Depression

[Venti]

15 hours ago, AJF said:

I am separating from my partner after 11 years together. Things ended amicably and we still have a lot of love for each other.

We have accepted an offer on our home which I currently live in alone. As we go through the process of removing/selling furniture, each night I come back to an emptier shell of a house. I've never suffered from depression, and I don't believe I currently am either, but I can feel myself growing wearier.

She was my first and only real meaningful relationship so I am new to this whole break-up malarkey. Alcohol has become more prominent in my life.

I feel I am responsible enough to recognise signs of needing to speak about this. I've got a great group of friends and family, but it feels a little less daunting expressing this here than to them.

Not the best idea to get wired into the drink.

Went through a long term break-up & ended up off the rails.

DM me if you want mate.

[AJF]

1 hour ago, Dons_1988 said:

This all sounds pretty normal for going through a significant moment in your life. Don’t get me wrong, very difficult but I just mean I don’t read your post and worry about you. Just keep an eye on how long it all lasts and if the drinking gets worse. 

Long term break ups are tough, I had one over 10 years ago now but I went about 3 months living out of a bag bouncing around friends houses and in her spare room while I found a place of my own (this was down south where I didn’t have family). It’s a really horrible time but ultimately you’ll get past it and realise it was the best thing for you.

 

1 hour ago, Venti said:

Not the best idea to get wired into the drink.

Went through a long term break-up & ended up off the rails.

DM me if you want mate.

Cheers gents, it's appreciated.

Like I said, I don't feel as though I am in a place where I should be worried, I just feel myself being worn down a bit and felt it might help putting thoughts into words and this seemed as good a place as any!

[energyzone]

Cheers gents, it's appreciated.
Like I said, I don't feel as though I am in a place where I should be worried, I just feel myself being worn down a bit and felt it might help putting thoughts into words and this seemed as good a place as any!

I guess the best advice I can give is keep busy. With exercise preferably. But find a hobby, keep yourself from dwelling on it too much. But you'll always find a friendly ear in this thread and you'll be absolutely fine in time. Post as much as you feel helps [emoji106]

[BigBo10]

Cheers gents, it's appreciated.
Like I said, I don't feel as though I am in a place where I should be worried, I just feel myself being worn down a bit and felt it might help putting thoughts into words and this seemed as good a place as any!

I was splitting from my ex about the time your relationship started. We’d been together for almost 20 years. Met at uni. It was hard. I bought her half of the house but she took what we agreed was hers to take. House was empty so I know what you mean. It’s hard at the start but of you know it’s finished don’t dwell on it. I did and a few years passed me by without realising I was stuck. I’m not for a minute saying you’ll open your eyes the day after you sell the house and all will be great just that don’t look at what others think or reflect on a failed relationship. The road ahead will be bumpy but there’s always a good place to get to if you keep moving forward. PM anytime.

[RH33]

7 hours ago, AJF said:

 

Cheers gents, it's appreciated.

Like I said, I don't feel as though I am in a place where I should be worried, I just feel myself being worn down a bit and felt it might help putting thoughts into words and this seemed as good a place as any!

My marriage ended nearly seven years ago. It was mutual agreement in end, but still sad.

Give it time.

[Bairnardo]

Sort of half mentioned this in a other thread but I think I need to acknowledge it in the safety of this thread even if it's maybe not technically on topic....

The wife's got a biopsy to get soon... Like fast tracked deal, and I am absolutely fucking terrified. The dark places my mind is going to at the moment are terrifying.

Now, I am keeping it together and thinking positively for the most part obviously for the benefit of the Mrs, who IMO is hearing too much negativity from other people. She's telling me of her folks being up all night crying etc. And I keep saying to her, let's wait until we even know if there's a problem. Remember that right now, all we know is that the doctor wants something checked. And that's it. And even if it's bad, let's remember how treatable the big C is these days.

But between imagining how scared she must be, and in the darker moments picturing me and our daughters without her..... I'm actively having to try and shut it out because even though I do genuinely think (with no real basis btw) that it's all going to be OK, our lives could just as easily be ripped to shreds in a few weeks time.

Cancer has taken enough from me and my family already, but if this goes the wrong way it would end me.

Helpless and absolutely shiting it....

[scottsdad]

2 minutes ago, Bairnardo said:

Sort of half mentioned this in a other thread but I think I need to acknowledge it in the safety of this thread even if it's maybe not technically on topic....

The wife's got a biopsy to get soon... Like fast tracked deal, and I am absolutely fucking terrified. The dark places my mind is going to at the moment are terrifying.

