Depression

[Adam]

Said it before, DA, but keep in touch with Stellaboz, as he appears to be an absolute diamond of a pal. Those people in our lives are to be treasured.

[Dons_1988]

2 hours ago, Stellaboz said:

This. This so much, one of the hardest things to do is to open up and although I wished you could have done so before (therefore perhaps preventing this episode) you did now and i have massive respect for that.
Ive run over a lot how to begin this post, perhaps a joke or an aggressively written statement meant in a light hearted way but I don't think it'll help.
There's definitely something in Bairnardo's theory of pre accepting what might happen. The hardest thing is to find a way of stopping it happening. For me, it was sheer will power when things were utter shit and as you know, still struggle at times even though my situation is good. I was on meds once. Came off them because either I didn't regularly take them or they did nothing for me. But everone is different and each struggle is unique.
The impulse to drink is more common than people think in my view. I don't get it so much anymore, it's embarrassingly been replaced by sugar cravings but it was dangerous and not something that there is a lot of help for out there. For me the fear of 2 or 3 days feeling below average scares me enough.

Even if these impulses happen, go along with it but buy say 4 beers instead of lots. Something really good and enjoy some old highlights like you sent me, or stick on a good long film, and try to change your mind's response to this impulse. Cut down before eliminating it, it takes time.
Also remember that relapses of such a thing will happen too. It's all part of overcoming something.
The hardest thing in the world is to change habits, but it can be done. It just takes time and no pills can help, nobody else can take the strain of it, but others can guide and help. You know me better than anyone I dare say except my lass in some regards and you know the changes I've made in my life.
Which brings me on to this, I know loneliness is one of the main problems. Im sorry I complained about having little personal space recently, seems really pathetic now but you know, it helped. So fucking talk before you reach for the beer OK? Anyway, loneliness and in particular, women or specifically attracting one. Don't take this the wrong way but you need to implement other changes before this happens.
1: forget them right now. Don't go to pubs alone approaching then. Just don't. They don't like this, speak to my lass about it.
2: focus on becoming healthier, make small changes perhaps to your diet and really push yourself to try some sports. Doesn't matter of you're shit, it's about good routine and you will also meet people. You have the time.
3: write some goals down. Write them fucking down. Now. Make goals each week so you can tick them off. Do it. Make them small, thinking about some bigger ones you may have long term. Write them down too. Fucking do it!
4: if you don't finish them all in a week, so what? But it's a good habit. Get into good habits and good things will start to happen. You've already improved your debt situation so much.
5: let relapses happen in smaller scales if you have to. It's fine. So stop beating yourself up over everything, please. Everyone fails. Everyone. You know what is a good habit? Trying again. Fucking trying again until whatever it is improved even just a bit. I'd insert a Family Guy clip I have in mind if I could find it.


You're my Bro. Truly. I know we don't normally talk aloud about all this shit but perhaps we should have done, still can do. I don't like talking about all this shit in public but if it helps so be it, and if it inspires someone else even a tiny bit, it'll be worth it...
You know that letter you left me when i left for Germany? I read that every so often. It makes me laugh and it inspires me to keep trying even when things are tough because they can be some days. It also helps me remember what I'm trying to accomplish in my life. YOU are helping me do that even now. YOU have helped me, as well as other amazing people, get me here today.
If you're able to turn all that positive energy (yeah, wanky term but f**k it) onto yourself, you've got the potential to go so fucking far.
Here's one mad wee random thought that might be worth considering. Have you looked into volunteering at a dog home or animal shelter? I know you love dogs, look into it. Even one evening or one weekend day a month. If that sounds like something fun, then nothing can stop you. Who knows where it could take you.
Anyway enough rambling from me, I love you and I'll batter you if you do something so stupid again. I'll make myself more available to talk to and if you want advice, or guidance on anything at all, ask me.

Great post sir.

[DA Baracus]

Thanks for the nice words everyone. Feeling better again today as I had a nice long sleep last night.

Definitely have been far too hard on myself recently, which was something I had managed to stop for a while. Not sure how/when I managed to slip back in to it. Will try to keep a more positive mind.

Stella, thanks man. I'll definitely give those thoughts and idea. I would say that don't feel like you need to apologise for your own stuff.

[Unleash The Nade]

8 hours ago, Stellaboz said:

This. This so much, one of the hardest things to do is to open up and although I wished you could have done so before (therefore perhaps preventing this episode) you did now and i have massive respect for that.
Ive run over a lot how to begin this post, perhaps a joke or an aggressively written statement meant in a light hearted way but I don't think it'll help.
There's definitely something in Bairnardo's theory of pre accepting what might happen. The hardest thing is to find a way of stopping it happening. For me, it was sheer will power when things were utter shit and as you know, still struggle at times even though my situation is good. I was on meds once. Came off them because either I didn't regularly take them or they did nothing for me. But everone is different and each struggle is unique.
The impulse to drink is more common than people think in my view. I don't get it so much anymore, it's embarrassingly been replaced by sugar cravings but it was dangerous and not something that there is a lot of help for out there. For me the fear of 2 or 3 days feeling below average scares me enough.

