False Things You've Passed Off As Fact

[Lexi Collector]

When my little sister was little I used to tell her she was adopted, after she was found in a basket in Dundee. Eventually she told my mum about this. I'll never forget the way she told me off, absolutely terrifying.

[broon-loon]

This sounds a bit cruel TBH, but we used to try and convince our daughter that the baby changing facility was for swapping poorly behaved children..

[Hedgecutter]

I've lost count of the one's I've got away with over here when talking about Scotland. Especially to the kids in class!

One of my favourites is the EVERYWHERE in America is named after a Scottish City, Town or Village.

In my good old scouting days, we had a homestay in Japan and when the parents asked "what do you have for breakfast in Scotland?", my mate immediately jumped in and said "ice cream".

The next morning we came down to find a selection of ice cream on the table as they wanted to make us feel at home. They got so much though that we ended having ice cream for breakfast for most of the week. To think I almost answered "just cereal" too.

I also convinced someone in the states that my village in Scotland doesn't have TV as there's no reception. This was an on-spot-answer when I was being laughed at for struggling to turn on a TV / video set. Still no idea idea why that jumped to mind of all things.

[Ranaldo Bairn]

As a youngster in the 70's, my grandfather made my brother and I a skateboard, which was essentially a plank of wood with some roller skate wheels screwed underneath.

I successfully fooled all the other lads I knew that my grandfather had invented the skateboard, and this was the original prototype. Mucho street kudos ensued.

[Gaz]

I once convinced a large number of my friends that I was allergic to salt.

This was about half an hour after eating a huge fish supper with salt and vinegar on it.

[KnightswoodBear]

My other half was away for a week to Spain with her pal, and I was at Hampden for a Scotland qualifier. She sent me a text asking what the score was, to which I replied in my best blokes "say no more than you need to" text speak "1-0, Faddy wondergoal". Much later on that night I got a response saying "That's a good name for a footballer".

It took me till the next day to figure out that she genuinely believed that someone called Faddy Wondergoal had scored for Scotland.

I kept that one going for weeks before she mentioned his name in company and was met with howls of laughter. I'm amazed we're still together tbh.

[Gaz]

My other half was away for a week to Spain with her pal, and I was at Hampden for a Scotland qualifier. She sent me a text asking what the score was, to which I replied in my best blokes "say no more than you need to" text speak "1-0, Faddy wondergoal". Much later on that night I got a response saying "That's a good name for a footballer".

It took me till the next day to figure out that she genuinely believed that someone called Faddy Wondergoal had scored for Scotland.

I kept that one going for weeks before she mentioned his name in company and was met with howls of laughter. I'm amazed we're still together tbh.

I mind you saying that earlier. Top class

[KnightswoodBear]

I mind you saying that earlier. Top class

It's become the stock answer if someone asks who has scored.

[Gaz]

I've just remembered another one.

When FFC won promotion to the SPL in 2005, I was well-known around the office as the only FFC supporter (I worked in Livingston at the time) and at that time I had the disposable income to go to every game, home and away - indeed I would take holidays to ensure I never missed a game.

Was speaking to a guy on my break and he asked me how I felt about getting promoted - of course I was delighted.

"What are you going to do," asked the guy, "will you still work here?"

I replied with a slightly puzzled "yes" and wondered why anyone would think my employment would change.

Only a few days later did I realise that this boy thought I actually played for Falkirk, and that getting promoted meant I'd be earning a bigger salary. Much chuckling ensued between my other colleagues and I, and we never let on that I wasn't actually an SPL footballer.

I should note that I had played football with this guy at a staff football match, and he would have seen first-hand that I'm not particularly good

[Enigma]

Whenever my mum or girlfriend asks where their glasses are I always say they are on their head. I'm right about 1 in every 25 times but they never believe me when I am. Much hilarity...

[Ad Lib]

Persuaded some people on my course in second year that "Clifford's Trustees v Big Red Dog Productions" was an important case in the law of trusts.

[Dee Man]

I told a Romanian guy that had only been here a few weeks that the best and cheapest cigarettes in Scotland are called dangleberries and that he should go into the next shop and ask for ten dangleberries.

I could lie and say he did but his best friend ruined it by bursting out laughing as I had been explaining what a dangleberry was a few weeks previous.

I love my deep conversations with my Romanian co-workers.

[Lichtieforlife]

Is any of this true about Armand One? From the Wiki page

after a one-month trial in Manchester United,

Armand proved to be a hit with the fans of Livingston FC. So much so that in a desperate attempt to maintain his services, and deter the Scotsman (who claims to be French) from a move to Gateshead, the club decided to rename the stadium Armand-Vale Park.

Another of his cousins is Germano Talaccia who represented Gourock Yac until the age of 13.

One was an expert judge in the finals of the "Scotch Pie of the Year Competition" in 2012.

[ScottR96]

Was answering a question on Charles Darwin's Theory of Evolution in my RMPS prelim and I had completely forgotten the name of the 'Galapagos Islands' and tried to pass them off as the 'Platypus Islands'. I went back and scored it out because I knew it would provoke too much laughter when it was getting marked.

[gc_smfc]

I convinced my co-workers and university class mates that a large scar on my leg from ffalling off a bike into a fence, was in fact the work of an alligator when i was on holiday in Florida. Also saying that my dad had saved my life, by punching said alligator on the snout to force it to release me.

I managed to keep this going for numerous years, with me using as a conversation starter, until someone mentioned it to my dad and he laughed at them

[AberdeenHibee]

Managed to convince a girl who was a fantastic student, brilliant at what she studies but not an ounce of common sense, that Gravity was a finite resource (no, really).

