Depression

[RH33]

Haven’t said too much in here, I was sighted off end November after having breakdown at work.

Few days in dykebar then home. An entire three weeks without by kids as I was just utterly done in.

Stuff happened few nights ago and I was offered “a nice bed in levrendale” ask dr if she’d ever done a shift there “no”. Told her to go some then tell me it’s nice place. 
 

Mental health services are broken and things are only going to get worse. 

[HoBNob]

Don't know where it's came from but I've really struggled the past week. 

Spent long periods of time thinking about death and what comes afterwards, it always seems to come just as I go to bed with the wife and she falls asleep and then I can't sleep, spend hours googling about death, what comes afterwards, and then in turn feel even more helpless and almost pointless. 

I love my wife beyond measure and to think I'll have some time with her and then that'll be it does me in, I appreciate that no one had a bad time before they lived because they simply weren't aware that nothing was happening, but when I think of that nothing it seems to proper be getting to me. 

This morning seems to be worse, normally I only feel like it when I'm trying to sleep, but as soon as I woke up today I was just hit with those feelings. She's back to work today but I'm still off for a bit until covid settles down, a day by myself in the house sounds grim. Been dry gagging and generally feeling dreadful since I woke up with worry. 

My wife's had headaches for months but she kept putting off going to the doctors, she eventually went and she's had a few different types of pills and stuff but she only went for an MRI yesterday, won't find out the results for a couple of weeks and I think that's making it worse, somethings not right with her health wise and evidently I've went off the deep end thinking of the worse scenario. 

Normally I'd just talk to her about how I'm feeling if I'm not feeling well, but I can tell she's worried about the headaches. She also lost her brother when she was a teenager so I don't want to be dragging her down and making her think of these morbid thoughts about life after death. 

Had a look at the news this morning and seeing that some 65 year old ex Bond girl bizarrely got to me aswell, got me thinking that I've just turned 27 (3 days ago) and I might already be nearly halfway through life, that see of more thoughts. More news and it was about the bloke who sang you'll never walk alone passing away, death just seems to be everywhere so finding it hard to get my mind off it. 

Sorry for the jumbled up message, just absolutely scunnered. I had a look online to see if there's any helplines to phone but there's so many I didn't know which one was best. 

Edited January 4, 2021 by Grant228

[beesher]

51 minutes ago, Grant228 said:

Don't know where it's came from but I've really struggled the past week. 

Spent long periods of time thinking about death and what comes afterwards, it always seems to come just as I go to bed with the wife and she falls asleep and then I can't sleep, spend hours googling about death, what comes afterwards, and then in turn feel even more helpless and almost pointless. 

I love my wife beyond measure and to think I'll have some time with her and then that'll be it does me in, I appreciate that no one had a bad time before they lived because they simply weren't aware that nothing was happening, but when I think of that nothing it seems to proper be getting to me. 

This morning seems to be worse, normally I only feel like it when I'm trying to sleep, but as soon as I woke up today I was just hit with those feelings. She's back to work today but I'm still off for a bit until covid settles down, a day by myself in the house sounds grim. Been dry gagging and generally feeling dreadful since I woke up with worry. 

My wife's had headaches for months but she kept putting off going to the doctors, she eventually went and she's had a few different types of pills and stuff but she only went for an MRI yesterday, won't find out the results for a couple of weeks and I think that's making it worse, somethings not right with her health wise and evidently I've went off the deep end thinking of the worse scenario. 

Normally I'd just talk to her about how I'm feeling if I'm not feeling well, but I can tell she's worried about the headaches. She also lost her brother when she was a teenager so I don't want to be dragging her down and making her think of these morbid thoughts about life after death. 

Had a look at the news this morning and seeing that some 65 year old ex Bond girl bizarrely got to me aswell, got me thinking that I've just turned 27 (3 days ago) and I might already be nearly halfway through life, that see of more thoughts. More news and it was about the bloke who sang you'll never walk alone passing away, death just seems to be everywhere so finding it hard to get my mind off it. 

Sorry for the jumbled up message, just absolutely scunnered. I had a look online to see if there's any helplines to phone but there's so many I didn't know which one was best. 

Hi mate,

I don't normally post on here but I had to reply to this as it is startlingly similar to something I have been experiencing in the past few months. It's an absolutely awful feeling.

Hopefully these thoughts will pass naturally but if they persist, long story short is you need to seek professional help. It sounds like you may have generalised anxiety disorder which is causing these obsessive thoughts. When I was going through this I stopped drinking and got plenty of exercise which did help but not enough to make me able to live normally. I then made an appointment with my GP and started on a course of tablets which have helped me massively. If you have the money available I would also try and speak to a therapist or register through the NHS (although wait times can be long). 

