Depression

[Hillonearth]

4 hours ago, DA Baracus said:

I think working from home since March has saved my life. Not hyperbole there.

I'm absolutely dreading having to go back to working full time in an office and know I'll badly struggle with it. We have to do the odd week in the office at the moment. Hate it.

I have very dark thoughts about it as I feel trapped since I can't afford to quit and far too fat to get a new job (if you think those things don't matter in interviews you're very much mistaken).

It looks like we'll still be working from home for a bit but there's no word yet on what we have to do in the new year. Noises are being made about getting more and more folk back more regularly. It's so infuriating because I don't need to be in the office at. I can do everything I need from home, and have been. 

I submitted a 10 page document a few months ago outlining a case for me becoming a permanent home worker. Management claimed to be receptive at the time, but it's stalled a lot and I get the feeling they've pretty much binned it and will claim HR said no (they said it wasn't their decision and that it was up to HR).

I'm going to ask the management about it soon, and will push them about this. I will take it to HR directly as well.

Just so annoyed that such an easy thing, that being me working from home, that has benefits for all involved, will probably not happen. Just the thought of it gets me massively down. Genuinely can't think how I will face it if/when it happens.

And that's the other side of the coin from the earlier post on the subject, and exactly why I was saying employers will have to show a bit of nuance once this is over and done with. When we canvassed people with their views on the subject, it was because we were under the impression that a significant proportion of people were desperate to get back to office working ASAP, which turned out not really to be the case at all...it turned out that the ones that were had just been a bit more vocal about it, to the point where we were able to accommodate those wanting to come back fairly easily. In a couple of cases it even transpired that after being back in for a few days people were happy to go back to WFH once they were secure in their own minds that what they left in March wasn't exactly what they were going back into in July.

I suspect down the line most offices will have more of a half-empty Friday afternoon vibe about them all week. After a year of a workforce proving it CAN work from home, it'll be almost impossible for most reasonable employers to put the genie back in the bottle and mandate five days a week in the office.

 

[D.A.F.C]

Bit fucked off recently and its mostly down to you know what.
If there's one positive thing to come out of that and my outburst on heads gone its the realisation that I'm letting a few arseholes change my entire view on life.
Ten years of it, feel trapped and helpless but also know its down to me.
Feel a bit silly to rant at strangers and I think I'm applying a toxic situation to everything and lashing out.
There is good people out there as seen on this thread. Finding a way to cope but look for a longer term solution is the way forward.
As an example today was expected to work miracles, didn't even have tools or support but instead of help I got made a fool out of by people who can't do it with the support and equipment.
Sometimes its takes a situation to get so extreme that you just think this really isn't about me, its just madness.

[D.A.F.C]

I think working from home since March has saved my life. Not hyperbole there.
I'm absolutely dreading having to go back to working full time in an office and know I'll badly struggle with it. We have to do the odd week in the office at the moment. Hate it.
I have very dark thoughts about it as I feel trapped since I can't afford to quit and far too fat to get a new job (if you think those things don't matter in interviews you're very much mistaken).
It looks like we'll still be working from home for a bit but there's no word yet on what we have to do in the new year. Noises are being made about getting more and more folk back more regularly. It's so infuriating because I don't need to be in the office at. I can do everything I need from home, and have been. 
I submitted a 10 page document a few months ago outlining a case for me becoming a permanent home worker. Management claimed to be receptive at the time, but it's stalled a lot and I get the feeling they've pretty much binned it and will claim HR said no (they said it wasn't their decision and that it was up to HR).
I'm going to ask the management about it soon, and will push them about this. I will take it to HR directly as well.
Just so annoyed that such an easy thing, that being me working from home, that has benefits for all involved, will probably not happen. Just the thought of it gets me massively down. Genuinely can't think how I will face it if/when it happens.

Hi, i know we have had arguments and disagreements but if you really feel that being fat is holding you back I can help you with that and advise. I lost two stone and kept it off a few years back. Even if its accountability and motivation.
Cant tell you how much exercise helped me, probably saved my life and has helped me meet others as well.
Pretty sure there's others on here who would help as well. Perhaps get a group together and help each other with motivation and tips??

