Depression

[Boo Khaki]

On 14/02/2022 at 23:51, die hard doonhamer said:

I’m not sure if this is the best place to post this, as I don’t think it’s depression, but I think I need some advice.
 

I feel very short tempered and irritable at the moment. I believe it’s down to circumstances (I’ve a couple of family members with health issues weighing on my mind, and one of my kids is having issues with a school bully) which are occupying my mind, but I’m getting frustrated as I feel like I’m taking it out on my family a bit and I don’t want that to be the case. Does anyone have any suggestions for getting on top of this? I’m fed up of flying off the handle and feeling shit about it afterwards. 

Sorry for the late reply, but I don't come into this thread all that often as I find discussing MH/Depression often has a negative effect on my on mood.

I was wondering if you are still experiencing this, because it sounds like a very common reaction to stress/anxiety to me. You are correct in that it's not typical of depression, but it absolutely is common with people who have ongoing stresses that don't really get any sort of break from elevated adrenaline.

If it's still the case, then I'd urge you to go to your GP and discuss it, because the standard course of action for looking at treating stress/anxiety is really no different to that for Depression. First point of reference is your GP, discuss symptoms, they can prescribe simple meds if required, then referral on for further therapies/diagnosis/more complex meds.

Please don't ignore it. I also acted like this when I was in the grip of a profound Clinical Depression, and wrongly assumed that it was just my shite situation making me irritable. I recognise that with hindsight, not only was I depressed, but I was also extremely anxious, and it's the anxiety that turned my normal, fairly easy-going self into an utter tyrant in the home.

[die hard doonhamer]

1 hour ago, Boo Khaki said:

Sorry for the late reply, but I don't come into this thread all that often as I find discussing MH/Depression often has a negative effect on my on mood.

I was wondering if you are still experiencing this, because it sounds like a very common reaction to stress/anxiety to me. You are correct in that it's not typical of depression, but it absolutely is common with people who have ongoing stresses that don't really get any sort of break from elevated adrenaline.

If it's still the case, then I'd urge you to go to your GP and discuss it, because the standard course of action for looking at treating stress/anxiety is really no different to that for Depression. First point of reference is your GP, discuss symptoms, they can prescribe simple meds if required, then referral on for further therapies/diagnosis/more complex meds.

Please don't ignore it. I also acted like this when I was in the grip of a profound Clinical Depression, and wrongly assumed that it was just my shite situation making me irritable. I recognise that with hindsight, not only was I depressed, but I was also extremely anxious, and it's the anxiety that turned my normal, fairly easy-going self into an utter tyrant in the home.

I’m not as bad as I was when I posted, but still not 100%. What you’ve posted makes a lot of sense, though (in terms of the family health stuff, my wife is dealing with some stuff, and when I posted my grandpa had just been admitted to hospital, he passed away a couple of weeks later. The school bully stuff has settled down).

 I’ll keep paying attention to it, and if it starts to slide back the other way again I’ll get to my GP.

 Thanks for your post, it’s very helpful. 

Edited April 15, 2022 by die hard doonhamer

[Boo Khaki]

@die hard doonhamer

No bother 

If you read a bit about how natural Adrenaline works in the human body, and 'fight or flight' response, a few things might resonate with you.

I'm a natural 'fighter' as well, and despite what some people assume, that doesn't mean I wander around permanently seething looking to batter folk, it just means that when I'm stressed and my adrenaline is already pumping, a further, extra stressor causes me to react in a belligerent manner rather than just walking away.

I'd try Royal College of Psychiatrists website. Their stuff is obviously credible, and the site is pretty comprehensive.

