Depression

[TxRover]

On 24/10/2022 at 03:41, VincentGuerin said:

Anyone heard from @Hoose Rice

Catching up and noticed this with no feedback. Took a look, and it shows a visit 4 hours ago, so no activity, but visits…hopefully all is well.

[thistledo]

20 hours ago, scottsdad said:

Probably the wrong thread, but I am a bit worried that I can't seem to switch off. Unless I am not only busy, but frantically managing loads of stuff all at once, I get really uneasy. 

It's happening now. In terms of work, things are winding down. Teaching done, grants submitted, papers out - all good, all the result of months of hard work. But a couple of afternoons this week I have found myself with less to do than normal and I'm finding it hard to just relax and take it easier. Even at weekends and evenings I keep thinking about the next project, the next issue. It's like my mind is actively looking for something to occupy it all the time. Helping my wife through her mum's funeral took loads of energy and I just took it all without a thought. 

Even when my wife was away last month, I couldn't just take the time to relax. I kept working but added in decorating the hall and working in the garden, too. 

My hope is that when the Christmas break comes around I am able to quieten my mind down and just relax for a bit. 

Can really relate to this, my life is normally a 100 mile an hour and only really take time off when the missus has been pestering me for ages to do so. In fact it's coming up next week. We visit her parentals up north west often and often I find myself sitting around their house thinking, I should be working or doing something and can't relax. I've ended up going walks a lot or fishing now, I walked about 10 miles one day without even realising and made it to a pub, which was excellent, chatted rubbish with some locals. The missus even came to pick me up when dinner was ready. 

It's a weird feeling when your brain has time to be alone with it's thoughts, it's mostly when I find anxiety starts to creep in, I start thinking about all the things I might not have done or things that are approaching in the future that I've been otherwise too busy to be concerned about. 

Anyway, I'd highly recommend a big walk, maybe take a rod with you, doesn't matter if you catch fuckall, then end up in a pub somewhere. 

[scottsdad]

1 minute ago, thistledo said:

Can really relate to this, my life is normally a 100 mile an hour and only really take time off when the missus has been pestering me for ages to do so. In fact it's coming up next week. We visit her parentals up north west often and often I find myself sitting around their house thinking, I should be working or doing something and can't relax. I've ended up going walks a lot or fishing now, I walked about 10 miles one day without even realising and made it to a pub, which was excellent, chatted rubbish with some locals. The missus even came to pick me up when dinner was ready. 

It's a weird feeling when your brain has time to be alone with it's thoughts, it's mostly when I find anxiety starts to creep in, I start thinking about all the things I might not have done or things that are approaching in the future that I've been otherwise too busy to be concerned about. 

Anyway, I'd highly recommend a big walk, maybe take a rod with you, doesn't matter if you catch fuckall, then end up in a pub somewhere. 

Funny you should say this. I had a class this morning, and instead of going back to my office I went for a walk. Took about 20 minutes and it really felt good. I'll probably go again this afternoon.It seems to help. The only other time my brain seems to quieten is at the gym, which I have been neglecting a bit lately.

[scottsdad]

14 hours ago, oaksoft said:

 

That did make me chuckle. 

As an aside, I actually know the model in that jigsaw photo. What are the chances of that? 

Pics or...oh.

[thistledo]

8 minutes ago, scottsdad said:

Funny you should say this. I had a class this morning, and instead of going back to my office I went for a walk. Took about 20 minutes and it really felt good. I'll probably go again this afternoon.It seems to help. The only other time my brain seems to quieten is at the gym, which I have been neglecting a bit lately.

Aimlessly walking is underrated, a good podcast can be a welcome addition too. 

[TxRover]

18 minutes ago, thistledo said:

Can really relate to this, my life is normally a 100 mile an hour and only really take time off when the missus has been pestering me for ages to do so. In fact it's coming up next week. We visit her parentals up north west often and often I find myself sitting around their house thinking, I should be working or doing something and can't relax. I've ended up going walks a lot or fishing now, I walked about 10 miles one day without even realising and made it to a pub, which was excellent, chatted rubbish with some locals. The missus even came to pick me up when dinner was ready. 

