Depression

[welshbairn]

Clinical depression is obviously a different thing, when it won't go away and you can't link it to anything particular in your life. Then you need to ask for help I think. I've no expertise in this stuff though. 

[mathematics]

12 hours ago, scottsdad said:

These "Live, laugh, love" people really do not help.

Some of us do.

[Jambomo]

8 hours ago, Bairnardo said:

It's hard for me to articulate what I mean here, just trying to get it right....

But further to what I said and your reply, I just think theres a problem in today's society where people assume that intermittent unhappiness means there is/was something wrong with them, and then when they inevitably turn back upwards based on the circumstances of their life, they think they have beaten depression with some sort of social media inspired, "positive mental attitude" type thing.

Not trying to be hard on anyone or anything here, but I think a general refusal to accept that sometimes you are just down, because life is fucking hard a lot of the time, it sort of feeds into the rather toxic notion that depression and mental illness are things to be "snapped out of" etc.

I’ve noticed that especially on social media, that negative feelings seem to seem to be considered as wrong somehow.  As though it’s wrong to feel angry, sad, vengeful, jealous etc They aren’t wrong though, you feel how you feel and it’s better to acknowledge that we all feel these ways sometimes and that the negative feelings are still just part of a spectrum of ways a person can feel that are all valid. 

[Kejan]

On 03/10/2022 at 19:30, welshbairn said:

Not really a reply to your post, but people can get too concerned about happiness, eg. if they're not, there's something wrong. I jumped up and down like a yoyo when I was younger from suicidal to ecstatic, most of the time being mildly miserable. After a while I was able to remind myself that being mildly miserable wasn't too bad, even when I was going through ecstatic or suicidal episodes. I've happily remained mildly miserable for about the last 20 years.

Your medical stuff is obviously on a different level, I assume they've found a low cell count in your blood, both white and red? It's just that my mother got that diagnosis a few weeks ago and they put her on an iron drip that's supposed to last 6 weeks, but she goes white faced and weak every time she stands up, and I'm wondering if they gave you a way of testing how you are? The hospital decided she was too old (94) to risk invasive methods to find out what was causing it, (rectal tumours was a theory). She's also got heart trouble which at 94 is probably normal, but her sister is 107 and we're going for the record here! Sorry to link this to your situation at 38, it's a totally .different scenario

I agree, great point. The Live/Laugh folk whilst their intentions are good, saying that to someone with mental illness, is pretty insulting. My issue has always been social anxiety (I think) being jittery in public and my brain over-thinking just random, nonsense that no one even cares about. Again, it's a bit of a cliché but most folk won't even notice your quirks unless you're a nutter, and even if they do, they've got their own demons too. I think most people to swing between that mildy miserable to mildy happy, with hopefully a few more moments of total joy rather than misery in between.  Maybe my initial post was a bit, YOLO etc ; but its coming from a social anxiety perspective mostly - aka what the féck was I worrying about! I used to get stressed in rush hour traffic, and cutting between lines. Its almost like I've somehow (told) my brain to shut all this stuff right down, and take calmer, slower decisions. A lot easier said than done ; but for anyone who's wanting to rid themselves of a fair bit of anxiety, try something bold-ish every day. Don't go mental or that, but if you see a friendly puss smiling at you, say Hi and most of the time they'll smile back or say Hi.

It's only RBC/Hemoglobin that dips, oh, ferritin too - the docs say the rest of blood work etc is fine. I've done the ''protocol'' of what to look for in IDA, and they still don't know. Maybe an Endocrinologist next? They've not given me any ways of testing how I am, but that could be done the line? I think they were half-hoping something showed up in the CT scan (I've had 2 colonscopies ; 1 gastroscopy ; pill cam scopy and now a CT scan) so I think they're a bit stumped.

Warm wishes to your mother. Like most things, if you don't suffer or experience it but low hemoglobin is exhausting, even just 10 steps can have you panting away and not to boast, but I do/try to walk at least 50 miles a week (used to run, but that's on the backburner for now).

All the best, and thanks for the advice!

