Depression

[EdgarusQPFC]

How did it all go mate?

Good, we seem to be in a more stable place, but I still have a lingering doubt about it all. Perhaps in time it will go away

[Lisa Cuddy]

Has anyone been on mirtazapine ?

My mate's just been prescribed with it and is feeling around 50% of the side effects at once and he's on one a night. Going to two a night next week.

I find it fucking brilliant if I want to sleep for two days.

[DAFC]

Interesting reading on the last page or so, I also can relate to lots of what is being said.

When I was younger I really didn't give a shit about what people thought or acted towards me. But after a few bad experiences and not being able to fully trust most strangers as a result I think others pick up that I'm suspicious or something, dunno what it is.

Basically in bullet point form this has been my life since high school

Popular and confident up to age 14

Got in with wrong crowd, one friend betrayed me badly and turned others against me

Hang around with them was never the same and slowly stopped going about with them around twenty two ish and threw myself into working all the hours going. Lost all friends as one decent friend left to go to armed forces.

For the next five years or so never met anyone new other than the occasional work mate and night out. I really didn't even realise that anything was wrong as I was either working or getting pissed in the house on occasional day off. Worked seven days most weeks for years.

Got what I thought was a good job, was very wrong. Job and company were great but boss was a total asshole and I was bullied for years. Ironically as I started to push back I really looked at myself and realised how much of my life was wasted due to what has been happening when I was at school.

Finally got my act together and moved on to another company, workmates seem ok. Started to panic about social situation after the effects of the previous bullying wore off and for some reason try to get back in contact with old friends. Doesn't work out, go out a few times and there's a bad atmosphere and doesn't feel right. At the same time was in contact with other decent friend who was really close but they passed away in tragic circumstances.

That was last year, since then I've hardly been out socially and made an attempt to go on a dating site but really didn't feel that I have the confidence to go out on my own or meet strangers.

Seem to be in some horrible loop.

Not really happy with social situation.

Don't want to go out drinking every weekend.

Find it hard to speak to strangers, and trust them too.

Probably look a bit fed up most days at work, unfortunately recently been asked to work all the days going again. Don't really want to be there, it's a bit toxic too at times.

People seem too busy getting on with their lives to give a shit, or so it seems?

Sometimes it's easier just to stop fighting it or wallowing in pity, I usually exercise every day to take my mind off it and feel positive.

The spotlight effect holds true with me, at times I feel like I'm a target for arseholes who just dump their shit onto me and due to lack of confidence I just take it. Most of it is probably just banter and they're expecting a ribbing back but when you're already down it just hits you like a brick and then you get the feeling that they even enjoy it. Got into obsessing about how I present myself. Do I seem confident? Do I seem needy? Did that person just sigh at me?

I know I have said on here that if only someone showed an interest and dig a bit deeper they would find me a good laugh but I think people can sense that I need them more than they need me. Anyway, does anyone have real friends or just people they sit next to in the pub?

I thought I had friends, really good ones but it's amazing how quickly things can turn around. Can't go back now just wish I could just flick a switch and stop caring, maybe I will meet someone or a bunch of people who are good people but it's extremely difficult after shutting down for so long.

Sorry for the long post, I do find this cathartic somehow, would never speak this openly to family members tbh.

[EdgarusQPFC]

This night is becoming interesting, messaged you Eoin Doyle

Edited October 16, 2014 by EdgarusQPFC

[die hard doonhamer]

I don't think I have depression, but I don't know where else to put this, and I need to vent.

I'm 22, married to the girl I've loved since school and have 2 amazing children, I'm currently studying a subject I enjoy, have an alright job, and referee football on the side (which I enjoy immensely). However, most of the time when I'm at home I feel like I have a short fuse, and I spend a huge amount of time staring at my phone (to the extent I think I have an addiction to it). I feel like I have no friends. I kept trying to keep in contact but my friendships appeared to be a 1 way street, so unsurprisingly when I stopped making the effort it means we don't speak anymore. I feel like I want to move somewhere else and start again, but that also terrifies me.

That seems like a real word salad.

[Raidernation]

For the second time in 2 weeks I collapsed at school today.

From finding nothing despite a shit-load of tests last time, this time they think they know what's wrong, apparently I have a tumour in my stomach (explains the lethargy and lack of appetite)

Did a biopsy and will let me know "Within 24 hrs" if it's malignant or not.

Safe to say I am not in a good place right now!

