Depression

[LondonHMFC]

12 hours ago, SlipperyP said:

Invite friends round for dinner or whatever, or go to there house, then do the switch.  Get/try to get folk to visit, make your house a home.

Also, which seems crazy but did work, decorate your living room, move the furniture around. 

Funnily enough had bit of a clear out last night which ate away some hours. 

Also booked in to see a counsellor tomorrow for an initial chat. I'm not sure why, but I don't feel I could fully open up (Kenneth Williams Gif) to another bloke. So I'm going to see a lady who seems to deal predominantly with anxiety. At the same time, I'm happy to post on a board which is full of men. The brain is a real minefield at times.

[SlipperyP]

8 minutes ago, LondonHMFC said:

I'm happy to post on a board which is full of men.

I've wore high heels a few times and snoged a boy or two.    You keep posting,  keep strong for us.

ETA A MAN

[Derry Alli]

1 hour ago, SlipperyP said:

I've wore high heels a few times and snoged a boy or two.    

You promised you wouldn't tell.

[DA Baracus]

High heels look incredible uncomfortable.

[SlipperyP]

2 minutes ago, Mr. Alli said:

You promised you wouldn't tell.

I;ve never kissed you Alli. in your dreams, maybe.

But for real life. too right,  

Just dont hold out too long, I'll be back 1 day

[SlipperyP]

7 minutes ago, DA Baracus said:

High heels look incredible uncomfortable.

You are correct, I did a full 8 hours at the Tunnel in Glasgow, this was full length boot to the kneecap.

So bad, I did it the weekend at Fat Sam.

Think I kissed/snogged everyone in both places.  Drugs may a been taken, but you will need speak to my agent....

[thistledo]

On 18/08/2022 at 00:14, Hoose Rice said:

Anyone else get so so upset in their own flat you pay lots of money from instead of kicking about a bedroom at your mums house?

I hate being here.  Shit crap now in my mind and small things are massive.   Actually feeling so so low. Making dinner for myself instead of my mums amazing cooking - it is brilliant but wanted to do my own love cooking ends up crap as make too much usually for my kids too and cant stop crying. 

Check out some instagram cooking pages, a lot of people fire up recipes with videos showing them making it. I realise this is just a small thing. Cooking actually really helps with my anxiety, turns out for some reason I'm quite good at it (I used to have no clue, my missus taught me the basics) anyway, the level of focus required for multiple dishes or something complex takes my mind away from whaetever probably ridiculous reason is making me anxious. 

Finally managed to get back into weightlifting again, another great go to for my anxiety. Not sure what it is, probably chemical related in my brain, maybe dopamine? But lifting always gives me a great feeling during and after, lasts for a long time. Sometimes so upbeat that I can't sleep as I'm excited to do it again. Weird. 

Ok bit of a brain dump there, hope you guys are all doing well. 

[Hoose Rice]

2 hours ago, thistledo said:

Check out some instagram cooking pages, a lot of people fire up recipes with videos showing them making it. I realise this is just a small thing. Cooking actually really helps with my anxiety, turns out for some reason I'm quite good at it (I used to have no clue, my missus taught me the basics) anyway, the level of focus required for multiple dishes or something complex takes my mind away from whaetever probably ridiculous reason is making me anxious. 

Finally managed to get back into weightlifting again, another great go to for my anxiety. Not sure what it is, probably chemical related in my brain, maybe dopamine? But lifting always gives me a great feeling during and after, lasts for a long time. Sometimes so upbeat that I can't sleep as I'm excited to do it again. Weird. 

Ok bit of a brain dump there, hope you guys are all doing well. 

I don’t do any the social media crap bud but cheers ive YouTube’s it instead.  And I can relate, cooking the randomly things and it coming out takes my mind right off stuff. Even when I was over with the kids I’m in the kitchen all the time making everything my youngest loves being my helper and when it comes out good most satisfying thing ever. It’s the concentration I think that stops my mind occupied same as when at work and being like a different character.  Thing is I always thought I’m best on my own but the void when I’m on my own now I’ve been used to on the go all the time makes it unbearable.