 

[AL-FFC]

First time posting in about a year and a bit on this but past few weeks and more so today depression is kicking my arse and really questioning what's the point.  Had been in a good place lost a good bit weight and just the way things are realise no ones there, my kids don't speak to me (ex made sure of that) and really don't know what to say don't even want to reach out as everyone has their own sh*t they are dealing with and even if I did I don't know what good it would do.

The last time I did speak to a pal the response was "I had depression once and then I cheered up" (I wish that's how it worked).  I lost my sister a few years back and she was the one constant in my life as she basically brought me up and still miss her, spent most of the day breaking down in tears and wishing I could pick myself up but its kicking my arse just now and the only way I am seeing tomorrow is today will be over and its a new day and hoping I don't feel like this.

[Kejan]

33 minutes ago, AL-FFC said:

First time posting in about a year and a bit on this but past few weeks and more so today depression is kicking my arse and really questioning what's the point.  Had been in a good place lost a good bit weight and just the way things are realise no ones there, my kids don't speak to me (ex made sure of that) and really don't know what to say don't even want to reach out as everyone has their own sh*t they are dealing with and even if I did I don't know what good it would do.

The last time I did speak to a pal the response was "I had depression once and then I cheered up" (I wish that's how it worked).  I lost my sister a few years back and she was the one constant in my life as she basically brought me up and still miss her, spent most of the day breaking down in tears and wishing I could pick myself up but its kicking my arse just now and the only way I am seeing tomorrow is today will be over and its a new day and hoping I don't feel like this.

Hi,

I'm sorry you are feeling this way. Not to make it all about me, but for the last 6 months have been extremely hard for me. Everything was shite! Even my interests were shite, watching the football was a chore and mind not even caring about Ukraine pumping us in that WC qualifier in May. A few folk had encouraging stuff to say, but I couldn't do it - I felt too bad physically and mentally to even care. A few things happened, and I realised how bad I felt inside myself and very, very slowly started pushing myself. Covid, isolation, a job for 3 years where you met 1 co-worker (and then it was to change shifts, maybe a 15 min chat) had turned me in to a negative, bitter, pretty much recluse.

I just thought f**k it! It took time, and I'm very grateful to some of the pals who supported me throughout this period. I am not saying I know how you feel because I don't, I can't imagine losing your sister and the bond you had with her. How active is your social life? Is there any clubs or sports you could join? Maybe a bit of a cliché, but since turning the corner a wee bit I've started to try and be kinder to be people and I'm geniuenly optimistic again after seeing the reactions. I think social media, smart phones etc has turned us a bit insular as well.

Feel free to PM me anytime, and I hope you are doing OK. Fast forward to us winning that Nations League Group and beating Ukraine and (not just the fitba) but small improvements and I'm feeling so much better. So there is hope! In May I was miserable, I almost didn't go to a very good friend's wedding - I just didn't want to go, looked and felt shite and lethargic.

My brain is now working again, probably too much for friends, family and co-workers ; but I don't know what I am trying to say, but no joke, 12-15 weeks ago I felt absolute shite ; and whilst I'm not ''recovered'' or anything, I'm a lot better place by taking small steps. I wish you all the best, and please keep posting.

Take care of yourself, and again more cliché, but I'm learning to ''love'' myself, I ken its a bit much for a Scot to say all that, but honestly I think just accepting YOU as who you are - the good, the bad and the ugly and then focussing on the things you don't feel you do well or feel well about, start thinking about what you can change there. Wee small steps.

 

Edited October 6, 2022 by Kejan

[Nkomo-A-Gogo]

On 04/10/2022 at 14:22, Bairnardo said:

It's hard for me to articulate what I mean here, just trying to get it right....

But further to what I said and your reply, I just think theres a problem in today's society where people assume that intermittent unhappiness means there is/was something wrong with them, and then when they inevitably turn back upwards based on the circumstances of their life, they think they have beaten depression with some sort of social media inspired, "positive mental attitude" type thing.