Now, I am keeping it together and thinking positively for the most part obviously for the benefit of the Mrs, who IMO is hearing too much negativity from other people. She's telling me of her folks being up all night crying etc. And I keep saying to her, let's wait until we even know if there's a problem. Remember that right now, all we know is that the doctor wants something checked. And that's it. And even if it's bad, let's remember how treatable the big C is these days.

But between imagining how scared she must be, and in the darker moments picturing me and our daughters without her..... I'm actively having to try and shut it out because even though I do genuinely think (with no real basis btw) that it's all going to be OK, our lives could just as easily be ripped to shreds in a few weeks time.

Cancer has taken enough from me and my family already, but if this goes the wrong way it would end me.

Helpless and absolutely shiting it....

Best wishes to you and your wife.  This must be bloody awful. 

[SweeperDee]

7 minutes ago, Bairnardo said:

Sort of half mentioned this in a other thread but I think I need to acknowledge it in the safety of this thread even if it's maybe not technically on topic....

The wife's got a biopsy to get soon... Like fast tracked deal, and I am absolutely fucking terrified. The dark places my mind is going to at the moment are terrifying.

Now, I am keeping it together and thinking positively for the most part obviously for the benefit of the Mrs, who IMO is hearing too much negativity from other people. She's telling me of her folks being up all night crying etc. And I keep saying to her, let's wait until we even know if there's a problem. Remember that right now, all we know is that the doctor wants something checked. And that's it. And even if it's bad, let's remember how treatable the big C is these days.

But between imagining how scared she must be, and in the darker moments picturing me and our daughters without her..... I'm actively having to try and shut it out because even though I do genuinely think (with no real basis btw) that it's all going to be OK, our lives could just as easily be ripped to shreds in a few weeks time.

Cancer has taken enough from me and my family already, but if this goes the wrong way it would end me.

Helpless and absolutely shiting it....

Never forget that the love you have for your Mrs, and the love she has for you is more important than anything anyone else chimes in with. You are obviously doing this, but just be there for her, regardless of the outcome of the biopsy. Spend as much time as possible with her, and your daughters; do your best to keep her mind off of the results (very easy to say, hard to achieve obviously). Always bear in mind that you need support yourself; you can't support people when you are running on empty. Reach out to your pals, other family members, various support lines like Samaritans if you need to help yourself. It is not selfish to ask for help even considering the situation your Mrs is in; she wouldn't want you torturing yourself. 

Also, you are far from helpless; it takes an incredibly strong person to take stock of such a situation and bear yourself to strangers on this site. You've done something very few people do, just remember there will always be people to help you. 

Edited May 15, 2022 by SweeperDee

[Bert Raccoon]

1 hour ago, Bairnardo said:

Sort of half mentioned this in a other thread but I think I need to acknowledge it in the safety of this thread even if it's maybe not technically on topic....

The wife's got a biopsy to get soon... Like fast tracked deal, and I am absolutely fucking terrified. The dark places my mind is going to at the moment are terrifying.

Now, I am keeping it together and thinking positively for the most part obviously for the benefit of the Mrs, who IMO is hearing too much negativity from other people. She's telling me of her folks being up all night crying etc. And I keep saying to her, let's wait until we even know if there's a problem. Remember that right now, all we know is that the doctor wants something checked. And that's it. And even if it's bad, let's remember how treatable the big C is these days.

But between imagining how scared she must be, and in the darker moments picturing me and our daughters without her..... I'm actively having to try and shut it out because even though I do genuinely think (with no real basis btw) that it's all going to be OK, our lives could just as easily be ripped to shreds in a few weeks time.

Cancer has taken enough from me and my family already, but if this goes the wrong way it would end me.

Helpless and absolutely shiting it....

Hopefully turns out to be nothing bud but you know you've plenty of support here if you need it. Best wishes 

[Moomintroll]

2 hours ago, Bairnardo said:

Sort of half mentioned this in a other thread but I think I need to acknowledge it in the safety of this thread even if it's maybe not technically on topic....

The wife's got a biopsy to get soon... Like fast tracked deal, and I am absolutely fucking terrified. The dark places my mind is going to at the moment are terrifying.

Now, I am keeping it together and thinking positively for the most part obviously for the benefit of the Mrs, who IMO is hearing too much negativity from other people. She's telling me of her folks being up all night crying etc. And I keep saying to her, let's wait until we even know if there's a problem. Remember that right now, all we know is that the doctor wants something checked. And that's it. And even if it's bad, let's remember how treatable the big C is these days.

But between imagining how scared she must be, and in the darker moments picturing me and our daughters without her..... I'm actively having to try and shut it out because even though I do genuinely think (with no real basis btw) that it's all going to be OK, our lives could just as easily be ripped to shreds in a few weeks time.

