Depression

[Jacksgranda]

On 05/02/2021 at 09:51, Dons_1988 said:

Part of the problem with alcohol is the stigma/label that can some with a 'drink problem'.

Reality is a drink problem can range from being clinically addicted right down to misuse during a difficult period in life or even as simple as not being great at holding your drink on a night out.

I've not been an alcoholic but I definitely had a problem with drink back in my worst days. I absolutely used it to cope when I lost hope that things would get better. I never told anyone because who wants to be labelled an alcoholic for life? Thankfully my Mrs was there to give me a serious shake.

It's possible to have an issue with it and in time recover a healthier relationship with alcohol when you're in a better place. If people felt more empowered to discuss that without being labelled it would be a great thing.

If you're an alcoholic, you stop drinking, start of problem.

If you're a problem drinker, you stop drinking, end of problem.

[Genuine Hibs Fan]

Grandad passed away overnight there. Sorry maybe not the right place but I guess grief is mental health adjacent.

I'm lucky in that 1) I haven't lost a loved one since I was a child and 2) that I have grandparents still living when I'm in my mid 20s. I'm feeling really weird though, nauseous and just empty but not emotionally unstable. (Eta immediately had a good cry after posting this and chatting to my girlfriend lol) It wasn't a shock and if anything knowing this was coming has been a big source of anxiety recently.

I feel awful for my dad, his siblings and my gran, Covid has made this whole situation a lot more difficult. He actually contracted covid in December but bizarrely given his general state of health had no symptoms. 

An absolute titan of a man and influence on my life, so many of my interests come direct from him, I'll miss him so much. I'm just glad I came back to Scotland and got to spend time with him before his condition worsened and Covid stopped us all seeing each other. I feel some shame, I had to force myself to phone him yesterday because I was so nervous knowing he was really ill. I'm glad I did though, he was obviously really struggling but I told him I loved him and that I was thinking of him. 

Edited February 8, 2021 by Genuine Hibs Fan

[D.A.F.C]

On 07/02/2021 at 02:34, DA Baracus said:

I feel like I might be surfacing after circa over 17 years.

Unfortunately I also feel such a massive loss. Those years...I won't get back. I want a family but I've almost certainly missed that boat. I've failed in pretty much every single measure. If I was younger I'd have time to sort thing, but it's just been too long. I want to be fine and I want a family but I've fucked it. I'm horrendously overweight (I won't ever forgive myself for this, I've been a fat c**t for too long and my fucking stupid cunting mental block shouldn't be an excuse. I should be dead; I don't deserve to not be).

By the time I'm not fat I'll be close to 37 (if I can somehow overcome my mental issues) and frankly who would employ such a p***k and what woman would give a second thought to an ugly c**t who was fat and will be old with sagging skin. Even if, by some miracle, some woman, somehow, genuinely, liked me, they would never want to be with my ugly c**t shit face long enough to have a kid.

I'.m fucking done.  I've blown it. If I'm lucky I might get a girlfriend of sorts, but hold out little hope.

I despise me. I have squandered my privilege. All my previous self harm has been deserved.

I don't need the police at my door again (and I'm so sorry you felt that was necessary). I'll be going to bed soon and I don't plan on anything stupid.

I will probably wake up tomorrow embarrassed. But until I take action it's a cycle.

Even when I take action I still fear it's been too late.

 

 

Oh, and I know you're supposed to love yourself before anyone can love you, but that's a huge problem for me. I can never forgive myself and I'm a stupid fat c**t so how can anyone else forgive me? I know I get treated differently as a fat p***k. I deserve. most of it. But when I'm bitter it will be tll late and i'll still suùuuuuuùuucmkk

Put all of that pain into something positive and it might help.

I'm over 40 now and feel the same way, something snapped a few years back and I'm turning around the fitness thing. Cant stress enough how important it is to exercise for mental health.

I've no idea how to find someone else when I've got massive trust issues along with self esteem and no friends really. Most people have self esteem built up by social interaction and good friends but I've never had that. Not sure how to fix it and just trying to sort out my work atm. Please don't hate yourself and realise that if anyone treats you badly its them that's the bad person.

Eat well, exercise and things will get better. 

