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Oh my are you lot in for a treat. Company I work for are embarking on a 3 month training programme. Everyone has to do a 15 minute training exercise every week. This week's is on Our Strategy.

We're all floating adrift in the Sea of Strategy. We need to look in our Action Pack for something to help. Aha, the Role Raft will help us reach the Strategic Success Sailboat. The Change Compass will help us align our goals to those of the Company.

No, I'm not making this up!
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11 hours ago, Swarley said:

Oh my are you lot in for a treat. Company I work for are embarking on a 3 month training programme. Everyone has to do a 15 minute training exercise every week. This week's is on Our Strategy.

We're all floating adrift in the Sea of Strategy. We need to look in our Action Pack for something to help. Aha, the Role Raft will help us reach the Strategic Success Sailboat. The Change Compass will help us align our goals to those of the Company.

No, I'm not making this up!

when you crack and gun everyone in your office down with an assault rifle make sure you do it dressed as a Somalian Pirate

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Oh my are you lot in for a treat. Company I work for are embarking on a 3 month training programme. Everyone has to do a 15 minute training exercise every week. This week's is on Our Strategy.

We're all floating adrift in the Sea of Strategy. We need to look in our Action Pack for something to help. Aha, the Role Raft will help us reach the Strategic Success Sailboat. The Change Compass will help us align our goals to those of the Company.

No, I'm not making this up!
I would not be able to sit through shite like that without without screaming at some point.
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13 hours ago, Swarley said:

Oh my are you lot in for a treat. Company I work for are embarking on a 3 month training programme. Everyone has to do a 15 minute training exercise every week. This week's is on Our Strategy.

We're all floating adrift in the Sea of Strategy. We need to look in our Action Pack for something to help. Aha, the Role Raft will help us reach the Strategic Success Sailboat. The Change Compass will help us align our goals to those of the Company.

No, I'm not making this up!

The first person at your work who uses any of those phrases should get punched in the throat.

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Oh my are you lot in for a treat. Company I work for are embarking on a 3 month training programme. Everyone has to do a 15 minute training exercise every week. This week's is on Our Strategy.

We're all floating adrift in the Sea of Strategy. We need to look in our Action Pack for something to help. Aha, the Role Raft will help us reach the Strategic Success Sailboat. The Change Compass will help us align our goals to those of the Company.

No, I'm not making this up!
I am going to introduce these phrases at work and see if I can make them stick.
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This week; Enhancing Ownership

Now we're all driving down the Avenue of Accessibility in different vehicles. The drivers with the Owners Mindset are better than the Rental Mindset drivers.

How can we turn Rentals into Owners you ask? Well in our Action Pack we've got the Six Keys of Ownership - Invest Wisely, Act Now, Be Accountable, Challenge With Respect, Stay Solution Focused & Go The Extra Mile.

I really wish I could share these videos with you as they are hilarious.

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2 hours ago, Swarley said:

This week; Enhancing Ownership

Now we're all driving down the Avenue of Accessibility in different vehicles. The drivers with the Owners Mindset are better than the Rental Mindset drivers.

How can we turn Rentals into Owners you ask? Well in our Action Pack we've got the Six Keys of Ownership - Invest Wisely, Act Now, Be Accountable, Challenge With Respect, Stay Solution Focused & Go The Extra Mile.

I really wish I could share these videos with you as they are hilarious.

Surely if while driving down the "Avenue of Accessibility" you "Go The Extra Mile" the you've gone too far and missed where you were meant to go. 

Or your "Solution-based SatNav" is fucked

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26 minutes ago, deej said:

Surely if while driving down the "Avenue of Accessibility" you "Go The Extra Mile" the you've gone too far and missed where you were meant to go. 

Or your "Solution-based SatNav" is fucked

Thats going straight in the end of course feedback

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I worked for an It company in Inverness in a previous life, think ICTChris and someone else on here did too, and we had to do these yearly self assessment reviews.  They took fucking ages, like a full day as there was so many sections to say how good you were at your job, and where you can improve, and 'give an example' and all that shite.

I was actually paying attention to it one time, and was reading the questions, and there was 3 questions/sections that were basically asking you the same thing, just worded differently.  I asked my manager and he said 'Aye just copy what you put in that section and paste it into those 2.  These things don't get looked at anyway.  You're getting a good review off me'.

I'm sure our clients would've be happy to know they're paying for several resources not to work on their infrastructure for 100+ hours as we all fill in something meaningless for our own company.

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My wife is unbelievably good at stringing these shysters along for ages. I don't know how she doesn't break into laughter.

My late Dad used to like stringing cold callers along on the phone, especially when there was a spate of people calling to flog conservatories. He would have them convinced that they pretty much had a stick on sale, then ask them if it was possible to fit one on a first floor tenement flat.

 

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