Depression

[Biscuits]

First post on here. Feel I want to write something but not sure what to put.

I think I have depression. Just feel so down all the time. Liable to burst into tears over absolutely nothing. And I don’t know why.

I’m married, have a lovely house, 2 perfect kids and a good well paid job. So what the f**k is wrong with me? Why do I feel like this?

Should I go see a doctor - not sure if that’s the answer.

I don’t really do much other than work. I keep reading about exercise and hobbies being good for the mind but I have absolutely zero motivation.

[DA Baracus]

14 minutes ago, Biscuits said:

First post on here. Feel I want to write something but not sure what to put.

I think I have depression. Just feel so down all the time. Liable to burst into tears over absolutely nothing. And I don’t know why.

I’m married, have a lovely house, 2 perfect kids and a good well paid job. So what the f**k is wrong with me? Why do I feel like this?

Should I go see a doctor - not sure if that’s the answer.

I don’t really do much other than work. I keep reading about exercise and hobbies being good for the mind but I have absolutely zero motivation.

Sounds like you definitely have symptoms at the least.

Get yourself along to your GP to discuss it. Write things down before you go, like the stuff you've mentioned above. Have it ready as it's often surprising how much you can forget when asked to detail what you are feeling and the things you are experiencing.

[the snudge]

40 minutes ago, Biscuits said:

First post on here. Feel I want to write something but not sure what to put.

I think I have depression. Just feel so down all the time. Liable to burst into tears over absolutely nothing. And I don’t know why.

I’m married, have a lovely house, 2 perfect kids and a good well paid job. So what the f**k is wrong with me? Why do I feel like this?

Should I go see a doctor - not sure if that’s the answer.

I don’t really do much other than work. I keep reading about exercise and hobbies being good for the mind but I have absolutely zero motivation.

Sounds like the symptoms of it. Reading your post, you look like you should be a bit kinder to yourself if you're overwhelmed with work. Find your passion and follow it.

But primarily get yourself to the GP. Face to face would be ideal. If your heart was giving you pain you'd see the doc. Treat your brain the same way. 

Take everything a day at a time. Keep busy with things you enjoy. 

Stay strong and if you need a chat or any more info send me a DM

[Genuine Hibs Fan]

1 hour ago, Biscuits said:

First post on here. Feel I want to write something but not sure what to put.

I think I have depression. Just feel so down all the time. Liable to burst into tears over absolutely nothing. And I don’t know why.

I’m married, have a lovely house, 2 perfect kids and a good well paid job. So what the f**k is wrong with me? Why do I feel like this?

Should I go see a doctor - not sure if that’s the answer.

I don’t really do much other than work. I keep reading about exercise and hobbies being good for the mind but I have absolutely zero motivation.

Get yourself to the doctor man. The exercise/hobbies mantra is good for a lot of folk and circumstances but when you're in that way of feeling I know how much time can go past with you thinking about and planning what you'll do and before you know it you're still not doing much and feeling just as bad, just 3 months later. Your doctor is likely to recommend it anyway but alongside other interventions or even just with guidance from them you're more likely to be successful. And if your GP is useless go to another one! All the best mate 

[Genuine Hibs Fan]

As an aside I've been looking at seeing a therapist recently, feeling pretty well all things considered but hopefully would be a preventative measure going forward. I knew it was fairly dear but Jesus it's a lot. 

[Stellaboz]

I don't know how much this helps but my company pays for 2 or 3 sessions for any colleague that needs it, via this website: https://instahelp.me/en/

Maybe approach your employers and start putting pressure on companies to invest more in their employee's mental welfare or at the very least, it's another option to look at privately. 

[Honest Saints Fan]

I've been feeling really anxious lately. Worried about dying and leaving my children behind. Not even my cancer killing me but a car crash. I've had anxiety about it in the past and I've no idea why. 

[RH33]

1 hour ago, Genuine Hibs Fan said:

As an aside I've been looking at seeing a therapist recently, feeling pretty well all things considered but hopefully would be a preventative measure going forward. I knew it was fairly dear but Jesus it's a lot. 

It is expensive but also the first one you see may not be the right one for you. So it may take 2 or 3 before you find one you can work with.