 

[Bairnardo]

DA, you’re only 36, a family is well within reach. I’m overweight too but that’s just way it is. I don’t have the capacity to manage my illness, look after three kids and deal with lockdown challenges and mindfully loose weight. I  currently can’t go for a walk round the football pitches behind house as anxiety stops me.
I don’t have a career, I’ve a 15 he a week living wage job which I’ve been off of for last three months. Yeah it’s only covering lunch time in a nursery but even those three hours a day have seen me develop important bonds with kids. I was training to be a primary teacher my mental health fucked that a long time  ago.
On Friday night, I was done in and really negative. I woke up and made a simple choice, to have a shower something I’m struggling to do. Today I’ve shaved my legs  [emoji23] 
bpd is a condition which cycles can be very rapid and I can get hyper just as quickly as I can get depressed. But it is a lifelong condition. I’m not sure if you’re diagnosed and medicated but a chat with a GP and maybe a CPN referral.
I’ve made lots of mistakes and harmed myself in many ways. At the time believing I deserved it. I still get self harm thoughts but try hard not to as setting example to kids.
36/37 is not life over all opportunities gone. Focus on another change which you feel you can achieve rather than weight. Maybe look at the OU and there range free classes. 
 
We live in a society of insta, fillers and filters. But those people are the few not the many.
 
 

Can I just say, and I mean this genuinely, that I think you are fantastic. Your willingness (and ability) to lay out the good, the bad and the ugly (not just in this thread but others too) is quite amazing. You do it so matter of factly and showing such awareness of your own issues and manage to recognise and make it relatable to others.

I wouldnt normally fire out such compliments in any other thread btw [emoji23] but keep up the good work. I imagine your posts are helpful. They seek that way to me even if I dont share the same problems.

[RH33]

2 hours ago, Bairnardo said:

Can I just say, and I mean this genuinely, that I think you are fantastic. Your willingness (and ability) to lay out the good, the bad and the ugly (not just in this thread but others too) is quite amazing. You do it so matter of factly and showing such awareness of your own issues and manage to recognise and make it relatable to others.

I wouldnt normally fire out such compliments in any other thread btw but keep up the good work. I imagine your posts are helpful. They seek that way to me even if I dont share the same problems.

That you, kind of you to take time to say. I’ve applied to do psychiatric nursing (although may need go on hold) as I do think I can be no bullshit empathetic which is what’s helped me most.

I had my fist episode at 15, was diagnosed at 23 and now at 37 have seen more ineptitude in services than knowledge and good practice.

[Academically Deficient]

I've been reading through the archive on this thread, and there's a lot of knowledgeable and brave contributors on it. Really inspiring.

I was wondering if anyone had any experience dealing with work stress AND anxiety, that is, does one cause the other or is it a chicken and egg scenario? 

In particular, dealing with mistakes you've made at work, how you manage with stress etc. and stop it ruining the rest of your week?

Genuinely interested as I've learned more on this thread than a lot of other stuff I've read. Thanks.

[Beans on Toast]

4 minutes ago, Academically Deficient said:

I've been reading through the archive on this thread, and there's a lot of knowledgeable and brave contributors on it. Really inspiring.

I was wondering if anyone had any experience dealing with work stress AND anxiety, that is, does one cause the other or is it a chicken and egg scenario? 

In particular, dealing with mistakes you've made at work, how you manage with stress etc. and stop it ruining the rest of your week?

Genuinely interested as I've learned more on this thread than a lot of other stuff I've read. Thanks.

I read one of those silly 'inspirational' Facebook picture messages once that said something along the lines of 'if it won't matter in 5 years, don't spend more than 5 minutes worrying about it'.

Now obviously there are plently of occasions when that statement is not applicable, but, although its easier said than done, I have tried to apply it to my work. 

I made a rather large error just last week, and after getting some stress sweat and a little panic I started to focus on that statement. I find it helps to think about what I was doing 5 years ago, and how things I stressed about 5 years ago don't matter now. So the same will will true of my balls up last week. 

I know this might be harder for some people to make themselves think in that way, but hopefully it'll help in some small way.

[Academically Deficient]

Yes, a bit of perspective helps. I suppose an indicator af anxiety or mental/emotional distress is when you cant see that perspective because you're too focused on the immediate present.

