Business / corporate speak nonsense

[UsedToGoToCentralPark]

I shit you not, somebody said they were “sunsetting a process” in a meeting the other day.
I burst out laughing.

Was the process grandfathered in though.

[Jacksgranda]

53 minutes ago, UsedToGoToCentralPark said:

On 22/04/2022 at 07:07, Melanius Mullarkay said:

I shit you not, somebody said they were “sunsetting a process” in a meeting the other day.
I burst out laughing.

Was the process grandfathered in though.

A job for me, there.

[Clockwork]

2 hours ago, hk blues said:

It sounds like they're playing a storm t.b.h. 

Aye I get the whole ‘artful dodger’ scheming which can be quite endearing, but not from these self aggrandising fuc*kers. This thread is dedicated to them and the sort of people who dominate the workplace with this modern corporate shite. There’s no substance to any of it. 

[UsedToGoToCentralPark]

Aye I get the whole ‘artful dodger’ scheming which can be quite endearing, but not from these self aggrandising fuc*kers. This thread is dedicated to them and the sort of people who dominate the workplace with this modern corporate shite. There’s no substance to any of it. 

Whoa, hold on a minute, we're not trying to boil the ocean here.

[red23]

We recently got a new team lead last year who has a degree in the field but no working practice nor any leadership experience. Got shoe horned in to the roll, which pays ridiculously well, but as time has gone on he's become ignorantly confident. 

Previously when having customer meetings we had an approx 80% win rate of work we bid for. We haven't won work where he's hosted a call in over 1 year.

When he attends a meeting he doesn't go in to any detail as to how we will do the job he just says "here at ***** we strive to provide a service that is succinct with the quality we are known to provide, we are cognizant of your needs and will help you on your business journey" This is how he answers almost any question. These are calls with pure technical people who i imagine must switch off the same as i do when i hear an utter word salad of corporate bullshit.

[UsedToGoToCentralPark]

We recently got a new team lead last year who has a degree in the field but no working practice nor any leadership experience. Got shoe horned in to the roll, which pays ridiculously well, but as time has gone on he's become ignorantly confident. 
Previously when having customer meetings we had an approx 80% win rate of work we bid for. We haven't won work where he's hosted a call in over 1 year.
When he attends a meeting he doesn't go in to any detail as to how we will do the job he just says "here at ***** we strive to provide a service that is succinct with the quality we are known to provide, we are cognizant of your needs and will help you on your business journey" This is how he answers almost any question. These are calls with pure technical people who i imagine must switch off the same as i do when i hear an utter word salad of corporate bullshit.

That's a failure of management not the person in the role.

[Moomintroll]

5 hours ago, The Skelpit Lug said:

This is now going to be my new way of saying I'm going for a shite. 

Personally, I go to clear the departure lounge.

[Thistle_do_nicely]

5 hours ago, IrishBhoy said:

My previous work started doing a ‘Workers Forum’ meeting, where once a month the Managing Director and Head of HR would sit with an array of employees across the business to discuss any issues they had. In practice it should have been a worthwhile exercise, giving a direct line of communication between the shop floor and upper management. It didn’t work out that way as the only people who volunteered were as thick as shit in the neck of a bottle. They would publish the minutes of the meeting and stick it on the notice board and it was always essential reading. 
 

Guy who worked as a storeman sitting in a meeting with the MD complaining about roller shutter doors that let in a draft, or one of the women from the office asking why the vending machine isn’t filled up as regularly as it used to be. Could just imagine the MD coming out of a meeting with BP and Shell, discussing multi-million pound orders, and walking in to a meeting with all the dumplings from the shop floor to talk about vending machines and drafty roller shutters. 

Kinda with you but, playing devils advocate, if that's what the shop floor staff care about then being able to express it straight up to upper management is a good thing?

I guess it should be the type of petty shit that could be resolved by some mid level wageslave, but if there's anything standing out as particularly egregious at the meetings or a recurring theme then the MD can go "er, why are some of the staff constantly complaining about X?" to said mid level wageslave to give them a boot up the arse.

Edit: having been a delivery driver I'd murder to have been able to vent to some senior exec about the myriad bullshit problems I came up against on a daily basis that never seemed to get any better and in some cases actively got worse and worse the longer I was there (logging faults on the van that never ever got fixed, back of a fag packet scheduling that was nonsensical when there was any temporary lights on the routes etc. etc.)

They might not have been able to do anything about it or do that politician thing of promising to look at it in the fulness of time before completely forgetting about it/ignoring it anyway, but at least I'd feel better for venting to someone with actual power rather than banging my head against a wall bringing it up to my immediate supervisors.

Edited April 23, 2022 by Thistle_do_nicely

[IrishBhoy]

21 minutes ago, Thistle_do_nicely said:

Kinda with you but, playing devils advocate, if that's what the shop floor staff care about then being able to express it straight up to upper management is a good thing?