Cancer has taken enough from me and my family already, but if this goes the wrong way it would end me.

Helpless and absolutely shiting it....

Bloody hell mate, that is my worst fear & I have been to some very dark places, hit me all you want but leave the ones close to me alone, needless to say but, anytime you need to vent this is the place to do so. Hope it is no more than a precaution & everything turns out well.

[Honest Saints Fan]

8 hours ago, Bairnardo said:

Sort of half mentioned this in a other thread but I think I need to acknowledge it in the safety of this thread even if it's maybe not technically on topic....

The wife's got a biopsy to get soon... Like fast tracked deal, and I am absolutely fucking terrified. The dark places my mind is going to at the moment are terrifying.

Now, I am keeping it together and thinking positively for the most part obviously for the benefit of the Mrs, who IMO is hearing too much negativity from other people. She's telling me of her folks being up all night crying etc. And I keep saying to her, let's wait until we even know if there's a problem. Remember that right now, all we know is that the doctor wants something checked. And that's it. And even if it's bad, let's remember how treatable the big C is these days.

But between imagining how scared she must be, and in the darker moments picturing me and our daughters without her..... I'm actively having to try and shut it out because even though I do genuinely think (with no real basis btw) that it's all going to be OK, our lives could just as easily be ripped to shreds in a few weeks time.

Cancer has taken enough from me and my family already, but if this goes the wrong way it would end me.

Helpless and absolutely shiting it....

Sorry to read this Bairnardo. Best wishes to your wife and fingers crossed for a "good" result from the biopsy.

Everything you are feeling is completely normal. I can't talk from Ruggy's perspective but I imagine he had those exact same thoughts as you have and still does.

Be there for your wife but take of yourself too. 

Always a PM away if you need any advice.

[Rugster]

18 hours ago, Bairnardo said:

Sort of half mentioned this in a other thread but I think I need to acknowledge it in the safety of this thread even if it's maybe not technically on topic....

The wife's got a biopsy to get soon... Like fast tracked deal, and I am absolutely fucking terrified. The dark places my mind is going to at the moment are terrifying.

Now, I am keeping it together and thinking positively for the most part obviously for the benefit of the Mrs, who IMO is hearing too much negativity from other people. She's telling me of her folks being up all night crying etc. And I keep saying to her, let's wait until we even know if there's a problem. Remember that right now, all we know is that the doctor wants something checked. And that's it. And even if it's bad, let's remember how treatable the big C is these days.

But between imagining how scared she must be, and in the darker moments picturing me and our daughters without her..... I'm actively having to try and shut it out because even though I do genuinely think (with no real basis btw) that it's all going to be OK, our lives could just as easily be ripped to shreds in a few weeks time.

Cancer has taken enough from me and my family already, but if this goes the wrong way it would end me.

Helpless and absolutely shiting it....

Sorry to read this mate. I absolutely hope for good news for you all.

I know exactly how you are feeling, although the anxiety at not knowing will be compounding things obviously. It was slightly different for us in that the first whisper of cancer was pretty much the day before it was confirmed so there wasn't a long period of anxiety at not knowing. The word hadn't even entered my mind until the day they talked about a biopsy, which was done the following day.

I am absolutely here for a PM anytime you want if you want or need to talk about this. 

 

[scottsdad]

Been a tough weekend. I took my wife out for lunch on Friday, mainly to thank her for being there for me. And on Saturday we learned that her dad (who she is estranged from) is in hospital having had a heart attack. 

She is quite upset about it, so as you can imagine our weekend has been less cheerful than usual.  Pretty sure we drank far, far more than we usually would. This morning she is struggling still but on a positive note, she is utterly determined to go to the gym. This is something she is finding helps a lot. She is still at work - but might WFH this week as she isn't up to going into the office. 

[SweeperDee]

I’ve been drinking and “daring” for about a month now, I’m signed off work for a month but I feel so fucking useless. Everything is a chore, and now that I’ve got solicitor shite having to wind up my dads’ estate I’m just piling stress upon stress upon stress on myself. My missus god bless her is trying but she can’t really deal with stress the best herself and it’s hard as f**k and it’s straining our relationship. I feel so fucking stupid in the ways I’m “coping” but it’s the only thing that’s taking my mind off of everything I need to do. I know the avenues of help that are available to me, I’m educated in this sort of field but I just feel frozen; it’s almost like subconsciously I’m trying to just do myself in. Doctors gave me sleeping tablets and other meds to relax me but it just doesn’t work; I wake up at 3, can’t sleep, end up disturbing the missus who has to be up early for work and it’s just fucking shite. I can’t enjoy things that I usually do, my mind just doesn’t seem to acknowledge “fun” at the moment. I know I need to cut out the booze and other shite, but it’s really hard.