I've been working right through COVID in a place that has started to display signs of blame culture and has a few toxic people in it. Pre-COVID people would have the chance to socialize, go for a beer maybe and get things off their chest. Or have activities at the weekend to look forward to (even Accies fans). Now they are worried about home schooling, elderly relatives...the whole thing really.

The atmosphere has turned to shit, whereas it was ok before. 

I can see signs of it in others as well as myself. 

I like your approach. Use to work with a good guy who said of f**k-ups "in 100 years we'll all be dead so stop worrying about it".

[Beans on Toast]

Aye that last line is a good one.

Friends, family, even football, will be more important than work for the majority of us on here (unless Nicola has an account?). 

We all want to do our best at work and thats all you can do. Got to focus on other things after work. As an accies fan I'd think you'd have enough to worry about...

[Shandon Par]

26 minutes ago, Academically Deficient said:

Yes, a bit of perspective helps. I suppose an indicator af anxiety or mental/emotional distress is when you cant see that perspective because you're too focused on the immediate present.

I've been working right through COVID in a place that has started to display signs of blame culture and has a few toxic people in it. Pre-COVID people would have the chance to socialize, go for a beer maybe and get things off their chest. Or have activities at the weekend to look forward to (even Accies fans). Now they are worried about home schooling, elderly relatives...the whole thing really.

The atmosphere has turned to shit, whereas it was ok before. 

I can see signs of it in others as well as myself. 

I like your approach. Use to work with a good guy who said of f**k-ups "in 100 years we'll all be dead so stop worrying about it".

Other folk there are probably feeling the same way as you. Maybe email a few of them together and lay out your feelings to them and you may well strike a chord. Not in a way to blame anyone but just saying along the lines of what you’ve posted here. You may well find other folk have similar stuff to get off their chests. 

[Academically Deficient]

1 hour ago, Shandön Par said:

Other folk there are probably feeling the same way as you. Maybe email a few of them together and lay out your feelings to them and you may well strike a chord. Not in a way to blame anyone but just saying along the lines of what you’ve posted here. You may well find other folk have similar stuff to get off their chests. 

Good shout. One slight change I have noticed is that people are starting to say openly that they are struggling a bit, though often with a slightly self-deprecating or lighthearted tone. This is new, and I think it's due to COVID. 

I'd assume this is true in other places and is maybe a small sign that the emphasis on mental health in the media is helping a wee bit.

Anyway, I hope everyone who has shared their experiences on here is doing ok.

[RH33]

2 hours ago, Academically Deficient said:

Good shout. One slight change I have noticed is that people are starting to say openly that they are struggling a bit, though often with a slightly self-deprecating or lighthearted tone. This is new, and I think it's due to COVID. 

I'd assume this is true in other places and is maybe a small sign that the emphasis on mental health in the media is helping a wee bit.

Anyway, I hope everyone who has shared their experiences on here is doing ok.

I think people who’ve never experienced mental health are  beginning to wobble, a year in and no real let up on restrictions. If these are new feeling to them they may not understand them and lash out leading to toxic environments.
Or others self deprecate as still a lot of stigma to having mental ill health.

Sadly we’re going see a very fragile system collapse under strain.

I can’t really give work place anxiety advice, I’ve been signed off since End of year

Some Find mindfulness has useful tools for anxiety management.

[D.A.F.C]

6 hours ago, Academically Deficient said:

Yes, a bit of perspective helps. I suppose an indicator af anxiety or mental/emotional distress is when you cant see that perspective because you're too focused on the immediate present.

I've been working right through COVID in a place that has started to display signs of blame culture and has a few toxic people in it. Pre-COVID people would have the chance to socialize, go for a beer maybe and get things off their chest. Or have activities at the weekend to look forward to (even Accies fans). Now they are worried about home schooling, elderly relatives...the whole thing really.

The atmosphere has turned to shit, whereas it was ok before. 

I can see signs of it in others as well as myself. 

I like your approach. Use to work with a good guy who said of f**k-ups "in 100 years we'll all be dead so stop worrying about it".

You don’t know the true colours of people until you get a crisis. A toxic person at my work kept giving me shit until about a week ago I went full rab c Nesbit rant. People are full of shit got an email today about National kindness week through their mental health app - do something nice to a colleague, meanwhile orders come in that are impossible to make and things have been done by other departments that put us under the bus. 

