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Business / corporate speak nonsense


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So far it isn't bad. The guy is giving loads of scenarios and asking what the right response would be (harassment and so on). 

One was about a drunk lab technician getting sacked on the spot (turns out you cannot sack anyone on the spot, there should be a transparent process). Brings back a few memories for me.

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5 hours ago, scottsdad said:

"I have marinaded in employment law

Considering that all marinading involves is lying covered in all sorts not moving for an extended period of time, I'm not sure it's a great way to demonstrate anything other than being an idiot.

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26 minutes ago, scottsdad said:

Day 2 is going well.

What happens if a member of staff goes mental and starts hitting people with a baseball bat? 

Who is liable? The employer, their insurer, or the individual?

Talking about some real life examples.

Asking for a friend ... ?

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1 hour ago, scottsdad said:

Day 2 is going well.

What happens if a member of staff goes mental and starts hitting people with a baseball bat? 

Who is liable? The employer, their insurer, or the individual?

Talking about some real life examples.

Why not a cricket bat? Suggest the training is biased in favor of US employees, watch them squirm.

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Taken from John Crace's Political Sketch column in today's Guardian :-

"After a few media questions – mainly about strikes – which were easily, if blandly, batted away, Starmer then went into an equally unenlightening Q&A with Times Radio’s Ayesha Hazarika. The first question came from a woman who declared she was a “High Value Manufacturing Catapult”. Me neither."

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28 minutes ago, Florentine_Pogen said:

Taken from John Crace's Political Sketch column in today's Guardian :-

"After a few media questions – mainly about strikes – which were easily, if blandly, batted away, Starmer then went into an equally unenlightening Q&A with Times Radio’s Ayesha Hazarika. The first question came from a woman who declared she was a “High Value Manufacturing Catapult”. Me neither."

Thats the name of the organisation - there are other Catapults for the likes of Medicine, Transport and Offshore Renewable Energy  - not for profit companies set up to accelerate the growth of companies in that particualr sector  https://catapult.org.uk/ ( I work for one of them.....)

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It isn't strictly business or corporate speak, as such, but it seems to be compulsory amongst my colleagues when you end a call early to sign off with: "I'll give you minutes of your day back." I have definitely said it before, but doing my best to stop the madness now. 

See also: "We'll pick this up offline." No. You'll pick it up online, but on a separate call/email. 

Edited by DrewDon
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On 06/12/2022 at 14:19, scottsdad said:

So far it isn't bad. The guy is giving loads of scenarios and asking what the right response would be (harassment and so on). 

One was about a drunk lab technician getting sacked on the spot (turns out you cannot sack anyone on the spot, there should be a transparent process). Brings back a few memories for me.

^^^ should’ve drunk faster and harder. 

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9 hours ago, DrewDon said:

It isn't strictly business or corporate speak, as such, but it seems to be compulsory amongst my colleagues when you end a call early to sign off with: "I'll give you minutes of your day back." I have definitely said it before, but doing my best to stop the madness now. 

YARN | You have all your affairs in order? | Ocean's Thirteen (2007) Crime  | Video clips by quotes | 43352147 | 紗

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On 07/12/2022 at 16:09, TxRover said:

Why not a cricket bat? Suggest the training is biased in favor of US employees, watch them squirm.

I should have said on Wednesday. The guy was using an example of a Morrisons employee who battered f**k out of a customer with a baseball bat, based on a real life case.

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26 minutes ago, scottsdad said:

I should have said on Wednesday. The guy was using an example of a Morrisons employee who battered f**k out of a customer with a baseball bat, based on a real life case.

Did he buy the bat in Morrisons? 

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3 minutes ago, hk blues said:

Did he buy the bat in Morrisons? 

Sadly the guy giving the talk was less about the interesting details and more about the implications for the shop. i wanted to hear more blood and gore, but as I was just overhearing it I couldn't make requests.

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2 minutes ago, scottsdad said:

Sadly the guy giving the talk was less about the interesting details and more about the implications for the shop. i wanted to hear more blood and gore, but as I was just overhearing it I couldn't make requests.

Couldn't you have given your wife a note? 

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10 hours ago, Caledonian1 said:

Thats the name of the organisation - there are other Catapults for the likes of Medicine, Transport and Offshore Renewable Energy  - not for profit companies set up to accelerate the growth of companies in that particualr sector  https://catapult.org.uk/ ( I work for one of them.....)

Would it not be more effective to use some form of artillery? Move with the times. 

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