Depression

[VincentGuerin]

Anyone heard from @Hoose Rice

[thistledo]

On 21/10/2022 at 19:47, johnnydun said:

Had my bill, £380, not that this was ever the issue mind you.

Popped a Propranolol and I am now on the comedown until next year!

Thank you for your kind words @thistledo.

More than welcome mate, always open PMs or a chat. Glad you're alright. 

[thistledo]

 

12 hours ago, Raidernation said:

I am going to admit myself to hospital. It will almighty certainly cost me my job and my home, and my family will hate me, but I need help.

Awful to hear what you're going through. Sounds like you're making the right decision. Take care. 

[scottsdad]

My wife is having a real hard time just now.

Her mum went into hospital last week with a diabetes-related illness . Her foot was in danger of needing amputated. My wife is estranged from her mum - she sends a card for her birthday and christmas, but they never speak. 

Yesterday her sister called her - things have gotten serious. We went to the hospital and were told that an infection entered the ulcers on her leg, and is now in her blood. She is not expected to survive. This is messing with my wife quite a bit - she went to the hospital to support her sister and her daughter, both of whom are quite distraught. But she didn't go to "say goodbye" as everyone seems to expect. Aunties and uncles all showing up offering my wife sympathy, and she really feels like she doesn't need it. 

Oh...and her dad - whom she has had no contact with for years - is also in hospital. 

She's really wrestling with the three big things of - what she feels, what she is "supposed" to feel, and how to support others who are affected. 

[TxRover]

4 hours ago, scottsdad said:

My wife is having a real hard time just now.

Her mum went into hospital last week with a diabetes-related illness . Her foot was in danger of needing amputated. My wife is estranged from her mum - she sends a card for her birthday and christmas, but they never speak. 

Yesterday her sister called her - things have gotten serious. We went to the hospital and were told that an infection entered the ulcers on her leg, and is now in her blood. She is not expected to survive. This is messing with my wife quite a bit - she went to the hospital to support her sister and her daughter, both of whom are quite distraught. But she didn't go to "say goodbye" as everyone seems to expect. Aunties and uncles all showing up offering my wife sympathy, and she really feels like she doesn't need it. 

Oh...and her dad - whom she has had no contact with for years - is also in hospital. 

She's really wrestling with the three big things of - what she feels, what she is "supposed" to feel, and how to support others who are affected. 

Horrible situation to be presented with. There is entirely too much of judging the behavior of people based upon what they “should” feel or do, without any knowledge of why they might not. The best strategy is probably to take the condolences in the manner intended and thank those people who don’t understand or accept the underlying dynamic, and then use you (if possible) or someone else who understands better to run interference if the person(s) start picking for an “appropriate” response.

-What she feels is what she feels, no one has the right to judge her for that, as it’s knowledge gained over a number of years and experiences.

-What she is supposed to feel is a societal construct with no relationship to her situation and she can simply discard it. She can accept the sympathy as an expression of support for her and then help direct those offering the support toward those more in need of it. Perhaps if she can consider the sympathy offered as a societal equivalent of saying “How do you do?”, that it’s the polite thing for these people to do, and they wouldn’t know how to react otherwise, she can accept it without it causing her stress.

-Supporting others is tricky, but the key is to be as empathetic as possible with others, because (as she clearly knows) their experiences with her mother are different then hers. She can reach out, and help comfort them, without feeling guilty exactly because everyone has differing experiences. If they move to questioning why she isn’t behaving in some prescribed manner, she should feel no shame or guilt for moving away from them to engage with others or, more importantly, take a break as they are trying to co-opt her to make themselves feel better…or possibly superior?

[Karpaty Lviv]

Anyone good for a DM? I’m just looking for some advise, and to rant, I’m just wanting an opinion from someone who doesn’t know me

[DA Baracus]

6 hours ago, Karpaty Lviv said:

Anyone good for a DM? I’m just looking for some advise, and to rant, I’m just wanting an opinion from someone who doesn’t know me

Aye, I'll be up for that. Fire away my man!

[BigBo10]

Anyone good for a DM? I’m just looking for some advise, and to rant, I’m just wanting an opinion from someone who doesn’t know me

Me too

[scottsdad]

On 04/11/2022 at 14:08, scottsdad said:

My wife is having a real hard time just now.

Her mum went into hospital last week with a diabetes-related illness . Her foot was in danger of needing amputated. My wife is estranged from her mum - she sends a card for her birthday and christmas, but they never speak. 

Yesterday her sister called her - things have gotten serious. We went to the hospital and were told that an infection entered the ulcers on her leg, and is now in her blood. She is not expected to survive. This is messing with my wife quite a bit - she went to the hospital to support her sister and her daughter, both of whom are quite distraught. But she didn't go to "say goodbye" as everyone seems to expect. Aunties and uncles all showing up offering my wife sympathy, and she really feels like she doesn't need it. 

Oh...and her dad - whom she has had no contact with for years - is also in hospital. 

She's really wrestling with the three big things of - what she feels, what she is "supposed" to feel, and how to support others who are affected. 

She died yesterday, whilst the wife and I were visiting. 

Whilst she was a bit sad at the time, she was a good support to her sisters. 

Now our attention turns to the arrangements, of which her mum had made absolutely no plans. She apparently told one of my wife's sisters what she wants done, but it is left to us and another of my wife's sisters to arrange and pay for the thing. This is causing a whole bunch of stress now. 

