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8 hours ago, Stellaboz said:

She passed away earlier, was for the absolute best in the end but it seemed as peaceful as we could hope for I think.

Finally going to get some sleep myself now and time to myself for a wee bit before sorting shit out.
 

My sincere condolences to you at this difficult time.

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9 hours ago, Stellaboz said:

She passed away earlier, was for the absolute best in the end but it seemed as peaceful as we could hope for I think.

Finally going to get some sleep myself now and time to myself for a wee bit before sorting shit out.
 

Sorry to hear this. Hope you're doing okay. 

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Thanks guys. It's mental, normally I'd scoff if I heard someone posted this on another non football forum but this is a great place to help let out some thoughts in your head and that.

Again, appreciate all the messages.

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1 minute ago, Stellaboz said:

Thanks guys. It's mental, normally I'd scoff if I heard someone posted this on another non football forum but this is a great place to help let out some thoughts in your head and that.

Again, appreciate all the messages.

Don’t worry. You’ll be getting the pish ripped out of you elsewhere as normal.

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A girl my wife worked commited suicide last night,she had been in a very bad place for a long time and just gave up.

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Super struggling at the moment and I have absolutely no reason to be.
Been taking Mirtazipine (45mg) for about 3 years when it was upped from 30mg, before that was on Citalopram for a few years. I absolutely cannot complain about the life I have, 2 cracking kids, a wife who looks after us all, own our own house, absolutely no financial worries but this last 4 months-ish(?) Ive had a massive cloud over my head. Ive been back to the doctors as i started taking serious pains in my chest and felt like I was being crushed, but it was just put down to bad anxiety attacks.
I absolutely hate feeling like this and there is no reason for it, but that's been approx 8 years I've been battling what i can only describe as "demons" in my head and the family has been nothing less than 100% supportive, but i always get the feeling im going to wake up one day and they'll have had enough and ill have pushed them all away!
Anyone else ever had this thought or worse, actually happened to them?

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Super struggling at the moment and I have absolutely no reason to be.
Been taking Mirtazipine (45mg) for about 3 years when it was upped from 30mg, before that was on Citalopram for a few years. I absolutely cannot complain about the life I have, 2 cracking kids, a wife who looks after us all, own our own house, absolutely no financial worries but this last 4 months-ish(?) Ive had a massive cloud over my head. Ive been back to the doctors as i started taking serious pains in my chest and felt like I was being crushed, but it was just put down to bad anxiety attacks.
I absolutely hate feeling like this and there is no reason for it, but that's been approx 8 years I've been battling what i can only describe as "demons" in my head and the family has been nothing less than 100% supportive, but i always get the feeling im going to wake up one day and they'll have had enough and ill have pushed them all away!
Anyone else ever had this thought or worse, actually happened to them?


Every single day mate.

I’m terrified that one day my wife will give up and leave me because I’m such a miserable c**t. Don’t make the same mistakes I have/still do. I shut her out because I think the more I complain the more I push her away by being so annoying. The opposite is true, the more you isolate yourself and close yourself off the more you are pushing them away. I am learning this the hard way. My natural instinct is still to keep everything bottled and I’ve been struggling for years.

I’m also on mirtazipine and I’ve only found it helps me sleep. It increases my appetite so I’ve put on weight which makes me hate the person in the mirror.

I don’t think pills are the answer for me, I just don’t know what the f**k is. Feel free to give me a PM if you want to chat anonymously.

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Every single day mate.

I’m terrified that one day my wife will give up and leave me because I’m such a miserable c**t. Don’t make the same mistakes I have/still do. I shut her out because I think the more I complain the more I push her away by being so annoying. The opposite is true, the more you isolate yourself and close yourself off the more you are pushing them away. I am learning this the hard way. My natural instinct is still to keep everything bottled and I’ve been struggling for years.

I’m also on mirtazipine and I’ve only found it helps me sleep. It increases my appetite so I’ve put on weight which makes me hate the person in the mirror.

I don’t think pills are the answer for me, I just don’t know what the f**k is. Feel free to give me a PM if you want to chat anonymously.


Cheers for that, it's still refreshing to know that theres always people in the same boat, even if it feels like you're on your own in a world of 7 billion folks.

