Depression

[Shandon Par]

2 hours ago, Dee Man said:

I think I've mentioned this before but I always remember Russell Brand saying that the problem with going on holiday to get away from it all is that your head is still with you, or words to that effect. 

Just finished his “Recovery” book at the second attempt. First time it felt too painful so stopped a short way into it but listened to it as an audiobook and took a lot of comfort and inspiration from it. It’s essentially the AA style 12 steps but in his language:

1: Are you fucked?

2: Would you like to be less fucked?

etc

When someone has gone from a sex addicted, alcoholic binge eating drug addict to 14 years clean he’s worth listening to for some advice on your own life. 

[Ludo*1]

About 5 year ago, there was a suicide in my family to the person I was closest to. It didn't really affect me, I seemed to be in a bubble of sort and then 6 month after (It was actually New Years Eve) I met what I thought was the love of my life.

Anyways, the relationship was great for the first few year then like most relationships arguments started. Usually caused by me. Looking back, I was depressed then and used to cause a lot of bother for myself unnecessarily. Anyways, she eventually got fed up of me around January of this year. Little over a month later I found out she's now going with one of my old mates. This has crushed me. Since January I've been in a right low place and it feels like my bubble of 5 year ago has been burst too. Despite having plenty of friends, I've no interest (Partly because they still hang out with that other boy). I went to the doctor around 6 month ago and have been taking medication since. The past wee while has been my lowest and I can't help but feel I've blew what was my chance in life. I know, because everyone repeatedly tells me, that this isn't the case and stupid to think like that but it's still that horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach that I wake up with every single day.

[welshbairn]

11 minutes ago, Ludo*1 said:

About 5 year ago, there was a suicide in my family to the person I was closest to. It didn't really affect me, I seemed to be in a bubble of sort and then 6 month after (It was actually New Years Eve) I met what I thought was the love of my life.

Anyways, the relationship was great for the first few year then like most relationships arguments started. Usually caused by me. Looking back, I was depressed then and used to cause a lot of bother for myself unnecessarily. Anyways, she eventually got fed up of me around January of this year. Little over a month later I found out she's now going with one of my old mates. This has crushed me. Since January I've been in a right low place and it feels like my bubble of 5 year ago has been burst too. Despite having plenty of friends, I've no interest (Partly because they still hang out with that other boy). I went to the doctor around 6 month ago and have been taking medication since. The past wee while has been my lowest and I can't help but feel I've blew what was my chance in life. I know, because everyone repeatedly tells me, that this isn't the case and stupid to think like that but it's still that horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach that I wake up with every single day.

Being dumped is horrible and it takes a lot longer to get over than you'd think until it happens to you. And you spend the time brooding about what went wrong and alternately blaming her and yourself, even worse when she goes off with a mate. Like for grief, time is a slow healer and you just have to accept you'll feel shitty about it for a while longer. Everyone thinks they've blown their life chances until the next adventure comes around. Try to get back into contact with a couple of your friends when the guy who's with your ex isn't around, admit you're feeling like shit but don't make a huge deal about it unless they're receptive, definitely don't ask them to take sides. I doubt the medication is helping you get over it any quicker, but I have only my experience of what you're going through and no medical knowledge. I'd have thought one to one cognitive behavioral therapy would be more useful, just getting your thoughts and emotions into context, but I realise resources for that are slim. This is probably all terrible advice but just my take on it.

[???]

Hope everyone is doing ok.  Thought I'd post a wee update as it is like unloading.

 

Went and saw the doc and got prescribed 20mg fluoxetine once daily and 4 weeks off work.  That was 2 weeks today and not being at work has been magnificent.  Feel alot better about life and my future.  Start my openuni course next week and going into my old school to volunteer also.  Been doing CBT sessions with a counsellor on the phone which I find beneficial also.

Have to see the doc next week so hoping for a renewal on the line.  Manager at work has been good so far and basically left me to it, save for a 30 min phonecall at the beginning.  Just keeping in touch via text. 

The reason I have felt so shit is most definitely due to work so hoping to try and stay off until at least new year and all being well secure a uni place for the PGDE by that time and be able to have a carefree final few months at work.  It is amazing what being removed from a negative environment can do for your own mental health!

[DA Baracus]

1 hour ago, ??? said:

Hope everyone is doing ok.  Thought I'd post a wee update as it is like unloading.

 

Went and saw the doc and got prescribed 20mg fluoxetine once daily and 4 weeks off work.  That was 2 weeks today and not being at work has been magnificent.  Feel alot better about life and my future.  Start my openuni course next week and going into my old school to volunteer also.  Been doing CBT sessions with a counsellor on the phone which I find beneficial also.

Have to see the doc next week so hoping for a renewal on the line.  Manager at work has been good so far and basically left me to it, save for a 30 min phonecall at the beginning.  Just keeping in touch via text. 

The reason I have felt so shit is most definitely due to work so hoping to try and stay off until at least new year and all being well secure a uni place for the PGDE by that time and be able to have a carefree final few months at work.  It is amazing what being removed from a negative environment can do for your own mental health!

