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Business / corporate speak nonsense

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3 hours ago, Nkomo-A-Gogo said:

What do they mean by incremental gas?

 

 

'Kwee' rather than full-on underpants-staining shart attack, methinks. :thumsup2

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Ah, the cup runneth over this afternoon. How is everyone's asset allocation this weather? My urologist does a great holistic look around prostate exam time. Just sayin'. :angel


 

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New types of conversations emerged to help sovereign institutions and pension funds take a holistic look at their asset allocation.

 

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23 minutes ago, Dr Koop said:

Ah, the cup runneth over this afternoon. How is everyone's asset allocation this weather? My urologist does a great holistic look around prostate exam time. Just sayin'. :angel


 

 

Who the f**k do you work for? Is this all coming out of internal marketing, or leadership, or HR, or...?

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I live and work in a very nice place where some nice people think business school bollocks is impressive.

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My work's core values are People, Processes, Technology, Services, Information.

I can tell you right now, most folk are c***s, it takes weeks to get anything done, nothing fucking works and nobody knows how to communicate.

Core values my arse.

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4 minutes ago, Melanius Mullarkey said:

My work's core values are People, Processes, Technology, Services, Information.

I can tell you right now, most folk are c***s, it takes weeks to get anything done, nothing fucking works and nobody knows how to communicate.

Core values my arse.

That makes me feel better. :thumsup2

Ooh! Well, what have we here?


 

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...  essentially links financial services technology to the region’s three billion population and $7.8 trillion and growing GDP while providing a platform that brings financial firms and technology start-ups in one collaborative, disruptive innovation supply chain.

Name edited to spare the guilty.

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4 minutes ago, Melanius Mullarkey said:

My work's core values are People, Processes, Technology, Services, Information.

I can tell you right now, most folk are c***s, it takes weeks to get anything done, nothing fucking works and nobody knows how to communicate.

Core values my arse.

I'm P P T S I

I'm P P T S I

I know I am, I'm sure I am

I'm P P T S I

Get the chaps linked arms singing that at your next all-hands town hall, collect your bonus and promotion later that day.

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4 minutes ago, banana said:

I'm P P T S I

I'm P P T S I

I know I am, I'm sure I am

I'm P P T S I

Get the chaps linked arms singing that at your next all-hands town hall, collect your bonus and promotion later that day.

There was an away day a couple of weeks back which luckily I missed.  Im sure they were all sitting there merrily singing this, the bunch of fucking tossers.

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Went on a training course earlier today. It started with everyone introducing themselves, and then each person had to say what Science teaching currently looked like in their school. The girl opposite me opened with "The learning journey we've been on since I became subject leader has enabled us to develop a  more robust proforma for summative assessment and tracking."

English translation: We now give the kids a Science test 3 times a year.

 

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“Can I just pick your brains for a minute?”

Probably a request to brainstorm, exchange ideas, or similar. The over imaginative side of me can’t help up be literal and imagine someone savagely picking my brains out like a monkey with nits.

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“Can I just pick your brains for a minute?”


Whenever someone asks me this I always, always, respond “aye but I’m no sure it’ll take you the full minute” then we both roar with laughter. That’s what gets me through the day, wee workplace japes. Laughs with the lads and lassies. Some carry on.

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Whenever someone asks me this I always, always, respond “aye but I’m no sure it’ll take you the full minute” then we both roar with laughter. That’s what gets me through the day, wee workplace japes. Laughs with the lads and lassies. Some carry on.
i laughed at that harder than it warranted

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3 hours ago, ah-dee said:
3 hours ago, NJ2 said:

Whenever someone asks me this I always, always, respond “aye but I’m no sure it’ll take you the full minute” then we both roar with laughter. That’s what gets me through the day, wee workplace japes. Laughs with the lads and lassies. Some carry on.

i laughed at that harder than it warranted

As you say, elsewhere, you've not worked for a while. So any old shite is going to work on you.

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As you say, elsewhere, you've not worked for a while. So any old shite is going to work on you.
true. i recently noticed ive been talking to the dog lots. i hated myself a lot

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As you say, elsewhere, you've not worked for a while. So any old shite is going to work on you.

What’s your beef old man Wilson? Just jealous you don’t work with laugh-a-minute characters like me and my colleagues? Don’t blame you.

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What’s your beef old man Wilson? Just jealous you don’t work with laugh-a-minute characters like me and my colleagues? Don’t blame you.
he does have a point though. reading this thread reminds me off all the shite i used to hear in the workplace and therefore i still feel apart of it!

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he does have a point though. reading this thread reminds me off all the shite i used to hear in the workplace and therefore i still feel apart of it!

Aye, but it’ll soon be Monday

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54 minutes ago, DA Baracus said:

IMG_20181008_115420.jpg.0cbfc37283eee1d8004ea696343c6a4f.thumb.jpg.f8703e7697e55f2d51eab6c534fa6910.jpg

If the plan was to get to the bottom of the second tier, it was a gooood plan

p01l6th8.jpg

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Colleagues in p and b land - how many of you currently feature (or have featured) on your Appreciation Tree? 

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