[Thistle_do_nicely]

had a wee breakdown at work (from home, I guess) - partner has been vomiting and suffering severe stomach pains, has barely eaten anything and lost a horrifying amount of weight. She started feeling a bit better a few days ago (this has been dragging on for weeks now) and stopped being sick with her anti-emetics, even managing to hold down some food but she started being ill again this morning.

after my lunch break i started getting... like, visions of moments from happier days in our relationship and I couldnt stop crying for a few minutes. once it was out my system i was fine to carry on. I'd let my manager know yesterday and they were great about it, didnt let anyone at my work know i broke down a bit the day though, I don't think I'm needing time off tbh but still, the weekend cant come soon enough. it just all got to me in a bad way.

All her blood/urine test results came back negative for whatever they tested her for and she's on a waiting list for an endoscopy. Which at the moment going by the letter she got said could be a long fucking time.

kitchen ended up an absolute state, managed to gut it a bit yesterday before the bins went out thankfully so all the rubbish is sorted and the dishes aren't piling up.

Just venting - feels a little bit better to put it in words to get me thinking and confronting it, but it's all so terrifying. 

Edited November 12, 2020 by Thistle_do_nicely

[NotThePars]

15 minutes ago, D.A.F.C said:

Finding a way to cope but look for a longer term solution is the way forward.

What practical steps are you taking or what help have you sought?

[D.A.F.C]

What practical steps are you taking or what help have you sought?

Just looking for roles online tbh its that bad that when I come home I need to exercise to forget about it then before I know it its 9pm and I just want to chill out.
Really should have done something during lockdown. Trapped in a cycle.
As for help I dont know where to start. Also feel like my problem is a bit trivial but also need to seek advice.
I just need a positive environment for a few months to reset myself.

[The_Kincardine]

8 minutes ago, D.A.F.C said:

Bit fucked off recently and its mostly down to you know what.
If there's one positive thing to come out of that and my outburst on heads gone its the realisation that I'm letting a few arseholes change my entire view on life.
Ten years of it, feel trapped and helpless but also know its down to me.
Feel a bit silly to rant at strangers and I think I'm applying a toxic situation to everything and lashing out.
There is good people out there as seen on this thread. Finding a way to cope but look for a longer term solution is the way forward.
As an example today was expected to work miracles, didn't even have tools or support but instead of help I got made a fool out of by people who can't do it with the support and equipment.
Sometimes its takes a situation to get so extreme that you just think this really isn't about me, its just madness.

Chin up, buddy.  You join a long line of posters who have had a good pitch-forking.  Sometimes deserved and sometimes unwarranted.

What I've said to others in your situation - and there have been a few - is simple:  Stick to posting about your club and chipping in on the non-contentious GN threads.and you'll see that the forum has a lot of decent blokes posting on here and you'll be a welcome contributor.

You should also avoid conflating your P&B situation with what's going on at work as the two are very different.  I'd suggest 1. Take a moment. 2, Get Heads Gone out of your system 3. Assess your work situation in isolation.

If your job is getting on top of you then, of course, post about it as lots of blokes feel the same right now.  Many will help you.

[NotThePars]

3 minutes ago, D.A.F.C said:

Just looking for roles online tbh its that bad that when I come home I need to exercise to forget about it then before I know it its 9pm and I just want to chill out.
Really should have done something during lockdown. Trapped in a cycle.
As for help I dont know where to start. Also feel like my problem is a bit trivial but also need to seek advice.
I just need a positive environment for a few months to reset myself.

I think you've said before that your work pays you well enough and it's been a factor in you staying there.

Can you afford to see a private therapist? 

Have you spoken to a GP?

I'm only asking cause I don't want to offer advice that you've already taken. I have been on and off SSRIs myself and didn't see that much of a change after a while or it brought on new issues but they have been, for me for a time and for many people in general, a life changer. I'm doing therapy atm roughly once every 2-3 weeks and I'm finding it really helpful. I did CBT first which wasn't for me but again can be a game changer and am currently doing psychotherapy which is great for drilling down into yourself and helping to see things clearer.

Even the patronising shite that clueless folks tell you like exercise or going for a walk etc can be really helpful I find when done in conjunction with stuff like this. 