[SweeperDee]

I’ve been struggling the past month. My partner’s mental health isn’t fantastic, and recently tried to harm herself quite severely a few weeks ago and as a result had to be secured for a period of time. The stress stopped me from sleeping and I wasn’t able to work due to lack of sleep and just general burnout of the entire situation. I only returned back to work on Monday after 3 weeks off and I got phoned yesterday to be informed my dad passed away. I was never close to my dad exactly, and we haven’t spoken in months; I haven’t cried, and I can’t say I’m distraught, but there’s definitely something off with me. Whether it’s grieving for the dad that I wish I could have had, I don’t know. I had to leave work today because my head is just scrambled. I don’t have that much immediately family left, and those that are left won’t be here in Dundee until Sunday, since they are flying in from abroad. My partner is trying her best for me at the moment and I’m trying my best for her in the current situation I’m in but I’m struggling. My doctor gave me sleeping pills a few weeks back and they help, along with some pain killers and Sertraline. I thought I was getting the stress back under control but the news of my dad passing has just hit me in the stomach a bit. I’m worried work think I’m taking the piss as well.

[Bairnardo]

I’ve been struggling the past month. My partner’s mental health isn’t fantastic, and recently tried to harm herself quite severely a few weeks ago and as a result had to be secured for a period of time. The stress stopped me from sleeping and I wasn’t able to work due to lack of sleep and just general burnout of the entire situation. I only returned back to work on Monday after 3 weeks off and I got phoned yesterday to be informed my dad passed away. I was never close to my dad exactly, and we haven’t spoken in months; I haven’t cried, and I can’t say I’m distraught, but there’s definitely something off with me. Whether it’s grieving for the dad that I wish I could have had, I don’t know. I had to leave work today because my head is just scrambled. I don’t have that much immediately family left, and those that are left won’t be here in Dundee until Sunday, since they are flying in from abroad. My partner is trying her best for me at the moment and I’m trying my best for her in the current situation I’m in but I’m struggling. My doctor gave me sleeping pills a few weeks back and they help, along with some pain killers and Sertraline. I thought I was getting the stress back under control but the news of my dad passing has just hit me in the stomach a bit. I’m worried work think I’m taking the piss as well.

Re your dad passing and how you feel about it.... I'm always "keen" for want of a better word to point out to folk that through bitter experience, the loss of a parent is the loss of a part of yourself. A building block of who you are. They are the constant to which your entire life is pinned, literally from the point where you were no more than an idea someone had.

It's the most natural thing in the world to drift and lose your place a bit. I'm now 9 and 5 years respectively since I lost each of my folks, and I still feel like I'm in the wind a bit. I dont think as you get older you really ever "feel your age" but losing your generational frame of reference doesn't help with that either.

I know you have lots of other stuff going on in your post, and I don't feel I can help with that, but on the loss of parents I'm devastatingly qualified.... FWIW, I dont think it's something you can ever "recover" from and I use the term loosely because none of that means you can't move on or be happy... Of course you can. It's just that THOSE losses take away a part of you that can't and won't ever come back. Iv grown to accept that, rather than worrying about why I'm sad about it sometimes or when that will go away. It won't, because I miss them, and I always will.

[johnnydun]

7 minutes ago, SweeperDee said:

I’ve been struggling the past month. My partner’s mental health isn’t fantastic, and recently tried to harm herself quite severely a few weeks ago and as a result had to be secured for a period of time. The stress stopped me from sleeping and I wasn’t able to work due to lack of sleep and just general burnout of the entire situation. I only returned back to work on Monday after 3 weeks off and I got phoned yesterday to be informed my dad passed away. I was never close to my dad exactly, and we haven’t spoken in months; I haven’t cried, and I can’t say I’m distraught, but there’s definitely something off with me. Whether it’s grieving for the dad that I wish I could have had, I don’t know. I had to leave work today because my head is just scrambled. I don’t have that much immediately family left, and those that are left won’t be here in Dundee until Sunday, since they are flying in from abroad. My partner is trying her best for me at the moment and I’m trying my best for her in the current situation I’m in but I’m struggling. My doctor gave me sleeping pills a few weeks back and they help, along with some pain killers and Sertraline. I thought I was getting the stress back under control but the news of my dad passing has just hit me in the stomach a bit. I’m worried work think I’m taking the piss as well.

