Depression

[The Moonster]

Feeling strained, been on the Anti depressants for a week now, still waiting for life link to contact me to begin my counselling. I have no drive to do anything, I sit bored everyday, I go on long walks in the afternoon but in the evenings I just sit bored

I was going through something similar over the last few weeks. I was really struggling to sleep as well so I'd go out jogs in the afternoon to try and tire myself out a bit but it didn't really work. Reading has actually helped me a lot, I'd get lost in a book and it even helped me get to sleep. Everyone's different and I appreciate the thought of reading a book maybe doesn't fill you with excitement but I felt like that too and I can't stop.

I'd say try anything, absolutely anything to and stave off the boredom. I obviously don't know what you're into but doing a sport, reading or making something/building something, anything really that gives you a sort of project or target might help.

[Quitongo's Left Peg]

Just stumbled across this thread. P&B gets a bad name at times, but this is a breath of fresh air. I've been suffering from depression now for 12 years, since I was 15. Tried almost every drug available, and have found that none really work to the extent that it's worth the side effects that come with it. Things have got worse in the last year or so when I was diagnosed with N.E.A.D (Non Epileptic Attack Disorder) and whilst it was a relief not to have Epilepsy, the feeling of hopelessness I get immediately before or just after an attack is terrifying.

I was going through something similar over the last few weeks. I was really struggling to sleep as well so I'd go out jogs in the afternoon to try and tire myself out a bit but it didn't really work. Reading has actually helped me a lot, I'd get lost in a book and it even helped me get to sleep. Everyone's different and I appreciate the thought of reading a book maybe doesn't fill you with excitement but I felt like that too and I can't stop.

I'd say try anything, absolutely anything to and stave off the boredom. I obviously don't know what you're into but doing a sport, reading or making something/building something, anything really that gives you a sort of project or target might help.

I can fully sympathise. Reading hasn't helped me at all in the last while, I'll see a word or a phrase and it will set my mind off and before I know it I'm staring into space again.

Played football last night though and for that hour I felt completely free. My mind was focused on the game - making runs, tracking runners, picking passes and I can honestly say it's the best I've felt in months. When I go to the football on a Saturday I try and get completely sucked into it by studying everything that happens, probably why I come across as so wanky at times when I'm discussing the match on here afterwards.

[Replays]

I've never posted on this thread before but would like to say a huge well done and thank you to all of you who have posted your experiences on here. You've all helped me realise that there are others out there who have felt the same and to open up about my problems.

I'd been suffering depression for about six-months for, what I think were, a few reasons. I was prescribed Roaccutane for persistent acne and I can honestly say that the side effects of it hit me like a ton of bricks- one of which was depression. Around that time, I was also going through a few personal problems which certainly didn't make things any easier. Some days I'd wake up and feel okay and then other days I'd come off the back of a long sleep but still feel exhausted and miserable throughout the day. The mood swings were also horrible and sometimes I'd find myself feeling sick to my stomach and worrying about things that previously would never even have crossed my mind. I lost interest in doing a lot of the things that made me happy and began just to shut myself off from those around me. I've always been an introvert but I didn't even want to interact with my family or my girlfriend and, it's only now that I can look back and realise how that must have hurt all of them, as well as myself. I was a totally different guy from the one that I was used to being.

I suppose the reason that I was always scared of telling someone how I felt was because I was embarrassed. I'm 18 years old, I live at home and have always managed to enjoy, just about, a comfortable enough lifestyle. What have I got to complain about? I didn't want the pity of others and I didn't want to feel like other people were dealing with my problems for me. With hindsight, this was incredibly short sighted as I ended up pushing away the people who wanted to help me most which really didn't help matters.

The turning point for me came when I woke up one day having dreamt about killing myself the night before. Never before in my life had I even thought about anything like that (I'm one of those wee p****s who doesn't smoke and avoid the drink because I'm cautious about my health) so, that came as one hell of a shock to me. It was around that point that I started paying attention to this thread and I am extremely grateful to you all for sharing your experiences here. Despite not posting, it made me feel that people will listen and that people do care and I'm not 100% sure where I would be without it.

Recently, I managed to speak to my mum and my girlfriend about how I was feeling. This was difficult for me because I've never been great for showing how I really feel but, I can honestly say that talking to someone about it was the best thing I could have done. Just being able to get how I felt off of my chest was a massive help and I have been amazed at just how supportive they have both been- I owe them a heck of a lot because it must have been horrible for them to go through as well.

