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Hedgecutter

"I'm Going to Report You..."

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MC's post in PTTGOYN (in spoiler below to save space) has me thinking of the times where people (usually the imbeciles of society) try and threaten you with police or other action after you did SFA wrong. I'm sure there will be several more of these so what's the worst one which you've experienced?

The most bizarre I've ever seen was when mates and I were walking up a hill and came across somebody at the side of the path who was doing a bit of landscape painting. My mate said "hello" to her as we passed and after she spilled / mucked up something as she responded, she blamed him and wanted him to pay towards ruining her picture which would have fetched over £100 for a print alone (or so she claimed). We just gave that awkward 'not sure if serious' laugh and walked on but she insisted on following us for a while, screaming that she'd phone the police and "get us done for hundreds of pounds" if we didn't agree something. In the end she gave up and we were thankfully on a circular route so didn't have to bother her again.

Eta: My mum's neighbour once reported her to the council for parking too close to his driveway. Had he actually spoken to her about it rather than go to them direct, he might have realised that it was in fact some total random constantly parking there for his work around the corner.

Also, arse of a 'know it all' neighbour at her caravan park claiming that trimming her hedge (aye aye, very funny) in autumn was illegal, hence reporting it to the council (later downgraded to 'tell the park manager'). Looked it up to see that it's only illegal if you're deliberately disturbing a bird's nest. Neighbour hasn't spoken since his humiliating backtrack.

Just went to do the shopping and came out to have the woman parked in the next space screaming at me that I was guilty of "anti-social parking", they couldn't get into the car, and that her husband was away to get the police.

Cue police arriving and taking my details for being parked right in the middle of my space.

Mr and Mrs Arsehole were of course parked in the left hand end space, tight to the rhs of the space with plenty more room on the left that they could have easily parked in.

The police officer said she was taking my details because the incident had been reported and she had to, but she was satisfied, and said (out of their earshot) that I could have parked a little further over. Her colleague spoke to the mentalists, but f*ck knows what he wrote down. When he came back, he said my parking was fine given that the spaces are so narrow.

The ridiculous thing is I'd have happily moved if the woman had asked me when I got back to the car, but instead she wasted everyone's time by hurling abuse at me, and sending her husband for the police.

If I end up getting a ticket, I'm going to go fully berserk though!

Edited by Hedgecutter

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MC's post in PTTGOYN (in spoiler below to save space) has me thinking of the times where people (usually the imbeciles of society) try and threaten you with police or other action when you done sweet **** all wrong. I'm sure there will be several more of these so what's the worst one which you've experienced?

The most bizarre I've ever seen was when mates and I were walking up a hill and came across somebody at the side of the path who was doing a bit of landscape painting. My mate said "hello" to her as we passed and after she spilled / mucked up something as she responded, she blamed him and wanted him to pay towards ruining her picture which would have fetched over £100 for a print alone (or so she claimed). We just awkwardly laughed and walked on but she insisted on following us for a while, screaming that she'd phone the police and "get us done for hundreds of pounds" if we didn't agree something. In the end she gave up and we were thankfully on a circular route so didn't have to bother her again.

^^^ Reported for starting a shite thread.

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^^^ Reported for starting a shite thread.

:(

You've made me sad. So sad that in the past few minutes I've lost my job and everything dear to me. I demand compensation.

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:(

You've made me sad. So sad that in the past few minutes I've lost my job and everything dear to me. I demand compensation.

Won't be too hard for you to find some failed ambulance chaser to take your case on a no win / no fee basis.

Good luck and remember to check the small print.

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Neighbour reported me for setting fireworks off at just after 10pm on Guy Fawkes night. Says to him "It's legal until midnight, but we'll just be a wee while". Replied "naw ahm phonin eh polis"

Police never showed. Assuming he got telt by them on the phone. Fucking fanny.

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I had one a wee while back where I was waiting for a train at one of the suburban railway stations in the Southside of Glasgow, and sparked up a cigarette. I know it’s not the most pleasant thing to stand beside, so I’d made sure I was a good bit away (20-30ft I guess) from the few other folk standing.

Wee middle-aged, middle-class wifie came down the stairs, marched up to about three feet away from me, did that exaggerated cough-cough thing and ordered me to put it out. I just laughed it off initially, but she launched into a big tirade about how she could have me lifted.

She didn’t take it well when I informed her that being a smoker, I’d actually read up on he provisions of the act concerned, and they didn’t have a blank space included so some dopey boot at a train station could fill in what she wanted to happen and subsequently call it the law.

