Depression

[Michael W]

4 minutes ago, eindhovendee said:

Apart from possibly lying, which is a biggie, is she actually doing something wrong? 

I don't know anything about that type of diet but if it's a legal way to lose weight can you not let her get on with it and offer support?

Assuming you can put up with smelly burps.

The drug is being used for a purpose that it is not approved for in the UK and also has some potentially nasty side effects, which imagine the OP might not be particularly impressed about. 

[TxRover]

6 minutes ago, PB1994 said:

Thanks.

The worst thing isis probably a totally daft thing to be falling out/ending a relationship over but I’m 99% sure she is lying to me.

Ill try explain without writing a novel… We’ve been together 9 years now and after having our first child she put on a bit of weight. Not a lot but over the years she has tried dieting loads of times to lose it. Some times without success and sometimes after a good start it kind of fizzles out. Anyway back in November she said she was going to try again. By the week before Christmas she had lost a stone, which is great. It was weird though, she had cut out eating chocolate and snacks etc but wasn’t really watching what she ate. Still plenty takeaways and at least 4 nights out that I can think of between November and New Year. She also had these vile smelling burps when she started which was different too. I believe they are called sulphur burps. Smells like rotten eggs when you burp. Vile things. She was also talking about how she wasn’t able to eat as much as she used to as she was going out for dinner and didn’t want to go somewhere with big portions.

Last Wednesday I was raiding through the fridge and found this strange injection pen. It was for a thing called ozempic. Which is used to treat type 2 diabetes but is also used for weight loss. I messaged her asking what it was as she was at work at the time and she told me it was her friends but it was in our fridge to hide from her friends mum. I also found a bag of needles in the cupboard above the fridge which I didn’t tell her I found.

I did some Googling on it and it tricks your brain into thinking you are full so you don’t eat as much and you cut down your portion sizes. It also makes the food in your stomach take longer to digest so you don’t need to eat for a longer period of time. What is one of the common side affects? Sulphur burps among other things.

So going through my head was she has lost a stone in about 6 weeks without really having a strict diet and then I find this. Looking back everything this drug is supposed to do has happened to her. 

On top of that our eldest child has type 1 diabetes so we have a sharps bin in the kitchen for all his insulin needles. I found two used needles in our sharps bin that were from the bag I found. I also spotted the needle wrapper lid on our carpet in the living room right next to where she normally sits. That was a week past Saturday and I did wonder what it was at the time but it never really clicked until I found the needles etc.

On Friday I noticed that the bag of needles had been moved to a different spot. Strange since she has no reason to be in the bag. This was after telling her that I didn’t want the injection kept in our fridge and her friend will have to take it back.

They work together and had a shift on Saturday so it was all taken from the house, needles included but on the Sunday there was another used needle in our bin. It’s taken once a week so that’s the last two Saturdays I could see it being used. I don’t understand why you would give all this stuff back but her friend still gave her the used needle to take back and put in our bin.

Basically she is saying that it’s her friends stuff to keep hidden from her mother and once a week the wife takes all the stuff out to her and then takes everything back in the house to store or dispose of.

I don’t believe her at all as it all seems to fit with her starting this diet. The dramatic weight loss side effects etc. I’d been stressing about it for the last week and it all came out last night and big argument etc happened.

I can’t actually prove her wrong without asking to examine her for injection sites or looking through her phone, which I’m not particularly keen on doing. The problem is I just don’t believe what she is saying and it’s just making me paranoid of everything else that she is doing even if she’s not actually up to anything.

Dont really have a clue what to do to try and solve it tbh. I could be being a complete fucking idiot here worried over nothing so please let me know if I am.

Sorry, that went on for ages and I dont even know if it makes any sense.

Interesting. I use Ozempic myself, for type 2, and the results, timing and side effects match. You would have seen her with long toilet visits, and stomach discomfort, for the first few weeks too. As for injection sites, it’s a difficult one to find as I expect she’s using a 32ga/4mm pen needle, which leaves nearly no sign, until you nick a blood vessel…then you get a lovely bruise for a week or two.

