Depression

[???]

Morning guys. Lurk on here quite alot and feel as if I have nowhere else to discuss how I feel atm.

Got a generally happy and good life, a lot going for me. Job is ok and well paid for what I do and no stresses at all. Young son and getting married next year.  We struggle for babysitters and as a result myself and my mrs rarely get time together, it is either I am in and she is out or vice versa. We are good at allowing each other our nights out etc but I feel as if I am really struggling with life in general and am constantly tired of late.  Have had depressive bouts before where I lay in bed all day and sat up all night and would regularly switch phone off for 2 or 3 days to cut myself off from friends.  The way I feel just now is early warning signs of slipping into a depression. I exercise alot as it keeps me sane and is my "me time" but I still lately feel really low on a daily basis.  Our wee boy is being very difficult with his behaviour and tantrums which I think is impacting things as we have tried everything we can to deal with it.  I feel as if I need a break from having to be somewhere for a certain time for a spell ie. work, dropping him off and picking him up from his Gran's where he gets watched daily.  Have spoke to the mrs who said she understands as she had 2 weeks off work last December as she felt very similar.  I have been gambling alot more lately too which I feel is linked to how I am feeling. Any P&Bers any advice or ever felt like this despite having no real reason to? 

 

Mrs has basically said if I still feel this way in a few weeks then I should get signed off from work and have a break and her mum would still watch the kid for me to rest up. This is good but I feel guilty at the thought.

[Hedgecutter]

 Mrs has basically said if I still feel this way in a few weeks then I should get signed off from work and have a break and her mum would still watch the kid for me to rest up. This is good but I feel guilty at the thought.

Would you feel as guilty if you had to be signed off because you had done your back in, or any other notable physical issue? Mental illness is just as valid a reason, although I must admit that I only fully appreciated this having gone through it myself.

[HenryHill]

10 hours ago, ??? said:

 

Mrs has basically said if I still feel this way in a few weeks then I should get signed off from work and have a break and her mum would still watch the kid for me to rest up. This is good but I feel guilty at the thought.

As long as you stay clear of that gambling while you are off it sounds worth a shot. Get something planned to keep you occupied while you are off as well.

[???]

On 30/09/2017 at 10:42, Hedgecutter said:

 

Would you feel as guilty if you had to be signed off because you had done your back in, or any other notable physical issue? Mental illness is just as valid a reason, although I must admit that I only fully appreciated this having gone through it myself.

 

It's not the thought of being off work that makes me feel guilty. Moreso being off but not having the kid to look after. 

I am off in a couple of weeks on holiday if I am still feeling this way I will go to the doctors I think.

[Dons_1988]

It's not the thought of being off work that makes me feel guilty. Moreso being off but not having the kid to look after. 
I am off in a couple of weeks on holiday if I am still feeling this way I will go to the doctors I think.

Hedgecutter is right, you need to narrow the gap in thinking between physical and mental illness.

When my doctor told me I needed to have time off I said 'no way, I can't be THAT guy'

And she asked me what would I do if I broke my leg and immediately I said obviously I'd have to take time off.

She then asked what do you think it would do if you continued to try and walk, play football etc with that broken leg. Again, immediately I responded well I'd be making my leg significantly worse and it would never recover.

You need to take that same approach to mental illness, so long as that time off is used to make yourself better I.e you don't spend it out on the piss and in the bookies etc.

You don't have to cut yourself off from the wee one just maybe remove some of the burden of responsibility for a short amount of time.

You'll see the benefit of it honestly.

[Silas Stingy]

Got off the phone to my sister two hours ago. After a 10 minute conversation she broke down and told me that she was planning on killing herself a few days ago, and that she changed her mind because she can't leave her children behind. She has been going through a lot lately after not talking to my mum, her boyfriend sending her disguasting texts, and the place she is staying being the most bleak part Fife has to offer. I feel incredbly lost at the moment, and I feel sick to my stomach knowing that she is by herself right now.