The facts of life are just that...facts. But if you seek help you'll hopefully get a bit of a break and get yourself on a better path.

This is just my own experience! 

Good luck to you.

 

Edited January 4, 2021 by beesher

[DA Baracus]

Shite situation Grant. Sorry to hear that mate.

Regarding being scunnered being home all day, have you considered making up a routine? Something like getting up at the same time each day and eating at the same might help you. You could schedule time for relaxing, such as reading a book or something. Schedule time for playing a video game if you're in to that. Schedule time for exercise. Having a set routine often helps people, so might be worth a try? It be simple like:

08.00 - Wake up

08.30 - Breakfast

09.00 - Go for a walk or run or cycle

10.30 - Cup of tea/coffee/water

12.00 - Lunch with an episode of some TV show

14.00 - Work related stuff (even things like planning for when you go back)

15.00 - Lift some weights if that's your thing. Maybe some stretching or even mindfulness if you're in to it or want to check it out

16.00 - Tea/coffee/water with a book or browsing on here or whatever 

17.00 - Get the dinner prep started!

I think we all go through a period where we have hard thoughts about death. I've certainly been there and it isn't fun. Sounds like you have it worse though and must be awful. There is something driving it most likely, but what that is can be hard to work out, which is why talking to someone can help. Like you note, there's loads of places for that. Just pick one. Don't worry if you don't find one useful. Just try another. It's all anonymous. I've tried some that I thought were pish but there are others that were decent. 

You might also want to try the Mindfulness app. Not for everyone and you might think it's a big bag of pish, but on the other hand it might help.

Your wife's headaches are understandably worrying, but if it was anything dreadful, which you sort of hint your thoughts sometimes go to (again, totally understandable), then it would almost certainly have manifested itself by now and been picked up by now. Not saying it isn't serious, but sounds like it will be something that can be managed fairly easily and perhaps even sorted. 

 

 

[NotThePars]

8 hours ago, Grant228 said:

Spent long periods of time thinking about death and what comes afterwards, it always seems to come just as I go to bed with the wife and she falls asleep and then I can't sleep, spend hours googling about death, what comes afterwards, and then in turn feel even more helpless and almost pointless. 

I get this a lot. I'm normally fine with the day as I go but get really intrusive thoughts before bed and feel horrible in the mornings because of (mostly mundane but incredibly realistic) nightmares. 

Are you working from home at the minute? I know it's a cliche but being stuck in all the time just leaves me with shite sleeping habits because I don't do anything. 

Edited January 4, 2021 by NotThePars

[HoBNob]

50 minutes ago, NotThePars said:

I get this a lot. I'm normally fine with the day as I go but get really intrusive thoughts before bed and feel horrible in the mornings because of (mostly mundane but incredibly realistic) nightmares. 

Are you working from home at the minute? I know it's a cliche but being stuck in all the time just leaves me with shite sleeping habits because I don't do anything. 

Aye, I've been fine throughout the day normally but yesterday I got the feeling of dread at about 6 in the evening. 

On holiday at the moment which isn't helping if I'm being honest, today I've just felt awful all day being in the house alone, horrible feeling in my stomach of like nervousness? Hard to explain, like that feeling you get before a big test that you reckon you're going to fail? Total lack of motivation for anything, spewed up lunch, not ideal. 

[HoBNob]

1 hour ago, DA Baracus said:

Shite situation Grant. Sorry to hear that mate.

Regarding being scunnered being home all day, have you considered making up a routine? Something like getting up at the same time each day and eating at the same might help you. You could schedule time for relaxing, such as reading a book or something. Schedule time for playing a video game if you're in to that. Schedule time for exercise. Having a set routine often helps people, so might be worth a try? It be simple like:

08.00 - Wake up

08.30 - Breakfast

09.00 - Go for a walk or run or cycle

10.30 - Cup of tea/coffee/water

12.00 - Lunch with an episode of some TV show

14.00 - Work related stuff (even things like planning for when you go back)

15.00 - Lift some weights if that's your thing. Maybe some stretching or even mindfulness if you're in to it or want to check it out

16.00 - Tea/coffee/water with a book or browsing on here or whatever 

17.00 - Get the dinner prep started!

I think we all go through a period where we have hard thoughts about death. I've certainly been there and it isn't fun. Sounds like you have it worse though and must be awful. There is something driving it most likely, but what that is can be hard to work out, which is why talking to someone can help. Like you note, there's loads of places for that. Just pick one. Don't worry if you don't find one useful. Just try another. It's all anonymous. I've tried some that I thought were pish but there are others that were decent. 

You might also want to try the Mindfulness app. Not for everyone and you might think it's a big bag of pish, but on the other hand it might help.