I still occasionally suffer from the odd niggle here and there, I've started university and I'll admit that I'm struggling a lot to deal with the change. It's not even so much the coursework that's bothering me but I'm just not sure if the area that I'm studying (Primary Education) is what I want to do with my life, particularly as I know that there aren't a huge number of males who are primary school teachers. I'm always trying to remain optimistic and there are times where I really enjoy it but I just feel in need of reassurance from someone who's been there and done it. Last week I just couldn't cope with it and, for three days straight, I came in and started crying in my room for no particular reason. I'll admit, it sounds pathetic saying it, and I am quite embarrassed by the whole episode but I can say that I didn't feel in control of how I felt again which does make me worry that I'll slip back into depression again. I always feel like I'm walking a tightrope between being okay and between feeling dreadful but I'm regaining the ability to search the for the positives in stations again which is helping me feel better. I am determined to try and not let my bad days affect others and to her immense credit, my girlfriend has been nothing but patient and supportive. I'm extremely grateful that I have her because she is one of the very best people that I've ever known.

I'm now off of the roaccutane and I think that I'm experiencing far fewer bad days than I was. I suppose I have been lucky, I was always certain that my depression was, at least partly, caused by my medication and I suppose the fact that I knew I would eventually come off it was a light at the end of the tunnel (although, my body readjusting to normal has been absolutely hellish). I know that my problems have been nothing compared to those suffered by others here but I always try to remind myself that depression is an illness and therefore, not one of us should feeling guilty for feeling that way. I can only say that whilst it may not be for everyone, talking to the people who knew me best certainly helped me. I wish all of you all the very, very best and remind every single one of you that if you're looking for justification as to why you matter, just think about how much your posts have helped me and no doubt many others on here.

Edited November 5, 2014 by Scott-Replay

[Raidernation]

Just watched the film "The Fault In The Stars." God, I hate cancer

Aye

[Raidernation]

Because I will miss several days of work whilst I undergo medical treatment I have been "released" from my job.

Bugger!

[Karpaty]

Aye

I don't have cancer but have seen my father lose both his parents and his two best friends to it in 20 years. It's fucking shite

Anyone for a PM just now?

[paranoid android]

Because I will miss several days of work whilst I undergo medical treatment I have been "released" from my job.

Bugger!

That is fucking scandalous, mate.

[paranoid android]

Anyone for a PM just now?

You all right, Chris?

[CaleyJag157]

Hey everyone

Just reading through this recently and it just makes me happy to know how truly awesome some of you are, like the guys with the bravery to post how their feeling on a forum and also to the people offering genuine support and advice. It's a wonderful paradox that the nicest thread on the whole site happens to be the Depression one.

I feel that's why i'm here as well, just to try and get a few things off my mind and hopefully just by getting it out there I might be able to slowly get better. The strange thing is I know when it's coming, these dark times I have coincide around this time of year. As soon as the clocks go back I just start feeling down. Its only my mum who I've told about how I feel but after leaving home recently and moving to the North of England with other family and I suppose leaving a lot of friends and my main family behind the sadness slowly crept back in. I do worry a lot about my own mortality and all these things that if you start thinking about for more than 2 seconds your brain starts melting which funnily enough had me earlier on tonight running through to the kitchen sink and throwing essentially an ice cold cup of water over my head in an attempt to shut out the thoughts. I suppose I could of filmed it under the title "Sad youth does tiny ice bucket challenge".

After drying my head I decided I needed to talk to someone. Being 2am I didn't have many options apart from the Samaritans. I did feel like "Well, this is something I'd never thought I'd do" but I was on the phone for about 40 minutes and I think the simple act of just verbalizing how I felt did make me feel better. The woman on the other end of the phone did talk about ringing NHS 24 about seeking professional advice which in hindsight wasn't too clever when I'm on the phone and they're asking me what my symptoms are and I'm basically saying "I'm feeling a bit down". I could almost hear the seethe from the poor NHS woman on the other end of the phone as she explained to me there was nothing they could do to help me as I couldn't point out what was actually wrong with me and for her to conclude "We're not here to talk to people" .

I did apologise for wasting her time and I think she understood why I phoned but I did have a wee smile to myself knowing that as soon as she put the phone down she would of turned to her mate and gone "Honestly, the people that phone up, you'd think they just wanted a chat or something". But, hey they do a good job and so do the Samaritans and also all you wonderful people on this thread offering some wonderful advice and just generally being there.

I thought I would just share my experience in the things I'm going through and how I'm trying to deal with it (I suppose the first step will be buying the book 'dealing with depression-the dry way'). But anyone else feeling down I do recommend just trying to talk to someone about it and I'll try and change my lifestyle a bit for the better and hopefully soon enough I'll see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Thanks again everyone.

