Best nicknames you've heard

[Caledonian1]

There was a lassie at college who had enormous boobs.......we called her Three Jugs

A bloke with bad acne - Pizza Puss

[Gianfranco]

Girl I know has big tits and her husband has large ears so naturally they’re known as Lugs and Jugs.

[Northboy]

When I was around 17/18 I remember a guy called Stevie who was a couple of years older. Depending on your opinion he was either bit of a character or a d@8khead. Poor fellow had epilepsy and was commonly know as Shakin' Stephen.

[throbber]

I know a guy called baws because when he’s drunk he puts his testicles into a pint glass and they touch the bottom.

[scottsdad]

14 minutes ago, throbber said:

I know a guy called baws because when he’s drunk he puts his testicles into a pint glass and they touch the bottom.

Britain's Got Talent thread for this pish

[budmiester1]

On 06/01/2022 at 00:23, Inanimate Carbon Rod said:

That its quite superb. 
My favourite one i heard some people call one particularly lazy beat man was ‘the olympic flame’ because he never goes out.

The other one is Bongo, book on never go out . One of our Sgts was nicknamed "Slippers"

[throbber]

10 minutes ago, scottsdad said:

Britain's Got Talent thread for this pish

 

[hk blues]

Fly Mo -

[Dan Steele]

Knew of somebody who had the nickname Sleekit Pooch. No idea why.

Boy at school wore large black rimmed glasses. Immediately got called Joe 90. His wee brother didn't wear glasses but became Joe 45. Big Joe and Wee Joe, legends.

[Inanimate Carbon Rod]

3 hours ago, budmiester1 said:

The other one is Bongo, book on never go out . One of our Sgts was nicknamed "Slippers"

Haha thats superb. Office Cat is another one. 

[microdave]

In a previous workplace, there were two guys called Dave and were imaginatively known as big Dave and wee Dave. Then a third Dave started who was smaller than both Daves and was named microdave. Oh aye, that was me.

[Sugar_Army]

Back in the day one of my mates called Paddy had a wee boy called Michael with his very slim partner.

From then on they were know amongst us as Pat, Mick and Stick.

 

[8MileBU]

“Why does he get called Striplight?”

 

”Cos he’s a 6ft tube”.

[alta-pete]

^^^ works for John Swinney 

[Melanius Mullarkey]

2 hours ago, microdave said:

In a previous workplace, there were two guys called Dave and were imaginatively known as big Dave and wee Dave. Then a third Dave started who was smaller than both Daves and was named microdave. Oh aye, that was me.

Or Meekro-daveé as you are to Nigella.

[The DA]

2 hours ago, microdave said:

In a previous workplace, there were two guys called Dave and were imaginatively known as big Dave and wee Dave. Then a third Dave started who was smaller than both Daves and was named microdave. Oh aye, that was me.

Chris Fowler's Bryant & May for the Two Daves.  Well worth reading BTW.

[DAFC.]

Schoolboy stuff these ones, but a mate called Aidrian gets called Vic, because the start of his first name sounds like AIDS, which results in AIDS Victim, ergo Vic for short. 

Another was a boy that gets called Gary Calcium. His name wasn't even Gary. Schoolboy stuff again, but as the teacher was walking up and down the class during a lesson, someone next to him wrote 'GAY' on his jotter in big massive letters (immature as f*ck) so he wedged a big R in the middle so it looked more like GARY rather than GAY. He also had this mad bone disease from lacking the necessary nutrients, hence Calcium. Cruel as f*ck. 

 

[Melanius Mullarkey]

Boy at school got called Rusty as he kept pishing the bed and his matress springs were obviously well corroded. 

[Miguel Sanchez]

On 05/01/2022 at 16:39, Barry Ferguson's Hat said:

Playing football growing up, almost every team we played against had at least one guy (sometimes even 2 or 3) called 'Figo'. I sometimes wonder if this lasted into adult life for any of them.

I knew of a guy called Figo who played football. Wonder why that name was so popular.

[maicoman]

Whats the chances of this Brother has been abroad for the past month He has just arrived home and was waiting in the chinese for his carryout to get made when i walked in On his phone laughing about some NZ comedian doing a sketch about nicknames The funniest one was "I used to know a guy called Keth who had recently lost a EYE Took me a while to find out his real name was Keith"