Depression

[heedthebaa]

5 hours ago, Bairnardo said:

I do the morbid thoughts thing a lot
Theres a lot of "what's the point". I seem to have lost the ability to live in the moment and I do put at least some of this down to the loss of my parents. Quite often think whats the point of caring about X or Y we are all on the clock anyway.

I would actually like to take steps to eliminate this. Not sure what wpuld be the way though. Psychiatrist maybe

I haven’t read much in here about anyone receiving professional help, although I may have missed it. I suppose some would call me old fashioned, I hated talking about my problems, I’d always kept mine bottled up, giving myself the ‘shake’ and cracking on so to speak. Anyone regularly on the P+P thread will probably know what was at the root of it. I eventually bit the bullet, after much pressure from my family and it was the best thing I’ve ever done. Awkward at first opening up to a total stranger, even more awkward considering she was young enough to be my daughter, but f**k knows where I’d be now without her. I know it isn’t easy to get these appointments, but anyone feeling the need, persevere with it, don’t give up

[Thereisalight..]

Similarly to a few posters I also start thinking about death as I lay in bed trying to get to sleep. I can be reasonably fine throughout the day then when I try and get to sleep my mind becomes active - overthinking things or disturbing thoughts about death/suicide. This leads to me being awake all fcking night and then going to work without any sleep. I’ve been doing a lot of hill walks in the last week to try and tire me out but ironically enough it makes me so tired and yawny for hours afterwards but I come alive at night with my mind racing

[harkinsbaldpatch]

Happy new years guys. Been a rough few days, wife has started to pack away some of her stuff from the house for her moving out and she's took one of the cats which was hers when we met and I broke down in tears when she left. I miss the cat already, and I feel stupid for getting so upset about a pet but I think with all the loss I've had recently this is just another thing to add to it. I was looking up some mental health numbers to phone and came across breathing space but haven't pluked up the courage to phone it yet. I've never been so low but I need to do something because all this crying is giving me such a sore head, I dont tell my parents how i am because I don't want them to stress or worry about me as they brought me up and should be enjoying life.

[RH33]

Divorce/separation is one of the emotionally heartbreaking experiences go go through. The dividing up, the space in the bed, the forgetting and making her cuppa in the morning.

While it may seem daft maybe if you haven’t already look at getting the settlement agreement underway, the practical things that need done.

Decorate the bedroom and buy new duvet covers to make it your space rather than what was a shared space.

Crying is good release for the body. It was me that ended the marriage and for about the first two months of the kids being at dad I ate a tub of Ben and Jerry’s abd cried in hallway looking into their rooms. 
 
This thread is always here if you need offload.

[Shandon Par]

13 hours ago, Bairnardo said:

I do the morbid thoughts thing a lot
Theres a lot of "what's the point". I seem to have lost the ability to live in the moment and I do put at least some of this down to the loss of my parents. Quite often think whats the point of caring about X or Y we are all on the clock anyway.

I would actually like to take steps to eliminate this. Not sure what wpuld be the way though. Psychiatrist maybe

Losing my dad when I was about 20 had the opposite effect for me. I had a car crash not long after too and there was a moment of peace as we were flying through the air, expecting life to end any second. Took a while to get over it all but it turned me from being someone who would cry and worry into being a bit reckless and living life to the full. That brought loads of problems though, never getting enough, booze, sex, adrenaline etc. Suppose balance is key to a happy life and not being too much one thing or the other. 

[Shandon Par]

5 hours ago, harkinsbaldpatch said:

Happy new years guys. Been a rough few days, wife has started to pack away some of her stuff from the house for her moving out and she's took one of the cats which was hers when we met and I broke down in tears when she left. I miss the cat already, and I feel stupid for getting so upset about a pet but I think with all the loss I've had recently this is just another thing to add to it. I was looking up some mental health numbers to phone and came across breathing space but haven't pluked up the courage to phone it yet. I've never been so low but I need to do something because all this crying is giving me such a sore head, I dont tell my parents how i am because I don't want them to stress or worry about me as they brought me up and should be enjoying life.

You’ve nothing to lose by sharing it with them. If they don’t help you’ve at least got things off your chest and if they do then great. As RH say, just embrace the crying. Crying is a perfectly normal response to such a situation and you’ll have all sorts of emotions to work through. 

[Lyle Lanley]

My mental health got really bad before the lockdown last year and worse during the first few months of lockdown last year. I fear with this new lockdown I'm worried my mental health will go back to the state I was in 10/12 months ago. 