[Genuine Hibs Fan]

2 minutes ago, RH33 said:

It is expensive but also the first one you see may not be the right one for you. So it may take 2 or 3 before you find one you can work with.

That's a really good point aye. Tbf I sat on my hands too long, there's a place in Edinburgh that has a sliding scale depending on your earnings to keep it affordable but they've closed their waiting list for now as understandably over subscribed. 

[RH33]

I found I worked well with the one I met when I was on the Priory back in 2006. She then set up her own practice. It's handy as I can drop in and she knows all my background, £95 a go though! 

Also look into and think about what you want gain from therapy, is it CBT, trauma theapry etc as then you can look for one qualified in that area.

Make sure they're accredited too.

[AL-FFC]

3 hours ago, Genuine Hibs Fan said:

As an aside I've been looking at seeing a therapist recently, feeling pretty well all things considered but hopefully would be a preventative measure going forward. I knew it was fairly dear but Jesus it's a lot. 

You can get some for as low as about 45-50 pounds for a one hour session but agree, thing you will find with therapy/counselling you might need to change a couple of times to find one thats right for you

[RH33]

2 hours ago, Honest Saints Fan said:

I've been feeling really anxious lately. Worried about dying and leaving my children behind. Not even my cancer killing me but a car crash. I've had anxiety about it in the past and I've no idea why. 

After all you've been through its understandable, we all hate thought leaving our kids behind but you've a very tangible reason for the anxiety. 

[Honest Saints Fan]

On 08/06/2021 at 15:27, RH33 said:

After all you've been through its understandable, we all hate thought leaving our kids behind but you've a very tangible reason for the anxiety. 

Thanks R!

Been worrying about relapse a lot lately. A few of my friends who were diagnosed the same time have relapsed so it is weighing on my mind a lot. Think it's because eldest is 5 now and she will understand a lot more. She knows I have cancer but she doesn't really know what that it means. I'm worried she'll hear negative things about it in school.

[RH33]

13 minutes ago, Honest Saints Fan said:

Thanks R!

Been worrying about relapse a lot lately. A few of my friends who were diagnosed the same time have relapsed so it is weighing on my mind a lot. Think it's because eldest is 5 now and she will understand a lot more. She knows I have cancer but she doesn't really know what that it means. I'm worried she'll hear negative things about it in school.

They hear all sorts in school, just reinforce your positive messages about cancer and age appropriate info. Kids are resilient! More than adults I think!

It's also an emotional time, eldest going to schools going to bring thoughts of what if I don't see (sorry I know that contradicts my above positive message thing ).

My aunt was diagnosed with cancer when my cousin was 12 and I know she was aware that she might not see the moments. She got ten years and a lot more moments than she expected.

Do McMillan provide you with a councilling service? 

[Ad Lib]

Been kind of bottling this up for a while now.

Completely out of the blue my dad (then 56) was diagnosed with a brain tumour just before Christmas in 2019 after a funny turn at work. There was a whole faff in the January about whether it was benign or not that was settled by a follow-up scan in late February 2020, they operated on him sharpish, and they confirmed in March it was grade 4 and he was basically fucked.

There are a million and one things about that journey that are exhausting and uncertain and horrible and gut-wrenching. I've spent the last hour listing them out before deleting it all as it's just TMI and incoherent. The things that still stick out though, more than a year on, are having to be the one to break it to my mum on Christmas Eve that he'd been told he has a brain tumour, and then being told by my aunt over the phone (while I was at work) not long after his operation, in not so many words that he was terminal and that radiotherapy and chemotherapy were only going to buy him time.

In some really important ways I was lucky with the pandemic. It indirectly led to me working mostly from Glasgow, meant I could help mum look after dad, sharing the burden and spending some quality time with both of them. And my (younger) sister has at least brought the family some happiness in the form of his first grandchild. But the combination of the path of his illness, the twists and turns, the pandemic, and more recently me moving properly back to London (to become a home owner) has just been too much at times.