[underdogunderdog underdog]

For the second time in 2 weeks I collapsed at school today.

From finding nothing despite a shit-load of tests last time, this time they think they know what's wrong, apparently I have a tumour in my stomach (explains the lethargy and lack of appetite)

Did a biopsy and will let me know "Within 24 hrs" if it's malignant or not.

Safe to say I am not in a good place right now!

Hope it's nothing too serious.

[Hedgecutter]

I had a really creepy dream last night where I was having a meal and sharing experiences with Robin Williams, talking about the last few months of feeling really down during unemployment and the way forward which didn't involve dying.

You'd think that with s**t like you'd catch on to it being a dream, but alas no. Lucid dream opportunity squandered.

[JogaBonito]

For the second time in 2 weeks I collapsed at school today.

From finding nothing despite a shit-load of tests last time, this time they think they know what's wrong, apparently I have a tumour in my stomach (explains the lethargy and lack of appetite)

Did a biopsy and will let me know "Within 24 hrs" if it's malignant or not.

Safe to say I am not in a good place right now!

Wishing you all the best. I'm pretty sure you mentioned that you live in America, so hope everything "paperworks" wise is suitable too - American healthcare seems like a total joke.

Hope your daughters aren't too upset and are keeping you company. Human connections can help so much during the down-times.

[cracowjambo]

I went to see a occupational therapist recently after I said to someone at work I was going to throw myself out a moving car. I was feeling pretty shit for a while and I always hid from the problem but I've faced up to it and went to see my GP aswell and I've been recommended for counselling. One thing the OT said for me to do was do a course on www.llttf.com it teaches you how to deal with anxiety. Some of the people that post on here should give it a try.

[NotThePars]

I'm torn between applying back to uni in November but having to go through the process of applying and being interviewed so soon is overwhelming me but I don't think I can wait until 2016 to start the next part of my life and this thought process only ever occurs late into the night when I'm trying to sleep. Great.

[DA Baracus]

Had a bit of a shocker on Saturday night. I was feeling pretty good on Saturday during the day so not even sure where it came from.

I had a load of beer in my fridge from previous weekends and ended up drinking most of it, alone, and got pretty drunk. I was watching a DVD where one of the main charcters tries to kill himself as he doesn't like his life and his friends have pretty much abandoned him. I felt that was very much like me. In the film the guy gets to pretty much start over, and I wished I could go back 12 years and just start over. I really feel like I've lost 12 years of my life.

This got me really down, and being pretty drunk I decided, for some reason I can't comprehend, to self harm. I ended up making some pretty nasty and deep cuts. This just made me worse and I called a mental health line almost delirious and crying only to pretty much be told to call the NHS and see my GP. I thought, very briefly, about suicide but quickly dismissed it. I don't even know why I self harmed. It's never helped before and it just hurts and leaves me with scars.

Yesterday I had to clean drops of blood off the floor. I don't have any bandages or plasters in my flat so thought I would use toilet paper and duct tape to cover the wounds. I didn't want the duct tape to stick to hairs so ended up shaving all my left leg. Absolutely nonsense stuff. What was I thinking?!

f**k knows where my head was at. Although I feel a bit better, I still feel not right. I'm at work but just want to quit and go home and sleep. I don't like the job when I feel good and just feel trapped by it and life. I feel I have no purpose and nothing to work towards.

[underdogunderdog underdog]

Had a bit of a shocker on Saturday night. I was feeling pretty good on Saturday during the day so not even sure where it came from.

I had a load of beer in my fridge from previous weekends and ended up drinking most of it, alone, and got pretty drunk. I was watching a DVD where one of the main charcters tries to kill himself as he doesn't like his life and his friends have pretty much abandoned him. I felt that was very much like me. In the film the guy gets to pretty much start over, and I wished I could go back 12 years and just start over. I really feel like I've lost 12 years of my life.

This got me really down, and being pretty drunk I decided, for some reason I can't comprehend, to self harm. I ended up making some pretty nasty and deep cuts. This just made me worse and I called a mental health line almost delirious and crying only to pretty much be told to call the NHS and see my GP. I thought, very briefly, about suicide but quickly dismissed it. I don't even know why I self harmed. It's never helped before and it just hurts and leaves me with scars.

