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Best Man Speech No. 17373

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Another best man thread.

I am going to be the best man in a couple of weeks, so now got to the stage of bricking it and thinking it is time to work on my speech. Only had 1 years notice, so nothing like leaving it to the last minute.

For those who have been down this road, how did you get on, any tips/pointers most appreciated.

Going to be hard trying to stay sober before I have to read the speech.

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Another best man thread.

I am going to be the best man in a couple of weeks, so now got to the stage of bricking it and thinking it is time to work on my speech. Only had 1 years notice, so nothing like leaving it to the last minute.

For those who have been down this road, how did you get on, any tips/pointers most appreciated.

Going to be hard trying to stay sober before I have to read the speech.

Do not get pished prior to speaking. IMHO, there are very few things worse or more cringeworthy than some pished fecker trying to deliver a speech and making a complete James Hunt of it.

And the bride will never let you forget how you "spoiled her big day".

ETA - I did a best man speech in rhyme. Short 4 line verses, I think there were 12 verses in total, some schoolday reminiscence, some work stuff (even managed a verse recalling how, on his first day of apprenticeship, he was sent to get a box of Fallopian tubes.....), some stuff about how he met his bride etc. The audience fecking loved it and when the groom stood up after me, he took his prepared speech and crumpled it up and tossed it away ! Then he just spoke off the cuff.....

Edited by Florentine_Pogen

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I'm doing my brother's in the middle of July, speech will be short and sweet as there are only going to be 25 or so there and as his fiancée comes from Engerland I don't know any if her family at all. I'm more concerned about trying to find a decent boozer in Glasgow's West End for his stag do on Saturday 21st June, has to be somewhere decent for watching the football as there are three games that day.

Sorry for hijacking the thread! :D

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"I looked for tips on the internet and it said that a best man's speech should be short and make you laugh - a bit like certain part of the groom's body".

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'I've pumped the bride behind my mate's back' always goes down a storm.

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One of the best starts to a speech I heard was

"I'm sorry if I sound nervous, but I'll do my best. To be honest because of the nerves this isn't the first time I've stood up today after a long seat clutching a bit of paper.".

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One of the best starts to a speech I heard was

"I'm sorry if I sound nervous, but I'll do my best. To be honest because of the nerves this isn't the first time I've stood up today after a long seat clutching a bit of paper.".

Christ no, can all the cliched shite. Folk will have heard the likes of this over and over.

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Tell the bride how you would like to kick her in the pie

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General jokes can work well. Remember the 'audience' are huge mix of ages so total vulgarity is out. The older folk will prefer cheesier gags.

Almost every joke should be directed at the groom. It's your job to rip into him a bit. Try this one if you want, during the service I couldn't help thinking it's funny how history repeats itself. I mean it was X odd years ago that (brides mum and dad) were sending their daughter to bed with a dummy...and it's happening all over again tonight.

Use gushing adjectives that you'd never use in everyday speak. Wonderful day/beautiful bride/fantastic family/great pleasure/honour....

Check out what events may have happened in history on the wedding day/grooms birthday. Could relate in some way to a wee joke.

A wee ending gag - you've got married, for better or worse, which is quite appropriate as (groom) couldn't have done any better and (bride) couldn't have done any worse.

Don't fret too much, everyone will be willing you to do well. Lastly, don't get pissed. Can do that later.

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If you're going to do jokes, make them current so as not to fall into the trap of using the same old, same old.

I suffered your fate at my mates wedding last year. Was utterly bricking it beforehand, and like yourself, despite having 14 months to prepare, I ended up writing it up during a quiet afternoon at work 5 days beforehand.

The only joke I used was something along the lines of "sweating like a Radio 1 DJ in a police station". The rest of it was a mix of stories about him in his younger days, how they met, proposed etc etc.

I wasn't going to drink before it, but had three pints and a couple of glass of champagne and about 10 fags. The relief once it's done, especially if it goes down well is terrific. Hopefully the speeches are before the meal, you can relax and enjoy the fucker that way.

Good luck.

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Don't fret too much, everyone will be willing you to do well. Lastly, don't get pissed. Can do that later.

I was best man a few years back and like the opening poster I was bricking it but as stm has just said it's not really a tough crowd to get a laugh out of. Every one is in such a good mood that they really want you to do well so will laugh at just about anything.

Don't get drunk, don't be vulgar and don't slag the bride (too much), you'll be fine.

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These threads make me glad that my brother fucked off and got married without telling anyone he was going to and I avoided having to do a speech. I'm terrible at public speaking and would have ended up with cliché ridden shite everyone had heard before.

Hope to f**k my best mate finds a long lost brother before he gets married, come to think of it.

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My mate once regaled us with the story of the best man's speech that contained the following "When Dave met Sally we thought he'd got himself new tyres on his bike because he said he'd spent all night pumping!" :shutup

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Cheers for the feedback, given me plenty to go off, much appreciated.

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http://www.pieandbovril.com/forum/index.php/topic/107341-best-man-jokes/

Hurrah, just found this thread.

That cake in tiers is also mentioned in it. I was going to use it, but now seems all to common :lol:

Had to do my brothers best man speech two weeks ago and that thread helped a lot.

A couple of pints to gain some Dutch courage helped a lot and I was still changing mine two hours before I had to recite it.

It's pretty easy tbh, I actually quite enjoyed it in the end. Everyone wants the bestman to do well so there isn't a lot of pressure just relax. A mixture of amusing anecdotes about the groom as well as some jokes should be fine!

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Just remembered - there's an old chestnut about the bride writing out the wedding gift list and one of her items is a coffee percolator.

"I don't know if (bride's name) actually got a coffee percolator, but she can rest assured that in (groom's name), she's got a perky copulator..........." :unsure2:

Depends how well you know them I suppose............

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