[D.A.F.C]

I think you've said before that your work pays you well enough and it's been a factor in you staying there.
Can you afford to see a private therapist? 
Have you spoken to a GP?
I'm only asking cause I don't want to offer advice that you've already taken. I have been on and off SSRIs myself and didn't see that much of a change after a while or it brought on new issues but they have been, for me for a time and for many people in general, a life changer. I'm doing therapy atm roughly once every 2-3 weeks and I'm finding it really helpful. I did CBT first which wasn't for me but again can be a game changer and am currently doing psychotherapy which is great for drilling down into yourself and helping to see things clearer.
Even the patronising shite that clueless folks tell you like exercise or going for a walk etc can be really helpful I find when done in conjunction with stuff like this. 

All good advice i know that I'm coping by exercising and self help but as I said its a cycle and fire fighting sort of.
A professional would help but so much but its taking the initial steps. Part of the situation is just getting through the day.
When I documented and tried to deal with the situation at work it got worse so I'm perhaps telling myself that everything is pointless and just deal with it.
Just want to feel normal like how I did before this mess. I'm not alone at work and spoke to someone online from work during lockdown and they felt exactly the same.
Too many people just sitting back and taking all the stress because they need to keep the job. Its not easy but I realise I have to do something.
I'm genuinely not taking and pleasure in taking about it or looking for sympathy. Its more taking to people who have experienced similar but you don't see many toxic workplace or my boss is an arsehole clinics.
Its a bit of an elephant in the room.

[NJ2]

Sorry all, I’ve been a bit absent from this thread (and p&b in general tbf) of late but having a read through.
A lot of folk saying their problems aren’t that big a deal considering...they fucking are. While it seems egotistical or arrogant, we’re all the centre of our own universes. While there’s definitely some people have it worse, it’s your problems that impact on you. Never downplay what’s getting you down.
Put a plan in place to try and solve the problem and know it’ll be hard but stick to it. Find something that helps you de-stress and try to do it as much as possible.
I’ve started running a bit (much more than I ever had before) this year. It’s been great for my head. My problems are all still there, and tbh some of it is outwith my control which can be more frustrating, but they don’t really get me down as much as they did before.
If we’re ever struggling this is the place for it and I’m always happy to chat to anyone over pm.

[NotThePars]

All good advice i know that I'm coping by exercising and self help but as I said its a cycle and fire fighting sort of.
A professional would help but so much but its taking the initial steps. Part of the situation is just getting through the day.
When I documented and tried to deal with the situation at work it got worse so I'm perhaps telling myself that everything is pointless and just deal with it.
Just want to feel normal like how I did before this mess. I'm not alone at work and spoke to someone online from work during lockdown and they felt exactly the same.
Too many people just sitting back and taking all the stress because they need to keep the job. Its not easy but I realise I have to do something.
I'm genuinely not taking and pleasure in taking about it or looking for sympathy. Its more taking to people who have experienced similar but you don't see many toxic workplace or my boss is an arsehole clinics.
Its a bit of an elephant in the room.

If there’s one thing I could definitely recommend it’s going on the Harley Therapy website and having a rummage around to see if there’s someone you can afford to book a session with especially as most will offer either in person or remote sessions whichever you prefer. There’s usually enough info available to filter down to your specific problems and take it from there. If you can afford it of course but I think that’s the most you’re going to get out of talking about your issues as it’s with a paid professional who will nudge you towards a solution or help you to think about it in a more helpful manner. I’m a big believer in talking about it with those close to you but ultimately they’re not professionals and will feel obligated to offer advice that they’re not qualified to give.

Let us know if you need any info or whatever and take it easy.

[Richey Edwards]

I had a bit of an "episode" last night, so did not get to enjoy the moment of Scotland qualifying for the EUROs as much as I might have otherwise.

I feel better today though, absolutely buzzing that we made it.

[AL-FFC]

On 12/11/2020 at 13:40, velo army said:

Aye Brene Brown (check her out by the way if you haven't already) calls it "scarcity culture" in which we always focus on how we don't have enough and aren't enough. As you pointed out, we're encouraged to aren't we? Advertisements telling us that if we have this new thing we'll be sexy/desirable/a worthy member of society. Contentment puts the breaks on the wheels of commerce.