Edited November 6, 2014 by CaleyJag157

[JogaBonito]

I've never posted on this thread before but would like to say a huge well done and thank you to all of you who have posted your experiences on here. You've all helped me realise that there are others out there who have felt the same and to open up about my problems.

I'd been suffering depression for about six-months for, what I think were, a few reasons. I was prescribed Roaccutane for persistent acne and I can honestly say that the side effects of it hit me like a ton of bricks- one of which was depression. Around that time, I was also going through a few personal problems which certainly didn't make things any easier. Some days I'd wake up and feel okay and then other days I'd come off the back of a long sleep but still feel exhausted and miserable throughout the day. The mood swings were also horrible and sometimes I'd find myself feeling sick to my stomach and worrying about things that previously would never even have crossed my mind. I lost interest in doing a lot of the things that made me happy and began just to shut myself off from those around me. I've always been an introvert but I didn't even want to interact with my family or my girlfriend and, it's only now that I can look back and realise how that must have hurt all of them, as well as myself. I was a totally different guy from the one that I was used to being.

I suppose the reason that I was always scared of telling someone how I felt was because I was embarrassed. I'm 18 years old, I live at home and have always managed to enjoy, just about, a comfortable enough lifestyle. What have I got to complain about? I didn't want the pity of others and I didn't want to feel like other people were dealing with my problems for me. With hindsight, this was incredibly short sighted as I ended up pushing away the people who wanted to help me most which really didn't help matters.

The turning point for me came when I woke up one day having dreamt about killing myself the night before. Never before in my life had I even thought about anything like that (I'm one of those wee p****s who doesn't smoke and avoid the drink because I'm cautious about my health) so, that came as one hell of a shock to me. It was around that point that I started paying attention to this thread and I am extremely grateful to you all for sharing your experiences here. Despite not posting, it made me feel that people will listen and that people do care and I'm not 100% sure where I would be without it.

Recently, I managed to speak to my mum and my girlfriend about how I was feeling. This was difficult for me because I've never been great for showing how I really feel but, I can honestly say that talking to someone about it was the best thing I could have done. Just being able to get how I felt off of my chest was a massive help and I have been amazed at just how supportive they have both been- I owe them a heck of a lot because it must have been horrible for them to go through as well.

I still occasionally suffer from the odd niggle here and there, I've started university and I'll admit that I'm struggling a lot to deal with the change. It's not even so much the coursework that's bothering me but I'm just not sure if the area that I'm studying (Primary Education) is what I want to do with my life, particularly as I know that there aren't a huge number of males who are primary school teachers. I'm always trying to remain optimistic and there are times where I really enjoy it but I just feel in need of reassurance from someone who's been there and done it. Last week I just couldn't cope with it and, for three days straight, I came in and started crying in my room for no particular reason. I'll admit, it sounds pathetic saying it, and I am quite embarrassed by the whole episode but I can say that I didn't feel in control of how I felt again which does make me worry that I'll slip back into depression again. I always feel like I'm walking a tightrope between being okay and between feeling dreadful but I'm regaining the ability to search the for the positives in stations again which is helping me feel better. I am determined to try and not let my bad days affect others and to her immense credit, my girlfriend has been nothing but patient and supportive. I'm extremely grateful that I have her because she is one of the very best people that I've ever known.

I'm now off of the roaccutane and I think that I'm experiencing far fewer bad days than I was. I suppose I have been lucky, I was always certain that my depression was, at least partly, caused by my medication and I suppose the fact that I knew I would eventually come off it was a light at the end of the tunnel (although, my body readjusting to normal has been absolutely hellish). I know that my problems have been nothing compared to those suffered by others here but I always try to remind myself that depression is an illness and therefore, not one of us should feeling guilty for feeling that way. I can only say that whilst it may not be for everyone, talking to the people who knew me best certainly helped me. I wish all of you all the very, very best and remind every single one of you that if you're looking for justification as to why you matter, just think about how much your posts have helped me and no doubt many others on here.

Thanks for sharing. The point about constantly wanting reassurance resonates strongly with me. It's incredible that we're expected to battle against our own brains, an organ that is usually trusted with helping us live our lives.

If you have a course advisor, I think you should open up (when you're comfortable of course), especially as it could affect your grades. Plus, you could always ask for help, especially with regards to work experience or extra tips and advice. Plus, there are usually counselling services on campus, so please make use of them. Learning a different kind of coping mechanism could do wonders.

Best regards (apologies if I'm talking shite, slightly steamboats!)

[JogaBonito]

Because I will miss several days of work whilst I undergo medical treatment I have been "released" from my job.

Bugger!

Hope you get some sort of social support/severance pay.