As i said I've been on that medication for years and its not coincidence that since going from 15mg to 30mg to know the max dose of 45mg that i gained about 3 stone, which ive thankfully now got back off (through what i found as a very therapeutic Slimming World class).
I've been to the counciling, the psychologist, I've battled (and beaten) an 8 year prescription drug addiction and as i mentioned before have a very enviable home/work life now but I just don't know WTF is wrong just now. forgot the past 8 years i played bowls (relatively successfully) but this year i chucked it, all of a sudden have no interest in that either. Ive taken on a 2nd job to keep my mind from wandering and that helped for a while but this "darkness" has crept back in and overtaken everything again, and i won't lie, its f*cking terrifying.

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Yesterday my dad would have been 89. First birthday without him. But we took of to St Andrews it was his university and a place we all spent a lot of happy times in. It was a nice day. The 24th is the 1st anniversary of his death. I'm not sure how i will cope with that.

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My experience of depression is that it's a vicious circle. Negative thinking leads to genuinely believing everything is negative, which leads to more negative thinking. Throw in negative and stressful thinking's effect on sleep patterns and it can turn into a never-ending downward spiral.

The trouble I have is that I genuinely believe pretty much everything is negative. Positive thinking is just an illusion that makes us feel better.

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3 minutes ago, nsr said:

My experience of depression is that it's a vicious circle. Negative thinking leads to genuinely believing everything is negative, which leads to more negative thinking. Throw in negative and stressful thinking's effect on sleep patterns and it can turn into a never-ending downward spiral.

The trouble I have is that I genuinely believe pretty much everything is negative. Positive thinking is just an illusion that makes us feel better.

Positive and negative are both illusions. Life is too complex and variable to label our experiences in such a black or white manner. Our experiences are all learning opportunities and adversity is an opportunity for development.

Experiences we don't like aren't necessarily worthless and they don't define us. We own our experiences and not the other way round.

I suffered horribly from depression until I was encouraged to stop thinking of things as Positive or Negative and to see value in every experience even if I didn't have any good feeling or memories of them. In reality things are what they are and most of them are not permanent. 

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Isn't value a subjective illusion too?

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19 hours ago, Raidernation said:

Just had a couple of very big blows and I’m worried I’m gonna slip back into a bad way

Sorry to hear that. Care to share with a bunch of strangers?

You have already identified a trigger so that's a good start

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On ‎25‎/‎04‎/‎2018 at 08:55, ++Ammo - Airdrie++ said:

Super struggling at the moment and I have absolutely no reason to be.
Been taking Mirtazipine (45mg) for about 3 years when it was upped from 30mg, before that was on Citalopram for a few years. I absolutely cannot complain about the life I have, 2 cracking kids, a wife who looks after us all, own our own house, absolutely no financial worries but this last 4 months-ish(?) Ive had a massive cloud over my head. Ive been back to the doctors as i started taking serious pains in my chest and felt like I was being crushed, but it was just put down to bad anxiety attacks.
I absolutely hate feeling like this and there is no reason for it, but that's been approx 8 years I've been battling what i can only describe as "demons" in my head and the family has been nothing less than 100% supportive, but i always get the feeling im going to wake up one day and they'll have had enough and ill have pushed them all away!
Anyone else ever had this thought or worse, actually happened to them?

 

Pretty much in this exact same boat myself.

Went to the doctor yesterday for an unrelated issue and asked how long I had been on 20mg of Citalopram and he said it was coming up for 4 years. I had always thought that I would eventually end up off of them but im starting to think this wont be the case. Had discussed with him possibly upping it to 30mg as lately I've just been an incredibly irritable c**t, as soon as I wake up I just know that im in a bad mood and its really starting to affect things.  However the Doc said that it would appear that I'm still doing ok on the 20mg and to look for things to alleviate stress etc. as I still haven't pinpointed an effective way of releasing stress/anxiety for myself personally.

Got into a slight chat about it with a colleague who I am comfortable with and he jokingly suggested possibly im just a crabbit b*****d but apart from the past few years I've always been a laid back enjoyable person. Still, we crack on.

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