 

Edited January 6, 2021 by Lyle Lanley

[8MileBU]

20 minutes ago, Lyle Lanley said:

My mental health got really bad before the lockdown last year and worse during the first few months of lockdown last year. I fear with this new lockdown I'm worried my mental health will go back to the state I was in 10/12 months ago. 

 

Kind of feel the same. Checked email a few days ago and had one from my boss telling us we’ve not to do site visits until at least the end of the month and gave us a list of desktop tasks to be done. Today was my first day back from holiday leave and didn’t even bother logging on until about 10am this morning as the thought of the remainder of this month (at least) sat working at a computer in a headache inducing, neck and back crippling dining room chair sapped me of any desire to even get out my bed.

Edited January 6, 2021 by 8MileBU

[Lyle Lanley]

36 minutes ago, 8MileBU said:

Kind of feel the same. Checked email a few days ago and had one from my boss telling us we’ve not to do site visits until at least the end of the month and gave us a list of desktop tasks to be done. Today was my first day back from holiday leave and didn’t even bother logging on until about 10am this morning as the thought of the remainder of this month (at least) sat working at a computer in a headache inducing, neck and back crippling dining room chair sapped me of any desire to even get out my bed.

I had days last year where i just couldn't be bothered to get out my bed and do anything. There were days during lockdown last year i just slept most of the day and felt there was no point doing anything. Just hope i don't fall back into that with the new lockdown rules. 

[Zapp Brannigan]

Hi folks, first time commenting on this thread. Glad to see I'm not the only one who has found it difficult recently. Can only reiterate what others have said that it's good to let it out in any form. If you can't do it in person just now, then on here is as good a place. At least it's not just kept in your head!

Haven't read too far back but I think DA Baracus hits the nail on the head with breaking up your day.

I'm training as an engineer to work at sea, and was on a vessel with total strangers between January and June just as COVID was kicking off. Lots of uncertainty and worry about home and how my family / friends were doing and not knowing when I'd be able to get off and see them again. A very lonely and isolating time.

However, having the routine as suggested helped big time. There is limited internet available anyway so could only really use WhatsApp so generally I wasn't getting much distractions. I'd usually put my phone on airplane mode around 9pm and lie in bed and read a book for an hour or so, or whenever I started to feel sleepy.

I'd get up and exercise between 6-7.30 before having breakfast. Work would start around 8 with break at 10-10.30. On my break I'd usually go outside (weather permitting) and sit on deck just watching the nothingness go by, it's strangely humbling.

Work again until 12 and have lunch until going back to the engine room for 1. Another break at 3-3.30, go outside again, love that fresh air! Then do a final stretch until finishing at 5. Go back to cabin, have a shower then dinner at 5.30. You can eat later if you want btw it just gets left there for you at your seat. Then in the evenings I'd study, chat with my gf, read a book or play games.

Depression is a huge issue in the shipping industry and probably not enough is done about it. There is guidance on how to spot it in others and how to prevent it for yourself too. One thing that's said is to just find "a little bit of time each day for something you enjoy" it might sound trivial but it's true, it does help to just do something for you when you can. For me it was the little breaks I'd take during the day outside or playing a game in the evening. Gym in the morning also helped a lot!

Not wanting to drag this post out too much longer but I feel the access to technology / communication we have makes things more difficult. A lot of crew after work would just hole themselves up in their cabin on their phone to get information and talk with loved ones. I found the deprivation of those things we use so much now quite relieving at times because I could just get on with things and focus more on me. I'd encourage anyone to take a step back from media to an extent.

My gf struggled (and continues to) with lockdown and she would feel guilt at that because she'd compare it to my situation and she had much more freedom than I did. I just had to keep reminding her that there's no shame in that because we are all impacted differently with our circumstances. She works in media and actually I felt more sorry for her having to face all the anxiety inducing content she does on the daily.

Anyways, I'll wrap this up now.

[NJ2]

January is an arsehole of a month, I find. It’s dark, cold, miserable, I’m skint and it lasts about 9 weeks. Scotsman have a wee article with some coping mechanisms, I found it useful...

https://www.scotsman.com/health/coronavirus/practical-advice-coping-january-lockdown-according-psychologist-3086157

Realise this comes across as a plug - it’s not, not for the Scotsman or the writer, just an article I read I thought was handy and others might like as well.
Time to get back on the wheel and pointlessly stare at a computer. [emoji3060]

[Dons_1988]

Last couple of years I've just used January to absolutely commit to fitness and diet. No booze, no eating shit or anything. 