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I had this on a train once. I'd got on at Falkirk, which at that time of night wasn't a manned station, and the machine to buy tickets at was out of order.

When the guard came round, I asked to buy a single to Stirling, and had a £20 note. He harrumphed and said he didn't have change for a £20, and told me that it's actually illegal to board a train without a valid ticket. No it isn't I told him - I have the means to pay for a ticket - you are talking absolute nonsense. He grumped and moaned for another few mintutes, then disappeared back down the train and came back with my change.

Cock.

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I had this on a train once. I'd got on at Falkirk, which at that time of night wasn't a manned station, and the machine to buy tickets at was out of order.

When the guard came round, I asked to buy a single to Stirling, and had a £20 note. He harrumphed and said he didn't have change for a £20, and told me that it's actually illegal to board a train without a valid ticket. No it isn't I told him - I have the means to pay for a ticket - you are talking absolute nonsense. He grumped and moaned for another few mintutes, then disappeared back down the train and came back with my change.

Cock.

Nicked for facebook.

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A week ago a special needs bus regular came and threatened me and some pals with the police for allegedly calling him "gayboy" and that he isn't actually gay or a boy, was fed up of it and it's not nice of us. Needless to say i did not actually call the special needs bus regular a "gayboy".

Was pretty surreal.

The worst bit was that he decided to do the accusing at a bus stop where ample people were getting on. No doubt everybody getting on the bus believed the special needs guy.

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Also, arse of a 'know it all' neighbour at her caravan park claiming that trimming her hedge (

Is this where the name hedgecutter came from? ;)

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Back when I was a kid, we used to play goals with the 3-4 driveways at the end of our cul-de-sac ... (all the goal's owners were fine with it). Occasionally the ball rolled down the hill past some posh person's yacht (glorified dinghy). We used to have to rescue the ball from under it once or twice.

Owners of said dinghy 999ed the police ... bearing in mind this was in early 90s Northern Ireland when they probably had bigger problems on their hands.

To be fair, they told them to GTF.

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Back when I was a kid, we used to play goals with the 3-4 driveways at the end of our cul-de-sac ... (all the goal's owners were fine with it). Occasionally the ball rolled down the hill past some posh person's yacht (glorified dinghy). We used to have to rescue the ball from under it once or twice.

Owners of said dinghy 999ed the police ... bearing in mind this was in early 90s Northern Ireland when they probably had bigger problems on their hands.

To be fair, they told them to GTF.

Gotcha, because it was car bombs they looked for, who would have been looking for a yacht bomb?

lord-mountbatten.jpg

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The worst bit was that he decided to do the accusing at a bus stop where ample people were getting on.

A bus for fat b*****ds?

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I used to get told that I'd be getting reported to Watchdog quite regularly when I worked at Sky.

Folk would completely lose their head when they weren't getting what they wanted and they thought this would be the best way to threaten people.

All the while you're sitting there making a w****r sign at them down the phone.

Wish I had featured on Watchdog as much as they said I would. I'd have been famous enough for Celebrity Big Brother.

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A bus for fat b*****ds?

Apart from myself regular sized and looking people don't often trnd to take the bus, it's a strange experience.

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I had this on a train once. I'd got on at Falkirk, which at that time of night wasn't a manned station, and the machine to buy tickets at was out of order.

When the guard came round, I asked to buy a single to Stirling, and had a £20 note. He harrumphed and said he didn't have change for a £20, and told me that it's actually illegal to board a train without a valid ticket. No it isn't I told him - I have the means to pay for a ticket - you are talking absolute nonsense. He grumped and moaned for another few mintutes, then disappeared back down the train and came back with my change.

Cock.

I have two bank cards (baller) and credit card. for some reason over the last month none of these work on scotrail trains - not just me I have noticed it with fellow travellers.

The guy tried to Chuck me off at Perth for not being able to buy a ticket. Told him the same thing and I would pay when I got off at Glasgow. He wandered off saying BTP would be waiting at Stirling. They weren't. Gates were open at Glasgow. Didn't pay.

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I used to get told that I'd be getting reported to Watchdog quite regularly when I worked at Sky.

Folk would completely lose their head when they weren't getting what they wanted and they thought this would be the best way to threaten people.

All the while you're sitting there making a w****r sign at them down the phone.

Wish I had featured on Watchdog as much as they said I would. I'd have been famous enough for Celebrity Big Brother.

I get told it's the ombudsmen followed by "so are you going to write off my outstanding payment and/or cancellation fee?"

Makes me feel warm inside saying no to those arseholes.

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