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Business / corporate speak nonsense


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Pause and prepare.

(Take a day off to reflect and plan)
A decent old boss of mine gave me a buck shee Sunday back shift off to 'study' for an upcoming exam. Come the day there was an F1 race on and I studied to the tune of a box of 12 lagers.
Needless to say I failed the exam but it did me no harm in my career.
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Saw this on a Trade website I was browsing

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Group chief executive Paul Stobbs had said a review “of the most effective ways of working with strategic partners necessitated (us) entering into a period of consultation with employees”.

Code : 3 poor buggers got paid off.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Arsequake.

 

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Our core experts have been delivering globally competitive policy analysis to a wide range of clients for many years. Verso’s approach uses rigorous and adaptive research methods to build analytical frameworks and strategic products that are strongly informed by the local context. We constantly challenge ourselves to improve on our own products and rethink common industry practices. Across each thematic area of our work, we offer a wide range of technical services including: qualitative and quantitative research and data analysis; political economy and social assessments; conflict analysis; and programme and institutional evaluations. In addition to analysis based products, we offer sector-specific trainings; and project design and implementation. We also offer services in strategic planning and organizational development including independent project evaluations, strategic communications (particularly with reference to public campaigns), and business process assessment

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Another offering from the Department of Unmitigated Bollocks ...

 

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We have expanded the scope of the use of drones to include environmental monitoring and control in all industrial areas, in addition to the development projects, to monitor and control any pollution cases emanating from industrial activities and projects in order to enhance the environment protection opportunities ...

Repeat until weeping tears of blood.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Nnnggggh.

 

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... it has amended its bylaws; converted to a joint stock company; ensured that its internal segmental financial reporting aligns with potential listing venue requirements ...

 

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  • 3 weeks later...

Ah, the cup runneth over this afternoon. How is everyone's asset allocation this weather? My urologist does a great holistic look around prostate exam time. Just sayin'. :angel


 

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New types of conversations emerged to help sovereign institutions and pension funds take a holistic look at their asset allocation.

 

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23 minutes ago, Dr Koop said:

Ah, the cup runneth over this afternoon. How is everyone's asset allocation this weather? My urologist does a great holistic look around prostate exam time. Just sayin'. :angel


 

 

Who the f**k do you work for? Is this all coming out of internal marketing, or leadership, or HR, or...?

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