Business / corporate speak nonsense

[Sergeant Wilson]

1 minute ago, Darren said:

Talk of bandwidth, silos and sprints makes me want to stab myself in the face.

Still better than my last job two jobs in journalism, though.

Do they talk about these at scrums?

[Darren]

3 minutes ago, Sergeant Wilson said:

Do they talk about these at scrums?

I don't know, I'm not invited

[Sergeant Wilson]

7 minutes ago, Darren said:

I don't know, I'm not invited

Have a word with the scrum master tell them you want to sign up as product owner.

[coprolite]

We are short-staffed. Or as the partner said, "under-inputted". 

[ManBearPig]

Got a company wide email that some guy in my office is "actioning" a half marathon and that we can sponsor him if we want to.

[Theroadlesstravelled]

On 07/09/2021 at 07:45, coprolite said:

We are short-staffed. Or as the partner said, "under-inputted". 

 

4 hours ago, ManBearPig said:

Got a company wide email that some guy in my office is "actioning" a half marathon and that we can sponsor him if we want to.

Where do you boys work? Roget’s thesaurus?

[UsedToGoToCentralPark]

Where do you boys work? Roget’s thesaurus?

I bought the world's worst thesaurus recently, it was terrible terrible.

(Stolen from the TV)

[peasy23]

Got a company wide email that some guy in my office is "actioning" a half marathon and that we can sponsor him if we want to.

I "actioned" a half marathon yesterday. Does watching the Great North Run on TV count?

[well fan for life]

Definitely something that's been brought to the fore by the pandemic but I'm not sure I find anything as infuriating as someone joining a Zoom call 10-15 minutes late, interrupting the conversation and asking for a full recap of what has been discussed. Just fucking join on time ffs. 

[Mark Connolly]

On 16/09/2021 at 16:49, well fan for life said:

Definitely something that's been brought to the fore by the pandemic but I'm not sure I find anything as infuriating as someone joining a Zoom call 10-15 minutes late, interrupting the conversation and asking for a full recap of what has been discussed. Just fucking join on time ffs. 

"Thanks for joining, Steve. According to my notes, we all decided Steve is a c**t"

[IrishBhoy]

Worked with a guy in my last job who managed to fall up the way, from a spray painter to a team leader. He went on a few of those ‘quality management system’ courses that were all the rage a few years ago, and was given the title of ‘quality champion’  

After that it was impossible to keep a straight face when you spoke to him. He would go on about how he was trying to implement a ‘do it right first time’ culture, or how he was working on a ‘zero scrap quality process’. He acted like he was single handedly keeping the company in business when in reality he farted about making up spreadsheets and diagrams on his computer all day. 

[Miguel Sanchez]

Youngest-Ever GM Reveals Some Hard Lessons Learned – Sportico.com

Quote

Driving to the arena in my first days as GM, I remember fixating on my resume, working to talk myself into a degree of self-confidence. I had majored in business at a top school, graduating at the top of my class. I’d been in hockey all my life in one form or another, beginning with countless hours in a backyard rink in Canada to founding the gold standard of hockey analytics, Stathletes Inc., with my brother-in-law in his basement. I was also overseeing a restaurant portfolio with a larger staff and more expansive operations than my eventual position with the Coyotes. (We now operate over 30 restaurants, employ over 1,000 people across Canada, and I sit on the board of Wendy’s Canada.)

Only in retrospect did I fully grasp that this fear and self-doubt was strength in disguise.

Five years removed from those initial doubts, I see now that my years leading an NHL team taught me several lessons, the most important of which is that leadership is hard. And that’s OK.

Those fears you feel, despite what your brain says about your qualifications, are a natural element of achieving outsized successes—and of helping those around you transcend their own fears and limits.

During my tenure, and in partnership with another young leader, team president Ahron Cohen, the Coyotes set franchise records in ticket sales, TV ratings, corporate partnerships and philanthropic contributions. There was no magic to these achievements. We reached our goals by rolling up our sleeves and leading, in every sense of the word. We made genuine connections in the community, investing time in listening and learning about the challenges of others, and leading our organization with a clear vision for the future—a vision that made people proud to represent our team. On the ice we spent efficiently and punched above our weight, finally ending an eight-year playoff drought.

Was it hard? Absolutely. The team had operated for years in a negative culture and resource disadvantage measured against our peers. But difficulty, I learned, was not something to be railed against or lamented; navigating it is the mark of a true leader.

Sports also represent a spellbinding, educational live experiment in human psychology. It teaches us firsthand the impact of the human element on organizations—how one addition can create a transformational shift in culture or performance for better or for worse. While it can be tempting to focus solely on results-driven metrics, that can distract us from an important reality: Human beings are not widgets. Nor are they dollars, cryptocurrency or hourly resources for deployment.

