D.A.F.C Posted July 4, 2019 Share Posted July 4, 2019 Oh my are you lot in for a treat. Company I work for are embarking on a 3 month training programme. Everyone has to do a 15 minute training exercise every week. This week's is on Our Strategy.We're all floating adrift in the Sea of Strategy. We need to look in our Action Pack for something to help. Aha, the Role Raft will help us reach the Strategic Success Sailboat. The Change Compass will help us align our goals to those of the Company.No, I'm not making this up! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thistle_do_nicely Posted July 4, 2019 Share Posted July 4, 2019 11 hours ago, Swarley said: Oh my are you lot in for a treat. Company I work for are embarking on a 3 month training programme. Everyone has to do a 15 minute training exercise every week. This week's is on Our Strategy. We're all floating adrift in the Sea of Strategy. We need to look in our Action Pack for something to help. Aha, the Role Raft will help us reach the Strategic Success Sailboat. The Change Compass will help us align our goals to those of the Company. No, I'm not making this up! when you crack and gun everyone in your office down with an assault rifle make sure you do it dressed as a Somalian Pirate 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peasy23 Posted July 4, 2019 Share Posted July 4, 2019 Oh my are you lot in for a treat. Company I work for are embarking on a 3 month training programme. Everyone has to do a 15 minute training exercise every week. This week's is on Our Strategy.We're all floating adrift in the Sea of Strategy. We need to look in our Action Pack for something to help. Aha, the Role Raft will help us reach the Strategic Success Sailboat. The Change Compass will help us align our goals to those of the Company.No, I'm not making this up! I would not be able to sit through shite like that without without screaming at some point. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HenryHill Posted July 4, 2019 Share Posted July 4, 2019 13 hours ago, Swarley said: Oh my are you lot in for a treat. Company I work for are embarking on a 3 month training programme. Everyone has to do a 15 minute training exercise every week. This week's is on Our Strategy. We're all floating adrift in the Sea of Strategy. We need to look in our Action Pack for something to help. Aha, the Role Raft will help us reach the Strategic Success Sailboat. The Change Compass will help us align our goals to those of the Company. No, I'm not making this up! The first person at your work who uses any of those phrases should get punched in the throat. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UsedToGoToCentralPark Posted July 4, 2019 Share Posted July 4, 2019 Oh my are you lot in for a treat. Company I work for are embarking on a 3 month training programme. Everyone has to do a 15 minute training exercise every week. This week's is on Our Strategy.We're all floating adrift in the Sea of Strategy. We need to look in our Action Pack for something to help. Aha, the Role Raft will help us reach the Strategic Success Sailboat. The Change Compass will help us align our goals to those of the Company.No, I'm not making this up! I am going to introduce these phrases at work and see if I can make them stick. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swarley Posted July 10, 2019 Share Posted July 10, 2019 This week; Enhancing OwnershipNow we're all driving down the Avenue of Accessibility in different vehicles. The drivers with the Owners Mindset are better than the Rental Mindset drivers. How can we turn Rentals into Owners you ask? Well in our Action Pack we've got the Six Keys of Ownership - Invest Wisely, Act Now, Be Accountable, Challenge With Respect, Stay Solution Focused & Go The Extra Mile.I really wish I could share these videos with you as they are hilarious. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swarley Posted July 10, 2019 Share Posted July 10, 2019 I am going to introduce these phrases at work and see if I can make them stick.Throw them into the tree and see if any apples come down 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bairnardo Posted July 10, 2019 Share Posted July 10, 2019 Someone was talking to me about a wee trial at work yesterday. He happened to mention what the "deliverables" were from this trial. He was promptly laughed at and reminded not to use ridiculous words. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deej Posted July 10, 2019 Share Posted July 10, 2019 2 hours ago, Swarley said: This week; Enhancing Ownership Now we're all driving down the Avenue of Accessibility in different vehicles. The drivers with the Owners Mindset are better than the Rental Mindset drivers. How can we turn Rentals into Owners you ask? Well in our Action Pack we've got the Six Keys of Ownership - Invest Wisely, Act Now, Be Accountable, Challenge With Respect, Stay Solution Focused & Go The Extra Mile. I really wish I could share these videos with you as they are hilarious. Surely if while driving down the "Avenue of Accessibility" you "Go The Extra Mile" the you've gone too far and missed where you were meant to go. Or your "Solution-based SatNav" is fucked 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swarley Posted July 10, 2019 Share Posted July 10, 2019 26 minutes ago, deej said: Surely if while driving down the "Avenue of Accessibility" you "Go The Extra Mile" the you've gone too far and missed where you were meant to go. Or your "Solution-based SatNav" is fucked Thats going straight in the end of course feedback 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deej Posted July 10, 2019 Share Posted July 10, 2019 1 minute ago, Swarley said: Thats going straight in the end of course feedback Glad to be of assistance 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheScarf Posted July 10, 2019 Share Posted July 10, 2019 I worked for an It company in Inverness in a previous life, think ICTChris and someone else on here did too, and we had to do these yearly self assessment reviews. They took fucking ages, like a full day as there was so many sections to say how good you were at your job, and where you can improve, and 'give an example' and all that shite. I was actually paying attention to it one time, and was reading the questions, and there was 3 questions/sections that were basically asking you the same thing, just worded differently. I asked my manager and he said 'Aye just copy what you put in that section and paste it into those 2. These things don't get looked at anyway. You're getting a good review off me'. I'm sure our clients would've be happy to know they're paying for several resources not to work on their infrastructure for 100+ hours as we all fill in something meaningless for our own company. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Moonster Posted July 10, 2019 Share Posted July 10, 2019 Salesmen get up in the morning... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hedgecutter Posted July 10, 2019 Share Posted July 10, 2019 Never got past the first word due to the lack of apostrophe. Whatever the rest of the message might be, it's clearly not worth the time of day. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
D.A.F.C Posted July 10, 2019 Share Posted July 10, 2019 Salesmen are mostly chancers 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheScarf Posted July 10, 2019 Share Posted July 10, 2019 Absolutely fuck being a salesman. Knowing you spend every working day shafting people. Usually elderly people. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HenryHill Posted July 10, 2019 Share Posted July 10, 2019 3 hours ago, The Moonster said: Salesmen get up in the morning... ... and somehow just about come up with a reason not to end it all. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted July 10, 2019 Share Posted July 10, 2019 3 hours ago, The Moonster said: Salesmen get up in the morning... My dog has a better grasp of sentence structure that whatever tit wrote that. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peasy23 Posted July 10, 2019 Share Posted July 10, 2019 My wife is unbelievably good at stringing these shysters along for ages. I don't know how she doesn't break into laughter.My late Dad used to like stringing cold callers along on the phone, especially when there was a spate of people calling to flog conservatories. He would have them convinced that they pretty much had a stick on sale, then ask them if it was possible to fit one on a first floor tenement flat. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
D.A.F.C Posted July 10, 2019 Share Posted July 10, 2019 (edited) 3 hours ago, TheScarf said: Absolutely f**k being a salesman. Knowing you spend every working day shafting people. Usually elderly people. Wayne Rooney found. Edited July 10, 2019 by D.A.F.C 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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