Couple of thoughts:

1) The way you discuss the weight, it seems a matter of some level of import to you, and so she might be feeling pressure to get results.

2) She may have failed otherwise, and now be embarrassed at needing medical help to lose the weight, and thus be afraid/ashamed/hesitant to let you know.

3) Your response is surely stressing her too, but why are you responding this way? I’m not saying you are wrong, because hiding what she is doing (as seems likely) is a huge red flag, but what’s the concern?

4) You mentioned earlier that talking to people you know can be more difficult than strangers, so there’s the first impediment.

5) Assuming you both desire to resolve this, it seems a truly honest dialogue is what’s needed. You both need to sit down and lay your cards on the table, the problem is getting both parties to find the courage to do this (Believe me, I know it can be near impossible). Additionally, as she is already apparently concealing something, she may not be honest in laying down her cards.

6) If you can find out if your behaviors, comments or such have contributed to her need to hide this matter, then you both have a baseline to start talking from. If you determine it was on her own she elected this, you have another basis to begin communicate too. Either way, if communications have broken off and/or won’t be reestablished you have a clear path forward now.

7] On the anxiety front, it would seem you are either driven by concerns about what else she might be hiding, which is what talking would need to be about, and perhaps what the medication could do to her. On the medication front, Ozempic isn’t a huge concern, as long as she is monitoring her blood glucose. Of course, the fact she didn’t advise you to watch her for signs of hypoglycemia is worrisome.

….Additionally, Ozempic isn’t approved for weight loss (in the U.S.), it’s Saxenda that’s the official weight loss version of that medication. The weight loss dose is higher than the normal Ozempic doses, so the fact she has an Ozempic pen rather than a Saxenda pen is a possible sign of concealment or non-medically supervised use.

 

Good luck, mate, this kind of situation is a real b*****d. In many circumstances couples delay too long in communicating, and by the time they try to talk, both sides are too entrenched to meet in the middle. It can be done, and it can work out, but it takes honestly and hard work. The worst of it is the anxiety as you fumble around trying to figure if it can be salvaged or not, once a clear path forward is established , it all becomes much (relatively) easier. Take care and try to calm your worries as much as possible.

[PB1994]

3 minutes ago, eindhovendee said:

Apart from possibly lying, which is a biggie, is she actually doing something wrong? 

I don't know anything about that type of diet but if it's a legal way to lose weight can you not let her get on with it and offer support?

Assuming you can put up with smelly burps.

Is it legal, well it’s not illegal. It’s approved in the US but not here.

If she is taking it is she actually doing something wrong? No I wouldn’t say so.

Its expensive. About £150 and I think it only lasts for 4 weeks and where don’t exactly have lots of excess cash sitting about.

If she had said it was hers I would have been annoyed about where the hell she is getting the money to pay for it but at the end of the day if she said she could afford it, she does extra agency shifts in her job so if she could then I would have gotten over it and been fine for her to do it.

Now it’s not really about the money or anything. It would be why didn’t she tell me and try to keep it hidden from me and make up a load of lies. That is assuming she is talking shite.

Another thing is why didn’t she just mention it to me in the first place? If she had just said that we will be storing this for her friend from the start I probably wouldn’t have thought anything of it.

[TxRover]

@PB1994, forget to add, Ozempic comes with its own needles, which are a distinctive style with a stepped design and cover. No over the counter pen needles look like them, if you’re unsure, post a pic of the needle/cover and I’ll verify it.

[PB1994]

7 minutes ago, TxRover said:

Interesting. I use Ozempic myself, for type 2, and the results, timing and side effects match. You would have seen her with long toilet visits, and stomach discomfort, for the first few weeks too. As for injection sites, it’s a difficult one to find as I expect she’s using a 32ga/4mm pen needle, which leaves nearly no sign, until you nick a blood vessel…then you get a lovely bruise for a week or two.