Something I need to start doing is working on gratitude. I fall into the trap also of believing I'm not educated enough, not muscly enough, too chubby (I'm not, by any metric, but I see what I want to see), not handsome enough, not secure enough etc and it keeps me in a loop of anxiety and sadness. Gratitude is simply choosing to be grateful for what I have and accentuating the positive. It doesn't mean that I have to put up with a malnourishing situation, but if I've rewired my brain to be grateful then I'm more likely to believe I'm strong enough, clever enough etc to improve my situation.

That's the idea, but f**k me I reckon I'd find it easier training to run do an Ironman than doing a 10min gratitude meditation every day. I managed 10mins last night but it's a battle with the inner demon voices.

 

Find a good book to bring things home to reality is Mark Manson the subtle art of not giving a f*ck where he basically sums it up where we push ourselves to find more money/knowledge possessions etc and we will be happy but we never reach that so its basically a case of be happy with your lot in life we will never make ourselves happy with pushing things further and further away trying to gather more of something.

as for the meditations what i have realised is the inner thoughts will always be there and its trying to focus on your breathing and the thoughts will disappear .

 

[D.A.F.C]

Had a good think over the last few days and I really do believe that the workplace mobbing (no other way to describe it) has rewired my brain into hopelessness.
I know believe that most people are bad, dont care and arent even aware of how evil they are.
What's done this is years of me trying what I believe is reasonable things.

1.Working hard, even working extra hours for free. Hundreds of hours.

2.Trying to be friendly, take interest in others hobbies and seem genuine. Also try and help others in their role to the point I'm actually taking on some of their tasks.

3. Trying to appeal to bosses and others to stop and how its effecting me.

This resulted in

1. Being told when I was a minute late that hundreds of hours "didn't matter a f**k" then see the same supervisor come in late for a whole week.
See someone else who leaves five minutes early every day get promoted.
Getting amazing reviews but no real reward for it.
Being told in public i was stupid.
Bipolar black and white statements. Great in private abuse in public.

2. Being shunned and isolated due to colleagues seeing how supervisor and management treat me. Sighs, acting child like. Using any personal info against me even when I've done something really positive. Like a fat lazy person having a go because I lost weight. Singing songs with hidden meanings only when they see me.

3. Depsite not going through official channels and doing it privately was told that being threatened with the sack and other abuse was just a joke and that I was bringing personal problems into the workplace. Funny that it happened to others. One guy asked to be moved. A few left. Lassie was in tears etc.
Then supervisors boss (who i believe started it all) started doing it as well. Also started turning her clique against me as well. Only one of them didn't go along with it and he was then shunned and dropped like a stone. No more cushy jobs.

I feel that I've been more than reasonable and also I feel annoyed at myself for putting up with it but tbh it put me in such a dark hole that, as said, I've just been firefighting it. I also share quite a bit of 100% truthful statements to certain folk. If it gets really bad I calmly tell the worst folk that theyre doing it and why they're doing it. Told one of them I had documented everything and they genuinely went white and stopped it immediately.

Dont want to go on about it but hopefully from this people can see why I lash out occasionally and blame others or other things. I know I need to rewire myself and this will give me the confidence and springboard to better myself and move on.
If it wasn't really good conditions I would have left years ago. Its hard to explain, anyone reading this would think wtf why not leave. I kind of want to see some sort of justice as well. Its almost my entire being and sense of self thats been destroyed here. Still can't really understand it all tbh.

Dont want to keep going on and will check out seeing someone for help and hope that this thread is acceptable for this content.
If not please skip it.

[DA Baracus]

I don't mean to come across like I'm having a go, but why are you still at that job?

You say 'good conditions' but from your posts this job has ruined your life to a large extent. It doesn't sound like those conditions are even remotely worth it.  Why are you selling you life for so little? You're worth more than that man. Your life is worth more than that. Absolutely nothing will change as long as you stay there. Please get out! So what if you have to take a 'lesser' job for a bit? You'd be immeasurably happier and far better placed to get a better position. Or you might land a good job right away. You'll never know if you don't try, and things will just stay the same. You're going to regret not doing so so much if you stay.

Your bad experiences have understandably warped your views significantly. I've worked in lots of places and I can say that most folk aren't bad people. Obviously there are still loads of arseholes, but they're definitely in the minority. Certainly roles do attract more arseholes, like managerial roles (for some positions I think you actually have to be an arsehole!) and there are always wee creeps in most workplaces, but most folk just want to do their work and get home or do their work and move up the ladder.

