Arthur daley Posted September 16, 2021 Share Posted September 16, 2021 37 minutes ago, get_the_subbies_on said: Horses became extinct in 1972. The all powerful racing lobby has used vets, plastic surgeons and farmers to transform dogs of different breeds into flat racers, jump racers and show jumpers. Red Rum was actually 3 Great Danes and a corgi stitched together and Shergar had to be hidden from public view as, after its big wins, it had started to dry hump its trainer and had an unhealthy interest in its own bollocks. Would have been easier to use zebras and just for men hair dye . 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted September 17, 2021 Share Posted September 17, 2021 13 hours ago, Arthur daley said: Would have been easier to use zebras and just for men hair dye . Zebras were banned from racing stables because the horses kept trying to get their pyjamas off. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
get_the_subbies_on Posted September 17, 2021 Share Posted September 17, 2021 Would have been easier to use zebras and just for men hair dye . and where would we be if we always took the easy option eh?…Cheering on ginger zebras at Aintree, that’s where we’d be. No one wants that. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan Steele Posted September 17, 2021 Share Posted September 17, 2021 43 minutes ago, get_the_subbies_on said: Cheering on ginger zebras at Aintree, that’s where we’d be. No one wants that. Or tigers, as they're sometimes known 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrishBhoy Posted September 18, 2021 Share Posted September 18, 2021 Former Catchphrase presenter Roy Walker hasn’t opened a crisp packet upside down since 1943, when he was 3 years old. Due to him being born in Belfast at the start of the Second World War, his mother was forced to work in a crisp factory which supplied the Allied soldiers with packs of ‘Salt and Shake’ during their long drawn out affairs with the Nazis. Roy’s first ever memory was of himself opening the wrong end of one of the packets, resulting in them falling to the floor and ultimately hindering the war effort. From that moment forward he vowed never to open the wrong end of a packet of crisps again, and I can proudly confirm, that to this very day he has stayed true to his word. Even although there is many unproven allegations of sexual misconduct towards minors hanging over his head, I’m sure we can all agree that this achievement goes a long way to bury those rumours. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fullerene Posted September 18, 2021 Share Posted September 18, 2021 The first zebra crossing was built at a safari park in Kenya. It was a complete flop. The Zebras ignored it and continued to cross the road wherever they liked. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melanius Mullarkey Posted September 18, 2021 Share Posted September 18, 2021 Ceiling fans in Chinese restaurants are powered by orphans on bicycles. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meldrew Posted September 18, 2021 Share Posted September 18, 2021 On 07/09/2021 at 08:48, TheScarf said: Tiger Woods was born in Lossiemouth. i saw a tiger in the woods when in lossiemouth 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meldrew Posted September 18, 2021 Share Posted September 18, 2021 (edited) poking around your belly button is extremely dangerous, if you undo the knot, your arms and legs will fall off. *former first aider at work, i know my shit. Edited September 18, 2021 by Meldrew 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted September 18, 2021 Share Posted September 18, 2021 Edinburgh Castle was secretly sold to Elon Musk during lockdown and what's there now is an inflatable replica. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bold Rover Posted September 18, 2021 Share Posted September 18, 2021 12 hours ago, Meldrew said: poking around your belly button is extremely dangerous, if you undo the knot, your arms and legs will fall off. *former first aider at work, i know my shit. I thought it was the bum which fell off. Used to tell my children that, to dissuade them from such activity. And, all the time, I've been misinforming. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted September 18, 2021 Share Posted September 18, 2021 (edited) 12 hours ago, Meldrew said: poking around your belly button is extremely dangerous, if you undo the knot, your arms and legs will fall off. *former first aider at work, i know my shit. 14 minutes ago, Bold Rover said: I thought it was the bum which fell off. Used to tell my children that, to dissuade them from such activity. And, all the time, I've been misinforming. You're right. Your arms, legs and head are held on by a loop of elastic, as anybody who's had to repair a child's doll will know. Edited September 18, 2021 by GordonD 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fullerene Posted September 19, 2021 Share Posted September 19, 2021 17 hours ago, Melanius Mullarkey said: Ceiling fans in Chinese restaurants are powered by orphans on bicycles. In the early days, spectators at football matches were each required to operate a small fan. The combined effect was to reduce the temperature on the pitch to an acceptable level. Hence the term "football fan". 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted September 19, 2021 Share Posted September 19, 2021 8 hours ago, Fullerene said: In the early days, spectators at football matches were each required to operate a small fan. The combined effect was to reduce the temperature on the pitch to an acceptable level. Hence the term "football fan". 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meldrew Posted September 19, 2021 Share Posted September 19, 2021 Being a giver with no reach-around, is less gay than getting pegged by your wife. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigDoddyKane Posted September 19, 2021 Share Posted September 19, 2021 “Dont tell no c**t nothing” were the last words said by Albert Einstein 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillyAnchor Posted October 26, 2021 Share Posted October 26, 2021 Between paying music jobs, Midge Ure used to play Zippy in childrens tv show Rainbow. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fullerene Posted October 26, 2021 Share Posted October 26, 2021 1 hour ago, BillyAnchor said: Between paying music jobs, Midge Ure used to play Zippy in childrens tv show Rainbow. Ritchie Blackmore was a massive fan of children's television. After leaving Deep Purple, his new band was briefly called Jackanory before somebody suggested Rainbow. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheScarf Posted October 26, 2021 Share Posted October 26, 2021 Contrary to popular belief, the HP you seen on IT hardware stands for Huge Penis and not Hewlett Packard. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
topcat(The most tip top) Posted October 26, 2021 Share Posted October 26, 2021 3 hours ago, TheScarf said: Contrary to popular belief, the HP you seen on IT hardware stands for Huge Penis and not Hewlett Packard. Pulp horror writer HP lovecraft's real name was Trevor 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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