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Business / corporate speak nonsense


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1 hour ago, HK Hibee said:

“we are helping with their resource demand elasticity”

I take it this is - simplistically - that your company supply more stuff to them when they need it and less when they dont?

f**k me.......................

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  • 3 weeks later...
41 minutes ago, Left Back said:

There were some redundancies at my work last week.  No-one in management has called them redundancies though.  Various themes on "some people have exited the business due to a course correction we had to take".

^^^ Works for Dundee United

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1 hour ago, MEADOWXI said:

Next staff suggestion this be renamed Talent Investment Team

 

We had that - a section was renamed and I forget what it actually stood for, but the acronym was ARSE.

I remember pointing the fact out in a meeting. Caused a moment of alarm among the suits who obviously hadn't thought about it but countered with "It's fine...nobody will actually call it that..."

Don't kid yourself. The people in the section took great delight in explaining away delays by claiming the ARSE was experiencing a logjam.

The new name lasted about a fortnight before they changed it to something less...arsey.

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11 hours ago, Left Back said:

There were some redundancies at my work last week.  No-one in management has called them redundancies though.  Various themes on "some people have exited the business due to a course correction we had to take".

I used to work for a company which for a while tried calling redundancies “external growth opportunities”.

They’d switched back to “layoffs” by the time I got flushed. 

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  • 1 month later...
On 15/08/2022 at 12:19, Loonytoons said:

Talent Acquisition Team is now a thing at my work.
HR to normal people.

 

On 01/09/2022 at 11:51, MEADOWXI said:

Next staff suggestion this be renamed Talent Investment Team

 

Bit late to the party in this thread, but after undoubtedly spending countless hours coming up with the first ridiculous name, will the decision makers in the company have any time left for these TIT for TAT grumbling?

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  • 4 weeks later...
1 hour ago, scottsdad said:

Teams/Zoom has brought new nonsense terms. 

"You still have your hand up...is that a legacy hand?" I heard this recently.

This is the sort of shite that confirms that mankind has lost the battle.  I don't exactly know what battle, but it's been lost.  

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https://www.theguardian.com/world/2022/nov/10/kfc-apologises-for-kristallnacht-chicken-and-cheese-promotion

“Commemoration of Kristallnacht – Treat yourself to more soft cheese and crispy chicken. Now at KFCheese!” the message reportedly read.

KFC sent another message about an hour later blaming the blunder on “an error in our system”, Bild said."

Ah yes, the KFC 'system' is 100% sentient and is able to devise, on it's own, an ad campaign namechecking one of the darkest events in 20th C European history.

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5 hours ago, Florentine_Pogen said:

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2022/nov/10/kfc-apologises-for-kristallnacht-chicken-and-cheese-promotion

“Commemoration of Kristallnacht – Treat yourself to more soft cheese and crispy chicken. Now at KFCheese!” the message reportedly read.

KFC sent another message about an hour later blaming the blunder on “an error in our system”, Bild said."

Ah yes, the KFC 'system' is 100% sentient and is able to devise, on it's own, an ad campaign namechecking one of the darkest events in 20th C European history.

It's more plausible than it first sounds. Some choob will have set up promo messages to be generated for publicly recognised days in Germany, but won't have been smart enough to check for situations like this. It'll just be a template that fires off in line with a calendar saved on a system somewhere.

Really stupid, and someone will get their jotters, but probably not some Nazi sympathiser trying to use chicken to celebrate the Holocaust,

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5 hours ago, VincentGuerin said:

Some choob will have set up promo messages to be generated for publicly recognised days in Germany...

This is exactly what happened according to the report I read on the BBC website.

Not good enough and somebody will surely be looking for  a new joab as we speak.

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  • 4 weeks later...

The wife and I are both working from home today and tomorrow. She is in a virtual conference on employment law. 

Less than 5 minutes in, and it is a festival of corporate nonsense. 

"I have marinaded in employment law for over 30 years now..."

2 days of listening to this pish,

muppets-kermit.gif

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