[RH33]

There may well be local crisis team her gp can send her to for support. Depending on age of kids this may lead nursery hours if that age. 

She needs to see a doctor though asap.

[EdgarusQPFC]

Getting by, it seems my ESA has been continued at the same rate for another year which is one less thing to worry about. Still having problems with the Agoraphobia, as i mentioned previously its stopped me from going to the gym and i don't have the space for a full exercise bike but ive purchased a pedal exerciser, it's basically a exercise bike minus the frame and seat, so you have the pedals(obviously) a display to record your progress and a way to add torque to the pedals as you would on a normal exercise bike. Im starting with 20 minute sessions and im gonna increase them by 5 minutes at a time. Every little helps. Due to my aunt being ill over the past few weeks ive pretty much taken over caring duties for my Gran, this has forced me out my comfort zone and ive been out the house more recently than in months, which is good in a way, but at the same time i kinda just wanna retreat into my shell.

[EdgarusQPFC]

On 10/1/2017 at 21:43, Silas Stingy said:

Got off the phone to my sister two hours ago. After a 10 minute conversation she broke down and told me that she was planning on killing herself a few days ago, and that she changed her mind because she can't leave her children behind. She has been going through a lot lately after not talking to my mum, her boyfriend sending her disguasting texts, and the place she is staying being the most bleak part Fife has to offer. I feel incredbly lost at the moment, and I feel sick to my stomach knowing that she is by herself right now.

Would your sister be able to move in with you? that is on a temporary basis til she can find a new place close by? Sometimes when you find yourself in a rut you just have to get out, so perhaps a move would be the fresh start she needs

[NorthernJambo]

Getting by, it seems my ESA has been continued at the same rate for another year which is one less thing to worry about. Still having problems with the Agoraphobia, as i mentioned previously its stopped me from going to the gym and i don't have the space for a full exercise bike but ive purchased a pedal exerciser, it's basically a exercise bike minus the frame and seat, so you have the pedals(obviously) a display to record your progress and a way to add torque to the pedals as you would on a normal exercise bike. Im starting with 20 minute sessions and im gonna increase them by 5 minutes at a time. Every little helps. Due to my aunt being ill over the past few weeks ive pretty much taken over caring duties for my Gran, this has forced me out my comfort zone and ive been out the house more recently than in months, which is good in a way, but at the same time i kinda just wanna retreat into my shell.

Good the ESA is staying the same, as you say one less thing to worry about. Really good you’re trying to keep us the exercise even if it is only indoors. Press ups, sit ups, squats don’t need much room either. Shame about your aunt being ill and you being forced out your comfort zone but I think it could be a blessing in disguise to get you out and about. Shows you can do it!

[KiwiDB]

On 4/30/2017 at 20:52, Lisa Cuddy said:

Gaz, I wouldn't tell you not to go down this route as counselling is obviously a positive step, however it's likely your employer or union could facilitate this quicker than your GP could. The waiting lists often run into years for support via the NHS with the priority being those who have made attempts on their life or self harm. 

I really hope you can get something sorted soon. 

Far too late to the party but a lot of employers now have "Employee Assistance Programmes" and given Gaz is a teacher I'd hope the teaching union or the like have one.

Why do I know, well I finally hit the wall about 4 weeks ago and had to give them a call.

I'm not sure how I'd categorise how I'd been feeling, just a combination of factors that meant I'd often be sitting here at work just blindly staring at my office wall and not able to concentrate at all.

At the time, I thought it all started with my Dad passing away about 16 months ago, it was a fairly manic few months from when he was diagnosed in early February to passing away in early June. I did the almost 72 hour return trip twice in the space of 10 weeks and was on the ground in Scotland for a week each time so pretty much fly in fly out. I'd had a fairly fractured relationship with him for the last 15 years and I think that actually made the whole thing worse..