It's a weird feeling when your brain has time to be alone with it's thoughts, it's mostly when I find anxiety starts to creep in, I start thinking about all the things I might not have done or things that are approaching in the future that I've been otherwise too busy to be concerned about. 

Anyway, I'd highly recommend a big walk, maybe take a rod with you, doesn't matter if you catch fuckall, then end up in a pub somewhere. 

I suspect modern life is training our brains like this, and possibly increasing issues like depression because of it. There is so much more mental stimulation everywhere, switching off becomes abnormal feeling.

[thistledo]

3 hours ago, TxRover said:

I suspect modern life is training our brains like this, and possibly increasing issues like depression because of it. There is so much more mental stimulation everywhere, switching off becomes abnormal feeling.

Absolutely, I actually got into a bad pattern of drinking most nights, the weekends became pointlessly drinking rum and watching old movies until like 3am, because everyone was asleep and I just can't switch off. It was just something to do. The weekends flew by, Monday arrives like a darkness, a real low feeling coupled with anxiety. The last three weeks I've barely drank, except the odd beer with a curry at the weekend, low key fairly proud of that. Mondays are less like hell too. 

[TxRover]

15 minutes ago, thistledo said:

Absolutely, I actually got into a bad pattern of drinking most nights, the weekends became pointlessly drinking rum and watching old movies until like 3am, because everyone was asleep and I just can't switch off. It was just something to do. The weekends flew by, Monday arrives like a darkness, a real low feeling coupled with anxiety. The last three weeks I've barely drank, except the odd beer with a curry at the weekend, low key fairly proud of that. Mondays are less like hell too. 

Good point, the TV used to switch off late at night, but now there’s always “something” to watch, if you look long enough or you have a streaming subscription. There is something to the story “The Machine Stops”, that feels somewhat prescient to our current trend of echo chambers and typing vs talking (says the dude, on an iPad, typing this)

[scottsdad]

17 hours ago, thistledo said:

Absolutely, I actually got into a bad pattern of drinking most nights, the weekends became pointlessly drinking rum and watching old movies until like 3am, because everyone was asleep and I just can't switch off. It was just something to do. The weekends flew by, Monday arrives like a darkness, a real low feeling coupled with anxiety. The last three weeks I've barely drank, except the odd beer with a curry at the weekend, low key fairly proud of that. Mondays are less like hell too. 

I sleep between 4 and 6 hours a night. Often watching TV into the wee hours whilst the wife is asleep next to me. I really do get this post, and recognise a lot of me in it. 

[SweeperDee]

I’m on the edge; I’ve taken about 40mg of diazepam, over 1000mg of Gabapentin and I’m drinking like f**k. I’m broken; I miss my dad so much and I’m so confused because he never even said he loved me and I don’t know how to feel. I’m wearing his jacket that he used to wear and I’m so confused. I’m fucked. I hate feeling like this. I’m crying and bawling pacing around my house not knowing what to do.

[Bert Raccoon]

34 minutes ago, SweeperDee said:

I’m on the edge; I’ve taken about 40mg of diazepam, over 1000mg of Gabapentin and I’m drinking like f**k. I’m broken; I miss my dad so much and I’m so confused because he never even said he loved me and I don’t know how to feel. I’m wearing his jacket that he used to wear and I’m so confused. I’m fucked. I hate feeling like this. I’m crying and bawling pacing around my house not knowing what to do.

Mate, try and speak with a mate or someone close and explain how you're feeling. Coming on here and at least letting it out is a start. Can't imagine I can help much but you're always welcome to drop me a DM

[Stellaboz]

45 minutes ago, SweeperDee said:

I’m on the edge; I’ve taken about 40mg of diazepam, over 1000mg of Gabapentin and I’m drinking like f**k. I’m broken; I miss my dad so much and I’m so confused because he never even said he loved me and I don’t know how to feel. I’m wearing his jacket that he used to wear and I’m so confused. I’m fucked. I hate feeling like this. I’m crying and bawling pacing around my house not knowing what to do.

I'm sure your dad loves you. It's hard for some people to say it, and some take it for granted that the other person already knows.

Drinking seems like the natural way out of feeling what your feeling, but it won't help in the long run mate. Just take it easy if you can and put a good film on, or series to take your mind off a bit. 

