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Please.dont take up golf, after two years working on a clubhouse bar, no one ever comes in saying they enjoyed their round!!

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2 hours ago, RH33 said:

Please.dont take up golf, after two years working on a clubhouse bar, no one ever comes in saying they enjoyed their round!!

I avoid the clubhouse (and generally any interaction with anyone) when I go to the golf. 

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Thanks for posting @Dons_1988 and it's common to feel like you're being self indulgent by sharing your stuff. It's the protective voice inside that learned early on that focussing on your own needs wasn't all that welcome. I think you've seen that doing so here is in fact most welcome.

I don't know what you're looking for, whether advice, solutions or just hearing that it's ok to have the experience you say you're having.

I say this a lot, but I think it's important. Be gentle with yourself. That fear of relaxation (which it sounds like) is a programming that you developed early on and has been keeping you safe (but you've recognised that it may be stopping you from living now). You're not going to change that overnight.

Being busy is a great way to stay ahead of the messy shit that we don't want to experience. It's the most common addiction and is one that is "sanctified by society at large" (cheers DH Lawrence).  Your limbic system has learned that relaxation was perhaps unsafe for you, so turns on its internal alarm system whenever there's a risk of unwelcome feelings bubbling up.

What I found beautiful and encouraging about your post is you have experienced that calmness and peace, so you do know what it feels like and what sort of activities precipitate it. Habits are built and programs are reprogrammed in tiny steps. Progress, not perfection my friend. 

You're doing much better than you think. Don't stop sharing on here. And on the subject of "grey outlook" I'm in Aberdeen if you ever want an in person blether.

 

 

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4 hours ago, RH33 said:

Please.dont take up golf, after two years working on a clubhouse bar, no one ever comes in saying they enjoyed their round!!

Well perhaps it was the bar person to blame? 😂 

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Thanks everyone for the responses. I reflected on my post and felt it was a bit rambly and incoherent so glad people actually engaged with it :lol:

I like the idea of finding a new hobby of sorts that is just for me. Golf is probably out, my running plus watching the dons when able takes up a lot of time as it is with a 2 year old. Plus I played golf as a younger man and my temperament for it wasn’t great…suspect I’d be too competitive and wouldn’t be all that relaxing. 

Meditation/mindfulness is one of those things that sounds great but I have no idea how it happens in reality. I have tried apps but they don’t do it for me. I just can’t settle the way I’m looking for. Like I say that few minutes I had last year I just stumbled across it, it came and went but it felt a bit like what I imagine actual meditation does? That may sound silly.

One thing I am trying to do is put my fucking phone away much more. I don’t think it helps. And I don’t even really enjoy any of it other than browsing P&B. 

I don’t want to give up ‘keeping busy’ as it’s done me so much good. Just finding that balance and not having to fear what the quiet moments bring. 

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13 minutes ago, Dons_1988 said:

Thanks everyone for the responses. I reflected on my post and felt it was a bit rambly and incoherent so glad people actually engaged with it :lol:

I like the idea of finding a new hobby of sorts that is just for me. Golf is probably out, my running plus watching the dons when able takes up a lot of time as it is with a 2 year old. Plus I played golf as a younger man and my temperament for it wasn’t great…suspect I’d be too competitive and wouldn’t be all that relaxing. 

Meditation/mindfulness is one of those things that sounds great but I have no idea how it happens in reality. I have tried apps but they don’t do it for me. I just can’t settle the way I’m looking for. Like I say that few minutes I had last year I just stumbled across it, it came and went but it felt a bit like what I imagine actual meditation does? That may sound silly.

One thing I am trying to do is put my fucking phone away much more. I don’t think it helps. And I don’t even really enjoy any of it other than browsing P&B. 

I don’t want to give up ‘keeping busy’ as it’s done me so much good. Just finding that balance and not having to fear what the quiet moments bring. 

Trying not to stay busy is the challenge for me, but I have a plan.

Big deadline on Friday, another next Tuesday...then 12 days off. And the laptop etc is staying off. The big projects I have been on all end next week.

Not taking up golf, though. Gardening, maybe.

Anyway, hope you're good going forward.

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2 hours ago, Dons_1988 said:

Thanks everyone for the responses. I reflected on my post and felt it was a bit rambly and incoherent so glad people actually engaged with it :lol:

I like the idea of finding a new hobby of sorts that is just for me. Golf is probably out, my running plus watching the dons when able takes up a lot of time as it is with a 2 year old. Plus I played golf as a younger man and my temperament for it wasn’t great…suspect I’d be too competitive and wouldn’t be all that relaxing. 

Meditation/mindfulness is one of those things that sounds great but I have no idea how it happens in reality. I have tried apps but they don’t do it for me. I just can’t settle the way I’m looking for. Like I say that few minutes I had last year I just stumbled across it, it came and went but it felt a bit like what I imagine actual meditation does? That may sound silly.

One thing I am trying to do is put my fucking phone away much more. I don’t think it helps. And I don’t even really enjoy any of it other than browsing P&B. 

I don’t want to give up ‘keeping busy’ as it’s done me so much good. Just finding that balance and not having to fear what the quiet moments bring. 

A misconception about meditation is that it's relaxation and calmness. It's about being present with what is with a sense of acceptance and compassion. It's a practice and much of the time the mind wanders, even with experienced meditators. If you fancy it there are plenty of guided ones out there. If you want something more dynamic there's something called breathwork which you might want to explore. That is about calming the nervous system down. 

The phone is a good ane as it tends to fuel our short attention spans by creating a dopamine spike (and addiction).

Golf is a magnificent sport and I love it, but I don't find it particularly relaxing 🤣.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Signed off for four weeks. I've hit that point I always do after 18/24 months. I've no official mitigations in place but I have a great boss.

Its a temp ongoing contract but change in dynamics has changed team.

MH sucks.

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