Since then, I started a new job thats turned out to be highly stressful with real overpowering bosses based in Australia who think nothing of shouting at you on the phone and we had our 2nd little boy 7 months ago who has turned out to be not much of a sleeper (although getting better).

Oh and we moved cities for the new job.

Fair to say we've packed a fair bit into the last 12 months and it all got the better of me, I've seen the therapist three times in the last three weeks and while I think it's slowly improving it's still hard work.

I made the call after the first appointment that I was going to start looking for a new job as well as I think that's a very large part of the issue.

In amongst talking to her though, it's become obvious there's more to it than I thought, I went through all the Christchurch earthquakes a few years ago and that reared it's ugly ahead again while talking to her, don't think I've ever completely got my head around those.

A bit of a ramble I guess and sure I've missed stuff, taken me half an hour to type as well but good to get it down.

 

[DA Baracus]

13 hours ago, KiwiDB said:

Far too late to the party but a lot of employers now have "Employee Assistance Programmes" and given Gaz is a teacher I'd hope the teaching union or the like have one.

Why do I know, well I finally hit the wall about 4 weeks ago and had to give them a call.

I'm not sure how I'd categorise how I'd been feeling, just a combination of factors that meant I'd often be sitting here at work just blindly staring at my office wall and not able to concentrate at all.

At the time, I thought it all started with my Dad passing away about 16 months ago, it was a fairly manic few months from when he was diagnosed in early February to passing away in early June. I did the almost 72 hour return trip twice in the space of 10 weeks and was on the ground in Scotland for a week each time so pretty much fly in fly out. I'd had a fairly fractured relationship with him for the last 15 years and I think that actually made the whole thing worse..

Since then, I started a new job thats turned out to be highly stressful with real overpowering bosses based in Australia who think nothing of shouting at you on the phone and we had our 2nd little boy 7 months ago who has turned out to be not much of a sleeper (although getting better).

Oh and we moved cities for the new job.

Fair to say we've packed a fair bit into the last 12 months and it all got the better of me, I've seen the therapist three times in the last three weeks and while I think it's slowly improving it's still hard work.

I made the call after the first appointment that I was going to start looking for a new job as well as I think that's a very large part of the issue.

In amongst talking to her though, it's become obvious there's more to it than I thought, I went through all the Christchurch earthquakes a few years ago and that reared it's ugly ahead again while talking to her, don't think I've ever completely got my head around those.

A bit of a ramble I guess and sure I've missed stuff, taken me half an hour to type as well but good to get it down.

 

Sounds like a lot of things building up there and sounds like it was very hard to try and juggle them all to stay on top.

You've definitely made the right move by seeking help. Everyone needs help at some stage. Good to hear that therapy is helping. Have you mentioned the stuff about the earthquakes to the therapist? If not then I think you should, as it sounds like you could be suffering from some sort of PTSD or similar in relation to them.

I think most would agree that having a job that stresses you out that much and makes you feel miserable definitely isn't worth it (and if they don't agree they're wrong), so looking for a new job sounds like a good plan.

[Shotgun]

On 9/27/2017 at 11:52, Shotgun said:

I've tried medication and sleeping pills but the side effects were worse than the depression so instead I've been tackling it old school, with alcohol and the odd toot on the legal marrywanny. You'll be shocked to learn they haven't fixed the issue either but I 'do' look forward to them and get pleasure when I indulge, so there's that.

You'd think I'd know better than to put information like that out into the ether. Naturally, the doGs heard it and decided I needed to be punished. Had a nasty health scare this last weekend which means a significant reduction in my alcohol intake and no more pot-smoking. 

 The TL/DR version is that a massive blood clot in my leg made it's way into my lungs which means I'll be on blood thinners for at least the next six months. I've also to wrap myself if cotton wool, which isn't as bad as it sounds because I have zero energy anyway.

If you're interested in the long version, settle down with a cup of tea and I'll tell you all about it.