I have declined many media requests to discuss my departure from the Arizona Coyotes in 2020, because the truth is, it was hard. However, it’s also true that, like any good leader, I needed to make a hard decision, and this was the right one for myself and for my family. While leaders are ultimately judged by their wins, they also must recognize the time to move on, and that’s what I did.

Much of what I learned running the Coyotes translates to all aspects of any business. With sports, accountability is measured each and every game. In the restaurant business, it’s the same win or lose mentality that allows an organization to employ measurable objectives and be held accountable. I’ve learned that leaders who embrace competition in healthy ways—without losing sight of humanity and grace—can help teams achieve.

There is also the reality that the next generation of leaders needs to feel compelled by a mission and aligned with the values of their organization. While some traditionalists might contend that we should put our head down and keep working, I think it’s commendable that individuals are prioritizing the quality of their time on Earth, and their ability to enrich their communities with their work.

In hockey, in the quick service restaurant business, and in life, I have learned over and again that investing in people is what makes a true leader. Practicing empathy and compassion is a competitive advantage. That I can promise you. We sometimes look at leaders with rose-colored glasses and perceive only the glamorous parts of the job. The reality is much more complex. Leadership is hard. Making complicated decisions—particularly those that impact others—is hard. And that’s OK.

He was shite, the Coyotes have no fans, money or arena to play in and he actively hurt the team by doing illegal shit:

Quote

On January 25, 2021, Chayka was suspended from working with the NHL for the remainder of the 2021 calendar year. NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman cited "conduct detrimental to the league and game", and further ruled that Chayka had "breached his obligation to the club" by pursuing opportunities with other clubs while still under contract with the Arizona Coyotes, and then terminating his contract with three years remaining.[7] Chayka and the Coyotes were later revealed to have hosted a private scouting combine for draft prospects, which is strictly forbidden by the NHL.[8] The Coyotes were subsequently forced to forfeit their second-round selection in the 2020 draft and their first-round pick in the 2021 draft.[8]

 

[hk blues]

9 hours ago, Herness said:

People we meet on vacation by Emily Henry. Not bad but also not my taste really.

[BillyAnchor]

[cb_diamond]

At a recent meeting we were warned that we were facing "analysis paralysis" around a tricky issue.

[Donathan]

Asked a question in a meeting recently and was advised to look it up in the "data dictionary"

 

 

No idea what this dictionary is.

[highlandcowden]

2 hours ago, cb_diamond said:

At a recent meeting we were warned that we were facing "analysis paralysis" around a tricky issue.

I quite like that tbh

[Mark Connolly]

2 hours ago, Donathan said:

Asked a question in a meeting recently and was advised to look it up in the "data dictionary"

 

 

No idea what this dictionary is.

Maybe the person had a stutter, you insensitive b*****d?

[cb_diamond]

2 hours ago, highlandcowden said:

I quite like that tbh

There's worse out there tbf. "Solution opportunity" being a prime example

[IrishBhoy]

10 hours ago, Mark Connolly said:

Maybe the person had a stutter, you insensitive b*****d?

That’s reminded me of a very awkward encounter I had with the CEO of the company I served my apprenticeship with.

We were getting pulled in 10/15 at a time to have a meeting with the CEO telling us why it would be a bad idea to join the union. What nobody had told us though, was that he had a stutter that was so bad that he was completely unable to get through the first sentence. Everyone was totally taken aback and for 20 or 30 seconds the room was just in complete silence as he attempted to start his speech again. I made the mistake of making eye contact with one of the other apprentices who cracked the slightest grin as I looked up, which then made me start laughing in a quite blatant and uncontrollable way. What I will say in my defence is that I wasn’t actually laughing at the CEOs stutter, but laughing because i was fully aware that I was in a situation where I couldn’t laugh, which in turn made me laugh more. Obviously it just looked like I was sitting pishing myself at him right infront of his face, and the more I realised how bad it looked the more I kept laughing. I was trying to hold in the laugh so much I had beads of sweat running down my face, and the more I thought about the situation I was in the more I kept laughing. Sitting about 4 feet from the CEO in a small boardroom with 15 people packed in to it, every one of them completely silent and me vibrating like a Nokia 3310 absolutely pishing myself. I ended up having to just get up and leave as there was no way I was going to be able to stop. I know it does look really bad on me, but I was only 16 at the time and I honestly wasn’t laughing directly at his stutter, it was just the fact that I was placed in such a situation where I knew I couldn’t laugh, which unfortunately for me made me laugh.