Ya Bezzer! Posted October 31, 2020 Share Posted October 31, 2020 (edited) During dark autumn nights lobsters come ashore in their thousands to steal apples. They will often stealthily crawl up to 15 miles inland to an orchard, or even an individual apple tree, load up baskets weaved from kelp, and then drag their apple booty back to their briny lair. However due to excellent camouflage, darkness and world class concealment abilities they are rarely ever seen except by drunks who do a double take and then look at the label of the bottle they are drinking. The individual record is 16 apples collected by an unusually large lobster from Sweden named Rasmus Lobstersson. Crab Apples are named such because in medieval times people were stupid and didn't know the difference between a crab and a lobster. Indeed William de Newenham wrote in 1228 'Whether the sea spiders be long with the tail of Beelzebul, or round and lacking such a tail so long as thee posses pinchy arms this creature be known as a Krabb'. Edited October 31, 2020 by Ya Bezzer! 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fullerene Posted November 1, 2020 Share Posted November 1, 2020 Sean Connery would have been a complete nobody if Ian Fleming had his way and got Kenneth Williams cast in the role of James Bond. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted November 1, 2020 Share Posted November 1, 2020 The hole-in-the-wall cash machine was invented in 1655. However it didn't really catch on in Glasgow for another thirty-five years because half the people couldn't make up their mind what their PIN should be. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newbornbairn Posted November 1, 2020 Share Posted November 1, 2020 29 minutes ago, GordonD said: The hole-in-the-wall cash machine was invented in 1655. However it didn't really catch on in Glasgow for another thirty-five years because half the people couldn't make up their mind what their PIN should be. 80% of The The Rangers fans use 1690 as their PIN. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
D.A.F.C Posted November 1, 2020 Share Posted November 1, 2020 3 hours ago, NewBornBairn said: 80% of The The Rangers fans use 1690 as their PIN. 35% of rangers fans can’t read 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newbornbairn Posted November 1, 2020 Share Posted November 1, 2020 1 minute ago, D.A.F.C said: 35% of rangers fans can’t read It's tattooed in braille on their knuckles too. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bold Rover Posted November 4, 2020 Share Posted November 4, 2020 Joe Biden's grandfather played for Hibs in the 1930s. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillyAnchor Posted November 4, 2020 Share Posted November 4, 2020 6 hours ago, Bold Rover said: Joe Biden's grandfather played for Hibs in the 1930s. They were 3-1 up against the Hi-Hi in the Cup semis with 2 minutes to go but lost it 4-3 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bold Rover Posted November 4, 2020 Share Posted November 4, 2020 1 hour ago, BillyAnchor said: They were 3-1 up against the Hi-Hi in the Cup semis with 2 minutes to go but lost it 4-3 Not to worry. Joe Biden VI will win in 2120. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe Terrapin Posted November 4, 2020 Share Posted November 4, 2020 Wickes flat pack kitchens are made in Uzbekistan by Muskrats trained by Jeremy Beadles Aunt Mildred. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raidernation Posted November 4, 2020 Share Posted November 4, 2020 American politics makes perfect sense 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tony Ferrino Posted November 4, 2020 Share Posted November 4, 2020 Karen Carpenter made her own coffin. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheScarf Posted November 5, 2020 Share Posted November 5, 2020 Mountain bikes were invented in Huntly in 2007. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Funky Nosejob Posted November 5, 2020 Share Posted November 5, 2020 There is a department within the Illuminati whose remit is to produce increasingly ridiculous conspiracy theories so that the sheeple automatically dismiss the legitimate ones by association. These fake conspiracy theories are subsequently disseminated by including them in seemingly jocular threads on sports Internet forums. This isn’t one of them, honest! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melanius Mullarkey Posted November 5, 2020 Share Posted November 5, 2020 Whiney nasally Welsh songstress Cerys Matthews once made a cheese so large and tasty it made posh floppy haired bass guitarist Alex James cry. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newbornbairn Posted November 5, 2020 Share Posted November 5, 2020 1 hour ago, Melanius Mullarkey said: Whiney nasally Welsh songstress Cerys Matthews once cut the cheese so large and tasty it made posh floppy haired bass guitarist Alex James cry. ftfy 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fullerene Posted November 6, 2020 Share Posted November 6, 2020 Some people are getting all worked up about the US elections. How silly. This week is just a trial run. The real election is next week. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillyAnchor Posted November 8, 2020 Share Posted November 8, 2020 Joe Biden just ordered his flitting crew to drive all his possessions to 10 Downing Street. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Funky Nosejob Posted November 11, 2020 Share Posted November 11, 2020 Having examined and considered the technology used in Kanye West’s recent birthday present to his wife, Kim Kardashian, the BBC have decided to commission a new series of “ChuckleVision” with the role of Barry Chuckle being portrayed by a hologram. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stellaboz Posted November 11, 2020 Share Posted November 11, 2020 The ideal height for a central defender is 4ft 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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