[Derry Alli]

10 minutes ago, SweeperDee said:

it’s almost like subconsciously I’m trying to just do myself in. 

I know this feeling, mate. It's been an absolute struggle for me this weekend to not go on the batter and it's been full of stress and stupid outbursts. I sat in the barbers at 3pm yesterday watching the world go by out the window and thought "that's what 'normal life' looks like? I'm usually pie in the sky by that point. I done it to make a point to my on/off other half who texted something like "enjoy getting pished" after an argument which is usually a trigger for me to go on it full pelt.

I'm not really writing anything helpful here and it seems I'm patting myself on the back but what I'm trying to say is you're a clever guy, you see the mistakes and you want to make a change. That's the hardest step. Getting help might help you, it never for me. It might be tough love will change you. The most important thing is you've noted the triggers and you yourself want to make a change. Best of luck with the solicitor stuff too, Lord knows that lot can drag their heels! 

[SweeperDee]

26 minutes ago, Mr. Alli said:

I know this feeling, mate. It's been an absolute struggle for me this weekend to not go on the batter and it's been full of stress and stupid outbursts. I sat in the barbers at 3pm yesterday watching the world go by out the window and thought "that's what 'normal life' looks like? I'm usually pie in the sky by that point. I done it to make a point to my on/off other half who texted something like "enjoy getting pished" after an argument which is usually a trigger for me to go on it full pelt.

I'm not really writing anything helpful here and it seems I'm patting myself on the back but what I'm trying to say is you're a clever guy, you see the mistakes and you want to make a change. That's the hardest step. Getting help might help you, it never for me. It might be tough love will change you. The most important thing is you've noted the triggers and you yourself want to make a change. Best of luck with the solicitor stuff too, Lord knows that lot can drag their heels! 

My missus understands fully why I'm doing what I'm doing, she works in that sort of field as well, and she's obviously trying to steer me to proper channels of help but I just can't face it. Like I said, I'm educated in this field (my speciality is addiction ffs). I know it's cliched to say I'm not "addicted", but I'm finding myself struggling to not find other ways of occupying my time, besides all the shit that comes with a parent dying. I'd feel like an utter failure with my sort of background and knowledge to rock up to any sort of group and say "yeah, this is what I'm doing". It's ridiculous, petty, and a downright ugly way to think but I can't let my pride be bashed at this moment in time, I don't think I could manage it. I've next to no blood family left and it's my missus family who's helping me as best as they can, but I just hate asking for help. It was a mission to initially to go to the GP in the first place to say I couldn't sleep because of what's been going on (I will say my GP has been fantastic, no long waits for appointments and definitely is going for the right meds to help me). I know this situation I find myself in WILL pass, but what damage I'll do to myself, my mind, and everything else I'm connected to I don't know. It's causing me utter fear. 

Thank you for your reply. 

[RH33]

I've had a really shite week, not that long ago jt would've seen me in psych ward. This time I've dug in hard to resilience stores. 

[scottsdad]

Much like @SweeperDee and @Mr. Alli my go-to in stressful times has been the drink. I had cut down massively but the last few weeks I have been well back up to previous levels.

I start at 8 pm but the quantity I put away between then and, say, 10.30 is staggering. Last Saturday I had about 3 and a half litres of San Miguel. Well beyond normal for me. When you can sink a can in 15 minutes and head right for the next then you know something is off. 

Got to the stage I stopped buying it. Trying to stop myself in advance and that sort of worked. If there are no cans in the fridge I can just avoid it. Not the best strategy, but it gave me the odd night off. Daytime me trying to protect nighttime me. 

[Raidernation]

I am now past 3 months sober (this time) and it’s definitely resulted in much less stress and anxiety.
I just have to keep doing the work since, as others have intimated, resorting to the drink is a dangerous way to go.

[V.Aye.R]

On 23/05/2022 at 01:07, scottsdad said:

Much like @SweeperDee and @Mr. Alli my go-to in stressful times has been the drink. I had cut down massively but the last few weeks I have been well back up to previous levels.

I start at 8 pm but the quantity I put away between then and, say, 10.30 is staggering. Last Saturday I had about 3 and a half litres of San Miguel. Well beyond normal for me. When you can sink a can in 15 minutes and head right for the next then you know something is off. 

Got to the stage I stopped buying it. Trying to stop myself in advance and that sort of worked. If there are no cans in the fridge I can just avoid it. Not the best strategy, but it gave me the odd night off. Daytime me trying to protect nighttime me. 

Ive always found stuff like Tonic water and lemon a decent substitute. You still have that glass in your hand which can scratch that itch.