Couple of thoughts:

1) The way you discuss the weight, it seems a matter of some level of import to you, and so she might be feeling pressure to get results.

2) She may have failed otherwise, and now be embarrassed at needing medical help to lose the weight, and thus be afraid/ashamed/hesitant to let you know.

3) Your response is surely stressing her too, but why are you responding this way? I’m not saying you are wrong, because hiding what she is doing (as seems likely) is a huge red flag, but what’s the concern?

4) You mentioned earlier that talking to people you know can be more difficult than strangers, so there’s the first impediment.

5) Assuming you both desire to resolve this, it seems a truly honest dialogue is what’s needed. You both need to sit down and lay your cards on the table, the problem is getting both parties to find the courage to do this (Believe me, I know it can be near impossible). Additionally, as she is already apparently concealing something, she may not be honest in laying down her cards.

6) If you can find out if your behaviors, comments or such have contributed to her need to hide this matter, then you both have a baseline to start talking from. If you determine it was on her own she elected this, you have another basis to begin communicate too. Either way, if communications have broken off and/or won’t be reestablished you have a clear path forward now.

7] On the anxiety front, it would seem you are either driven by concerns about what else she might be hiding, which is what talking would need to be about, and perhaps what the medication could do to her. On the medication front, Ozempic isn’t a huge concern, as long as she is monitoring her blood glucose. Of course, the fact she didn’t advise you to watch her for signs of hypoglycemia is worrisome.

….Additionally, Ozempic isn’t approved for weight loss (in the U.S.), it’s Saxenda that’s the official weight loss version of that medication. The weight loss dose is higher than the normal Ozempic doses, so the fact she has an Ozempic pen rather than a Saxenda pen is a possible sign of concealment or non-medically supervised use.

 

Good luck, mate, this kind of situation is a real b*****d. In many circumstances couples delay too long in communicating, and by the time they try to talk, both sides are too entrenched to meet in the middle. It can be done, and it can work out, but it takes honestly and hard work. The worst of it is the anxiety as you fumble around trying to figure if it can be salvaged or not, once a clear path forward is established , it all becomes much (relatively) easier. Take care and try to calm your worries as much as possible.

I haven’t really noticed longer toilet breaks but she works 14 hours shifts and does agency stuff most weekends so that may have happened. She has complained about stomach/gallbladder pains.

1) if it came across that way I didn’t mean it to. She isn’t fat by any means. She thinks she needs to lose a couple of stone so if she does great if she doesn’t it doesn’t bother me.

2) she wouldn’t be embarrassed and she has mentioned using this injection in the past so it wouldn’t have exactly been a shock.

3) yeah I don’t deny that I may have totally over reacted to it. It was a week worth of me stressing out going over it constantly in my head and it just sort of all burst out. Not great from me I will admit. As I said in another post it’s not cheap and we don’t have lots of spare cash so I would be wondering where the money was coming from and why not tell me about it. That’s the main concern to be honest

agreed on your other points as well. Thanks for the advice and everything.

[PB1994]

9 minutes ago, TxRover said:

@PB1994, forget to add, Ozempic comes with its own needles, which are a distinctive style with a stepped design and cover. No over the counter pen needles look like them, if you’re unsure, post a pic of the needle/cover and I’ll verify it.

I don’t have the needle cover anymore as it’s in the bin but I do have the used needles. She’s not denying that it is Ozempic and it was written on the injection pen that’s what it was she just says that it’s not her using it but we stored it for her friend.

[PB1994]

45 minutes ago, Michael W said:

The drug is being used for a purpose that it is not approved for in the UK and also has some potentially nasty side effects, which imagine the OP might not be particularly impressed about. 

To an extent yes but the side affects aren’t the main concern. If we had a conversation to begin with that she was happy to try this knowing what these side affects are and she was happy that she could afford to pay for it while still being able to afford all the bills, food etc I’d have been happy for her to give it a go but I would be a bit worried about it but it’s her body so it’s really up to her.

The weight loss/dieting isn’t a big deal. If that’s what she wants to do I’m happy for here to do it the problem is why hide it from me and then lie about it being her friends once I found it?