Nice. What course are you doing with the Open Uni? I assume it's teaching of some variety?

How are you finding the medication?

You're spot on about getting away from a negative environment. Unfortunately a lot of people are stuck in it (it's usually work) and can't see a way out.

[Girth]

Actually in the last hour or so nothing much has changed but f**k it I’m not gonna give in to this shite

Stay in there mate. I had a collapse a few years back and I get occasional dark thoughts.

There’s a good bunch of people on here.

PM me if you want to chat.

[???]

51 minutes ago, DA Baracus said:

Nice. What course are you doing with the Open Uni? I assume it's teaching of some variety?

How are you finding the medication?

You're spot on about getting away from a negative environment. Unfortunately a lot of people are stuck in it (it's usually work) and can't see a way out.

The course is equivalent to Int2 maths.  I have my degree and English, just need this maths to meet criteria for Postgrad.  The change in my mood has been brilliant while off work. Keeping very busy with housework etc while wife at work and also looking after our wee boy half the time.  Medication I have saw no effects yet, am told it can take 4-6 weeks to kick in.

[Guts]

On 9/29/2018 at 09:45, Shandon Par said:

Just finished his “Recovery” book at the second attempt. First time it felt too painful so stopped a short way into it but listened to it as an audiobook and took a lot of comfort and inspiration from it. It’s essentially the AA style 12 steps but in his language:

1: Are you fucked?

2: Would you like to be less fucked?

etc

When someone has gone from a sex addicted, alcoholic binge eating drug addict to 14 years clean he’s worth listening to for some advice on your own life. 

Does it deal with depression as well as addiction(s)?

[Shandon Par]

15 minutes ago, Guts said:

Does it deal with depression as well as addiction(s)?

It certainly touches on negative thoughts. The guy who came up with AA and the 12 steps suffered from depression and in the method you could pretty much substitute the word alcohol for any other ill (drugs, eating disorders, sexual compulsions, negative thought patterns). There are plenty of bits in the book where I thought "that's so like person X or Y" where it reminded me of people I know who suffer from depression. 

http://www.russellbrand.com/recovery/ 

https://designforchangerecovery.com/blog/12-steps-can-help-depression/ 

 

 

[ayrmad]

4 minutes ago, Shandon Par said:

It certainly touches on negative thoughts. The guy who came up with AA and the 12 steps suffered from depression and in the method you could pretty much substitute the word alcohol for any other ill (drugs, eating disorders, sexual compulsions, negative thought patterns). There are plenty of bits in the book where I thought "that's so like person X or Y" where it reminded me of people I know who suffer from depression. 

http://www.russellbrand.com/recovery/ 

https://designforchangerecovery.com/blog/12-steps-can-help-depression/ 

 

 

Just as a wee aside about your thoughts on person X OR Y, as a recovering gambling addict myself, I've always considered Homer Simpson's mindset to be that of an addict, there's no way that character has developed randomly out of someone' mind.

[Guts]

Just now, Shandon Par said:

It certainly touches on negative thoughts. The guy who came up with AA and the 12 steps suffered from depression and in the method you could pretty much substitute the word alcohol for any other ill (drugs, eating disorders, sexual compulsions, negative thought patterns). There are plenty of bits in the book where I thought "that's so like person X or Y" where it reminded me of people I know who suffer from depression. 

http://www.russellbrand.com/recovery/ 

https://designforchangerecovery.com/blog/12-steps-can-help-depression/ 

 

 

I might order the audio book. A friend of mine is having a really hard time the now and is suicidal at times too. I don't know if he has any addictions though he does like a drink. He cannot stand being alone with his own thoughts and even if it isn't directly helpful there might be something he can take from it - even to drown out his thoughts. I have suggested reading books for escapism but he is a poor reader. Thank you.

[philpy]

That's me going to the docs to get signed off for the rest of this week. Im on holiday next week, so it's good to get a bit of breathing space. Left work early yesterday as I had made myself quite ill with stress (work related). Going to use the rest of the week wisely and email my CV To a few places, or I'm going to look at changing my career altogether, for the sake of my health.

[Priti priti priti Patel]

On 15/09/2018 at 08:42, Margaret Thatcher said:

Seems the black dog is visiting this weekend. Struggling to do anything. Pretty much any activity even just eating breakfast feels emotionally painful. Verge of tears. Angry at myself for feeling this way. I feel trapped in work and too fucking down outside of work to do anything about it. I have not been enjoying work at all for a few months but I've started getting good at putting on a smiley face while I'm there, which has correlated with feeling worse when I'm at home. Had excellent feedback on a job interview on Thursday and was feeling fine yesterday. Ach weel. First time posting in this thread, so it must be bad. Going to do a Parkrun 5k now and see if the exercise helps

Since we are giving updates, I will give an update on this. A slightly strange feeling as I feel a new man. The parkrun did not massively help actually. It was nice while I was doing it however after I finished I walked home and was straight back into despair. That was two weekends ago now. It was a horrible weekend. I couldn’t be talked to. Even being looked at felt awful. I had a kind of acidic emotional pain/awkwardness feeling that was just unbearable. I actually got on a train for about two hours and slept so no-one knew me. I have never had depression like that before. I never felt suicidal, but I definitely realised why people kill themselves – that feeling was not something I could have put up with on a permanent basis. Luckily I ‘knew’ it was temporary. It was a mix of embarrassment, fear, anger and helplessness.