I guess it should be the type of petty shit that could be resolved by some mid level wageslave, but if there's anything standing out as particularly egregious at the meetings or a recurring theme then the MD can go "er, why are some of the staff constantly complaining about X?" to said mid level wageslave to give them a boot up the arse.

Edit: having been a delivery driver I'd murder to have been able to vent to some senior exec about the myriad bullshit problems I came up against on a daily basis that never seemed to get any better and in some cases actively got worse and worse the longer I was there (logging faults on the van that never ever got fixed, back of a fag packet scheduling that was nonsensical when there was any temporary lights on the routes etc. etc.)

They might not have been able to do anything about it or do that politician thing of promising to look at it in the fulness of time before completely forgetting about it/ignoring it anyway, but at least I'd feel better for venting to someone with actual power rather than banging my head against a wall bringing it up to my immediate supervisors.

I can see what you mean, and I suppose things like having to work beside a drafty shutter could be a legitimate complaint that should be dealt with long before the MD ever heard about it. It was a few years ago now so I can’t remember a lot of it, but some of the issues raised were just the sort of stuff that you would never think of bringing up in front of the Managing Director. I think the purpose of having the meeting was to iron out issues that had an affect on productivity, raising issues about the canteen or the vending machines is wasted on an HR manager or MD at that level. I do take your point though that those kind of complaints should be dealt with by middle management before it becomes an issue, and the fact that they weren’t being resolved was a failure of management.

[John Lambies Doos]

"our offices are still pivoted"

You're lucky, ours are still pivoting

[mishtergrolsch]

On 23/04/2022 at 15:23, Thistle_do_nicely said:

Kinda with you but, playing devils advocate, if that's what the shop floor staff care about then being able to express it straight up to upper management is a good thing?

I guess it should be the type of petty shit that could be resolved by some mid level wageslave, but if there's anything standing out as particularly egregious at the meetings or a recurring theme then the MD can go "er, why are some of the staff constantly complaining about X?" to said mid level wageslave to give them a boot up the arse.

Edit: having been a delivery driver I'd murder to have been able to vent to some senior exec about the myriad bullshit problems I came up against on a daily basis that never seemed to get any better and in some cases actively got worse and worse the longer I was there (logging faults on the van that never ever got fixed, back of a fag packet scheduling that was nonsensical when there was any temporary lights on the routes etc. etc.)

They might not have been able to do anything about it or do that politician thing of promising to look at it in the fulness of time before completely forgetting about it/ignoring it anyway, but at least I'd feel better for venting to someone with actual power rather than banging my head against a wall bringing it up to my immediate supervisors.

Agree entirely. It may not go anywhere, but the fact staff can raise workplace issues that are important to them can be a big deal.

Managerially speaking, my workplace has more layers than a proper Lasagne, so when I get a chance to meet up with the folk that work in the clouds and they ask if I have any issues at work I happily tell them. If they want a happy clappy workplace thats productive then I need machinery repaired properly and not on the cheap by Boab who likes to noodle with motorbikes sometimes, or when they take on new staff they should he interviewed by someone that has either performed the role or worked closely with someone who has performed the role they are looking to fill to (hopefully) ensure the new recruit has a fucking idea.

Sometimes I can't believe I've not been at least warned for being as direct as I am!

[hk blues]

On 23/04/2022 at 18:26, Clockwork said:

Aye I get the whole ‘artful dodger’ scheming which can be quite endearing, but not from these self aggrandising fuc*kers. This thread is dedicated to them and the sort of people who dominate the workplace with this modern corporate shite. There’s no substance to any of it. 

I know, I was just making light of what is infuriating behaviour which is only endearing to those not impacted by it.   

[hk blues]

On 23/04/2022 at 18:51, red23 said:

Previously when having customer meetings we had an approx 80% win rate of work we bid for. We haven't won work where he's hosted a call in over 1 year.

Surely somebody higher up has noticed this and something is being done?  80% to 0% is some decline.

[Benjamin_Nevis]

My work's buzz phrase just now is "living the values" and employees can now "Hive Five" each other. Utter bollocks.

[SuperSaints1877]

17 minutes ago, Day of the Lords said:

My work's buzz phrase just now is "living the values" and employees can now "Hive Five" each other. Utter bollocks.

Are you a bee keeper?

[Caledonian1]

1 hour ago, SuperSaints1877 said:

Are you a bee keeper?

you're stirring up a hornets nest with questions like that.

[hk blues]

16 minutes ago, Caledonian1 said:

you're stirring up a hornets nest with questions like that.

Probably just wants to wax lyrical about Bees, more like drone on IMO.

[red23]

12 hours ago, hk blues said:

Surely somebody higher up has noticed this and something is being done?  80% to 0% is some decline.

There was enough repeat business coming in to cover that up. But now that has dried up the figures are showing. The manager above was entirely aware of this but didn't mind as the team was still profitable based off of existing orders. 

[Benjamin_Nevis]

Are you a bee keeper?

you're stirring up a hornets nest with questions like that.

Probably just wants to wax lyrical about Bees, more like drone on IMO.

On your bike(s)

[broon-loon]