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Felt a wee bit bad last week – was called into a meeting with a couple of bosses. I know both of them well, so naturally I greeted them with a “alright bitches?” as I walked in.
Turns out they’d called me in to tell me they’d negotiated a bonus for me for a project I’d completed a couple of months back.
So naturally you jumped on your chair, shouted "BONUS BITCHES", and chest bumped them?
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Overheard a conversation on the train today and a guy talking loudly into his phone (Bob Mortimer style) demanding the ‘granular detail of the logistics plan’ before he would give the go ahead apparently. Seems they were moving a couple of old office tables and a few knackered chairs, from one room to a store. What the f**k does that even mean? Do people actually get paid for coming up with this nonsense?
Aye I know, c*nts on a train thread for this pish!
 
What did you do? I'd be inclined to laugh in his face.
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8 hours ago, jimmy boo said:
11 hours ago, Clockwork said:
Overheard a conversation on the train today and a guy talking loudly into his phone (Bob Mortimer style) demanding the ‘granular detail of the logistics plan’ before he would give the go ahead apparently. Seems they were moving a couple of old office tables and a few knackered chairs, from one room to a store. What the f**k does that even mean? Do people actually get paid for coming up with this nonsense?
Aye I know, c*nts on a train thread for this pish!
 

What did you do? I'd be inclined to laugh in his face.

Hopefully shouted "c***s on a train thread for this pish"

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  • 9 months later...
1 hour ago, Melanius Mullarkey said:

Currently in a Teams meeting and some c**t keeps going on about data lakes.

When I have shown my knowledge about a specific subject people have described me as "a natural reservoir of information".  I guess "data lake" is similar.

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4 hours ago, Melanius Mullarkey said:

Currently in a Teams meeting and some c**t keeps going on about data lakes.

 

A friend works for a company that encourages its employees to take "thought showers".

"Geoff, I'm going to the data lake for a thought shower".

Hope they f****** drown in it.

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2 hours ago, Academically Deficient said:

A friend works for a company that encourages its employees to take "thought showers".

"Geoff, I'm going to the data lake for a thought shower".

Hope they f****** drown in it.

He's lucky. A lot of companies just give their employees golden showers.

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13 minutes ago, mishtergrolsch said:

Had a spat with my boss about holidays. Asked if I could book some time and he refused saying we were too busy. This meant i would have lost holidays this year. Emailed HR and they were banging on about problematic "pinch points" in the business.

Ffs.

"Oh no, I seem to be getting a persistent cough and a temperature. I'd better self isolate for 14 days"

How's that for a pinch point, cuntos?

P.s. best not to post any holiday pics on social media if you pull that one...

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"Let's not try to compare the height of the tallest midget here" - the words of a CEO of a large oil company during this afternoon's 'town-hall' meeting.

After the meeting?  Lots of comments involving midgets, quickly followed by a second meeting featuring the aforementioned CEO's grovelling apology to avoid offending the  Bairnardos of this world.

Edited by Hedgecutter
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