I did a big bike ride the weekend before last. It’s called The Tour of the Moon and if you aren't familiar with it, it runs through Colorado National Monument.

http://www.americansouthwest.net/colorado/colorado/window-rock-cliffs_l.html

The scenery was spectacular although it was the toughest climb I’ve done in years, possibly ever. However, I was well pleased at how comfortable I felt. Until about 4 miles from the top when a storm came in early. Hail, thunder, lightning, wind and lashing rain. I was seriously under-dressed and was chilled to the bone in no time. The steep ride down was brutal with every muscle locked up solid and it was all I could do to control the bike going around the tight turns. A lot of people were shuttled off the mountain, many were treated for hypothermia and one lady died in a crash. Ugh. I made it down safely, albeit miserably and even after standing under a hot shower for 20 minutes I was still shivering. Once I got some dry clothes on though and had eaten a hot meal I felt a whole lot better and was fine for the rest of the night.

Sunday’s drive home took a lot longer than planned, maybe 6 hours or so, due to a snowstorm on one of the mountain passes and being backed up behind the autumn leaf peepers. I woke on Tuesday with a sore leg, which I put down to some kind of delayed muscle strain from the ride. I didn’t get much chance to stretch it out though because I was working late nights prepping for an overnight  business trip to Nashville which saw me cooped up indoors until Friday morning. By that time I felt like I’d done nothing but sit all week so sore leg or not, I set off on a walk with the dogs.

Except I only made it about 100 yards before my heart started pounding out of my ribs, I couldn’t breathe and felt dizzy and sick. I turned back and made my way home where I lay down feeling dreadful. Every now and then the symptoms would start up again so Mrs Shotgun called the Dr. who told us to go to Urgent Care (a step up from the Dr.'s office but not as serious as E.R. / Casualty). However once we arrived there the Doc barely heard my symptoms before telling us to get to the Emergency Room right NOW.

I got well fussed over with a team of people poking and prodding, attaching wires and tubes and monitors and doG knows what else. A Cat Scan of my chest confirmed that I have multiple clots in both lungs and it would appear that the leg pain had been from a massive one, which worked its way through my heart (yikes). This broke it up before the pieces were caught in my lungs. If any of them had made their way to my brain, things could have got seriously bad and as it is, I was in much worse shape than we had realized. I heard many times that my case was “text book” and the reason I’d received such fast attention was because the medics had known what was going on as soon as Mrs Shotgun started describing it. The theory is that I probably got dehydrated on the bike ride, then sat for too long the next couple of days. That initiated the clot in my leg but when I followed this by more sitting and two long plane flights, we were away to the races.

In time I got wheeled upstairs to spend a couple of nights in the hospital, which was a new experience for me. It really wasn’t bad because surprisingly, I felt quite well. The Doc said this was due to my good initial state of fitness and that most people would have been in a lot of pain. Either way, it was a close one and a very, very good thing Mrs Shotgun made the phone call.

By Sunday night they were sick of looking at me so sent me home with a bunch of instructions for living. There’s no way to treat the clots themselves, my body has to do that and should take about 3-4 weeks. In the meantime I’m on a course of blood thinners to prevent things kicking off again. This required self-administered injections in my stomach (makes me tense just typing it – little chance of me becoming a heroin addict) but now those are finally over, plus a course of daily pills for at least the next 6 months. At that point we’ll have a better idea of whether I can taper off them, or if this will be a lifetime deal.

Short term – exercise is good but only gentle stuff. Nothing to get my heart rate up. I’m using a cane and while I’ve been walking the dogs a very slow mile or so each day, that’s enough to wipe me out physically.

The patient’s wife was more stressed by the ordeal and this wasn’t helped by the car overheating as she drove home very late on Saturday night. Fortunately, she was near a petrol station so was able to pull over and wait for the tow truck.

Never a dull moment, eh? Anyway, life goes on although once I do start exercising more aggressively, I’ll need to be conscious that I’m much more prone to bleeding should I have a fall or something. I’ve ordered myself once of those Medical bracelet thingies so the first responders will know the drug I’m on and can act accordingly. I don’t take too well to being fragile but I suppose the alternative would be worse.

