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Have I got Local News For You


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52 minutes ago, The Master said:

Lack of a quote from the hoe is disappointing.

"Eh wis just oot tae Greggs fur a peh, and a c**t on a jetpack picked is up and flung me oan the roof ae the clubbie.  Eh wis like "Wits goan on?" and he wis like "Wha's in cherge here? Yassssssss!! That's whit em talkin aboot!!!!"  c**t hud a fair whiff eh stovies and Special aboot him, ye ken?"

 

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3 minutes ago, Hedgecutter said:

Yup, we've heard that one before.

A climbing instructor has gone to the aid of a sheep

Edited by Zen Archer
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I think this was mentioned on another thread but The Scottish Sun gets the in depth story on the post-wedding Montrose offie rammy, including a nice pic of the blushing bride with her 3 litre bottle of White Strike:

http://www.thescottishsun.co.uk/scotsol/homepage/news/7235805/I-was-just-sticking-up-for-my-new-hubby-Bride-locked-up-on-wedding-night-reveals-her-side-of-the-story.html 

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1 hour ago, Shandon Par said:

I think this was mentioned on another thread but The Scottish Sun gets the in depth story on the post-wedding Montrose offie rammy, including a nice pic of the blushing bride with her 3 litre bottle of White Strike:

http://www.thescottishsun.co.uk/scotsol/homepage/news/7235805/I-was-just-sticking-up-for-my-new-hubby-Bride-locked-up-on-wedding-night-reveals-her-side-of-the-story.html 

I think the real news story here is that you can still get absolutely smashed for only £4. And here's me going to work like an utter mug. Again. 

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2 hours ago, Shandon Par said:

I think this was mentioned on another thread but The Scottish Sun gets the in depth story on the post-wedding Montrose offie rammy, including a nice pic of the blushing bride with her 3 litre bottle of White Strike:

http://www.thescottishsun.co.uk/scotsol/homepage/news/7235805/I-was-just-sticking-up-for-my-new-hubby-Bride-locked-up-on-wedding-night-reveals-her-side-of-the-story.html 

You just know that once he gets out the tin pail, one of the two of them will be dead by the others hand within six months.

 

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51 minutes ago, Cardinal Richelieu said:

I think the real news story here is that you can still get absolutely smashed for only £4. And here's me going to work like an utter mug. Again. 

£4 is probably less a panini and a coffee. Now you know what to treat yourself to for lunch every day. 

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2 hours ago, Shandon Par said:

I think this was mentioned on another thread but The Scottish Sun gets the in depth story on the post-wedding Montrose offie rammy, including a nice pic of the blushing bride with her 3 litre bottle of White Strike:

http://www.thescottishsun.co.uk/scotsol/homepage/news/7235805/I-was-just-sticking-up-for-my-new-hubby-Bride-locked-up-on-wedding-night-reveals-her-side-of-the-story.html 

There's definitely a fart coming and a high probability of follow through.

Pair put pen to marriage register hours before vow

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I've not drunk cheap cider since I was a pup, but I'd imagine that after about 2l of that 3l bottle i'd probably be lying in a pool of my own piss and shit.

Incidentally, the German christmas market that pops up in St Enoch Square every year and sells the cider with the cinnamon and all that keech in it for £4 a whip?  They really should be more careful not to let the public see the cases of White Lightning stacked up round the back when one of the barmen nips out for a fag. 

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Recently we saw the Glasgow cabbie who tried to get girls to pee in the back of his cab. Turns out he was one of the better ones. 

The Scottish Sun reports bans this week for Glasgow cabbies who..

One Raped a passenger,  one raped and stalked a passenger, one got into a rammy with a pedestrian and ran him over (charged with attempted murder), one who was done for homophobic abuse and running over a passenger, another rapist, and a final rapist who also threatened the husband and child of the woman he raped.

Edited by Shandon Par
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On 14/09/2016 at 06:15, Shandon Par said:

I think this was mentioned on another thread but The Scottish Sun gets the in depth story on the post-wedding Montrose offie rammy, including a nice pic of the blushing bride with her 3 litre bottle of White Strike:

http://www.thescottishsun.co.uk/scotsol/homepage/news/7235805/I-was-just-sticking-up-for-my-new-hubby-Bride-locked-up-on-wedding-night-reveals-her-side-of-the-story.html 

I actually witnessed this incident last week. I didn't realise it had made the news until now though. 

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