Your wife's headaches are understandably worrying, but if it was anything dreadful, which you sort of hint your thoughts sometimes go to (again, totally understandable), then it would almost certainly have manifested itself by now and been picked up by now. Not saying it isn't serious, but sounds like it will be something that can be managed fairly easily and perhaps even sorted. 

 

 

Cheers for the reply mate, the routine thing is definitely something that going back to work will hopefully help with. 

If you don't mind me asking what we're the helplines that helped? 

You're probably absolutely on the money abiut the wife's headaches, just feel utterly helpless to do anything about it when she's feeling done in. 

[DA Baracus]

10 minutes ago, Grant228 said:

Cheers for the reply mate, the routine thing is definitely something that going back to work will hopefully help with. 

If you don't mind me asking what we're the helplines that helped? 

You're probably absolutely on the money abiut the wife's headaches, just feel utterly helpless to do anything about it when she's feeling done in. 

Even a list of things to do throughout the day when you're home yourself might help!

Breathing Space and CALM were decent. I didn't find the Samaritans very good, but that could just be the person I spoke to, so don't write them off.

Incidentally, the feeling you're describing in your last post is anxiety.

[Stellaboz]

If you have Netflix, there's a short series about Mindfulness I believe is available just now. 

[Bairnardo]

I do the morbid thoughts thing a lot
Theres a lot of "what's the point". I seem to have lost the ability to live in the moment and I do put at least some of this down to the loss of my parents. Quite often think whats the point of caring about X or Y we are all on the clock anyway.

I would actually like to take steps to eliminate this. Not sure what wpuld be the way though. Psychiatrist maybe

[Dons_1988]

I used to get similar. Sounds random but I used to watch stuff like planet earth with a polar bear struggling to feed itself up until it eventually gives in and dies and think ‘that’s basically what we do, all the careers, football, entertainment etc in between is just noise and bullshit. We do what we need to feed, breed, raise our young then we f**k off. What is the fucking point.’

I think it’s symptomatic of something deeper, if you’re having those thoughts I’d definitely get to a gp to talk it through. DA’s idea around routine and exercise is spot on too. 

[D.A.F.C]

I watched a program about the wonders of the universe and the end of it was saying that stars would fade and there would be nothing. Had a full blown panic attack, think it was a Sunday and hungover.
Sometimes things trigger it for me, like if I think about how much of my life I've isolated myself for. Facing up to it and changing is tough because it reminds me of bad times.
Keeping myself busy with positive things is the way. I can't change huge things so trying to be happy with myself and hopeful things will improve from there.
Had a small drink on NYE and decided that I might as well give up drinking to get pissed for good.
After months of energy and exercise I felt shite. Alcohol isn't worth it for me.

[the snudge]

I get all they thoughts too about what is the fucking point. We're all dust anyway.

 

The last few days have been pretty bad. I always think back to something I heard, can't remember where or when but it's stuck with me. Our life is guaranteed death but of all the energy in the universe from the big bang, the same amount of energy is still here. It doesn't just disappear so we're always going to be part of the universe in the form or another. Helps me when I'm catastrophising

I'm fortunate enough to be in a 12 step programme for some liquid demons and have been for 6 years. That helps for dealing with life on life's terms but the meetings have been curtailed somewhat and I'm putting my dark cloud down to not having that outlet in the form I'm used to.

If it helps any, break your day down to little managable chunks and try to set yourself positivity goals, like doing at least one thing for someone else or something that makes you smile. My Mrs always tells me when I'm in the midst of an episode, "your day can start any time". 

Anyway, thanks to the folk on this thread and cheers for the openness. 

Edited January 4, 2021 by the snudge

[HoBNob]

52 minutes ago, D.A.F.C said:

I watched a program about the wonders of the universe and the end of it was saying that stars would fade and there would be nothing. Had a full blown panic attack, think it was a Sunday and hungover.
 

Aye, I had something a few years ago that was similar to this but it wasn't all consuming and I think it was kickstarted by a documentary where I found out the earth would be swallowed by the sun, I can't remember what it was that kicked me out of it though. 

 

2 hours ago, DA Baracus said:

Even a list of things to do throughout the day when you're home yourself might help!

Breathing Space and CALM were decent. I didn't find the Samaritans very good, but that could just be the person I spoke to, so don't write them off.

Incidentally, the feeling you're describing in your last post is anxiety.

Cheers matey, and aye, anxiety it is. 

[101]

27 minutes ago, Grant228 said:

Aye, I had something a few years ago that was similar to this but it wasn't all consuming and I think it was kickstarted by a documentary where I found out the earth would be swallowed by the sun, I can't remember what it was that kicked me out of it though. 