Every time you jump, you use up a bit of earths gravity and eventually it will run out, leaving us all to float into space.

Have tried it since but never worked (surprise surprise!)

[Guest]

My other half was away for a week to Spain with her pal, and I was at Hampden for a Scotland qualifier. She sent me a text asking what the score was, to which I replied in my best blokes "say no more than you need to" text speak "1-0, Faddy wondergoal". Much later on that night I got a response saying "That's a good name for a footballer".

It took me till the next day to figure out that she genuinely believed that someone called Faddy Wondergoal had scored for Scotland.

I kept that one going for weeks before she mentioned his name in company and was met with howls of laughter. I'm amazed we're still together tbh.

If Faddy Wondergoal was a real player the first thing I'd do on Football Manager is get him in the same team as Mark De Man.

[Tryfield]

I was down the river Ayr a walk one evening, a few years ago, and I stopped at a well known swimming spot at Auchincruive.(The Breakers Pool) I was sat having a smoke when a load of neds arrived, carry outs, trunks, towels and firewood in hands. It wasn't the warmest of days and so they had plans to build a fire to warm them up when they came out the river. One asked me:

"You for a swim mister?"

Oh aye, but not until 6pm I said.

"Why 6 o'clock?"

That's when the warm water comes doon pal.

"Whit d'ye mean?"

Well, do you know the whisky place up at Catrine?

"Aye"

Well, at 5 o'clock they shut for the day and release all the hot water they have used. Gets here at 6pm

"Does it?"

Oh feck aye. It gets doon here about 6 ish. Nice and warm pal.

I could see the young guy explaining this fascinating info to his mates who were further away towards the river and who wouldn't have heard me for the sound of the rapids that gush into the pool. I sat around, had another smoke and witnessed the young team testing the water and what was obviously the soon to be swimmers asking their mates what the time was.

I had a chuckle to myself and started off again, heading home. I got no further than 50 yards when I heard a roar,

"Haw mister, it's ten past six and the watter is still cauld."

I was in knots. I asked the young yin 'whit day is it'?

"It's wednesday mister."

I shouted back "It's a half day for the whisky bond on a wednesday, the hot water would have went doon by at 3 o'clock."

I turned and walked away, stomach sore with holding my laughter in. Glancing back I could see the wannabe swimmers getting dressed again. (I wonder if any of them still think this is true)

EDIT Shit gramer.

[sparky88]

I was down the river Ayr a walk one evening, a few years ago, and I stopped at a well known swimming spot at Auchincruive.(The Breakers Pool) I was sat having a smoke when a load of neds arrived, carry outs, trunks, towels and firewood in hands. It wasn't the warmest of days and so they had plans to build a fire to warm them up when they came out the river. One asked me:

"You for a swim mister?"

Oh aye, but not until 6pm I said.

"Why 6 o'clock?"

That's when the warm water comes doon pal.

"Whit d'ye mean?"

Well, do you know the whisky place up at Catrine?

"Aye"

Well, at 5 o'clock they shut for the day and release all the hot water they have used. Gets here at 6pm

"Does it?"

Oh feck aye. It gets doon here about 6 ish. Nice and warm pal.

I could see the young guy explaining this fascinating info to his mates who were further away towards the river and who wouldn't have heard me for the sound of the rapids that gush into the pool. I sat around, had another smoke and witnessed the young team testing the water and what was obviously the soon to be swimmers asking their mates what the time was.

I had a chuckle to myself and started off again, heading home. I got no further than 50 yards when I heard a roar,

"Haw mister, it's ten past six and the watter is still cauld."

I was in knots. I asked the young yin 'whit day is it'?

"It's wednesday mister."

I shouted back "It's a half day for the whisky bond on a wednesday, the hot water would have went doon by at 3 o'clock."

I turned and walked away, stomach sore with holding my laughter in. Glancing back I could see the wannabe swimmers getting dressed again. (I wonder if any of them still think this is true)

EDIT Shit gramer.

World class

[Honest_Man#1]

I was down the river Ayr a walk one evening, a few years ago, and I stopped at a well known swimming spot at Auchincruive.(The Breakers Pool) I was sat having a smoke when a load of neds arrived, carry outs, trunks, towels and firewood in hands. It wasn't the warmest of days and so they had plans to build a fire to warm them up when they came out the river. One asked me:

"You for a swim mister?"

Oh aye, but not until 6pm I said.

"Why 6 o'clock?"

That's when the warm water comes doon pal.

"Whit d'ye mean?"

Well, do you know the whisky place up at Catrine?

"Aye"

Well, at 5 o'clock they shut for the day and release all the hot water they have used. Gets here at 6pm

"Does it?"

Oh feck aye. It gets doon here about 6 ish. Nice and warm pal.

I could see the young guy explaining this fascinating info to his mates who were further away towards the river and who wouldn't have heard me for the sound of the rapids that gush into the pool. I sat around, had another smoke and witnessed the young team testing the water and what was obviously the soon to be swimmers asking their mates what the time was.

I had a chuckle to myself and started off again, heading home. I got no further than 50 yards when I heard a roar,

"Haw mister, it's ten past six and the watter is still cauld."

I was in knots. I asked the young yin 'whit day is it'?

"It's wednesday mister."

I shouted back "It's a half day for the whisky bond on a wednesday, the hot water would have went doon by at 3 o'clock."

I turned and walked away, stomach sore with holding my laughter in. Glancing back I could see the wannabe swimmers getting dressed again. (I wonder if any of them still think this is true)

EDIT Shit gramer.

Were these actually Ayrshire neds? Or were they in fact actually characters from Oliver Twist?