 

I might not be immediately available to chat with but happy to respond to a DM if it helps you get some feelings and stress out. 

[TxRover]

1 hour ago, SweeperDee said:

I’m on the edge; I’ve taken about 40mg of diazepam, over 1000mg of Gabapentin and I’m drinking like f**k. I’m broken; I miss my dad so much and I’m so confused because he never even said he loved me and I don’t know how to feel. I’m wearing his jacket that he used to wear and I’m so confused. I’m fucked. I hate feeling like this. I’m crying and bawling pacing around my house not knowing what to do.

Fair chance your dad was from that generation that took suing such things as a sign of weakness. That you had a relationship with him that allows you to possess his old jacket is a telling sign of his bond with you.

As mentioned above, a good walk might do the world of good…burn off some of that energy and tire your mind out…but I wouldn’t recommend it right now with that cocktail sloshing around.

If you’re somewhat new to Gabapemtin, it can be a quite overwhelming medication, with several seldom mentioned side effects that cause serious mental confusion and can leave you wondering just what the f**k is going on.

Diazepam can cause serious memory/judgement issues, that increase with Gabapemtin, and alcohol combined with either is a problem as well…so it’s not unlikely that a good bit of your feelings are related to that mix you’re fighting.

Ideally, contact someone you can talk to, but if that’s off the table, finding something that occupies your mind for a while is a good option until some of that stuff wears off a bit. Regardless, there are people who care and are concerned, feel free to reach out.

[sophia]

2 hours ago, SweeperDee said:

I’m on the edge; I’ve taken about 40mg of diazepam, over 1000mg of Gabapentin and I’m drinking like f**k. I’m broken; I miss my dad so much and I’m so confused because he never even said he loved me and I don’t know how to feel. I’m wearing his jacket that he used to wear and I’m so confused. I’m fucked. I hate feeling like this. I’m crying and bawling pacing around my house not knowing what to do.

For tonight, please try to accept your situation for what it fleetingly is, rest your head on your pillow and tomorrow is another day.

More broadly, don't reproach yourself or your dad. Saying those words were and are generationally difficult but that doesn't devalue a shared devotion.

Love to you

 

[scottsdad]

Wishing you all the best @SweeperDee

A wee update from me. I have taken to having 2 walks per day. Each lasts about 15 minutes. When at work there is a nice wee circuit from my office that goes through nearby woods. At home, just round the streets. 

One in the morning, one in the afternoon. It doesn't sound like much but it's majorly beneficial to me. Away from screens, emails, and all of that. Even at this time of year, cold as hell, making myself go. 

[moses1924]

On 04/12/2022 at 18:59, SweeperDee said:

I’m on the edge; I’ve taken about 40mg of diazepam, over 1000mg of Gabapentin and I’m drinking like f**k. I’m broken; I miss my dad so much and I’m so confused because he never even said he loved me and I don’t know how to feel. I’m wearing his jacket that he used to wear and I’m so confused. I’m fucked. I hate feeling like this. I’m crying and bawling pacing around my house not knowing what to do.

@SweeperDeeI lost my dad young, give me a DM if you want to talk about it

[SweeperDee]

[mention=53803]SweeperDee[/mention]I lost my dad young, give me a DM if you want to talk about it

Thank you, and everyone else for the support folks. I’m on a bit of an even keel now, away to go for a walk with a pal and help her with her dog.

[moses1924]

good to hear @SweeperDee

[TxRover]

3 hours ago, SweeperDee said:

Thank you, and everyone else for the support folks. I’m on a bit of an even keel now, away to go for a walk with a pal and help her with her dog.

Glad to hear it, Sweeper. Just remember that there will alway be waves that’ll rock the boat, but you’re safely floating over them, and it’s just a bumpy ride for a bit. Getting out with other people helps a lot, even when some are c**ts, and should serve to remind you that you have value to others, even when you have trouble seeing it yourself! I’ve spent several years isolated due to certain circumstances, and the difference in mindset from getting out a bit is huge.

[superwell87]

Bit the bullet today and managed to speak to my GP about my mental health, which has been in a downward spiral for a while now. Keeping my head in the sand wasn't doing me any favours. Back on Fluoxetine, which I was on back in 2018. Hopefully it will get me straightened out a bit.