The David Attenborough documentary did that for me as well I was in a complete shit mood for about a week think basically what's the point the whole thing will be knackered soon. But I guess no one knows what will happen so make the best of each day. I'm sure your wife really values you being there to bounce off and comfort as she has a worrying time, hopefully they get to the bottom of that and its all okay! So making someones day even if you have a post on here means you're having a positive effect on someone else life and probably someone you won't meet, but in the midst of a global pandemic making someone raise a wee smile is pretty bloody impressive 

[AL-FFC]

13 hours ago, Grant228 said:

Don't know where it's came from but I've really struggled the past week. 

Spent long periods of time thinking about death and what comes afterwards, it always seems to come just as I go to bed with the wife and she falls asleep and then I can't sleep, spend hours googling about death, what comes afterwards, and then in turn feel even more helpless and almost pointless. 

I love my wife beyond measure and to think I'll have some time with her and then that'll be it does me in, I appreciate that no one had a bad time before they lived because they simply weren't aware that nothing was happening, but when I think of that nothing it seems to proper be getting to me. 

This morning seems to be worse, normally I only feel like it when I'm trying to sleep, but as soon as I woke up today I was just hit with those feelings. She's back to work today but I'm still off for a bit until covid settles down, a day by myself in the house sounds grim. Been dry gagging and generally feeling dreadful since I woke up with worry. 

My wife's had headaches for months but she kept putting off going to the doctors, she eventually went and she's had a few different types of pills and stuff but she only went for an MRI yesterday, won't find out the results for a couple of weeks and I think that's making it worse, somethings not right with her health wise and evidently I've went off the deep end thinking of the worse scenario. 

Normally I'd just talk to her about how I'm feeling if I'm not feeling well, but I can tell she's worried about the headaches. She also lost her brother when she was a teenager so I don't want to be dragging her down and making her think of these morbid thoughts about life after death. 

Had a look at the news this morning and seeing that some 65 year old ex Bond girl bizarrely got to me aswell, got me thinking that I've just turned 27 (3 days ago) and I might already be nearly halfway through life, that see of more thoughts. More news and it was about the bloke who sang you'll never walk alone passing away, death just seems to be everywhere so finding it hard to get my mind off it. 

Sorry for the jumbled up message, just absolutely scunnered. I had a look online to see if there's any helplines to phone but there's so many I didn't know which one was best. 

I've had those thoughts as well i think we all have at some point wondering if the world would be better without us, i still have my moments where i break down in tears, mainly i still miss my sister and admittedly feel i am alone as i dont have a big family, but feeling optimistic this year despite the covid lockdowns.  Seen a quote that summed it up Suicide is knowing you dont want to die but you want something inside of you to die.  and thats just it i realise now its a cry for help the trouble is to get that attention you've harmed yourself and by the time someone has realised its too late.

When you start getting those thoughts just talk to anyone its the hardest thing reaching out to people but when you do you will be shocked how many have had the same thoughts or been through the same.  I try to follow as many inspirational quotes on instagram have found myself watching Sadghuru on youtube Indian yogi (bit like dalai lama) and and as well as a good listen he's also quite funny in his 

In the last month i have cut a lot of drama mainly due to some toxic people out my life and as much as i'm lonelier than i normally am and i dont have people trying to pull me into their drama to add to my depression.  trying to detox from news as well.

[accies1874]

I do the morbid thoughts thing a lot
Theres a lot of "what's the point". I seem to have lost the ability to live in the moment and I do put at least some of this down to the loss of my parents. Quite often think whats the point of caring about X or Y we are all on the clock anyway.

I would actually like to take steps to eliminate this. Not sure what wpuld be the way though. Psychiatrist maybe

Can relate, mostly with socialising. I'm often put off going out as I'm just going to end up back home anyway and when I do go out, I pretty much always end up reaching a stage where I almost dread the idea of it ending.

Recently I've also wondered why I should get excited about stuff as it's just the norm for millions of other people.

[NotThePars]

4 hours ago, Bairnardo said:

I do the morbid thoughts thing a lot
Theres a lot of "what's the point". I seem to have lost the ability to live in the moment and I do put at least some of this down to the loss of my parents. Quite often think whats the point of caring about X or Y we are all on the clock anyway.

I would actually like to take steps to eliminate this. Not sure what wpuld be the way though. Psychiatrist maybe

Trying to cultivate a more healthy attitude to death would be good but f**k that for a laugh

[Tony Ferrino]

Just keep talking and explaining. It really is the best thing.

[101]

34 minutes ago, NotThePars said:

Trying to cultivate a more healthy attitude to death would be good but f**k that for a laugh

Death is just going to be like it was before we were born. Nothing, I find that quite comforting but get why some folk might not.