That is fucking ridiculous, I hope it wasnt done to circumvent private healthcare or something.

Thanks Obama! /s

[RH33]

Well done guys for sharing.

Scott I was doing primary teaching degree, before I had a diagnoses. Talk to the course director as there may well be support services on campus.

I've had a rough week but getting there now

[Raidernation]

Hope you get some sort of social support/severance pay.

That is fucking ridiculous, I hope it wasnt done to circumvent private healthcare or something.

Thanks Obama! /s

No.

Apparently in the good old US of A you are not allowed to be ill

[EdgarusQPFC]

Had a really bad night, did something I regret

[underdogunderdog underdog]

Had a really bad night, did something I regret

You alright?

[CM.]

Also had a terrible night, and in actual fact a terrible few days. Just cant see the light at the end of the tunnel.

[underdogunderdog underdog]

Also had a terrible night, and in actual fact a terrible few days. Just cant see the light at the end of the tunnel.

What's getting you down?

[paranoid android]

Just mind it can aye get better, folks, and it often does. Happy to take PMs if anybody needs a 'blether'.

[Replays]

Thanks for sharing. The point about constantly wanting reassurance resonates strongly with me. It's incredible that we're expected to battle against our own brains, an organ that is usually trusted with helping us live our lives.

If you have a course advisor, I think you should open up (when you're comfortable of course), especially as it could affect your grades. Plus, you could always ask for help, especially with regards to work experience or extra tips and advice. Plus, there are usually counselling services on campus, so please make use of them. Learning a different kind of coping mechanism could do wonders.

Best regards (apologies if I'm talking shite, slightly steamboats!)

Well done guys for sharing.

Scott I was doing primary teaching degree, before I had a diagnoses. Talk to the course director as there may well be support services on campus.

I've had a rough week but getting there now

Thanks a lot for the replies, it's seriously appreciated. I think I'll definitely take your advice on board about talking to my course advisor, it can't do any harm and at the moment, I'm willing to try anything to help me feel like myself again. I've been okay recently but I can't help but get the feeling I'll have a shocker soon, it seems to come and go.

Difficult night coming up tomorrow. My girlfriend's studying dentistry and they're running a field day up to Dundee which tends to consist of them all getting absolutely leathered, returning to Glasgow at God knows what hour. Normally I wouldn't mind this at all but at the moment, my mind has just been worrying about something regarding it and I can't figure out specifically what it is whatsoever. I've no reason to distrust her so I'm certain it's nothing to do with that side of things, I think it's more that I find it a little bit disheartening when I see her settle into university with ease and be able to gel with her new group of friends as if she's known them for her entire life when I know that I'm struggling. I know that's an incredibly selfish viewpoint to take and, as I said, I'm not the sort of guy who would normally get bothered by things like this in the slightest but, I suppose the easiest way to put it is I feel as though I'm getting left further and further behind. However, trying to think of it logically, she's done a lot for me and if anybody deserves a night out it's her. I'm sure she'll be absolutely fine and it's important to me that she has her own life outside of our relationship.

My best mate's also moved up to Perth for university so not being able to see him often anymore has been difficult although, I suppose that's just a part of life. He's a cracking guy so hopefully he'll be down, or I'll be up, to pay a wee visit soon.

I'm absolutely shattered, hence why that was likely incoherent pish for the most part but, Rowan, I'm glad to hear your week is looking up now. Raider, you've been one of the people who's inspired me most on this thread so my thoughts are most certainly with you at this time. All the best buddy, I'm sincerely hoping some good news comes your way soon.

I'm also always up for a blether if anyone wants to drop a PM. I may not have much advice to give but I'll do whatever I can. We're in this together!

[Quitongo's Left Peg]

Lying in bed, lights off, Missus asleep. Suddenly the watch that has sat on my bedside table every night without issue starts being louder than ever before. TICK TOCK. The more I try to ignore it the louder it becomes. TICK TOCK. So I eventually relent and put it in a drawer, but all I can hear now is TICK TOCK and I don't know whether it's the watch or all in my head so I leave the room to escape it and the forget about the living room clock which is even louder. TICK FUCKING TOCK.

This kind of thing tends to materialise before one of my really bad spells so when I feel the signs coming on I go into a lull probably before the actual sadness kicks in. Have a busy weekend with my Missus' graduation and the subsequent meals and drinks and I'm not sure I'm up to it. There's always such a pressure to conform around others and the fear is driving me insane. It's things like this that make me wish I could sleep through it all, but then I wonder if given the choice would I just sleep forever?

Sorry for being a rambling mess, just felt the need to vocalise this in some way. Hopefully everyone else is having a peaceful night x