Deepest sympathies brother. Losing a parent is not easy, no matter how distant a relationship it's been, in my experience I felt I was left with so many unanswered questions or like you say, the parent they 'could' have been. 

One thing you can stop worrying about is work thinking you are taking the piss, I have worked in a few management/supervisory roles over the years, and when someone is off for whatever illness or compassionate reason, they are just seen as being off, without any 2nd thought or judgement. Nothing your work can do, even if they think you are taking the piss. I suspect this may be down to some paranoia associated with your depression.

[Albus Bulbasaur]

Recently found out one of my good mates killed themselves 2 days ago. Raised through foster care and had a child man. 23 years old... I can't stop thinking about it. I know it's is natural to be so emotional about it but it's just so fucked up man, on the face of it he was always so smiley and cheery I would have never guessed he was going through anything that deep. Apparantly he was very intoxicated when it happened and it's been terrorising my head how quickly things like that can happen. Such a horrible waste. 

Stories like this should not be as common as they are and I'm sure many people on here have had similar experiences, it's so fucking shit and I hope anyone that's ever posted here or felt low like that reaches out to loved ones. I'm not really good at expressing myself publically on such issues so sorry for such a rant type of post but I kinda needed to vent. 

[Dons_1988]

7 hours ago, Albus Bulbasaur said:

Recently found out one of my good mates killed themselves 2 days ago. Raised through foster care and had a child man. 23 years old... I can't stop thinking about it. I know it's is natural to be so emotional about it but it's just so fucked up man, on the face of it he was always so smiley and cheery I would have never guessed he was going through anything that deep. Apparantly he was very intoxicated when it happened and it's been terrorising my head how quickly things like that can happen. Such a horrible waste. 

Stories like this should not be as common as they are and I'm sure many people on here have had similar experiences, it's so fucking shit and I hope anyone that's ever posted here or felt low like that reaches out to loved ones. I'm not really good at expressing myself publically on such issues so sorry for such a rant type of post but I kinda needed to vent. 

Sorry to hear that buddy. I’ve been through the suicide of a friend and it remains one of the hardest things I’ve ever dealt with. 

What I would say is look after yourself. That won’t be your instinct as your thoughts will be for your friend and his family but don’t under estimate the impact on yourself and keep an eye on it.

Suicide is absolutely devastating. All the best. 

 

[scottsdad]

Had some pretty catastrophic news about my dad's health today. Just numb right now and feel a bit sick. 

I imagine I'll be sinking a few drinks tonight. Not the healthiest approach to dealing with news like this, but fucked if I can think of anything better.

[BigBo10]

Had some pretty catastrophic news about my dad's health today. Just numb right now and feel a bit sick. 
I imagine I'll be sinking a few drinks tonight. Not the healthiest approach to dealing with news like this, but fucked if I can think of anything better.

Sorry to hear that. A few beers on the day you get the news isn’t to be worried about. In most cases it would be a likely course of action. You’re obviously aware it’s not a solution to dealing with anything but everyone is allowed an indulgence, especially when they’ve had bad news and will likely have lots to deal with in the near future. PM options are available if you want to vent privately. I hope whatever it is can be dealt with in one way or another.

[V.Aye.R]

On 03/12/2021 at 00:27, V.Aye.R said:

Have been struggling the past few weeks. 

My daughter was born just over a week ago and in Intensive Care currently. She'll be OK but its been an absolute roller-coaster juggling it all. 

Dizzy spells, weight loss, anxiety, tears, nosebleeds etc. 

Got some good news over the past few days on progress and the above symptoms disappeared almost straight away thankfully. 

Just a reminder that things can go from Calm to Crazy without warning. Hope everyone is doing ok out there, I'll come out of this a different guy for sure. 