Yesterday I had to clean drops of blood off the floor. I don't have any bandages or plasters in my flat so thought I would use toilet paper and duct tape to cover the wounds. I didn't want the duct tape to stick to hairs so ended up shaving all my left leg. Absolutely nonsense stuff. What was I thinking?!

f**k knows where my head was at. Although I feel a bit better, I still feel not right. I'm at work but just want to quit and go home and sleep. I don't like the job when I feel good and just feel trapped by it and life. I feel I have no purpose and nothing to work towards.

Have you anyone that you can talk to at all? It might not be easy but you should certainly contact doctor and then seek counselling.

What job do you do? Have you considered speaking to a careers advisor?

[EdgarusQPFC]

Last few days have been hard, found myself crying for no reason, broke down I work cause I couldn't unlock my PC, spoke with my manager for like a hour, got a emergency doctors appointment, I've been given a 1 week line, anti depressants, a number to phone for councillors

[DA Baracus]

Last few days have been hard, found myself crying for no reason, broke down I work cause I couldn't unlock my PC, spoke with my manager for like a hour, got a emergency doctors appointment, I've been given a 1 week line, anti depressants, a number to phone for councillors

Shit times. Sorry to hear that. Hopefully some time off and speaking to a professional will help. Hope it goes well.

[mizfit]

Last few days have been hard, found myself crying for no reason, broke down I work cause I couldn't unlock my PC, spoke with my manager for like a hour, got a emergency doctors appointment, I've been given a 1 week line, anti depressants, a number to phone for councillors

One of the best things I done in my last job was take a week off, if I hadn't I would've done something stupid. Try and do something during the day you enjoy and keep your mind off stuff.

[DA Baracus]

Have you anyone that you can talk to at all? It might not be easy but you should certainly contact doctor and then seek counselling.

What job do you do? Have you considered speaking to a careers advisor?

Nah not got anyone I can talk to. Not got a doctor at the moment. Don't even know where the nearest surgery is. I leave my flat at about 07.40 and don't get back until 18.00 so no idea when I'd be able to register. It'a definitely something I should sort though.

I do a shitey admin job. Only in my 6th week but I really don't like it and just feel I don't fit in. I don't have anyone at work I can chat with either. Not sure where I could speak to a careers advisor, but something to consider.

My mind seems to be functioning a bit better today although I was exhausted at work today and nearly fell asleep a few times. I had to get up for a walk quite a few times just to stave off sleep. I keep fearing I'll be 'found out', even though I'm not sure that I would be all that bothered if I was fired.

On lighter note, I shaved my right leg earlier to align it with the left that I mentioned I shaved yesterday when under a 'fog'.

Edited October 27, 2014 by DA Baracus

[underdogunderdog underdog]

Nah not got anyone I can talk to. Not got a doctor at the moment. Don't even know where the nearest surgery is. I leave my flat at about 07.40 and don't get back until 18.00 so no idea when I'd be able to register. It'a definitely something I should sort though.

I do a shitey admin job. Only in my 6th week but I really don't like it and just feel I don't fit in. I don't have anyone at work I can chat with either. Not sure where I could speak to a careers advisor, but something to consider.

My mind seems to be functioning a bit better today although I was exhausted at work today and nearly fell asleep a few times. I had to get up for a walk quite a few times just to stave off sleep. I keep fearing I'll be 'found out', even though I'm not sure that I would be all that bothered if I was fired.

On lighter note, I shaved my right leg earlier to align it with the left that I mentioned I shaved yesterday when under a 'fog'.

I'd suggest registering with a doctor is a priority. You need to make the time to do it.

I'm sure there are a few on here who would happily talk to you by pm if you want someone to talk to.

[EdgarusQPFC]

Nah not got anyone I can talk to. Not got a doctor at the moment. Don't even know where the nearest surgery is. I leave my flat at about 07.40 and don't get back until 18.00 so no idea when I'd be able to register. It'a definitely something I should sort though.

I do a shitey admin job. Only in my 6th week but I really don't like it and just feel I don't fit in. I don't have anyone at work I can chat with either. Not sure where I could speak to a careers advisor, but something to consider.

My mind seems to be functioning a bit better today although I was exhausted at work today and nearly fell asleep a few times. I had to get up for a walk quite a few times just to stave off sleep. I keep fearing I'll be 'found out', even though I'm not sure that I would be all that bothered if I was fired.

On lighter note, I shaved my right leg earlier to align it with the left that I mentioned I shaved yesterday when under a 'fog'.

I've been recommended to these guys

www.lifelink.org.uk

[DA Baracus]

I've been recommended to these guys

www.lifelink.org.uk

Cheers, I'll check it out