Boghead ranter Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 My work has just started using an internal networking system. A bit like Facebook for the work. To be used for both work and socialising. My colleagues post an embarrassing amount of sh*t all over it. "Living our values" "Focus on winning" "PISH!" Sounds like you work for the same outfit as me. Ours has been on the go for over a year, and it's the cringiest thing you'll ever see in your life. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Muzz1886 Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 Finance sector is easily the worst cuplrit for this. Benchmarking Helicopter view Portfolio Management I lasted a couple of year before escaping back to Construction. If you speak like that in the Construction world you get a well deserved kicking. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
weirdcal Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 Anything referred to as bespoke. f**k right off. Its additional info. That's it. Its not anything so fantastically new and different it gets referred to a bespoke. or people who know you are on do not disturb but still disturb you as it 'will only take a minute'. or chunts who check up on you during project work. That's right im in the middle of some formulae to work out the information you deleted and need urgently, so phone every twenty mins and help me concentrate. if i could work from home i would. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
weirdcal Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 ^kinda just turned into a thought shower of blamestorming and anger at self important eejits who screw the pooch and expect you to move heaven and earth to get the product ready... 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacksgranda Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 Anything referred to as bespoke. f**k right off. Its additional info. That's it. Its not anything so fantastically new and different it gets referred to a bespoke. or people who know you are on do not disturb but still disturb you as it 'will only take a minute'. or chunts who check up on you during project work. That's right im in the middle of some formulae to work out the information you deleted and need urgently, so phone every twenty mins and help me concentrate. if i could work from home i would. Off campus environment 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gaz FFC Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 Teamwork makes the dreamwork!!!!! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SlipperyP Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 Anything referred to as bespoke. f**k right off. Its additional info. That's it. Its not anything so fantastically new and different it gets referred to a bespoke. or people who know you are on do not disturb but still disturb you as it 'will only take a minute'. or chunts who check up on you during project work. That's right im in the middle of some formulae to work out the information you deleted and need urgently, so phone every twenty mins and help me concentrate. if i could work from home i would. I have 2hr max in the office to delegate to people...not buzz speak, proper industrial language then i'm off (I don't shout, actually never), everyone knows the score, get to work. I'll be back in the morning, if you need me phone, I'm always available. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SlipperyP Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 Teamwork makes the dreamwork!!!! Office work is wanky - your quote, I take this is the KFC initiative 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Septentrional Wasp Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 Sounds like you work for the same outfit as me. Ours has been on the go for over a year, and it's the cringiest thing you'll ever see in your life. I'll often begin reading it out aloud and have to stop myself because I'm cringing too much! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gareth_Glasgow Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gaz FFC Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 Office work is wanky - your quote, I take this is the KFC initiative It is wanky.I don't and never have worked in an office. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hedgecutter Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 (edited) "Let's not reinvent the wheel". Also the term "give me a ballpark figure". Where do you think we are, New York?! Edited April 21, 2014 by Hedgecutter 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacksgranda Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 "Let's not reinvent the wheel". Also the term "give me a ballpark figure". Where do you think we are, New York?! That was what the boss used to say whenever we were doing estimates. I never had the heart to tell him that an estimate was a ballpark figure. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Half Rice Half Chips Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 On a conference call with my boss beside me, he asked me to give a "high level" overview of what we were working on. I had to mute the phone to ask him what he meant by "high level". I thought he meant a detailed description but turns out he meant a rough overview. Why couldn't he have just said that?! Also, if he thinks something is too detailed he'll say "I don't think the detail needs to be that granular". Granular - f**k sake! Another office bullshitter asked if a new system we were "rolling out" (sorry, that's another one) would be "client facing", ie would clients be able to use it. Again, would it have killed him to ask the question normally? It's all a game in the office world, you have to be seen to be speaking this lingo or you think people won't take you seriously. Going forward. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacksgranda Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 On a conference call with my boss beside me, he asked me to give a "high level" overview of what we were working on. I had to mute the phone to ask him what he meant by "high level". I thought he meant a detailed description but turns out he meant a rough overview. Why couldn't he have just said that?! Also, if he thinks something is too detailed he'll say "I don't think the detail needs to be that granular". Granular - f**k sake! Another office bullshitter asked if a new system we were "rolling out" (sorry, that's another one) would be "client facing", ie would clients be able to use it. Again, would it have killed him to ask the question normally? It's all a game in the office world, you have to be seen to be speaking this lingo or you think people won't take you seriously. Going forward. It depends what age you are, I think. You get to my age and you hear people talking that shite you don't take them seriously. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
P.C Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 Working in call centres and IT over the years you couldnt survive you you didnt play BS bingo at least a few times when managers try and blindside you with decisions made by higher ups who have never breathed the same air as you never mind understand the department or role you do I often think the time spent to think of most of these phrases or how to change an existing phrase into a new one to show the company is moving forward by actually changing processes and hiring more staff. Just me tho.. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SodjesSixteenIncher Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 Event management companies are the absolute emperors of this shit. Just a constant incorrect use of words as verbs, "we'll contingency this", so and so will "outcome that". Makes me literally want to dead myself and everyone around me. The worst ever. I get this all time. The thing is I just send shit out for folk so their wanky corporate speak doesn't really wash when they're asking me to send a tube of posters to some primary school for a wee boy's school project 'Did you action that request for me last week?' Aye, I sent a roll of posters out to wee Chris in Oban. This. I can kind of understand people using the word action when it's actually something important or new. If some c**t suggests something in a meeting or something and everyone agrees it's an "action point" I can just about avoid the seethe. Picking up some biscuits for a meeting whilst I'm out does not require me to "action that on our end". c***s. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Half Rice Half Chips Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 It depends what age you are, I think. You get to my age and you hear people talking that shite you don't take them seriously. The thing is Mr Granular and Mr Client Facing are actual quite knowledgeable and good at their jobs, they're not david brent type characters using corporate bullshit speak to mask their ineptitude. And I suspect it's like this in a lot of offices, that competent and serious people continue to speak like this until it reaches a point where it's expected that you speak like an utter w**k. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacksgranda Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 (edited) The thing is Mr Granular and Mr Client Facing are actual quite knowledgeable and good at their jobs, they're not david brent type characters using corporate bullshit speak to mask their ineptitude. And I suspect it's like this in a lot of offices, that competent and serious people continue to speak like this until it reaches a point where it's expected that you speak like an utter w**k. Mr Ballpark Figure was also very knowledgeable and had far more qualifications than I had, and was very good at his job. (Other than being unable to delegate or break down a brief into what he actually wanted - a bit of a drawback in a manager.) However, whenever he came out with that corporate physcobabble, which he used constantly, particularly "touching base", (usually with other "stakeholders"), I just felt like screaming. Edited April 21, 2014 by Jacksgranda 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
banana Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 However, whenever he came out with that corporate physcobabble, which he used constantly, particularly "touching base", (usually with other "stakeholders"), I just felt like screaming. I literally went months wondering what the fcuk my manager was talking about precisely when she kept referring to 'stakeholders'. At first I thought she was talking about important customers. Then I thought she must be talking about the contact person when dealing with our customers. Turns out it's just a word to use when you don't know who the fcuk you're talking about and want to seem non-incompetent. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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