Anyway just back from court another fucked up story that obviously I can’t say much about publicly as now going to trial.  If anyone fancies a chat pm me could do with it.  Ta. 

[thistledo]

1 hour ago, Hoose Rice said:

I don’t do any the social media crap bud but cheers ive YouTube’s it instead.  And I can relate, cooking the randomly things and it coming out takes my mind right off stuff. Even when I was over with the kids I’m in the kitchen all the time making everything my youngest loves being my helper and when it comes out good most satisfying thing ever. It’s the concentration I think that stops my mind occupied same as when at work and being like a different character.  Thing is I always thought I’m best on my own but the void when I’m on my own now I’ve been used to on the go all the time makes it unbearable.

Anyway just back from court another fucked up story that obviously I can’t say much about publicly as now going to trial.  If anyone fancies a chat pm me could do with it.  Ta. 

Dropped you a msg my good man. 

[Hoose Rice]

10 hours ago, thistledo said:

Dropped you a msg my good man. 

Appreciate it matey. 

[LondonHMFC]

On 18/08/2022 at 16:04, LondonHMFC said:

Also booked in to see a counsellor tomorrow for an initial chat.

I went on Friday for the first time. 50 minutes later and I'd told a stranger more about my life than anyone else I have ever known. It was a surreal feeling. When I got up to leave I felt like a weight had lifted, but she mentioned that it was likely after a few days that my head would start filling with thoughts and feelings about things that were brought up. 

I am well aware it isn't particularly cheap, but would recommend for anyone who is struggling.

[SweeperDee]

I’ve been seeing the crisis team at Carseview for the past week, saw the psychologist today and I’ve got another meeting this Wednesday coming. Years and years of pent up grief, sadness, anger and all-round severe depression came to the fore last Monday/Tuesday; and I can’t thank the NHS/Carseview enough for how quick they’ve got me onto their caseload. I’m still struggling quite profoundly, but I’m seeing some friends tonight and having a meal. I don’t feel nearly as despairing, or alone. I’d like very much to remember what being happy actually feels like without a constant background noise of sadness.

[DA Baracus]

4 hours ago, SweeperDee said:

I’d like very much to remember what being happy actually feels like without a constant background noise of sadness.

I know what you mean. I've forgotten what it's like to just generally be happy. I have moments and even days where I am, but the background noise, as you put it, is always there. It's even at the point where I look back on my childhood and adolescence and genuinely question if it actually even happened. Too often it seems like these memories must be someone else's, as I can't relate to them.

 

Anyway....

I know I've posted my mewlings in here before so it must be pretty tedious for people to read yet another one. Tedium sums my life up fairly well far too often.

However, I actually wanted to vent a little bit about the phone services like Breathing Space and the Samaritans. Every time I've used their services they can't seem to get me off quick enough. They always just say there isn't anything they can do and I should phone my GP. Quite often they actually sound angry that I've called and one time some bint was very short with me and hung up. They've been useless. I see people talk about them here and elsewhere and what a help they've been and it just makes me paranoid about myself that I've had such a shite experience with them. I feel totally invalidated with them. I just seem like an annoyance and that it seems to only be that has had this experience makes me wonder why and what I'm doing wrong. So haven't used them in a while and never will again. Just shite that it's an avenue closed off.

 

Got something new coming up on Wedneaday though. Hoping it can help. I'm trying to really temper my expectations and not put so much pressure on this and myself, but options are really running out.

Edited August 22, 2022 by DA Baracus

[Rugster]

11 hours ago, DA Baracus said:

I know what you mean. I've forgotten what it's like to just generally be happy. I have moments and even days where I am, but the background noise, as you put it, is always there. It's even at the point where I look back on my childhood and adolescence and genuinely question if it actually even happened. Too often it seems like these memories must be someone else's, as I can't relate to them.

 

Anyway....

I know I've posted my mewlings in here before so it must be pretty tedious for people to read yet another one. Tedium sums my life up fairly well far too often.