After a pretty bad depressive and anxiety phase at University quite a few years ago now, I had developed a lot of strategies to protect against burnout and spiralling, but I've found my dad's restarting chemo (this time while I'm not there) really difficult. Mum and dad are hoping to come down to London next week and it could well be the only time dad gets to see my home in person. I don't know if he's going to have the energy to do anything while they're down, mum's been so pessimistic about how the chemo has zonked him since restarting it, he can't even read a newspaper anymore, and I just don't know how much give I've got left before I start to lose it a bit again. I know my work is suffering, with the combination of forced working from home and the whole dad situation, but work is also just about the only thing I have actual proper control over right now.

My sister and I also know that, with mum being bipolar, there's a very solid chance that when dad does eventually pass on that she's going to be an absolute wreck for quite a prolonged period. We always assumed with her many health issues that she'd be the one to go first but to be honest there are times when I worry I'll lose both my parents in quick succession. One of the hardest things while working "from home" up in Glasgow was overhearing my mum saying to her psychiatrist (over the phone, because of course, because fucking Covid) that she was feeling suicidal again. One of the hardest things about not being up there is not knowing what's really going on, both with dad and with mum.

[Jacksgranda]

44 minutes ago, Ad Lib said:

Been kind of bottling this up for a while now.

Completely out of the blue my dad (then 56) was diagnosed with a brain tumour just before Christmas in 2019 after a funny turn at work. There was a whole faff in the January about whether it was benign or not that was settled by a follow-up scan in late February 2020, they operated on him sharpish, and they confirmed in March it was grade 4 and he was basically fucked.

There are a million and one things about that journey that are exhausting and uncertain and horrible and gut-wrenching. I've spent the last hour listing them out before deleting it all as it's just TMI and incoherent. The things that still stick out though, more than a year on, are having to be the one to break it to my mum on Christmas Eve that he'd been told he has a brain tumour, and then being told by my aunt over the phone (while I was at work) not long after his operation, in not so many words that he was terminal and that radiotherapy and chemotherapy were only going to buy him time.

In some really important ways I was lucky with the pandemic. It indirectly led to me working mostly from Glasgow, meant I could help mum look after dad, sharing the burden and spending some quality time with both of them. And my (younger) sister has at least brought the family some happiness in the form of his first grandchild. But the combination of the path of his illness, the twists and turns, the pandemic, and more recently me moving properly back to London (to become a home owner) has just been too much at times.

After a pretty bad depressive and anxiety phase at University quite a few years ago now, I had developed a lot of strategies to protect against burnout and spiralling, but I've found my dad's restarting chemo (this time while I'm not there) really difficult. Mum and dad are hoping to come down to London next week and it could well be the only time dad gets to see my home in person. I don't know if he's going to have the energy to do anything while they're down, mum's been so pessimistic about how the chemo has zonked him since restarting it, he can't even read a newspaper anymore, and I just don't know how much give I've got left before I start to lose it a bit again. I know my work is suffering, with the combination of forced working from home and the whole dad situation, but work is also just about the only thing I have actual proper control over right now.

My sister and I also know that, with mum being bipolar, there's a very solid chance that when dad does eventually pass on that she's going to be an absolute wreck for quite a prolonged period. We always assumed with her many health issues that she'd be the one to go first but to be honest there are times when I worry I'll lose both my parents in quick succession. One of the hardest things while working "from home" up in Glasgow was overhearing my mum saying to her psychiatrist (over the phone, because of course, because fucking Covid) that she was feeling suicidal again. One of the hardest things about not being up there is not knowing what's really going on, both with dad and with mum.

Posting that will have helped I'm sure, and there will be plenty of people who have experienced similar who will get in touch, either directly or on the forum.

Hang in there.