I can’t actually prove that she is taking it and she could well be telling the truth but to me everything seems to fit with what has happened to her and finding that drug in our fridge. Saying it’s your friends/hiding needles etc and replying with “I don’t know” when I asked about some things about it just doesn’t seem to fit or make any sense to me.

[TxRover]

1 hour ago, PB1994 said:

She has complained about stomach/gallbladder pains.

That’s a easy sign right there. The first couple of weeks on Ozempic tend to be brutal, it can absolutely feel like someone twisting your guts in your stomach, followed by really fun sessions on the porcelain throne.

 

1 hour ago, PB1994 said:

2) she wouldn’t be embarrassed and she has mentioned using this injection in the past so it wouldn’t have exactly been a shock.

30 minutes ago, PB1994 said:

I can’t actually prove that she is taking it and she could well be telling the truth but to me everything seems to fit with what has happened to her and finding that drug in our fridge. Saying it’s your friends/hiding needles etc and replying with “I don’t know” when I asked about some things about it just doesn’t seem to fit or make any sense to me.

So, the reality is this is about the honestly rather than the medication and such. That’s something you have to sit down by yourself and think very hard about. Is there a reason she wouldn’t be honest about this, other than some other issues are involved? That’s, I suspect, where your anxiety and concern comes from, what else has she lied about.

 

1 hour ago, PB1994 said:

3) yeah I don’t deny that I may have totally over reacted to it. It was a week worth of me stressing out going over it constantly in my head and it just sort of all burst out. Not great from me I will admit. As I said in another post it’s not cheap and we don’t have lots of spare cash so I would be wondering where the money was coming from and why not tell me about it. That’s the main concern to be honest

Which matches up perfectly with the above. Here’s a nasty question to ask yourself, why do you have this concern…what additional things/actions/clues have cropped up that make you suspect something else is going on? Instead of being anxious about this, you have to resolve it. It’s time for the big pow-wow would be my thought. You both sit down and are both honest…it wouldn’t be the first time a couple have found they are talking/acting/reacting past each other because they don’t really understand each other. The results would be clarity, for better or worse. Take care.

[Richey Edwards]

One of my budgies died about an hour ago.

[Melanius Mullarkey]

4 minutes ago, Richey Edwards said:

One of my budgies died about an hour ago.

How many have you got left?

[Richey Edwards]

2 minutes ago, Melanius Mullarkay said:

How many have you got left?

Three.

[Melanius Mullarkey]

2 minutes ago, Richey Edwards said:

Three.

Was the hamster involved?

[Richey Edwards]

4 minutes ago, Melanius Mullarkay said:

Was the hamster involved?

No.

[Venti]

27 minutes ago, Richey Edwards said:

One of my budgies died about an hour ago.

Sorry to hear Jamie.

ETA be prepared for Monty Python jokes

Edited January 18, 2023 by Venti

[paranoid android]

29 minutes ago, Richey Edwards said:

One of my budgies died about an hour ago.

Sorry to hear this, Richey.

My Ma has a budgie these days - been an absolute godsend during lockdown, and I've become quite fond of the wee guy. 

[Sergeant Wilson]

51 minutes ago, paranoid android said:

Sorry to hear this, Richey.

My Ma has a budgie these days - been an absolute godsend during lockdown, and I've become quite fond of the wee guy. 

I wish I'd thought of buying a budgie to avoid visiting my Mum.

[carpetmonster]

1 hour ago, Richey Edwards said:

One of my budgies died about an hour ago.

Could be an idea

 

[Sergeant Wilson]

9 minutes ago, carpetmonster said:

Could be an idea

 

@Richey Edwardstries taxidermy for this pish.

[TxRover]

1 hour ago, Richey Edwards said:

One of my budgies died about an hour ago.

Which of the others is a suspect if the hamster has an alibi?

[Melanius Mullarkey]

1 hour ago, Richey Edwards said:

No.

Did he tell you that?