&B for the first time in years to ask for users to help fill in a questionnaire on his dissertation, titled 'Leadership in sport: Motivating the opposition'. Comprised of such questions as 'On a scale of strawberry blonde to old Clyde away carrot, what colour is Simon Murray's hair?', XBL proceeds to destroy the confidence of his own side. The poster is lauded by Berwick fans for his Sir Alex Ferguson-esque ways of moving with the times, revolutionising the way Arbroath bottle things by taking a new approach after his fantastic motivation of the 2006/2007 Berwick Rangers squad. XBL does get the final word though, finishing in 6th, a spot reserved for Berwick on an annual basis.

Elsewhere at Berwick, 2015 holds a mixed bag, including a mangerial change. Berwick's January transfer dealings are actually pretty sound. Michael Andrews, Paul Currie & Scott Dalziel (Clyde-bound) are replaced by Grant Adam, Ross McCord & Leighton McIntosh, the latter pair keen to depart the sinking ship. Berwick go onto finish 4th in the league and reach the Scottish Cup Final, a very respectable effort. However, the final straw comes when P&B is overloaded following their 1-0 final defeat to Celtic, with fans desperately demanding an 'inquest' as to what went wrong with the season as a whole. After seeing this and the stats of m4d which clearly show that in the 2nd half of season Berwick were best in every single area, and pairing that with the incoming board arrival of John Devlin, Cameron resigns with a spectacular Daily Record article titled 'CC Devilution'. Berwick do the inevitable and hire Robbie Horn, ready to return to 6th next season.

Clyde are the surprise package of 2015. One unruly Clyde fan dares to say 'Afternoon Barry' as he spots him on his way into Broadwood Ice, which prompts Barry to go fucking ballistic: "YOU FUCKING THINK ITS A GOOD AFTERNOON, DO YOU? YOU THINK IM SHITE? DONT FUCKING CALL ME SHITE OKAY? f**k OFF! f**k FUCKING OFF! IM NOT PLAYING STOP ASKING ME TO FUCKING PLAY IM FUCKING SICK OF IT IM THE MANAGER NOT A FUCKING PLAYER f**k OFF!". Barry proceeds to start himself anyway, cause he'll never do what the fans expect. Combining this with the signature of the dream combination of Marvin Andrews & Scott Dalziel, the spine of their team is arguably the best in the division. Clyde go on to finish 3rd in a fairly & rarely uneventful second half of the season. After winning the semi and the first leg of the play-off final, the excellent timing of the Clyde board his and they announce that the club are to are to merge with Monbroath to become Clonbroath the day before the 2nd leg of play-off final. This sees them lose out to the woeful Stirling Lolbion, courtesy of a Nick Walsh hat-trick.

Unfortunately no other teams in the division are big enough to warrant a story, so if you could all hurry up and go bust it'd be greatly appreciated, for the good of Scottish football if nothing else.