Come on man, please make the change! I like to think of myself as decent with a CV so could help you with that if you wanted.

Edited November 14, 2020 by DA Baracus

[D.A.F.C]

I don't mean to come across like I'm having a go, but why are you still at that job?
You say 'good conditions' but from your posts this job has ruined your life to a large extent. It doesn't sound like those conditions are even remotely worth it.  Why are you selling you life for so little? You're worth more than that man. Your life is worth more than that. Absolutely nothing will change as long as you stay there. Please get out! So what if you have to take a 'lesser' job for a bit? You'd be immeasurably happier and far better placed to get a better position. Or you might land a good job right away. You'll never know if you don't try, and things will just stay the same. You're going to regret not doing so so much if you stay.
Your bad experiences have understandably warped your views significantly. I've worked in lots of places and I can say that most folk aren't bad people. Obviously there are still loads of arseholes, but they're definitely in the minority. Certainly roles do attract more arseholes, like managerial roles (for some positions I think you actually have to be an arsehole!) and there are always wee creeps in most workplaces, but most folk just want to do their work and get home or do their work and move up the ladder.
Come on man, please make the change! I like to think of myself as decent with a CV so could help you with that if you wanted.

Agree and thanks.

[DA Baracus]

1 minute ago, D.A.F.C said:

8 hours ago, DA Baracus said:

I don't mean to come across like I'm having a go, but why are you still at that job?
You say 'good conditions' but from your posts this job has ruined your life to a large extent. It doesn't sound like those conditions are even remotely worth it.  Why are you selling you life for so little? You're worth more than that man. Your life is worth more than that. Absolutely nothing will change as long as you stay there. Please get out! So what if you have to take a 'lesser' job for a bit? You'd be immeasurably happier and far better placed to get a better position. Or you might land a good job right away. You'll never know if you don't try, and things will just stay the same. You're going to regret not doing so so much if you stay.
Your bad experiences have understandably warped your views significantly. I've worked in lots of places and I can say that most folk aren't bad people. Obviously there are still loads of arseholes, but they're definitely in the minority. Certainly roles do attract more arseholes, like managerial roles (for some positions I think you actually have to be an arsehole!) and there are always wee creeps in most workplaces, but most folk just want to do their work and get home or do their work and move up the ladder.
Come on man, please make the change! I like to think of myself as decent with a CV so could help you with that if you wanted.

Agree and thanks.

Man that's good to hear. Like you said before, we have disagreements on here, but they're always civil (civil enough!) and not personal, so if I can help out I will.

[thistledo]

On 12/11/2020 at 16:31, Ron Aldo said:

Wouldn't go as far as saying I'm depressed but have been feeling pretty down about things recently.

I work in insurance for a fairly small company and its been a bit of a b*****d of a year as a whole. In June we found out that our main work provider had gone tits up and everything was a bit uncertain for a few months.

A few weeks ago we found out that they had a new work contract pretty much finalised but the terms meant less income for the company meaning the possibility of redundancies. A couple of weeks later it was signed off and 5 people (out of about 30) have been made redundant. Fortunately I wasn't one of them and the rest of us have been asked to take a pay cut in order to prevent further redundancies. I've agreed to this (and I understand everyone else has too) as, after an uncertain few months, I was just happy to still have a job.

However, this feeling seems to have worn off over the last few days and I've been feeling pretty low as the realisation has since kicked in that I'm actually now on less than when I started with when I joined the company 3 years ago. It sort of feels like my life has gone backwards or, at best, stood still. I've got more commitments than I had a few years ago (mortgage etc.) but am now having to cover them on a similar salary.

I appreciate this isn't a massive problem in comparison to what a lot of others are dealing with at the moment and, in a way, I do think myself lucky. Just wanted to vent a wee bit and share experience with those who are/have been in a similar situation.
 

 

On 14/11/2020 at 10:52, D.A.F.C said:

Had a good think over the last few days and I really do believe that the workplace mobbing (no other way to describe it) has rewired my brain into hopelessness.
I know believe that most people are bad, dont care and arent even aware of how evil they are.
What's done this is years of me trying what I believe is reasonable things.

1.Working hard, even working extra hours for free. Hundreds of hours.

2.Trying to be friendly, take interest in others hobbies and seem genuine. Also try and help others in their role to the point I'm actually taking on some of their tasks.