However, I actually wanted to vent a little bit about the phone services like Breathing Space and the Samaritans. Every time I've used their services they can't seem to get me off quick enough. They always just say there isn't anything they can do and I should phone my GP. Quite often they actually sound angry that I've called and one time some bint was very short with me and hung up. They've been useless. I see people talk about them here and elsewhere and what a help they've been and it just makes me paranoid about myself that I've had such a shite experience with them. I feel totally invalidated with them. I just seem like an annoyance and that it seems to only be that has had this experience makes me wonder why and what I'm doing wrong. So haven't used them in a while and never will again. Just shite that it's an avenue closed off.

 

Got something new coming up on Wedneaday though. Hoping it can help. I'm trying to really temper my expectations and not put so much pressure on this and myself, but options are really running out.

It's not tedious to read. If it's helping you, even a little bit to vent a bit on here, then keep doing it. Good luck with what's coming on Wednesday. 

This is one of the best threads on this forum in my opinion. There's no piss taking and no judgement. This, the pregnancy thread and the living with cancer thread should be in a section titled General Chatter because they are far from nonsense.

[RH33]

I think in part these services are staffed by well meaning volunteers who've had a bit of mental health training. Some may have had experience but by in large I'd guess not.

I was going to volunteer with childlike but one shift listening into calls and way they handled them and I was pretty fucked off and didn't go back.

For those in dark times, it does get easier, you do get more resilient. It may not feel it now but I like to think I'm proof that the tough times make us better people.

Always around if anyone wants drop a PM

[Raidernation]

Was only when a kid asked me the date on the 23rd that I realized that it would have been my last wife’s birthday.
This is a positive in my view, wasn’t “obsessing” about it in the time leading up, or even making it some kind of “special” day.
It’s been 9 years but the pain is easing, folks it does get easier if not easy.

Currently I’m just stressed with the whole housing/renting issue (as posted elsewhere), but I also was asked if I’d be willing to be the speaker at a speaker meeting at my local AA club this month (said yes of course) so, if nothing else, I can maybe help someone

[The Moonster]

Feels like my household is under a cloud right now and there's so much going on I can't really think straight. Renovating my flat which has hit a few bumps and taken probably 3 months longer than we had hoped so far, I still have stuff to do and order for it but keep putting it off with everything else going on. Me and my girlfriend have just had a baby and have been living with my parents while the flat gets done, the baby is mostly fine but has been struggling with colic/wind and reflux which has prevented us resting well and I can see the signs of not only me but my girlfriend falling into depression. To compound things, one of my cats hasn't taken well to the introduction of a baby and we've spent the last 3 days/nights sitting in vetinary surgeries trying to sort him out or basically watching him 24hrs a day to make sure he doesn't die. He had surgery today, I got him home tonight and he was falling about with the medication but my other cat smells the vets from him and showed instant aggression towards him, I had to try so hard not to burst into tears watching him fall about while his sister doesn't recognise him and wants a fight. Heartbreaking, especially as if this surgery doesn't work the options aren't good. It's also been a huge financial hit which was not whatbwe needed in the middle of a fairly big renovation and has led to a bit of a rethink of how we're going to live in future, which again is adding to our worries. 

I get on well with my parents but my dad has a real tendency to do stupid shit that pushes me to the end of my tether. Tonight I asked to be mindful of noise he's making and to make sure the cat doesn't get out as he's in a state - at 9pm he was smashing around in the kitchen as if it was midday and then went out to the garage to put a washing on, leaving the front door wide open in the process, cat was half way out the door when I caught him. Just wanted to smash my head into a wall.

My girlfriend has been passed onto mental health but they've already told her it'll be 3 months before she gets seen, by which time she's due to be back at work which really is too late for her - a lot of her depression and anxiety is stemming from going back to work and missing things with the baby, so talking about that after it's happened isn't much help. She has some family stuff going on that I don't need to go into here but its brought back a lot of horrible feelings from her past which isn't helping.