Even if these impulses happen, go along with it but buy say 4 beers instead of lots. Something really good and enjoy some old highlights like you sent me, or stick on a good long film, and try to change your mind's response to this impulse. Cut down before eliminating it, it takes time.
Also remember that relapses of such a thing will happen too. It's all part of overcoming something.
The hardest thing in the world is to change habits, but it can be done. It just takes time and no pills can help, nobody else can take the strain of it, but others can guide and help. You know me better than anyone I dare say except my lass in some regards and you know the changes I've made in my life.
Which brings me on to this, I know loneliness is one of the main problems. Im sorry I complained about having little personal space recently, seems really pathetic now but you know, it helped. So fucking talk before you reach for the beer OK? Anyway, loneliness and in particular, women or specifically attracting one. Don't take this the wrong way but you need to implement other changes before this happens.
1: forget them right now. Don't go to pubs alone approaching then. Just don't. They don't like this, speak to my lass about it.
2: focus on becoming healthier, make small changes perhaps to your diet and really push yourself to try some sports. Doesn't matter of you're shit, it's about good routine and you will also meet people. You have the time.
3: write some goals down. Write them fucking down. Now. Make goals each week so you can tick them off. Do it. Make them small, thinking about some bigger ones you may have long term. Write them down too. Fucking do it!
4: if you don't finish them all in a week, so what? But it's a good habit. Get into good habits and good things will start to happen. You've already improved your debt situation so much.
5: let relapses happen in smaller scales if you have to. It's fine. So stop beating yourself up over everything, please. Everyone fails. Everyone. You know what is a good habit? Trying again. Fucking trying again until whatever it is improved even just a bit. I'd insert a Family Guy clip I have in mind if I could find it.


You're my Bro. Truly. I know we don't normally talk aloud about all this shit but perhaps we should have done, still can do. I don't like talking about all this shit in public but if it helps so be it, and if it inspires someone else even a tiny bit, it'll be worth it...
You know that letter you left me when i left for Germany? I read that every so often. It makes me laugh and it inspires me to keep trying even when things are tough because they can be some days. It also helps me remember what I'm trying to accomplish in my life. YOU are helping me do that even now. YOU have helped me, as well as other amazing people, get me here today.
If you're able to turn all that positive energy (yeah, wanky term but f**k it) onto yourself, you've got the potential to go so fucking far.
Here's one mad wee random thought that might be worth considering. Have you looked into volunteering at a dog home or animal shelter? I know you love dogs, look into it. Even one evening or one weekend day a month. If that sounds like something fun, then nothing can stop you. Who knows where it could take you.
Anyway enough rambling from me, I love you and I'll batter you if you do something so stupid again. I'll make myself more available to talk to and if you want advice, or guidance on anything at all, ask me.

The best post anyone’s ever written on P&B 

[Shotgun]

57 minutes ago, Unleash The Nade said:

The best post anyone’s ever written on P&B 

Agreed. It know it wasn't written directly to me but it might as well have been. Things have been more than usually rough this last few days and it helped just reading it. Thanks Stella.

[Shotgun]

Something else I wanted to share with all of you here who might be struggling right now.

I've always hated self-help books. Not sure why exactly but just the general wankiness of them annoys me. The few I've read usually have me shouting internally and I've rarely finished one. In fact, I often wonder if the authors have spent a single day in an office, or dealing with depression or even on planet earth. "That shit doesn't work in real life!" and so on. However, at the recommendation (OK, insistence) of a friend, I just got done reading Stephen Covey's "The 7 habits of highly effective people", from the late 80's. Yes, a lot of it's hokey but there are some gems among the cheese.

If you aren't familiar with it; these aren't rules he invented, simply ones he compiled after observing people who tend to function well in life. He gives examples and illustrations of how to put them into practice. The company I worked for used his methodology to train the sales and client management teams and there's some good stuff in there.

You can find a lot of the information on-line if you're interested in scoping it out.

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

[Stellaboz]

Glad you got something from it, hopefully long term.

[Richey Edwards]

I have forgot to take my antidepressant two days in a row and cannot get it now until tomorrow when I finish work.

When I say "forgot to take it", I mean I ran out of my prescription two days ago and meant to go to the chemist to pick it up yesterday and today but just forgot to do so. Running out of antidepressants is not a great idea but this would have seemed like a catastrophe previously but I am feeling so good just now that it isn't really a big deal.

Anyway, due to registration issues (my registration lapsed during my last period of longterm sickness) I am currently temporarily working in the kitchen of my workplace and, despite expecting to hate every minute of it, I am really enjoying it to the extent that I am considering asking if I can stay there. It is a stress-free job, nobody gives you any hassle and you just get on with doing the job on your own and don't need to rely on (sometimes incompetent and negligent) other people.

I doubt they will let me stay but at worst they will say no.

[ayrmad]

2 hours ago, Shotgun said:

Something else I wanted to share with all of you here who might be struggling right now.