Not trying to be hard on anyone or anything here, but I think a general refusal to accept that sometimes you are just down, because life is fucking hard a lot of the time, it sort of feeds into the rather toxic notion that depression and mental illness are things to be "snapped out of" etc.

I was thinking about this yesterday after reading it and it does apply to me I think. Its crazy how a couple of things going wrong can really crush you.

Yesterday two kids on the street around 5 yo were playing and I sent my own 5yo girl out to see them and after a minute they told her to go away. I know they are only young but how can they be so cruel?

Then I started thinking about my neighbours and none of them are nice people. Then people in general and only the two or three people in the whole world that I actually like and then started wondering how many people actually like me! 

Bedtime couldn't come quick enough to be honest. Not healthy thoughts at all but not mental illness. Just things not going the way I hoped or planned then crap thoughts. 

[philpy]

Was very Close to being widowed on Saturday and it's hit me big style. Wife collapsed in pain on Saturday and was taken to hospital where she had a double operation to remove an ovary and some tubes, and they also sorted her hernia. She had the start of an infection,  and found out after surgery that she was borderline septic. I'm on paid leave from work but every time I try to switch off,  everything is playing over and over in my head.

[Bert Raccoon]

28 minutes ago, philpy said:

Was very Close to being widowed on Saturday and it's hit me big style. Wife collapsed in pain on Saturday and was taken to hospital where she had a double operation to remove an ovary and some tubes, and they also sorted her hernia. She had the start of an infection,  and found out after surgery that she was borderline septic. I'm on paid leave from work but every time I try to switch off,  everything is playing over and over in my head.

Hope it's all OK bud. Just realise what you have and make the most of it 

[The_Kincardine]

41 minutes ago, philpy said:

Was very Close to being widowed on Saturday and it's hit me big style. Wife collapsed in pain on Saturday and was taken to hospital where she had a double operation to remove an ovary and some tubes, and they also sorted her hernia. She had the start of an infection,  and found out after surgery that she was borderline septic. I'm on paid leave from work but every time I try to switch off,  everything is playing over and over in my head.

So sorry to hear that, Philpy.  A horrendous time for her and, of course, for you. "everything is playing over and over in my head" is entirely normal.

Best wishes to your Mrs.

[Stellaboz]

I'm sorry to vent but I need somewhere to do it.

Shit at work is giving me anxiety and I'm spiralling into bad eating habits because of it. I'm feeling dark, down and lower than normal most of the time.

I'm getting angry thoughts all the time, I'm not mad at one thing in particular though. I hate everyone I see that I don't know and treat everyone with suspicion. 

I'm getting more into my shell and my self esteem is plummeting. I'm snapping at my wife, don't want to spend time with friends and increasingly seeking solace. 

[welshbairn]

11 minutes ago, Stellaboz said:

I'm sorry to vent but I need somewhere to do it.

Shit at work is giving me anxiety and I'm spiralling into bad eating habits because of it. I'm feeling dark, down and lower than normal most of the time.

I'm getting angry thoughts all the time, I'm not mad at one thing in particular though. I hate everyone I see that I don't know and treat everyone with suspicion. 

I'm getting more into my shell and my self esteem is plummeting. I'm snapping at my wife, don't want to spend time with friends and increasingly seeking solace. 

Sounds like you need a new job, either within your current company or elsewhere, even for less money if necessary.

[Widge]

12 minutes ago, Stellaboz said:

I'm sorry to vent but I need somewhere to do it.

Shit at work is giving me anxiety and I'm spiralling into bad eating habits because of it. I'm feeling dark, down and lower than normal most of the time.

I'm getting angry thoughts all the time, I'm not mad at one thing in particular though. I hate everyone I see that I don't know and treat everyone with suspicion. 

I'm getting more into my shell and my self esteem is plummeting. I'm snapping at my wife, don't want to spend time with friends and increasingly seeking solace. 

