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1 hour ago, D.A.F.C said:

Thanks. I think confrontation is my major issue get stuck into a comfort zone and hope things will somehow get better.
Will definitely check that book out.
Regarding a lawyer or union I've looked folk up but left it. Part of the reason for that is fear of confrontation or knowing that will probably escalate it to a conclusion.
The most insidious thing is the denial and Jekyll and Hyde nature of people. One minute are you sure you're not imagining it then catching them red handed or hearing them at it. There really is something majorly wrong there with the workplace and the quality of the people.
Appreciate the advice and know that next year I really need to do something about it.
Tried to speak to a family member and the advice was to ignore it which is useless.

Like @Bairnardo says, 

I think fight or flight is the only way for this.

You owe these c***s f**k all. Do you think they would give a shit if you lost your job, got sacked or were forced to quit? Well it's time for you not to care if you upset them and take things to the top. How dare they make you feel that way at work. 

Edited by johnnydun

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Thanks. I think confrontation is my major issue get stuck into a comfort zone and hope things will somehow get better.
Will definitely check that book out.
Regarding a lawyer or union I've looked folk up but left it. Part of the reason for that is fear of confrontation or knowing that will probably escalate it to a conclusion.
The most insidious thing is the denial and Jekyll and Hyde nature of people. One minute are you sure you're not imagining it then catching them red handed or hearing them at it. There really is something majorly wrong there with the workplace and the quality of the people.
Appreciate the advice and know that next year I really need to do something about it.
Tried to speak to a family member and the advice was to ignore it which is useless.

Sorry to hear about these issues, when you consider you spend roughly 1/4 of your adult working life, at work, it’s a major consideration for anyone if things aren’t going well & making you unhappy.
I’m of the opinion that fight is the best thing to do in this instance, contact your HR department & ask for a meeting, let them know that you will be taking notes in order that you can pass these onto your solicitor. That should wake the fuckers up that this is a case of bullying in the workplace. Bullying takes many forms & this is a pretty clear cut case. f**k them.
Mainly, try to put it out of your mind for the festive period (easier said than done, I know), enjoy family time & im sure any poster on this section of the forum would be happy to help via DM, I know I would.

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13 hours ago, D.A.F.C said:

Not sure why I want to post this here or what I expect to gain from doing it but here goes.

Been really trying to self improve and ignore work stuff but been pulled back down last week into negative thinking due to comments made by colleagues and a manager hinting or saying directly that I'm some sort of problem or to be dealt with by being sacked. Comments like this have been going on for a long time which makes it worse because I'm in a state of constant churning or worrying about it.
Have tried to escalate, got denied as a joke then repeated by senior management as if I'm non existent standing beside them.
It seems to come in waves that come from jarring comments from out of nowhere and sometimes from colleagues who I thought were decent and up until then friendly.
The main protagonist is protected by people above them who also act in the same manner.
It's also the treatment of simple things like just trying to do my job and get hassle for things that is just normal.
e.g. everyone put x in y if I do 'ah here hes doing it again' oh ffs lol
If i try to stand up for myself apart from being denied it gets flipped into I'm greeting about nothing but the same people accusing me do worse or moan more.
I know its not just me but it really badly affects me mentally and got bad yesterday before a day out where I was threatened again and then someone hoped I choked on my food. Very christmassy.
I genuinely dont moan that much and do my best to help people but over the years I feel that I've been demonised over nothing but other peoples insecurities or projections.
I do have a long written record of comments but had to stop due to it taking up time after work and making me feel bad by reliving it all.
In the grand scheme of things its not as bad as a relative passing but the inability to effectively deal with it makes it difficult.
From a legal point of view the company handbook defines any act of bullying as gross misconduct. Surely being told that you're to be got rid of regularly means that either the manager is a total moron or thinks they can do anything and get away with it. The same people had a lassie in tears and made people fight each other yet everything is supposedly very happy. It's all a lie and theres underlying issues that's causing all the hostility and it gets projected onto a few harder and more conscientious workers.

I know the only answer unfortunately is to find another job and I'm sorry for ranting about this crap again but to spend xmas thinking my time is limited is horrible.
Sorry for being like a long playing stuck record but I wouldn't wish this on anyone.
Btw as for paranoia I dont feel this way in any other situation or place what so ever.
 

It doesn't matter if its a joke or not unless they specifically told you it was a joke then its not different people react in different ways in the past a lot of what you said could or would probably have been put down as "Banter" the world has changed and there is no place for that i worked in a similar sort of atmosphere and a lot of those people passing it off are protected by those in higher management.  Other things you could throw into the mix is how has the turnover of staff been, as you will probably find its not an isolated incident they continue doing it because they have never been put into line i know what you say about being non confrontational but everyone has their breaking point and for yourself it creates a toxic work environment and just brings you further into depression when you see it continuing and your expected to deal with it because someone says "its just a joke". Its your mental health you need to look out for as it is soul destroying and crushing the fact your expected to repeat it daily and accept it makes it worse.

Your not a long playing stuck record mate, a lot of us have been in that position and it does it has a bearing on your mental health i worked in one and its no fun when its toxic like that and expected to accept the shit as the normal.

Edited by AL-FFC

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2 weeks ago my cousin Ian committed suicide, age 36.  He always seemed so happy on the outside but he must have really been hurting on the inside.  I really wish that he had talked about it because he was such a good guy and was really well loved.  I am glad that threads like this are a thing because we (and it's overwhelmingly a man problem) need to be better at talking about feelings and mental health.  

 

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40 minutes ago, senorsoupe said:

2 weeks ago my cousin Ian committed suicide, age 36.  He always seemed so happy on the outside but he must have really been hurting on the inside.  I really wish that he had talked about it because he was such a good guy and was really well loved.  I am glad that threads like this are a thing because we (and it's overwhelmingly a man problem) need to be better at talking about feelings and mental health.  