[V.Aye.R]

Been kind of bottling this up for a while now.
Completely out of the blue my dad (then 56) was diagnosed with a brain tumour just before Christmas in 2019 after a funny turn at work. There was a whole faff in the January about whether it was benign or not that was settled by a follow-up scan in late February 2020, they operated on him sharpish, and they confirmed in March it was grade 4 and he was basically fucked.
There are a million and one things about that journey that are exhausting and uncertain and horrible and gut-wrenching. I've spent the last hour listing them out before deleting it all as it's just TMI and incoherent. The things that still stick out though, more than a year on, are having to be the one to break it to my mum on Christmas Eve that he'd been told he has a brain tumour, and then being told by my aunt over the phone (while I was at work) not long after his operation, in not so many words that he was terminal and that radiotherapy and chemotherapy were only going to buy him time.
In some really important ways I was lucky with the pandemic. It indirectly led to me working mostly from Glasgow, meant I could help mum look after dad, sharing the burden and spending some quality time with both of them. And my (younger) sister has at least brought the family some happiness in the form of his first grandchild. But the combination of the path of his illness, the twists and turns, the pandemic, and more recently me moving properly back to London (to become a home owner) has just been too much at times.
After a pretty bad depressive and anxiety phase at University quite a few years ago now, I had developed a lot of strategies to protect against burnout and spiralling, but I've found my dad's restarting chemo (this time while I'm not there) really difficult. Mum and dad are hoping to come down to London next week and it could well be the only time dad gets to see my home in person. I don't know if he's going to have the energy to do anything while they're down, mum's been so pessimistic about how the chemo has zonked him since restarting it, he can't even read a newspaper anymore, and I just don't know how much give I've got left before I start to lose it a bit again. I know my work is suffering, with the combination of forced working from home and the whole dad situation, but work is also just about the only thing I have actual proper control over right now.
My sister and I also know that, with mum being bipolar, there's a very solid chance that when dad does eventually pass on that she's going to be an absolute wreck for quite a prolonged period. We always assumed with her many health issues that she'd be the one to go first but to be honest there are times when I worry I'll lose both my parents in quick succession. One of the hardest things while working "from home" up in Glasgow was overhearing my mum saying to her psychiatrist (over the phone, because of course, because fucking Covid) that she was feeling suicidal again. One of the hardest things about not being up there is not knowing what's really going on, both with dad and with mum.

Big respect for posting that, you sound like a really caring person. All the best to you.

[RH33]

1 hour ago, Ad Lib said:

Been kind of bottling this up for a while now.

Completely out of the blue my dad (then 56) was diagnosed with a brain tumour just before Christmas in 2019 after a funny turn at work. There was a whole faff in the January about whether it was benign or not that was settled by a follow-up scan in late February 2020, they operated on him sharpish, and they confirmed in March it was grade 4 and he was basically fucked.

There are a million and one things about that journey that are exhausting and uncertain and horrible and gut-wrenching. I've spent the last hour listing them out before deleting it all as it's just TMI and incoherent. The things that still stick out though, more than a year on, are having to be the one to break it to my mum on Christmas Eve that he'd been told he has a brain tumour, and then being told by my aunt over the phone (while I was at work) not long after his operation, in not so many words that he was terminal and that radiotherapy and chemotherapy were only going to buy him time.

In some really important ways I was lucky with the pandemic. It indirectly led to me working mostly from Glasgow, meant I could help mum look after dad, sharing the burden and spending some quality time with both of them. And my (younger) sister has at least brought the family some happiness in the form of his first grandchild. But the combination of the path of his illness, the twists and turns, the pandemic, and more recently me moving properly back to London (to become a home owner) has just been too much at times.

After a pretty bad depressive and anxiety phase at University quite a few years ago now, I had developed a lot of strategies to protect against burnout and spiralling, but I've found my dad's restarting chemo (this time while I'm not there) really difficult. Mum and dad are hoping to come down to London next week and it could well be the only time dad gets to see my home in person. I don't know if he's going to have the energy to do anything while they're down, mum's been so pessimistic about how the chemo has zonked him since restarting it, he can't even read a newspaper anymore, and I just don't know how much give I've got left before I start to lose it a bit again. I know my work is suffering, with the combination of forced working from home and the whole dad situation, but work is also just about the only thing I have actual proper control over right now.

My sister and I also know that, with mum being bipolar, there's a very solid chance that when dad does eventually pass on that she's going to be an absolute wreck for quite a prolonged period. We always assumed with her many health issues that she'd be the one to go first but to be honest there are times when I worry I'll lose both my parents in quick succession. One of the hardest things while working "from home" up in Glasgow was overhearing my mum saying to her psychiatrist (over the phone, because of course, because fucking Covid) that she was feeling suicidal again. One of the hardest things about not being up there is not knowing what's really going on, both with dad and with mum.

