Moomintroll 2,470 Report post Posted July 4 Oh my are you lot in for a treat. Company I work for are embarking on a 3 month training programme. Everyone has to do a 15 minute training exercise every week. This week's is on Our Strategy.We're all floating adrift in the Sea of Strategy. We need to look in our Action Pack for something to help. Aha, the Role Raft will help us reach the Strategic Success Sailboat. The Change Compass will help us align our goals to those of the Company.No, I'm not making this up! Do you work in a Dilbert cartoon? 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Swarley 4,848 Report post Posted July 4 Do you work in a Dilbert cartoon?I wish 0 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Moomintroll 2,470 Report post Posted July 4 I wish ^^^ Wally found. 0 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Swarley 4,848 Report post Posted July 4 ^^^ Wally found.I wish 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
D.A.F.C 4,427 Report post Posted July 4 Oh my are you lot in for a treat. Company I work for are embarking on a 3 month training programme. Everyone has to do a 15 minute training exercise every week. This week's is on Our Strategy.We're all floating adrift in the Sea of Strategy. We need to look in our Action Pack for something to help. Aha, the Role Raft will help us reach the Strategic Success Sailboat. The Change Compass will help us align our goals to those of the Company.No, I'm not making this up! 2 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Thistle_do_nicely 2,054 Report post Posted July 4 11 hours ago, Swarley said: Oh my are you lot in for a treat. Company I work for are embarking on a 3 month training programme. Everyone has to do a 15 minute training exercise every week. This week's is on Our Strategy. We're all floating adrift in the Sea of Strategy. We need to look in our Action Pack for something to help. Aha, the Role Raft will help us reach the Strategic Success Sailboat. The Change Compass will help us align our goals to those of the Company. No, I'm not making this up! when you crack and gun everyone in your office down with an assault rifle make sure you do it dressed as a Somalian Pirate 0 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
peasy23 2,682 Report post Posted July 4 Oh my are you lot in for a treat. Company I work for are embarking on a 3 month training programme. Everyone has to do a 15 minute training exercise every week. This week's is on Our Strategy.We're all floating adrift in the Sea of Strategy. We need to look in our Action Pack for something to help. Aha, the Role Raft will help us reach the Strategic Success Sailboat. The Change Compass will help us align our goals to those of the Company.No, I'm not making this up! I would not be able to sit through shite like that without without screaming at some point. 0 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
HenryHill 589 Report post Posted July 4 13 hours ago, Swarley said: Oh my are you lot in for a treat. Company I work for are embarking on a 3 month training programme. Everyone has to do a 15 minute training exercise every week. This week's is on Our Strategy. We're all floating adrift in the Sea of Strategy. We need to look in our Action Pack for something to help. Aha, the Role Raft will help us reach the Strategic Success Sailboat. The Change Compass will help us align our goals to those of the Company. No, I'm not making this up! The first person at your work who uses any of those phrases should get punched in the throat. 2 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
UsedToGoToCentralPark 268 Report post Posted July 4 Oh my are you lot in for a treat. Company I work for are embarking on a 3 month training programme. Everyone has to do a 15 minute training exercise every week. This week's is on Our Strategy.We're all floating adrift in the Sea of Strategy. We need to look in our Action Pack for something to help. Aha, the Role Raft will help us reach the Strategic Success Sailboat. The Change Compass will help us align our goals to those of the Company.No, I'm not making this up! I am going to introduce these phrases at work and see if I can make them stick. 2 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Swarley 4,848 Report post Posted July 10 This week; Enhancing OwnershipNow we're all driving down the Avenue of Accessibility in different vehicles. The drivers with the Owners Mindset are better than the Rental Mindset drivers. How can we turn Rentals into Owners you ask? Well in our Action Pack we've got the Six Keys of Ownership - Invest Wisely, Act Now, Be Accountable, Challenge With Respect, Stay Solution Focused & Go The Extra Mile.I really wish I could share these videos with you as they are hilarious. 3 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Swarley 4,848 Report post Posted July 10 I am going to introduce these phrases at work and see if I can make them stick.Throw them into the tree and see if any apples come down 0 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bairnardo 24,152 Report post Posted July 10 Someone was talking to me about a wee trial at work yesterday. He happened to mention what the "deliverables" were from this trial. He was promptly laughed at and reminded not to use ridiculous words. 0 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
deej 1,734 Report post Posted July 10 2 hours ago, Swarley said: This week; Enhancing Ownership Now we're all driving down the Avenue of Accessibility in different vehicles. The drivers with the Owners Mindset are better than the Rental Mindset drivers. How can we turn Rentals into Owners you ask? Well in our Action Pack we've got the Six Keys of Ownership - Invest Wisely, Act Now, Be Accountable, Challenge With Respect, Stay Solution Focused & Go The Extra Mile. I really wish I could share these videos with you as they are hilarious. Surely if while driving down the "Avenue of Accessibility" you "Go The Extra Mile" the you've gone too far and missed where you were meant to go. Or your "Solution-based SatNav" is fucked 4 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Swarley 4,848 Report post Posted July 10 26 minutes ago, deej said: Surely if while driving down the "Avenue of Accessibility" you "Go The Extra Mile" the you've gone too far and missed where you were meant to go. Or your "Solution-based SatNav" is fucked Thats going straight in the end of course feedback 2 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
deej 1,734 Report post Posted July 10 1 minute ago, Swarley said: Thats going straight in the end of course feedback Glad to be of assistance 0 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TheScarf 6,873 Report post Posted July 10 I worked for an It company in Inverness in a previous life, think ICTChris and someone else on here did too, and we had to do these yearly self assessment reviews. They took fucking ages, like a full day as there was so many sections to say how good you were at your job, and where you can improve, and 'give an example' and all that shite. I was actually paying attention to it one time, and was reading the questions, and there was 3 questions/sections that were basically asking you the same thing, just worded differently. I asked my manager and he said 'Aye just copy what you put in that section and paste it into those 2. These things don't get looked at anyway. You're getting a good review off me'. I'm sure our clients would've be happy to know they're paying for several resources not to work on their infrastructure for 100+ hours as we all fill in something meaningless for our own company. 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Moonster 9,886 Report post Posted July 10 Salesmen get up in the morning... 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Hedgecutter 5,475 Report post Posted July 10 Never got past the first word due to the lack of apostrophe. Whatever the rest of the message might be, it's clearly not worth the time of day. 2 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
D.A.F.C 4,427 Report post Posted July 10 Salesmen are mostly chancers 0 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TheScarf 6,873 Report post Posted July 10 Absolutely fuck being a salesman. Knowing you spend every working day shafting people. Usually elderly people. 0 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