 

Just a small update from me.

We've had the wee one home for 8 weeks now. All basically normal now, a healthy wee girl. Surgical review was today which was almost a bit of closure on the whole event, was quite emotional which I hadn't expected. 

13 weeks in Neonatal ICU has clearly left a mark on us. Still not a day that goes by that I don't think about that place and all the parents still in there.

Will need to fundraise for them, a marathon or similar. Quite possibly as much for my benefit as theirs, I've still got some headspace I need to clear up. 

[buchan30]

Just a small update from me.
We've had the wee one home for 8 weeks now. All basically normal now, a healthy wee girl. Surgical review was today which was almost a bit of closure on the whole event, was quite emotional which I hadn't expected. 
13 weeks in Neonatal ICU has clearly left a mark on us. Still not a day that goes by that I don't think about that place and all the parents still in there.
Will need to fundraise for them, a marathon or similar. Quite possibly as much for my benefit as theirs, I've still got some headspace I need to clear up. 

Sounds like she’s a wee fighter.

[scottsdad]

9 hours ago, V.Aye.R said:

Just a small update from me.

We've had the wee one home for 8 weeks now. All basically normal now, a healthy wee girl. Surgical review was today which was almost a bit of closure on the whole event, was quite emotional which I hadn't expected. 

13 weeks in Neonatal ICU has clearly left a mark on us. Still not a day that goes by that I don't think about that place and all the parents still in there.

Will need to fundraise for them, a marathon or similar. Quite possibly as much for my benefit as theirs, I've still got some headspace I need to clear up. 

Great news. 

When you do a sponsored marathon or whatever you choose, be sure to post a link to the fundraising page here. 

[Rugster]

9 hours ago, V.Aye.R said:

Just a small update from me.

We've had the wee one home for 8 weeks now. All basically normal now, a healthy wee girl. Surgical review was today which was almost a bit of closure on the whole event, was quite emotional which I hadn't expected. 

13 weeks in Neonatal ICU has clearly left a mark on us. Still not a day that goes by that I don't think about that place and all the parents still in there.

Will need to fundraise for them, a marathon or similar. Quite possibly as much for my benefit as theirs, I've still got some headspace I need to clear up. 

As Scotsdad says please post the link to donate. Our wee man was in SCBU for 10 weeks. They are amazing people. We also did some fundraising afterwards for them. It does leave you incredibly grateful and humble the work they do. Great to hear your wee one is doing well. 

[Ad Lib]

I lost my dad to a brain tumour (at 58) just before Christmas and the last few months have if anything felt progressively harder.

In the immediate aftermath and even up to the funeral, I had a clear role and things to distract myself with (basically all the financial and legal admin).

Then that kind of ran out. Everyone else's lives went back to normal. Except for ours.

My sister, who always had a less complicated relationship with dad, grieves very publicly on social media (I don't want to say performatively, but you know what I mean by that). My mum, with bipolar and all manner of physical health problems, is a bit of a mess at the moment and is up to her eyeballs in painkillers for a hip problem. We know she falls into deep depressions when she's not surrounded by other people and being constantly distracted from being alone.

And I'm stuck down in London distant and powerless to do anything about it all.

In the weeks after the funeral I'd occasionally have teary moments, but having gone back to work I just looked for whatever distractions I could find and to minimise the amount of time I spent alone.

But in recent weeks, I've found myself bursting into streams of tears over the tiniest of things, sobbing uncontrollably. There are so many evenings when my brain wanders into thinking "I'd really like to have a video chat with dad" and then I realise I can't. I'll see a Facebook memory come up of him ripping the piss out of my latest haircut and be disconsolate for an hour. The latest incident was when I saw a Facebook post about the Minister's wife at dad's old church replacing the shed he had built in the Manse back garden with a summer house. Sobbing over a fucking shed in a house we haven't even lived in for 5 years.

