Testicles

[hoopy1967]

It hurts watching it

[Sloop John B]

The worst testicle based experienced happened when I played my first game of cricket aged 10 or 11 with the proper leather balls. Some boy absolutely smacked the ball in the air towards me but I froze under pressure catching it and got walloped in the bollocks. I had to limp on through the rest of the innings I got laughed at for being shit. The bruising seemed to stay for a couple of weeks of pain.

Has to be more painful than childbirth.

[Jamaldo]

Has to be more painful than childbirth.

It's a question the great Chandler Bing pondered over just 10 years ago.

[gingapar]

It's a strange feeling post dunt before the pain arrives where you hope it just caught the cock. Then the pain starts to build in your gut, then your throat and you just don't know when it'll stop.

As a rule, I always refused to spend time with anyone who thinks a 'boaby flick' is acceptable behaviour. cuntbaggery of the highest order.

[DAFC]

Was looking for one of these, standard school issue in the sixties.

Horrible, playing on an ash park, none of your blaes, on an exposed pitch high above the Clyde, baws frozen and then nad to fitba contact.

Had them at my primary school on a grit pitch.

Frost, rain, grit, face....pain.

[Guest The Phoenix]

thats a netball, it says netball on it

Fair play, evidence that you aren't as stupid as you make out to be.

[Raidernation]

Was looking for one of these, standard school issue in the sixties.

Horrible, playing on an ash park, none of your blaes, on an exposed pitch high above the Clyde, baws frozen and then nad to fitba contact.

The ones we used to use were hard plastic orange fuckers. Severe trauma if you ever tried to head one!

[54_and_counting]

Anyhoo is this a football forum, the worst, and I mean the worst is getting one of these

In the nads on a cold day. Boaking will follow.

a cold winters morning, red ash scrapes down your legs from stupidly thought out slide tackles, you've already had one shot whizz past your head clipping your ear (where you are sure it ripped the fucking thing off), then blocked what can only be called a "hot shot hamish" thunderbolt right in the thigh, knowing it isnt your day and what inevitably will happen, you take on right in the nuts

retirement right there and then was an option

[54_and_counting]

The ones we used to use were hard plastic orange fuckers. Severe trauma if you ever tried to head one!

they were the devils work, absolutely no give whatsoever on them, ive never shat out of anything at football except when they fuckers are flying about a gym hall like pinballs

this thread reminds me of the simpsons episode where they get "bombardment"

[DA Baracus]

Years ago (I was probably 11 or 12 at the time), I was sitting in my pals house watching Kenan and Kel on Nickelodeon, or whatever the channel was called at the time.

Kel was about to launch into some story about Orange Soda when a roll-on CK1 deodorant came flying across the room and clipped my left testicle; a pain I'll never forget. I'm sure Kel stopped mid-sentence and gave me a moments silence before carrying on. I'm actually in pain thinking about this. Approximately 15 minutes later I managed to drag myself to my feet and battered him with an ironing board.

F**k CK1 and f**k Kenan and Kel.

Edit: typo

f**k you! Keenan and Kel was/is quality.

Not sure if an urban myth, but the knacker getting jammed in the dislocated hip story makes me wince

Pretty sure it's an urban myth. The rest of it goes that he tears his vocal chords from agonised screaming.

This is probably why netball is a girls' game. Testicles quite rightfully shouldn't be anywhere near one of those. Eta: I know DA Baracas and I mention this occasionally, but any excuse to tell it again: A friend at school was showing off by walking along a metal railing. Some guys (let's call them his friends) started to shake the railing and as the guy lost his balance, instead of jumping off, he jumped straight up. Gravity did the rest, resulting in ball related hospitalisation during school hours. The worst type.

Always funny. This will live with me forever. Just thinking about it now is making me chuckle considerably. A detail you've missed out is that Bonner 'checked' the region. This was in 1998 so it was before paedophiles were a thing and thus his actions were completely legal. It didn't stop cruel embellishments mind, including Bonner cupping the balls and shaking the cock. Someone also started a rumour that poor Mr Sharp also had to get a scan of his stomach in case his testicles had ended up there. Kids really are terrible people.

It's a strange feeling post dunt before the pain arrives where you hope it just caught the cock. Then the pain starts to build in your gut, then your throat and you just don't know when it'll stop.

As a rule, I always refused to spend time with anyone who thinks a 'boaby flick' is acceptable behaviour. cuntbaggery of the highest order.

Agreed fully.

Also which sick f**k invented blaes pitches?!

[Zen Archer (Raconteur)]

Getting mumps as an adult wasn't at all fun.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mumps

Painful testicular swelling.

[Ebanda's Handyman Services]

One of the worst instances of baw related pain I ever witnessed was when my pal Dicky tried to jump from one concrete tunnel to another.

One foot made it on to the top of the tunnel and slipped on moss causing his other leg to swing into the tunnel and smack his knackers off the sharp concrete edge. He walked up to his house like a polio stricken cowboy with our unsympathetic laughter ringing in his ears.

[Boghead ranter]

thats a netball, it says netball on it

false bag.

[Hedgecutter]

Always funny. This will live with me forever. Just thinking about it now is making me chuckle considerably. A detail you've missed out is that Bonner 'checked' the region. This was in 1998 so it was before paedophiles were a thing and thus his actions were completely legal. It didn't stop cruel embellishments mind, including Bonner cupping the balls and shaking the cock. Someone also started a rumour that poor Mr Sharp also had to get a scan of his stomach in case his testicles had ended up there. Kids really are terrible people.

For 99.9% of people on here who don't know this 'Bonner' character is, he was the assistant head teacher. A terrifying one if that.

[BerwickMad]

I've also done the over the handlebars thing on a bike. Cycling downhill, my front break went into to spokes and I went flying forward, smashing my bollocks off the middle bit. They were bruised for about a week. I can mind going to the cinema and having to basically lie straight in my seat because it was too sore to sit properly.

[Zen Archer (Raconteur)]

I've also done the over the handlebars thing on a bike. Cycling downhill, my front break went into to spokes and I went flying forward, smashing my bollocks off the middle bit. They were bruised for about a week. I can mind going to the cinema and having to basically lie straight in my seat because it was too sore to sit properly.

What did you go to see? Blazing Saddles.

[BerwickMad]

Haha. Can't remember what I watched though. I was about 15 at the time.

[HoBNob]

I've also done the over the handlebars thing on a bike. Cycling downhill, my front break went into to spokes and I went flying forward, smashing my bollocks off the middle bit. They were bruised for about a week. I can mind going to the cinema and having to basically lie straight in my seat because it was too sore to sit properly.

I done something similar, during a paper round I was flying downhill, went around the corner to go into pitcorthie (for those with a local knowledge it was the path behind the king malcolm) and straight into one of those fucking fences that they put up in the middle of paths to stop bikes going along them. My paper bag which was full also swung around my neck propelling me forward and into that bit which holds the handlebars, agony.

Does anyone find it sorer when something just "catches" them? A skight skiff if you would?

[Shuggie_Murray7]

The only time a clean, full contact shot is preferable to a glancing blow is when taking a shot to the Davina's.

Playing football once and the ball is heading straight for me, just below baw height, it went through my legs but clipped me on the way through...I'd happily curl up and die than face that again.

[bullywee]

At a Halloween sleepover I once skudded a huge plastic T-Rex off the bawsack of one of my pals. This happened to coincide with him eating his way through a bag of monkey nuts and spitting a couple of them out upon impact. It was loltastic.