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Business / corporate speak nonsense

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2 hours ago, Academically Deficient said:

A friend works for a company that encourages its employees to take "thought showers".

"Geoff, I'm going to the data lake for a thought shower".

Hope they f****** drown in it.

He's lucky. A lot of companies just give their employees golden showers.

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"Value proposition" seems to be the new in phrase at my work. Used exclusively in the context of 'our product isn't worth buying right now but might be some day'.

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7 hours ago, Melanius Mullarkey said:

Currently in a Teams meeting and some c**t keeps going on about data lakes.

 

Tell him it's a data loch in Scotland.

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Had a spat with my boss about holidays. Asked if I could book some time and he refused saying we were too busy. This meant i would have lost holidays this year. Emailed HR and they were banging on about problematic "pinch points" in the business.

Ffs.

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13 minutes ago, mishtergrolsch said:

Had a spat with my boss about holidays. Asked if I could book some time and he refused saying we were too busy. This meant i would have lost holidays this year. Emailed HR and they were banging on about problematic "pinch points" in the business.

Ffs.

"Oh no, I seem to be getting a persistent cough and a temperature. I'd better self isolate for 14 days"

How's that for a pinch point, cuntos?

P.s. best not to post any holiday pics on social media if you pull that one...

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2 minutes ago, tamthebam said:

"Oh no, I seem to be getting a persistent cough and a temperature. I'd better self isolate for 14 days"

How's that for a pinch point, cuntos?

P.s. best not to post any holiday pics on social media if you pull that one...

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"Let's not try to compare the height of the tallest midget here" - the words of a CEO of a large oil company during this afternoon's 'town-hall' meeting.

After the meeting?  Lots of comments involving midgets, quickly followed by a second meeting featuring the aforementioned CEO's grovelling apology to avoid offending the  Bairnardos of this world.

Edited by Hedgecutter

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4 minutes ago, Hedgecutter said:

"Let's not try to compare the height of the tallest midget here" - the words of a CEO of a large oil company during this afternoon's 'town-hall' meeting.

After the meeting?  Lots of comments involving midgets, quickly followed by a second meeting featuring the aforementioned CEO's grovelling apology to avoid offending the  Bairnardos of this world.

What on earth convinced him he could pitch comments at such a level?

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7 minutes ago, Hedgecutter said:

"Let's not try to compare the height of the tallest midget here" - the words of a CEO of a large oil company during this afternoon's 'town-hall' meeting.

After the meeting?  Lots of comments involving midgets, quickly followed by a second meeting featuring the aforementioned CEO's grovelling apology to avoid offending the  Bairnardos of this world.

 

2 minutes ago, Mark Connolly said:

What on earth convinced him he could pitch comments at such a level?

Have you never heard of the lowest common denominator?

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Have you never heard of the lowest common denominator?
Am the one and only denominator

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6 minutes ago, D.A.F.C said:

Am the one and only denominator

Can't take that away from you

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