I know this is the spell when they say grief can get to its worst and that it eventually passes, but Christ, it's fucking exhausting. I don't really feel any sustained happiness at anything in my life at the moment, just blips of numbness.

Nobody who hasn't been through losing a parent really gets it. So often people try to say a nice thing like that they'd have been proud of you or some such shit like that. But I'd give up 99% of my on paper success in life to have just one more conversation with my dad.

Edited May 4, 2022 by Ad Lib

[scottsdad]

Had a talk with my mum at the weekend. We were visiting and she asked me to help her with a problem with the car. We got outside and she said there was no problem, but wanted to speak to me away from the kids. We sat in her car, in the driveway, and spoke. 

She has spoken to the doctor and dad and was now speaking to me. They have had to come up with a plan for my dad - for his resuscitation. When it comes, and it will be soon, he doesn't want any special measures. No shocks, no ventilators. It wouldn't help and would just hurt him.  The doctor recommends stopping the treatments for his eyes and his skin cancer - there is no point putting him through these treatments. She wanted me to know as the nearest of their children, I'll probably be there at the end to help her. 

Some discussions you just don't want to have. 

I had resigned myself to what was happening with him a week or two ago. I had a very rough time about 2 weeks ago (I was snapping at the wife and kids but managed to recognise what the issue was and stop) but I am settled to it now. I think it has just hit mum. They have been married 52 years now. Horrible to see her like that. 

[Stellaboz]

It's tough being the one everyone sees as their rock so to speak, can't imagine how much more so with kids of your own.

All i can say is that if you need to talk to someone as well, you should. Even Even it's just to vent, clear your head or have someone simply listen. 

[scottsdad]

15 hours ago, Stellaboz said:

It's tough being the one everyone sees as their rock so to speak, can't imagine how much more so with kids of your own.

All i can say is that if you need to talk to someone as well, you should. Even Even it's just to vent, clear your head or have someone simply listen. 

All I will say here is thank god for my wife. I talk to her about all this and she knows exactly when to console me, when to tell me to get a grip, and when to cheer me up. This would be near impossible without her. 

And the good people here, who have offered help and support. Much as a few threads here can be fun, or infuriating, this place is a gem. 

[AJF]

I am separating from my partner after 11 years together. Things ended amicably and we still have a lot of love for each other.

We have accepted an offer on our home which I currently live in alone. As we go through the process of removing/selling furniture, each night I come back to an emptier shell of a house. I've never suffered from depression, and I don't believe I currently am either, but I can feel myself growing wearier.

She was my first and only real meaningful relationship so I am new to this whole break-up malarkey. Alcohol has become more prominent in my life.

I feel I am responsible enough to recognise signs of needing to speak about this. I've got a great group of friends and family, but it feels a little less daunting expressing this here than to them.

[Dons_1988]

14 hours ago, AJF said:

I am separating from my partner after 11 years together. Things ended amicably and we still have a lot of love for each other.

We have accepted an offer on our home which I currently live in alone. As we go through the process of removing/selling furniture, each night I come back to an emptier shell of a house. I've never suffered from depression, and I don't believe I currently am either, but I can feel myself growing wearier.

She was my first and only real meaningful relationship so I am new to this whole break-up malarkey. Alcohol has become more prominent in my life.

I feel I am responsible enough to recognise signs of needing to speak about this. I've got a great group of friends and family, but it feels a little less daunting expressing this here than to them.

This all sounds pretty normal for going through a significant moment in your life. Don’t get me wrong, very difficult but I just mean I don’t read your post and worry about you. Just keep an eye on how long it all lasts and if the drinking gets worse. 

Long term break ups are tough, I had one over 10 years ago now but I went about 3 months living out of a bag bouncing around friends houses and in her spare room while I found a place of my own (this was down south where I didn’t have family). It’s a really horrible time but ultimately you’ll get past it and realise it was the best thing for you.