Aye why not kick me in the nuts then ask how I’m feeling. Full of shit.

[SANTAN]

I was very reluctant to post in this thread at first, I'm relativley glad I did and it's generally a good place for the people of this place to vent or whatever makes them feel good by expressing in words and connecting with people but I've gotta say it makes me ever so slightly regret doing so when people do things like this..

1 hour ago, Erih Shtrep said:

I know you admit to drinking 10 beers every night and mental problems but posts like this one and your constant references to dogs are extremely weird.  

...On the politics forum, discussing politics and this guy thinks "hey let's go at him for mental health" I know I'm probably being "precious" for exposing this but it's quite frankly detestable behaviour, I'm sure most people that use this place come on for a good time and accept normal banter whether giving or receiving but stuff like this is just so predictable and tiresome.

Edited February 16, 2021 by Stormzy

[Benjamin_Nevis]

1 minute ago, Stormzy said:

I was very reluctant to post in this thread at first, I'm relativley glad I did and it's generally a good place for the people of this place to vent or whatever makes them feel good by expressing in words and connecting with people but I've gotta say it makes me ever so slightly regret doing so when people do things like this..

...On the politics forum, discussing politics and this guy thinks "hey let's go at him for mental health" I know I'm probably being "precious" for exposing this but it's quite frankly detestable behaviour, I'm sure most people that use this place come on for a good time and accept normal banter whether giving or receiving but stuff like this is just so predictable and tiresome.

Yeah that's arsehole behaviour. Whatever everyone's differences elsewhere on the forum, posts on this thread should be left the f**k alone. Perhaps I'm being harsh but imo anyone doing so should be banned. Obvs in PB's case that would be fucking pointless considering he's on about his 1000th alias anyway. 

[harkinsbaldpatch]

Well after 6 months unemployed I finally have an interview for Menzies on Thursday, really nervous as this is the first interview I will have had in about 20 years, not even sure what to wear. Anyhoo hope everyone is doing as good as they can and anyone who is needing a chat can PM me anytime.

[Academically Deficient]

2 hours ago, harkinsbaldpatch said:

Well after 6 months unemployed I finally have an interview for Menzies on Thursday, really nervous as this is the first interview I will have had in about 20 years, not even sure what to wear. Anyhoo hope everyone is doing as good as they can and anyone who is needing a chat can PM me anytime.

Good news. One tip I heard for doing zoom/TEAMS/skype interviews was to dress as though you were going to an actual face-to-face one. You might feel a bit daft sitting in your house with a shirt and tie on, but if it makes the right impression who cares?

[RH33]

2 hours ago, harkinsbaldpatch said:

Well after 6 months unemployed I finally have an interview for Menzies on Thursday, really nervous as this is the first interview I will have had in about 20 years, not even sure what to wear. Anyhoo hope everyone is doing as good as they can and anyone who is needing a chat can PM me anytime.

Is it for the call centre or warehouse?

[Guest bernardblack]

3 hours ago, harkinsbaldpatch said:

Well after 6 months unemployed I finally have an interview for Menzies on Thursday, really nervous as this is the first interview I will have had in about 20 years, not even sure what to wear. Anyhoo hope everyone is doing as good as they can and anyone who is needing a chat can PM me anytime.

Good news! Remember and come prepared with a few questions of your own and you’ll smash it!

[Jacksgranda]

16 hours ago, Beans on Toast said:

I read one of those silly 'inspirational' Facebook picture messages once that said something along the lines of 'if it won't matter in 5 years, don't spend more than 5 minutes worrying about it'.

Now obviously there are plently of occasions when that statement is not applicable, but, although its easier said than done, I have tried to apply it to my work. 

I made a rather large error just last week, and after getting some stress sweat and a little panic I started to focus on that statement. I find it helps to think about what I was doing 5 years ago, and how things I stressed about 5 years ago don't matter now. So the same will will true of my balls up last week. 

I know this might be harder for some people to make themselves think in that way, but hopefully it'll help in some small way.

A mate of mine once said to me "what does it matter over a lifetime?" Same caveats apply, obviously, but I found it helpful.