Then Monday came and I went back to work. It is okay when you are keeping busy. Just not feeling it. Pushing the emotions down and cracking on with your work. The next weekend my girlfriend was away so it was just me and her brother who was staying over. I was able to crack on as normal that weekend and go to a club, few drinks, go to a sports event.

Then I wrote down in my diary what was getting me down. Basically I felt trapped in work. Even though I am getting job interviews and have a clear plan ahead, I felt doomed to be doing unfulfilling, underpaid and unappreciated work forever. I realised I had no reason to feel trapped. I only feel trapped because no-one around me seems to be progressing, but that’s their issue not mine. I just need to go into work and not let me surroundings get me down. As long as I don't feel trapped, then I have no reason to feel embarassed (at being trapped), fearful (of the future), angry (about being trapped), and helpless (unable to change my situation due to how I am feeling). I just need 'faith'.

It’s been 10 days since then and I have had amazing resilience to cope with the monotony and indignities of my job. I am just waiting for the opportunity, and the opportunity will come. Easy.

I feel like a new man

Edited October 3, 2018 by Margaret Thatcher

[The Saintee]

On 29/09/2018 at 04:31, Raidernation said:

I’m struggling.
I have a great job at a school I like with great people and great kids.
At home, I love my girls all is good, I get to spend time with my granddaughters.
But, I have no life. I have no friends here, I’m lonely as f**k.
I have tried dating via a proper dating site that is live and supposedly matches you with your “associate “ selecting based on a lot of time interviews and conversation.
I’m getting nowhere and I’m lonely and there are weekends where I leave school and the next time I speak to someone is Monday morning.
I hate it

Is there a Men's Shed in your area?

 

Worth checking it out.

[Priti priti priti Patel]

On 29/09/2018 at 04:31, Raidernation said:

I’m struggling.
I have a great job at a school I like with great people and great kids.
At home, I love my girls all is good, I get to spend time with my granddaughters.
But, I have no life. I have no friends here, I’m lonely as f**k.
I have tried dating via a proper dating site that is live and supposedly matches you with your “associate “ selecting based on a lot of time interviews and conversation.
I’m getting nowhere and I’m lonely and there are weekends where I leave school and the next time I speak to someone is Monday morning.
I hate it

I met my other half via OK Cupid. Always thought it was cringey as f**k and if I thought it would have worked I never would have tried it. Been together for nearly three years now. Maybe try that?

[DA Baracus]

Over the past month I’ve been reducing my dose of my medication (Fluoxetine, which I only recently discovered is Prozac!) with a view to stopping it altogether.

 

It was the 20mg dose so apparently this makes it easier to come off of.

 

It’s now been a week since I last took one. I have to say that I have been feeling better cycling off of it, and I’m hoping the benefits will continue. I feel far more attuned to my emotions and thoughts and despite having some anxiety about some things have felt that I am far more able to deal with the anxiety, whereas before I would have worried and fretted over it for ages.

 

I feel more ‘clear headed’ and able to process thoughts easier, and feel like my short term memory has improved. I feel more alert as well. A lot of the time I just felt like I was on auto-pilot and had almost a fog in my mind and that I was just going through the motions of living.

 

Of course there have been side effects. Even though I feel more alert, I have been pretty tired. I had a couple of days where I felt exhausted. I’ve been getting weird nightmares that have woken me up almost every night the past week (although I got back to sleep pretty easy). I’ve experienced some brief periods of light headedness. Strangest of all are the ‘brain zaps’ (look them up). They were pretty wild on Tuesday although seem to be calming down now.

 

It might be a total placebo effect, but I’m glad I’m off them and hope the positivity remains, especially with the S.A.D. period rushing up. Also need to see what it’s like having some beers, as when I was on them the very first drink would hit me in a strange way, and I felt like I got drunk much quicker and on less than before. I often went to some pretty crushingly dark places when pished and on the pills (as some previous posts on here can attest to), so hope that the few beers (not too many!) I have on Saturday will be ok.

[Stellaboz]

You're best coming off medication and giving up the beers completely if you can. In a week or two you'll feel so much more alert and awake than ever.

[DA Baracus]

Nah no reason for me to completely give up beer as I like it. I often go long periods without drinking. On Saturday it will be 2 weeks since I so much as had a sip of beer. 

Edited October 4, 2018 by DA Baracus

[Stellaboz]

I don't mean indefinitely but a decent period of time brings benefits.

[NJ2]

Nah no reason for me to completely give up beer as I like it. I often go long periods without drinking. On Saturday it will be 2 weeks since I so much as had a sip of beer. 

I attest to this very much. I’m fairness, it’d be a struggle, bad as it sounds it’d be a massive struggle, to give up the beer but, f**k sake, I like it. It’s not the route of problems by any stretch and while jacking it would help with a couple of things I’m genuinely at my happiest while having a bevy and shooting the shit tbh.