Been there and it's hard, especially when you feel like you're taking it out on your partner, despite them only every trying to help you. I tried various things to get me out of those moods and nothing ever seemed to work and if I can say anything from my experience, it's ok to be in a bad mood from time to time, it happens; however if it gets to the stage where you're waking up feeling like that, then its time to talk to someone honestly about your situation at work, social life, etc. 

I'm a total introvert who doesn't display or talk about emotions, but when someone lays it out in front of you it can sometimes narrow the exact cause of where the feelings come from. It may be work, it may be something else, but identifying the cause is the first step to finding a way to manage the way you're feeling. It's then about potentially finding something to make you feel even slightly better and increase your mood. Little steps and all that!

That's my experience of it, it might resonate or it might not, but if you want to speak to someone who can totally empathise and relate then drop me a PM. As others will probably attest to on here, there's no right or wrong answers and everyone is different, such is life. 

[scottsdad]

1 hour ago, Stellaboz said:

I'm sorry to vent but I need somewhere to do it.

Shit at work is giving me anxiety and I'm spiralling into bad eating habits because of it. I'm feeling dark, down and lower than normal most of the time.

I'm getting angry thoughts all the time, I'm not mad at one thing in particular though. I hate everyone I see that I don't know and treat everyone with suspicion. 

I'm getting more into my shell and my self esteem is plummeting. I'm snapping at my wife, don't want to spend time with friends and increasingly seeking solace. 

Vent away, it is why we are here.

I remember having feelings like these before. It was the result of some medication I was on. I think it was pregabalin. Turned me into someone I wasn't. Experiencing those feelings and thoughts was no fun for me or anyone else.

[heedthebaa]

2 hours ago, welshbairn said:

Sounds like you need a new job, either within your current company or elsewhere, even for less money if necessary.

I’ve basically been miserable, nippy, aggressive and came off social media this last year due to anxiety through work. Same job for 39 years, just came home end of July, sat the missus down and said I never wanted to walk on a boat again. Explained why and she just said “thank f**k, you’ve been hard work, just bring me a £1000 a month” I’ve found the job, a job that still gives me time with her and my grandkids and weekends off, couldn’t believe how nice they were, I mean I told them what days I wanted to work ffs. I’ve went from no motivation to never sitting still and lost over a stone in weight. I’m lucky as I’ve made great money all my life, now just minimum wage and couldn’t care less. I just hope the feelings I have now in my heed never leave me. Id recommend a job you love and a wee sertraline to anyone 

[the snudge]

Turns out after having depression diagnosed for 9 years that alot of my traits are adult ADHD. The doc has referred me to psychiatry for assessment bit she's fairly confident it'll be diagnosed. It's actually a relief and I'm not one for labels. It feels like a weight lifted and explains alot of my feeling. I thought everyone's brain ran similarly to mine. Turns out it's not "normal" but I'm not alone. 

[DA Baracus]

I don't think anyone's brain runs the same as anyone else's.

Edited October 14, 2022 by DA Baracus

[sophia]

2 hours ago, DA Baracus said:

I don't think anyone's brain runs the same as anyone else's.

I'm completely with you on this 

[19QOS19]

Sadly this c**t of an illness claimed someone again yesterday. One of my mum's best pals passed away early yesterday morning. She had been drinking a lot more recently but obviously no one knew to what extent. It reached breaking point a couple of days ago and the hospital put her into a coma to help her organs rest. Sadly the treatment failed and when they took her off the machines to see if her body could fight it it gave in. Absolutely heartbreaking. I'd be lying if I claimed I was close to her but I've known her my whole life as my mum has been friends with her since high school. She was just such a quiet and lovely person. She was extremely depressed by the end and yet the last time I saw her she was still putting on a brave smile and was her usual helpful self. She did seek help and as much as I absolutely love our NHS, it badly let her down here.

I haven't suffered from this so I'm in no position to be giving out advice. But if you've been brave enough to seek help because you think something isn't right you've surely done the hardest part. From then on don't let anyone fob you off. Get the treatment you deserve.

[the snudge]

On 14/10/2022 at 18:40, DA Baracus said:

I don't think anyone's brain runs the same as anyone else's.

 I said similarly.