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Facts you made up


Mak

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37 minutes ago, get_the_subbies_on said:

Horses became extinct in 1972. The all powerful racing lobby has used vets, plastic surgeons and farmers to transform dogs of different breeds into flat racers, jump racers and show jumpers.

Red Rum was actually 3 Great Danes and a corgi stitched together and Shergar had to be hidden from public view as, after its big wins, it had started to dry hump its trainer and had an unhealthy interest in its own bollocks.

Would have been easier to use zebras and just for men hair dye . 

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Former Catchphrase presenter Roy Walker hasn’t opened a crisp packet upside down since 1943, when he was 3 years old.
 

Due to him being born in Belfast at the start of the Second World War, his mother was forced to work in a crisp factory which supplied the Allied soldiers with packs of ‘Salt and Shake’ during their long drawn out affairs with the Nazis. Roy’s first ever memory was of himself opening the wrong end of one of the packets, resulting in them falling to the floor and ultimately hindering the war effort. From that moment forward he vowed never to open the wrong end of a packet of crisps again, and I can proudly confirm, that to this very day he has stayed true to his word. Even although there is many unproven allegations of sexual misconduct towards minors hanging over his head, I’m sure we can all agree that this achievement goes a long way to bury those rumours. 

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12 hours ago, Meldrew said:

poking around your belly button is extremely dangerous,  if you undo the knot, your arms and legs will fall off.

*former first aider at work, i know my shit.

I thought it was the bum which fell off. Used to tell my children that, to dissuade them from such activity. And, all the time, I've been misinforming.

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12 hours ago, Meldrew said:

poking around your belly button is extremely dangerous,  if you undo the knot, your arms and legs will fall off.

*former first aider at work, i know my shit.

 

14 minutes ago, Bold Rover said:

I thought it was the bum which fell off. Used to tell my children that, to dissuade them from such activity. And, all the time, I've been misinforming.

You're right. Your arms, legs and head are held on by a loop of elastic, as anybody who's had to repair a child's doll will know.

Edited by GordonD
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17 hours ago, Melanius Mullarkey said:

Ceiling fans in Chinese restaurants are powered by orphans on bicycles.

In the early days, spectators at football matches were each required to operate a small fan.  The combined effect was to reduce the temperature on the pitch to an acceptable level.

Hence the term "football fan".

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8 hours ago, Fullerene said:

In the early days, spectators at football matches were each required to operate a small fan.  The combined effect was to reduce the temperature on the pitch to an acceptable level.

Hence the term "football fan".

 

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  • 1 month later...
1 hour ago, BillyAnchor said:

Between paying music jobs, Midge Ure used to play Zippy in childrens tv show Rainbow.

Ritchie Blackmore was a massive fan of children's television.  After leaving Deep Purple, his new band was briefly called Jackanory before somebody suggested Rainbow.

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