[thistledo]

2 hours ago, scottsdad said:

She died yesterday, whilst the wife and I were visiting. 

Whilst she was a bit sad at the time, she was a good support to her sisters. 

Now our attention turns to the arrangements, of which her mum had made absolutely no plans. She apparently told one of my wife's sisters what she wants done, but it is left to us and another of my wife's sisters to arrange and pay for the thing. This is causing a whole bunch of stress now. 

Sorry to hear this man, difficult situation for the missus and yourself, regardless of what thoughts anyone has it's never a situation you want to experience. 

 

[TxRover]

6 hours ago, scottsdad said:

She died yesterday, whilst the wife and I were visiting. 

Whilst she was a bit sad at the time, she was a good support to her sisters. 

Now our attention turns to the arrangements, of which her mum had made absolutely no plans. She apparently told one of my wife's sisters what she wants done, but it is left to us and another of my wife's sisters to arrange and pay for the thing. This is causing a whole bunch of stress now. 

A difficult time, hope it’s better in the UK than here in ‘Murica. Huge pressure to upgrade details, pressure to agree NOW, etc.  listen to what she wanted and, if possible, you deal with it, as you are less vulnerable to emotional blackmail than your wife and her sisters. It’s a bit weird, but anytime you and she are feeling stress on this matter, remember that her mother really isn’t bothered about it, and it’ll get done in due time, the rush is somewhat artificial.

Found something useful from the Government after all:

https://www.gov.uk/when-someone-dies
 

Very glad your wife was able work through the conflicts to be there to support her sisters, and your daughter!

[velo army]

On 06/11/2022 at 12:12, Karpaty Lviv said:

Anyone good for a DM? I’m just looking for some advise, and to rant, I’m just wanting an opinion from someone who doesn’t know me

Anytime pal. 

[velo army]

I've been having a bit of a shite time recently, mainly as I've no friends up here, I work on my own and my head is barely above water financially. It's mainly the loneliness though. It feels desperate and painful at times and I jump two-footed into addictions every few days (mainly alcohol, coffee, junk food or porn).  

I've been watching this documentary by renowned psychiatrist and general guid cVnt Gabor Mate (last name rhymes with latte) and some of the things he has to say about addiction and the route of depression are profound and hugely helpful to me. I find when I'm feeling emotionally blocked I'll watch emotional movies or listen to stuff like this (Brene Brown is another favourite).

The Wisdom of Trauma Movie - The Wisdom Of Trauma

The link is above and is available for the next 36 hours. The documentary is barely over an hour. Anyone who wants to watch is welcome to it.

[scottsdad]

Probably the wrong thread, but I am a bit worried that I can't seem to switch off. Unless I am not only busy, but frantically managing loads of stuff all at once, I get really uneasy. 

It's happening now. In terms of work, things are winding down. Teaching done, grants submitted, papers out - all good, all the result of months of hard work. But a couple of afternoons this week I have found myself with less to do than normal and I'm finding it hard to just relax and take it easier. Even at weekends and evenings I keep thinking about the next project, the next issue. It's like my mind is actively looking for something to occupy it all the time. Helping my wife through her mum's funeral took loads of energy and I just took it all without a thought. 

Even when my wife was away last month, I couldn't just take the time to relax. I kept working but added in decorating the hall and working in the garden, too. 

My hope is that when the Christmas break comes around I am able to quieten my mind down and just relax for a bit. 

[mathematics]

Buy a hard jigsaw.

[scottsdad]

3 minutes ago, mathematics said:

Buy a hard jigsaw.

I can only find cardboard ones

[mathematics]

13 minutes ago, scottsdad said:

I can only find cardboard ones

This one might get you hard.

https://pxpuzzles.com/featured/1-naughty-nun-jt-photodesign.html?product=puzzle&puzzleType=puzzle-18-24

[mathematics]

Just realised what thread I’m on. Make sure to take a break, spend some time with the wife and kids/pets. The grants, papers, and mewling students can wait.

[Richey Edwards]

On 08/12/2012 at 00:08, Richey Edwards said:

I am currently signed off work with severe depression, and have suffered from it for a number of years but things came to a head about a month ago when I decided that I was going to end my own life. I'm still not sure whether I'm lucky or unlucky to have been found before I could do it.

It's easy for people who have never experienced depression to belittle it as something you can just "snap out" of, but when you no longer enjoy or see any value in anything that is not possible and nothing positive makes sense to you.

I was thinking earlier in the week that around this time 10 years ago I was struggling massively. I have come back a decade later to answer this question - yes, I was lucky.

I thought that life was not worth living anymore, and that I had wasted my chances to become better than what I was. That was not true. There are too many things to list that I would have missed out on if I had not been prevented from hanging myself by a complete stranger.

Here is a few of the things I would have never got to experience:

1. Getting into unversity to study Mental Health Nursing.

2. Seeing my nephew grow up.

3. Learning to drive.

4. Meeting my ex-girlfriend. We may have broken up now, but that was a really fantastic time in my life.

5. Ayr United winning the league in 2017/18.

 

I was in my early 20s when I posted that. The idea that nothing positive will happen in your life when you're that young is ridiculous. It's never too late for good things to happen.

It's going to eventually become my job to promote recovery in other people's lives. I know that recovery from mental illness is possible, because I am evidence of that. 

If you're struggling, don't give up. You have so much to offer, no matter who you are or how you feel.

Jamie xxxxxxxx

[Jacksgranda]

Lovely to read that.