It's always reaped rewards in terms of burning off the Xmas excess and beyond, to the point that I actually look forward to January now. Feel great at the end of it. Prior to doing that I always found January a hellish misery.

[Venti]

On 07/01/2021 at 14:03, Snafu said:

Woke up today with anxiety, heart beating fast, dreadful feeling in my head, it never really goes away completely and there's no obvious reason why it starts one day and not another. Got up and had breakfast, watched some youtube videos and started my day by writing a letter for a change of address for my mother along with documents then went into town. I was visibly shaking from anxiety and talking to the taxi driver helped as he was the first person I'd had a conversation with since my father's funeral just before Christmas. It could have been a recipe for disaster but I was fine walking about the near empty city center, I believe I've made a lot of progress since this time last year. A year ago I might have froze in panic in the street and would have had to go home because unable to cope, I seem to be managing this much better and controlling it when it gets like this.

I'm going to set myself a goal that this time next year I won't be alone even if we are still in and out of lockdowns, no pressure.

I look to music a lot and I find a comfort in songs that have meaning at that particular moment. One song that's being going through my head a lot is There Goes the Fear Again by Doves. There is a line from it You turn around and life's passed you by  which is letting fear or anxiety ruling you and denying yourself opportunities. The song is about the fear of letting someone get too close to you and running away from it, then regretting it years later. I think at some point we've all felt and wanted to do what the fellow in the video does.

Don't let your anxieties and fears rule your life.

 

 

 

+1 Greenie for Doves.

[Raidernation]

I give up

[Raidernation]

I give up

Actually I don’t
Just feels all pointless but I’m not going to give up

[D.A.F.C]

Actually I don’t
Just feels all pointless but I’m not going to give up

Try and go for a walk or get some fresh air to clear your head.
Just look a few hours ahead and don't worry.

[DA Baracus]

Had a bad wobble last weekend that resulted in some stupid shit that I thought was far behind me.

Sadly tainted most of the last week that I had off. It passed in a flash and I was pretty down for most of it until Friday and yesterday (Saturday), which I unfortunately ruined by getting drunk.

Back at work Monday. Dreading it but as I'm still at home it shouldn't be too bad.

Feeling stuck as usual. Just want a rest. Just want away. Not feeling suicidal thankfully. Painfully alone though and feel it can't change.

I feel ashamed when I see what others have to deal with whilst I bleat about my pish. I need to take a break but can't afford it.

[HoBNob]

20 minutes ago, DA Baracus said:

I feel ashamed when I see what others have to deal with whilst I bleat about my pish. I need to take a break but can't afford it.

Absolutely don't feel ashamed, the trial and tribulations that your mind puts you through will be up there with the toughest obstacles you'll have to get over, I've certainly found that out over the past couple of weeks. 

 

One thing that's taken me by surprise is just how quickly, and how deeply you can really get down. At the end of 2020 I genuinely felt really good, I wasn't even a week into January and well, not good. It doesn't feel like it's going to get better anytime soon, but it must. 

 

I'd imagine covid absolutely won't be helping the feeling of loneliness, but it will pass, hopefully soon and with that of course anything can, and will change. You're a really good bloke with a cracking sense of humour who's good to be around, it can always get better mate. 

Edited January 10, 2021 by Grant228

[Venti]

10 hours ago, DA Baracus said:

Had a bad wobble last weekend that resulted in some stupid shit that I thought was far behind me.

Sadly tainted most of the last week that I had off. It passed in a flash and I was pretty down for most of it until Friday and yesterday (Saturday), which I unfortunately ruined by getting drunk.

Back at work Monday. Dreading it but as I'm still at home it shouldn't be too bad.

Feeling stuck as usual. Just want a rest. Just want away. Not feeling suicidal thankfully. Painfully alone though and feel it can't change.

I feel ashamed when I see what others have to deal with whilst I bleat about my pish. I need to take a break but can't afford it.

Mate, I think that's a key thing from this thread. (At least from what I've determined.) Is that; not to compare yourself to others.

Don't think you're a failure. You're awesome.

 

[NotThePars]

12 hours ago, DA Baracus said:

I feel ashamed when I see what others have to deal with whilst I bleat about my pish

You can't live someone else's life, mate, and you shouldn't compare your problems with anyone else's to try and make yourself feel bad although we all definitely do it. Stay strong, brother.

Edited January 10, 2021 by NotThePars