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Business / corporate speak nonsense


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It was the swat team in 2014...

I got voted in as a shop steward last year and it's been an eye opener in terms of naff sayings.
Did a stint as shop steward a good few years back. We had a dispute where they brought in another manager to try and resolve it. His intro at the first meeting was

"I've been parachuted in here to try and arrange a compromise solution."

Which was answered with a retort of

"Who do you think you are? Rudolf fucking Hess?"
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One that is particularly getting on my tits recently.

When we have a project that consists of multiple parts that require the same or similar approach. They are described as “cookie cutter” approaches.

Heard it a few times today and needed to vent.

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • 1 month later...

This is what happens when you start a comms job and accidentally wander into the Looney Brain Butcher Doctor's Surgery at lunchtime instead of Pret A Manger:

 

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Together we continue to explore areas of potential expansion for both strategic and operational synergies

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Moist with excitement ... 


 

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HMS Queen Elizabeth has sailed from Portsmouth to begin a period of shakedown trials after a technology insertion period.

 

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Just mag-nificent:

 

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"We are delighted to have been chosen by Amwal Brokerage to provide a range of tools and services to enhance their operational efficiency. As we continue to enhance our offering to trading members to help them reduce financial and operational commitments, we look forward to onboarding more members in the near future," said Tariq bin Hendi, Executive Vice President and Head of Wealth Products and Advisory for Retail Banking and Wealth Management, Emirates NBD Group.

 

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57 minutes ago, Dr Koop said:

Just mag-nificent:

 

 

Translation; we're been hired to sack a load of low level employees so that those at the top won't have their bonuses reduced

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Another contribution ...

 

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Please find attached a press release titled 'Smart Solutions & Services Authority and Algorythma sign a memorandum of understanding to foster collaboration in innovation and technology' for your review.

I'm guessing it's actually the title of the next Carcass LP.

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Ready ... aim ... fire ...


 

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... innovative, inventive, and disruptive products or services which are agile, original, and have scalable commercial applications.

 

images.jpg

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