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ICTChris

Business / corporate speak nonsense

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4 minutes ago, HTG said:

Colleagues in p and b land - how many of you currently feature (or have featured) on your Appreciation Tree? 

I'm Appreciation Free.

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Just been advised that there I need to set some equipment up for the "Town Hall Meeting", I must have looked a bit bewildered before my boss said "in the canteen". 

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Went on a training course earlier today. It started with everyone introducing themselves, and then each person had to say what Science teaching currently looked like in their school. The girl opposite me opened with "The learning journey we've been on since I became subject leader has enabled us to develop a  more robust proforma for summative assessment and tracking."
English translation: We now give the kids a Science test 3 times a year.
 

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1 minute ago, Cardinal Richelieu said:

My boss just informed our department that we need to spend less time "polishing doorknobs". 

Well quite. 

Cleaner?

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6 minutes ago, Cardinal Richelieu said:

Kinda. My official job title is "Doorknob Polisher", so he's left me very confused. 

I reckon he's trying to  push you out the door!

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4 hours ago, Cardinal Richelieu said:

My boss just informed our department that we need to spend less time "polishing doorknobs". 

Well quite. 

Are you sure you haven't just misheard what your boss said?

'door' can sound like 'your'  in a noisy workplace.

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26 minutes ago, Oscar P said:

Are you sure you haven't just misheard what your boss said?

'door' can sound like 'your'  in a noisy workplace.

How would his boss know what @Cardinal Richelieu was doing under his cassock? 

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Me to boss: "Remember I'm out the office tomorrow"

Boss: "Oh, so does that mean you can't make the big kick-off meeting?"

Me: "I'm afraid not"

Boss: "Oh well. Doesn't really matter. You don't need to be there anyway". 

Me (to myself): "WELL WHY THE f**k INVITE ME TO IT THEN"

Edited by Cardinal Richelieu

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I always think instead of stopping the entire company for an hour can you not just email everyone the PowerPoint?

 

Need to justify their existence?

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Me to boss: "Remember I'm out the office tomorrow"
Boss: "Oh, so does that mean you can't make the big kick-off meeting?"
Me: "I'm afraid not"
Boss: "Oh well. Doesn't really matter. You don't need to be there anyway". 
Me (to myself): "WELL WHY THE f**k INVITE ME TO IT THEN"

The big kick off meeting? Square go’s at work? Time and place? I’ll let throbber and DA Baracus know.

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Not corporate nonsese but I often wonder what kind of music people are listening to when they've got their headphones in. Probably spent a little too much time thinking about it...

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Whenever I email someone at this company it makes me think of The Rangers for some reason...

 

 

1246198A-3F68-45C2-A74C-10D7EE210B2A.jpeg

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2 minutes ago, Shandon Par said:

Whenever I email someone at this company it makes me think of The Rangers for some reason...

 

 

1246198A-3F68-45C2-A74C-10D7EE210B2A.jpeg

Quote

Let’s see how we can help

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Working with tp. you can expect:

  • ­Expert paid search, local marketing, and social pages management.
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For all the fancy words what matters are the results. We will agree on targets. Give you easy to understand reports. Highlight improvement opportunities. Work. at all times, to give you the best service.

Let’s work to take advantage of the latest digital technological innovations. Together we can deliver a great experience for your customers.

I'd say you're in the right thread.

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Just stood through a half hour 'celebration' event as the company I work for is re-branding today, the cringe around the whole event wouldn't have been out of place in an episode of The Office. 

Short uplifting video - round of applause from my colleagues

Speech from one of the higher ups, buzz words glory  - Vision, journey, pride, values etc... - More applause

Speech from another of the higher ups, clone of the above

End of the presentation, we are asked to put our hands in the air and yell as loud as can "We are *new company name*!" 

I love living in Canada but sometimes they really do just come across as plastic Yanks

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1 minute ago, Torpar said:

Just stood through a half hour 'celebration' event as the company I work for is re-branding today, the cringe around the whole event wouldn't have been out of place in an episode of The Office. 

Short uplifting video - round of applause from my colleagues

Speech from one of the higher ups, buzz words glory  - Vision, journey, pride, values etc... - More applause

Speech from another of the higher ups, clone of the above

End of the presentation, we are asked to put our hands in the air and yell as loud as can "We are *new company name*!" 

I love living in Canada but sometimes they really do just come across as plastic Yanks

Sadly all that crap is well and truly on these shores too and has been for some time now.

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4 minutes ago, Torpar said:

Just stood through a half hour 'celebration' event as the company I work for is re-branding today, the cringe around the whole event wouldn't have been out of place in an episode of The Office. 

Short uplifting video - round of applause from my colleagues

Speech from one of the higher ups, buzz words glory  - Vision, journey, pride, values etc... - More applause

Speech from another of the higher ups, clone of the above

End of the presentation, we are asked to put our hands in the air and yell as loud as can "We are *new company name*!" 

I love living in Canada but sometimes they really do just come across as plastic Yanks

Obviously got their inspiration from "Blazing Saddles".

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