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Greeting people you've not seen in a while


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The hug can genuinely f**k off. One of my friends goes out with a brilliant guy...one of the nicest people you could meet...but he's a big hugger. He hugged me in a supermarket a few weeks ago, somehow pressing my adam's apple in the process. Wasnae a fan.

People who hug at first meeting can get to f**k as well. I consider myself quite a tactile person, but one has to have limits.

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There's only one male friend that I hug but it's more of a running joke between the two of us. He moved away to Cumbernauld and is now a daddy so I don't see him that often due to his social life being screwed.

I don't like the peck/kiss on the cheek with anybody though. That whole thing can GTF.

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Not so much as greetings, but it does my tits in at work how many times a day you say 'alright' to the same person. I don't even know half these people, but must pass them about 10 times a day and they always give the awkward 'alright'.

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Not so much as greetings, but it does my tits in at work how many times a day you say 'alright' to the same person. I don't even know half these people, but must pass them about 10 times a day and they always give the awkward 'alright'.

You see, in this instance overfamiliarity is your friend.

Substitute your next "alright", for a slightly too long hug/exhale combo. Finish off with "you look like you needed that", combined with a playful nose pinch.

You're welcome.

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That sort of shit is an absolute minefield over here. I'm never sure if it's a 1 kiss acquaintance, a 3 kiss acquaintance, a handshake, a hug or something in between. They have too many rules depending on the situation, how well you know the person and all that shite. I stopped caring and settle now for being "Awkward foreign guy who doesn't know our customs very well but clumsily tries to fit in".

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Not so much as greetings, but it does my tits in at work how many times a day you say 'alright' to the same person. I don't even know half these people, but must pass them about 10 times a day and they always give the awkward 'alright'.

I thought saying "alright" to people you can't be arsed to actually speak to was a Brummie thing, like knife crime. Obviously not.

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That sort of shit is an absolute minefield over here. I'm never sure if it's a 1 kiss acquaintance, a 3 kiss acquaintance, a handshake, a hug or something in between. They have too many rules depending on the situation, how well you know the person and all that shite. I stopped caring and settle now for being "Awkward foreign guy who doesn't know our customs very well but clumsily tries to fit in".

Aye, had that problem visiting my Romanian chum's dad on his home turf. Went in for a manly handshake, next thing you know I'm kissing a middle aged man on both stubbly cheeks. Fair enough, when in Rome(ania) etc.

I was confident for the home leg back in Scotland last week, it would be firm handshakes all round. Not a bit of it. Two more stubbly kisses.

Lovely.

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I'd be taking issue with the words "wee pint". A pint is a specific measurement and cannot be made larger or smaller, otherwise it is no longer a pint.

I'm great fun on a night out me.

US "liquid" and "dry" pints are outside calling you a fucking liar.

You taking that?

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US "liquid" and "dry" pints are outside calling you a fucking liar.

You taking that?

Ha. Never try and out-pedant a pedant :) ... would love to see the look on the barkeep's face next time I saunter into the bar and order a US Liquid Pint. Wtf is a dry pint anyway?

From my extensive research (Wikipedia), a Scottish pint used to be worth 3 normal pints. That would be a big pint.

Its late in the day. You obviously need a hug.

Heh. No need. I'll probably get at least half a dozen trying to run the hugging gauntlet to the exit.

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This reminds me of my favourite bit from 'The Meaning of Liff'. For those that don't know, it's a dictionary that uses place names for things that there isn't a word for.

Anyway (apologies for the long copy and paste):

CORRIEARKLET (n.)
The moment at which two people approaching from opposite ends of a long passageway, recognise each other and immediately pretend they haven't. This is to avoid the ghastly embarrassment of having to continue recognising each other the whole length of the corridor.

CORRIECRAVIE (n.)
To avert the horrors of corrievorrie (q.v.) corriecravie is usually employed. This is the cowardly but highly skilled process by which both protagonists continue to approach while keeping up the pretence that they haven't noticed each other - by staring furiously at their feet, grimacing into a notebook, or studying the walls closely as if in a mood of deep irritation.

CORRIEDOO (n.)
The crucial moment of false recognition in a long passageway encounter. Though both people are perfectly well aware that the other is approaching, they must eventually pretend sudden recognition. They now look up with a glassy smile, as if having spotted each other for the first time, (and are particularly delighted to have done so) shouting out 'Haaaaaallllloooo!' as if to say 'Good grief!! You!! Here!! Of all people! Will I never. Coo. Stap me vitals, etc.'

CORRIEMOILLIE (n.)

The dreadful sinking sensation in a long passageway encounter when both protagonists immediately realise they have plumped for the corriedoo (q.v.) much too early as they are still a good thirty yards apart. They were embarrassed by the pretence of corriecravie (q.v.) and decided to make use of the corriedoo because they felt silly. This was a mistake as corrievorrie (q.v.) will make them seem far sillier.

CORRIEVORRIE (n.)
Corridor etiquette demands that one a corriedoo (q.v.) has been declared, corrievorrie must be employed. Both protagonists must now embellish their approach with an embarrassing combination of waving, grinning, making idiot faces, doing pirate impressions, and waggling the head from side to side while holding the other person's eyes as the smile drips off their face, until with great relief, they pass each other.

CORRIEMUCHLOCH (n.)
Word describing the kind of person who can make a complete mess of a simple job like walking down a corridor.

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