Parent with a terminal diagnosis, another with a chronic serious mental health condition and a global pandemic I'd a lot in space of twelve months.

It's understandable that you are struggling especially when you are at a distance and news is negative. 

Work seems to be giving you structure but also ensure that you look into getting some support. You will know yourself having grown up with a bipolar parent, how important looking after your mental health is.

only a PM away if you need to offload. 

[parsforlife]

1 hour ago, Ad Lib said:

Been kind of bottling this up for a while now.

Completely out of the blue my dad (then 56) was diagnosed with a brain tumour just before Christmas in 2019 after a funny turn at work. There was a whole faff in the January about whether it was benign or not that was settled by a follow-up scan in late February 2020, they operated on him sharpish, and they confirmed in March it was grade 4 and he was basically fucked.

There are a million and one things about that journey that are exhausting and uncertain and horrible and gut-wrenching. I've spent the last hour listing them out before deleting it all as it's just TMI and incoherent. The things that still stick out though, more than a year on, are having to be the one to break it to my mum on Christmas Eve that he'd been told he has a brain tumour, and then being told by my aunt over the phone (while I was at work) not long after his operation, in not so many words that he was terminal and that radiotherapy and chemotherapy were only going to buy him time.

In some really important ways I was lucky with the pandemic. It indirectly led to me working mostly from Glasgow, meant I could help mum look after dad, sharing the burden and spending some quality time with both of them. And my (younger) sister has at least brought the family some happiness in the form of his first grandchild. But the combination of the path of his illness, the twists and turns, the pandemic, and more recently me moving properly back to London (to become a home owner) has just been too much at times.

After a pretty bad depressive and anxiety phase at University quite a few years ago now, I had developed a lot of strategies to protect against burnout and spiralling, but I've found my dad's restarting chemo (this time while I'm not there) really difficult. Mum and dad are hoping to come down to London next week and it could well be the only time dad gets to see my home in person. I don't know if he's going to have the energy to do anything while they're down, mum's been so pessimistic about how the chemo has zonked him since restarting it, he can't even read a newspaper anymore, and I just don't know how much give I've got left before I start to lose it a bit again. I know my work is suffering, with the combination of forced working from home and the whole dad situation, but work is also just about the only thing I have actual proper control over right now.

My sister and I also know that, with mum being bipolar, there's a very solid chance that when dad does eventually pass on that she's going to be an absolute wreck for quite a prolonged period. We always assumed with her many health issues that she'd be the one to go first but to be honest there are times when I worry I'll lose both my parents in quick succession. One of the hardest things while working "from home" up in Glasgow was overhearing my mum saying to her psychiatrist (over the phone, because of course, because fucking Covid) that she was feeling suicidal again. One of the hardest things about not being up there is not knowing what's really going on, both with dad and with mum.

I am one of those people to have walked the road of a parent getting a brain tumour when my mum got ill,  the whole rollercoaster is completely draining.  You are very much not alone in finding it difficult.  

Have you spoken to work?  It will depend on your relationship with your manager but one thing that helped my family incredibly was how my dad and siblings were treated by their managers. It’s a bloody hard conversation but most managers are human,  and if they are aware of the situation will support you.

If you dad manages to visit,  take the moments you can with him,  these are important.   It’s unlikely he’s going to do a tour of London,   But the small moments are magical.  Even if you just get a chance for a coffee.    We were thankfully able to get away for a week during my mums illness and I have great memories of it,  I think the change of environment can be massively beneficial.  It stops being about the illness and starts being about the new experiences for both of you,  even if it’s just for a few minutes.

You have additional struggles i lucky haven’t experienced, however IMO these aren’t your main issues just now, and you can let these play out in time.   

[V.Aye.R]

Had to have a social media blackout. I'm not well suited to whatsapp messages etc and twitter is a toilet of a place.

My real friends etc will keep touch but its a terribly charged method of communication I find.

My issues are nothing like some of the posts above but social media really doesnt make me feel good or enhance my life. Had a blackout a while back and got added back into a whatsapp, has actually made me unhappy ever since.