 

Sorry for your loss.

Oh absolutely.

I had my first bout of depression aged 15 and it was at a time when I could not talk about it with friends. When I did, several of them had "other plans" arranged every weekend.

Things have came on a lot in that time and although stigma still exists it is not half as bad.

But the paranoia that comes along with the mental health condition can be the main barrier, meaning that the person might feel they would become a burden or that they can't talk about it for the fear of the reaction.

Threads like these are great because everyone is wanting the same outcome, without the bullshit banter from other threads.

Talking about it is the best medicine.

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I think the biggest thing is a lot of us are the same the fact that bit of pride and no one wants to feel a burden on anyone else i know thats my biggest problem asking for help. No one wants to be seen to be weak but theres more strength in showing that your human and its not being weak (if that makes sense). 

This is a b*****d of a time of year as your either spending it on your own,a christmas with the loss of friends or family at this time of year without them it all takes it toll

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On 06/12/2019 at 19:55, The_Kincardine said:

Aye because I am so very obviously a libertine.

The point is clear:  Weans of @buchan30are always good fun but parents quash that joy by focusing on domestic trivia.  As long as they know how to use a knife and fork properly then lighten up.

A meringue?

That's one of my lasting memories of my dad. Losing his shit because I use my fork in my right hand. What does it matter? I'm right handed anyway.

Now I have my own kids I realise how difficult it must have been for him to show us the next to zero affection and emotion that he did. Kids just don't let you do that so he must have been pretty determined to have as few interactions with us as possible. An awkward man who believed in "children should be seen and not heard" . f**k that.

Annoying thing is I can see myself acting the same way he did now and again to my partner and kids. Uncaring, selfish and going overboard about silly things but I feel like I do and say a million times more things with my own kids than he did with me so hopefully none of that will rub off on them. 

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Had a rough week or so, not been ideal but I’ve handled it as well as I could. Pushed me back on to cigarettes but I hate having to make sure I’m back in time before she wakes up to proper scrub and clean up before she wakes up.

It sounds daft but that few minutes of nicotine rush just allows me to chill and compose. Probably not helped bu the fact work has been hectic as has all the prep for the large volume of surveys and interviews I’m preparing for my dissertation. f**k me, can April come sooner when everything is submitted and I can chill out until the PGDE in September...

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That's one of my lasting memories of my dad. Losing his shit because I use my fork in my right hand. What does it matter? I'm right handed anyway.
Now I have my own kids I realise how difficult it must have been for him to show us the next to zero affection and emotion that he did. Kids just don't let you do that so he must have been pretty determined to have as few interactions with us as possible. An awkward man who believed in "children should be seen and not heard" . f**k that.
Annoying thing is I can see myself acting the same way he did now and again to my partner and kids. Uncaring, selfish and going overboard about silly things but I feel like I do and say a million times more things with my own kids than he did with me so hopefully none of that will rub off on them. 
One of my biggest fears growing up was becoming like my own dad. Lazy, needy to a point and selfish as a result, with a short temper.
Sometimes I see the last bit creeping in but he taught me, without meaning to, never to become lazy and dependant on others. Took me a while but I'd cope just fine on my own whereas he completely lost it.

As long as you can step back from to time and look at yourself and who you are, what you do and how you act, it's one step further from NOT being the person you want to be.

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A wee message to everyone who’s not feeling the best this festive period; it’s absolutely alright to NOT feel cheerful, and it’s absolutely alright to not pretend you’re having a good time. If you’re needing a chat, or an ear to listen, drop me a message; I know it can get pretty lonely when everyone around you is acting like it’s the best time ever and you’re not feeling 100%. With that being said, I hope you all have a good Christmas, whatever you’re doing, and whoever you’re spending it with (even if it’s just yourself, who wants to be around annoying family members anyway?). Much love

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Just came in here to post Link to minds list of crisis numbers.

Feel free pm me and I’m sure other active posters on this thread would be happy listen too as previously stated.

nhs 111 also have an out hours CPN service and if you don’t answer their call back they’ll send police round to do a welfare check.

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/guides-to-support-and-services/crisis-services/helplines-listening-services/#.XgKISiSnyEc

Edited by RH33

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A wee message to everyone who’s not feeling the best this festive period; it’s absolutely alright to NOT feel cheerful, and it’s absolutely alright to not pretend you’re having a good time. If you’re needing a chat, or an ear to listen, drop me a message; I know it can get pretty lonely when everyone around you is acting like it’s the best time ever and you’re not feeling 100%. With that being said, I hope you all have a good Christmas, whatever you’re doing, and whoever you’re spending it with (even if it’s just yourself, who wants to be around annoying family members anyway?). Much love

As a corollary to this if alcohol or substance abuse is a danger at this time of year friends and family can be great company. Loved ones generally.

If anyone is truly alone this Christmas I wish you a quick resolution and just know that things can turn around quick.

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Just a quick shoutout to those of you who are alone today even when you are in a house full of people.

 

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It took me over 10 minutes of staring into space before I could put my second sock on today. This isn't a promising start.

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It took me over 10 minutes of staring into space before I could put my second sock on today. This isn't a promising start.

That’s okay mate. Not every day is going to be sunshine and rainbows unfortunately, you managed to get that second sock on and you’re off and running. Get through today and you’ve got through another maybe shitty day...same as all the other shitty days we have, we get through them, f**k knows how and I sometimes wonder why but we do and then we’ll get a good day soon enough - being a Hearts fan that good day might be sometime in 2026 for me though!

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Having a bad day today. Don’t want to bother my family. Just a complete mess.

Sorry to hear mate. Feel free to PM if you want to speak about it to someone. Failing that, stick in and you’ll get through it

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