So that's been my week. How about yours?

[DA Baracus]

Fucking hell! That'll mental.

I really hope you have insurance!

[welshbairn]

1 hour ago, Shotgun said:

So that's been my week. How about yours?

Nothing like a near death experience to cheer you up.  A nice cup of marijuana tea should be ok, no? I presume you didn't make it to Nashville  ( © welshbairn, song title) but are you still working from home? 

[Shotgun]

26 minutes ago, DA Baracus said:

Fucking hell! That'll mental.

I really hope you have insurance!

I do, thanks. Even so, I'll have several thousand dollars worth of bills to pay but that's a worry for another day.

6 minutes ago, welshbairn said:

Nothing like a near death experience to cheer you up.  A nice cup of marijuana tea should be ok, no? I presume you didn't make it to Nashville  ( © welshbairn, song title) but are you still working from home? 

It's a bit of a cliché but I'm really appreciating the beauty around me right now. The blue sky, the snow on the hills, the autumn colours. I'm gettin' all soppy about it. When Mrs S. was driving home from the hospital, I was dead beat and wanted to close my eyes but also, didn't want to miss a damn thing.

Edible marijuana products like tea, brownies and whatnot should be OK - smoking is the issue. I'm not in any great rush right now though. By the time I've had my dinner, I'm ready for bed. Maybe I'll explore that in a couple of weeks.

And for the record yes, I did go to Nashville and part of the problem was the time spent sitting on the plane. The whole thing was kind of a perfect storm which is why the medics kept referring to it as "text book."

[mizfit]

I don't even know if this belongs here or not.

I feel trapped at home, as in I'm not going to be able to move out, because I can't afford too.
My younger sister just put down a deposit on a rented property with her boyfriend and they're moving out at the end of the month. Seeing her do this has made me feel utter shit. I had plans for a mortgage, but an advisor when I went in for a discussion pretty much rejected me stating I'm 5 years to late for one. My friends have all moved out and are enjoying independence from parents.

I had a plan for this year and I've fucked it, I lost 3 stone in weight, dropping to 19 Stone, but I've put a stone back on after missing out on a job in the prison service. I've managed to get a new job thankfully and that's helping me out. I could move in with my girlfriend, but she's renting and I don't want to rent, factor in her place being small, it's fine for her and me more than likely, but I don't feel ready to move in with someone else yet.

I guess this is a bit long winded, but I do feel better for getting it off my chest anyway.

[DA Baracus]

What's stopping you from renting your own place for a bit?

Losing 3 stone is a top effort. You've had a set back but you've proven that you can do it.

I once heard a saying; "Don't stop stopping" in relation to bad habits or similar

[1320Lichtie]

I don't even know if this belongs here or not.

I feel trapped at home, as in I'm not going to be able to move out, because I can't afford too.
My younger sister just put down a deposit on a rented property with her boyfriend and they're moving out at the end of the month. Seeing her do this has made me feel utter shit. I had plans for a mortgage, but an advisor when I went in for a discussion pretty much rejected me stating I'm 5 years to late for one. My friends have all moved out and are enjoying independence from parents.

I had a plan for this year and I've fucked it, I lost 3 stone in weight, dropping to 19 Stone, but I've put a stone back on after missing out on a job in the prison service. I've managed to get a new job thankfully and that's helping me out. I could move in with my girlfriend, but she's renting and I don't want to rent, factor in her place being small, it's fine for her and me more than likely, but I don't feel ready to move in with someone else yet.

I guess this is a bit long winded, but I do feel better for getting it off my chest anyway.

5 years too late? Wtf do they mean by that?

[mizfit]

5 years too late? Wtf do they mean by that?

Apparently if I'd applied 5 years ago before having a car on finance etc. They'd have accepted my application.