Gordon EF Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 Anyone who says "going forward" deserves a kick to the genitals. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gavin_3110 Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 (edited) "I'm just putting that out there." Slightly different, but used to work for a Ship management company with loads of arsehole ex-seafarers, emailed a guy to check something with him, he replied "Case resolved, please stand down". Has anyone else ever heard "Do the needful?", it was a staple of that company. Edited April 22, 2014 by gavin_3110 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Half Rice Half Chips Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 Has anyone here seen people sign off their emails with just "best" followed by their name, like below? Best, Joe Bloggs. What's all that about? Best what? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boomtown Boy Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 Even worse is that g and t are next to each other on the keyboard. Mistakes have been made when trying to sign off with 'Regards,'. Done that myself and genuinely got asked to "explain" myself, eh..it was a fvckin typo!! Also has anyone been "empowered" recently at their work? Or been encouraged to "take it to the next level" also "change is good" does my heid in. On the "change is good" one, it gets me thinking what a total cop out this is from higher management who make a complete cvnt of strategy that much that 1 year into the 5 year startegy they change it and then come out with "change is good" line. "Buying into" is something relative new to me as well, a could go on forever with these. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cardinal Richelieu Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 To assume makes an ass out of u and me. I say that tongue-in-cheek but I'm worried now that people actually might think I'm serious. I've just been checking through my sent items... Sometimes, I just end with my name, but I've noticed a worrying amount of emails - especially to customers - ending in "Best Wishes". Certainly not as bad as "Kindest Regards" but still pretty nonsensical. Best wishes, Cardinal Richelieu x p.s. has anyone accidentally added a kiss at the end of an email by accident? I certainly have. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adolfo Rios Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 My work now refer to it's employees, not as "resource", but "Pins". Corporate Bullshit Bingo is great when managers are on conference calls or in meetings. Helps pass 30 minutes or so on a dull day. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
welshbairn Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 Are you allowed to write 'problems' anymore? The word 'issues' seems to have replaced 'problems'. Opportunities for change going forward. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Septentrional Wasp Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 (edited) My work now refer to it's employees, not as "resource", but "Pins". Corporate Bullshit Bingo is great when managers are on conference calls or in meetings. Helps pass 30 minutes or so on a dull day. You should start referring to your manager as a Pin Head. Edited April 23, 2014 by Septentrional Wasp 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacksgranda Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 The stupid old cows who work in service department at garages seem to be developing this knack. You put a car in and when you go and collect it you get a 10 minute speel about chasing things down, interrogating the problems and about seven other nonsensical phrases. Then you ask "so whats was actually wrong with it?" and they tell you they couldn't locate any source to the problem and it would require more intense interrogation They'll have to go on a refresher course - sorry, integrated communication seminar - as has already been pointed out above that should be issues/issue. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DA Baracus Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 When did everyone stop using "Thanks" or even "Yours sincerely" at the end of e-mails and start putting "Kind Regards", even when they don't know and have never met the recipient? I hate "Kind Regards". My boss has started using "data mining" as a synonym for "had a brief look at a spreadsheet"... We have to use this on emails at work, both to staff and customers (I actually had to stop myself typing 'internal customers' instead of staff there!). or working here! Just left a job at an Insurance company because "I wasn't the right fit"....mutual consent I might add, if I hadn't left I would have very shortly told my manager to f**k off. Still get the slough of corporate speak texts every morning (starting around 6am!) full of bullshit I assume, I just delete them now. Lots of crap about being "warriors", FFS at one agency meeting the boss had us watching "300" and telling us to be like Leonidas! Lots of other crap about us being "producers of wealth", "what is your "why"?", "take control of your sphere", "look at the people you regard as your "circle" and get rid of those who negativise you". We were even supposed to watch a you tube series every week from the boss called "soldier up sundays" I was far too laid back for their liking, despite making the sales target for the 2 weeks I was out there, but I was never "carrying my sword aggressively enough" (yes, really) to"be part of the final 300" BTW I've never seen the film and have no plans to now! Should have chucked a massive spear through his fucking heart. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Duszek Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 I worked for a B2B media company in London. A colleague and I had a thing going where every sentence he said during team meetings had to include "maximise", and mine had to feature "optimise". Kept it up for weeks, nobody ever called us out. Dunces. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dariusz Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 (edited) Do you have any "spare capacity"? No, but I might have some free time if you care to speak in proper fucking English. Edited April 23, 2014 by Dariusz 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Duszek Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 Another thing that's fun. Any time that anyone in a meeting says anything, chime in with "Yes, but how does that add value?" 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
11thHour Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 There's one guy in here who always uses phrases like: "Lets not rob Peter to pay Paul""How long from flash to bang?""There's no smoke without fire" This may just be a Glasgow thing but a lot of people in here say "over by" when they mean the other office and "didge" for click. That one really rips my knitting. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
banana Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 Do you have any "spare capacity"? No, but I might have some free time if you care to speak in proper fucking English. I'll prioritize actioning this comment once my bandwidth is optimally consolidated. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ayrmad Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 I'll prioritize actioning this comment once my bandwidth is optimally consolidated. I can actually imagine Ad Lib replying in that manner. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HTG Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 My new pet is "that way lies dragons" used in the context that the risks of doing something are high that you'll make an absolute c**t of it or that you'll just make things worse than they already. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dariusz Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 Caveat. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zetterlund Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 Caveat. This seems to be the trendy word at the moment. Until a couple of months ago I hardly ever heard it but now it's used constantly on TV and radio. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheScarf Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 This seems to be the trendy word at the moment. Until a couple of months ago I hardly ever heard it but now it's used constantly on TV and radio. Same here. I'd never heard of it until about 18 months ago. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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