For me, I feel that useless way I felt years ago before I met my girlfriend. There's a list of jobs to do and all I want to do is run away and hope someone else does it. I don't want my cat to die and I don't want my girlfriend falling into the depression she's been in before, but have no idea how to help either of them. My temper is short and I get tears building up as soon as something simple goes wrong. I'm trying to keep telling myself that I can tick things off the list one at a time, and ultimately I've done everything I can for my cat so whatever will be will be, but it doesn't make it any easier to deal with. I want to go home to my own flat and sleep in my own bed but when I think about that I feel tears bubbling and feel like a wee pathetic kid, crying because he's not got what he wants.

Just been a shitstorm and the forecast doesn't look great. I hope tomorrow is a better day. 

[moses1924]

sounds like a hard time @The Moonsterdont have any advice but hope things get better soon and you and your girlfriend are back in your own place

[DiegoDiego]

That sounds like a horrible confluence of circumstances, Moonster. But eventually your renovations will be finished, you won't have to be living with your father, your cat will find peace and even if your finances are shaken up, you'll find a new equilibrium and become accustomed to it. It won't be a comfortable road but you'll get there.

Hopefully the space and peace of being back in your own flat will help bring some calm and stability from which you can both begin to get back on your feet. Until then you still have each other and that's a precious thing, even if you're both hurting. I wish you nothing but the best.

[Venti]

18 hours ago, The Moonster said:

Feels like my household is under a cloud right now and there's so much going on I can't really think straight. Renovating my flat which has hit a few bumps and taken probably 3 months longer than we had hoped so far, I still have stuff to do and order for it but keep putting it off with everything else going on. Me and my girlfriend have just had a baby and have been living with my parents while the flat gets done, the baby is mostly fine but has been struggling with colic/wind and reflux which has prevented us resting well and I can see the signs of not only me but my girlfriend falling into depression. To compound things, one of my cats hasn't taken well to the introduction of a baby and we've spent the last 3 days/nights sitting in vetinary surgeries trying to sort him out or basically watching him 24hrs a day to make sure he doesn't die. He had surgery today, I got him home tonight and he was falling about with the medication but my other cat smells the vets from him and showed instant aggression towards him, I had to try so hard not to burst into tears watching him fall about while his sister doesn't recognise him and wants a fight. Heartbreaking, especially as if this surgery doesn't work the options aren't good. It's also been a huge financial hit which was not whatbwe needed in the middle of a fairly big renovation and has led to a bit of a rethink of how we're going to live in future, which again is adding to our worries. 

I get on well with my parents but my dad has a real tendency to do stupid shit that pushes me to the end of my tether. Tonight I asked to be mindful of noise he's making and to make sure the cat doesn't get out as he's in a state - at 9pm he was smashing around in the kitchen as if it was midday and then went out to the garage to put a washing on, leaving the front door wide open in the process, cat was half way out the door when I caught him. Just wanted to smash my head into a wall.

My girlfriend has been passed onto mental health but they've already told her it'll be 3 months before she gets seen, by which time she's due to be back at work which really is too late for her - a lot of her depression and anxiety is stemming from going back to work and missing things with the baby, so talking about that after it's happened isn't much help. She has some family stuff going on that I don't need to go into here but its brought back a lot of horrible feelings from her past which isn't helping.

For me, I feel that useless way I felt years ago before I met my girlfriend. There's a list of jobs to do and all I want to do is run away and hope someone else does it. I don't want my cat to die and I don't want my girlfriend falling into the depression she's been in before, but have no idea how to help either of them. My temper is short and I get tears building up as soon as something simple goes wrong. I'm trying to keep telling myself that I can tick things off the list one at a time, and ultimately I've done everything I can for my cat so whatever will be will be, but it doesn't make it any easier to deal with. I want to go home to my own flat and sleep in my own bed but when I think about that I feel tears bubbling and feel like a wee pathetic kid, crying because he's not got what he wants.

Just been a shitstorm and the forecast doesn't look great. I hope tomorrow is a better day. 

Really hard to read that Moon.

I'd like to say "DM me" but sound like you've been dealt a bad hand.

Really hope you get through this after your friend passing.