I've always hated self-help books. Not sure why exactly but just the general wankiness of them annoys me. The few I've read usually have me shouting internally and I've rarely finished one. In fact, I often wonder if the authors have spent a single day in an office, or dealing with depression or even on planet earth. "That shit doesn't work in real life!" and so on. However, at the recommendation (OK, insistence) of a friend, I just got done reading Stephen Covey's "The 7 habits of highly effective people", from the late 80's. Yes, a lot of it's hokey but there are some gems among the cheese.

If you aren't familiar with it; these aren't rules he invented, simply ones he compiled after observing people who tend to function well in life. He gives examples and illustrations of how to put them into practice. The company I worked for used his methodology to train the sales and client management teams and there's some good stuff in there.

You can find a lot of the information on-line if you're interested in scoping it out.

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

I've read a lot of books to improve things about myself or become far more informed about subjects that float my boat at the time, they all have parts that were meaningless to myself at the time of reading, I don't bother about that as I only need to find the line or paragraph that flicks the light bulb on.

 

[Iminavest]

Had a couple of decent days over the past couple of months, not euphorically happy or anything, amongst the usual mundane nothingness. Followed by a day of feeling down to the point of tears then just numb.

[welshbairn]

36 minutes ago, Iminavest said:

Had a couple of decent days over the past couple of months, not euphorically happy or anything, amongst the usual mundane nothingness. Followed by a day of feeling down to the point of tears then just numb.

I've probably lived longer than you, but have accepted mild melancholy as an achievable and preservable state. The expectations of happiness are torture and a false goal imposed by society, films and tv, especially when you're young. A bit of numbness is useful imo, keeps an outside perspective on your mood swings. Stay strong and remember nothing lasts forever. Not finding meaning in anything is rational, but it will go away when the endorphins kick back in and you start finding meaning in irrational stuff again. 

Edited March 7, 2018 by welshbairn

[Raidernation]

Well, amazingly, I seem to have found myself a girlfriend who’s sane, sensible and seems to like me a lot.
Considering how effed up I have been, how self destructive at times and how messy my life was it seems there can be happiness out there.
This is not a post to brag or show off, just an indicator that you can “come out the other side” and live

[Stellaboz]

This is ridiculous but I had a night to myself yesterday. Late afternoon yesterday I'm told I have a meeting to basically improve my work accuracy, which admittedly hasn't been 100% but there have been reasons and recently it's been almost there.
I'm easily vulnerable to mood swings and my confidence can easily take a pasting at the slightest thing. My mind took this as a huge stress and I ended up taking a couple of beers home, had a pizza to myself and ate some sugary rubbish whilst watching something I had planned to.
No biggy you might say but i feel like my body needs detoxed and feel the alcohol keeping my mood low, despite only being a couple.
I'm constantly feeling like I have to pick myself up from stresses, such as family problems back home or something happening at work which has been in my view a lack of training given to me. I also find myself thinking of my life back in Scotland and how more secure I felt in my job, yet I was missing my partner and there is no way I'd do long distance ever again now.

In the past I've been just shy of being properly diagnosed with mild bi polarism and to be honest, that doesn't bother me because I've always felt like I need to hit a low point to reach up again, even from a young age. I also feel scared to feel really happy for a length of time and I find myself dragged back into a passive state at times to avoid a huge drop in my mood, or because I'm scared of that drop.
I'm sort of rambling on but I thought it would help to actually get this stuff out in words and again, maybe someone else feels the same and finds help reading it somehow.

[DA Baracus]

I'm a bit pished but feeling not so bad. However I feel like I'm forcing down the fact that I've been single for 7 years (and the loneliness often feels overwhelming, sometimes to the point that I feel physically ill and want to die)

[Bairnardo]

9 minutes ago, DA Baracus said:

I'm a bit pished but feeling not so bad. However I feel like I'm forcing down the fact that I've been single for 7 years (and the loneliness often feels overwhelming, sometimes to the point that I feel physically ill and want to die)

Bit pished is alright. Don't go getting arseholed tonight mate.

[DA Baracus]

19 minutes ago, Bairnardo said:

Bit pished is alright. Don't go getting arseholed tonight mate.

Nah not drank for a few hours. Still though feeling melancholy though. Have fucked up everything and feel like I'm running out of time. Just numb and feel suicidal top often (even though it must be circa 2% of the time) and have nothing going for me. Bought a birthday cake the other day and are half of it but threw the other half out. I'm rambling. A sleep will be good and I'll be fine in the morning

[DA Baracus]

Note to self; stop posting drunken rambling pish!

[ayrmad]

Just now, DA Baracus said:

Note to self; stop posting drunken rambling pish!

Personally, I wouldn't be drinking in your circumstance, you appear to be putting yourself in a dangerous situation everytime you're on the bevvy.

[DA Baracus]

1 minute ago, ayrmad said:

Personally, I wouldn't be drinking in your circumstance, you appear to be putting yourself in a dangerous situation everytime you're on the bevvy.

Aye I need to cut it out for a bit

[NJ2]

Better sometimes out than in though, DA. I’m interested in what you mean by running out of time - for what? Brace yourself for some utter shite, but I try not to look at life as race to milestones, just try and enjoy it when you can...admittedly difficult for a Pars fan.