3. Trying to appeal to bosses and others to stop and how its effecting me.

This resulted in

1. Being told when I was a minute late that hundreds of hours "didn't matter a f**k" then see the same supervisor come in late for a whole week.
See someone else who leaves five minutes early every day get promoted.
Getting amazing reviews but no real reward for it.
Being told in public i was stupid.
Bipolar black and white statements. Great in private abuse in public.

2. Being shunned and isolated due to colleagues seeing how supervisor and management treat me. Sighs, acting child like. Using any personal info against me even when I've done something really positive. Like a fat lazy person having a go because I lost weight. Singing songs with hidden meanings only when they see me.

3. Depsite not going through official channels and doing it privately was told that being threatened with the sack and other abuse was just a joke and that I was bringing personal problems into the workplace. Funny that it happened to others. One guy asked to be moved. A few left. Lassie was in tears etc.
Then supervisors boss (who i believe started it all) started doing it as well. Also started turning her clique against me as well. Only one of them didn't go along with it and he was then shunned and dropped like a stone. No more cushy jobs.

I feel that I've been more than reasonable and also I feel annoyed at myself for putting up with it but tbh it put me in such a dark hole that, as said, I've just been firefighting it. I also share quite a bit of 100% truthful statements to certain folk. If it gets really bad I calmly tell the worst folk that theyre doing it and why they're doing it. Told one of them I had documented everything and they genuinely went white and stopped it immediately.

Dont want to go on about it but hopefully from this people can see why I lash out occasionally and blame others or other things. I know I need to rewire myself and this will give me the confidence and springboard to better myself and move on.
If it wasn't really good conditions I would have left years ago. Its hard to explain, anyone reading this would think wtf why not leave. I kind of want to see some sort of justice as well. Its almost my entire being and sense of self thats been destroyed here. Still can't really understand it all tbh.

Dont want to keep going on and will check out seeing someone for help and hope that this thread is acceptable for this content.
If not please skip it.

Kind of applies to both so...

 

A job is such a big part of your life, I wouldn't minimise it. I feel I need to state I don't enjoy what I do, I just do it for the money, if I had to put up with reduced money or what @D.A.F.C seems to be going through I would be absolutely hating it. 

For years now I don't have any real loyalties towards any job or anyone in a work capacity, at the end of the day I expect everyone to look out for number one so I do so myself. I constantly have my CV up to date and ready to go, I keep in touch with many agency staff almost as is if we were pals, we're not, we're both just playing the game of information. I keep all my job alerts active, check what's out there regularly, what the market rates are and finally keep my skillset relevant. I'd basically recommend this to anyone. I know it's the easiest thing in the world to say if you're not happy in a job then leave, but in my opinion it's 100% the best course of action. If it's not happening, don't pour your time and energy into trying to work harder for someone else, put that time into you. I'm far from saying leave at the drop of a hat or one off-the-cuff remark, but be ready. Maybe you are already doing all of this and which case I wouldn't give up, it took me over a year to get out of a job I hated and suffered badly mentally for it. When I did finally get out, what a relief it was and the outpouring of emotion after was beyond what I'd ever expected. 

This all came from a combination of things in previous jobs, which to be honest I don't really want to get into. I will say I was made redundant twice by the same company through no fault of my own, (second time I ended up resigning anyway and both times offered a job levels below for less money) both times it ended up being the best thing that had ever happened to me, in terms of working life. 

I don't know if this is any help at all, I read both posts a couple of times and felt I could offer something.

[kev23]

I’m 26 and recently been diagnosed with depression and GAD. My life, up until around 4 months ago was always fine. I just lived a normal life with good days and bad days and never really thought too much of it. One day towards the end of July I just had a breakdown and I’ve never been able to get myself out of this feeling of dread and helplessness despite not knowing exactly why I feel like this.
I have a very good family, good friends and I’ve recently, by chance, become close to my ex who has done so much for me over the last few months. We broke up for no real reason a year back and I probably don’t deserve her to be there, but she is and she’s brilliant. On paper, everything should be fine but it’s not and my mind just doesn’t stop.
I’ve worked in the same place for 7 years, and I don’t really mind it. However I’ve taken more time off (4 individual days) in the last 2 months than the whole time I’ve been there. They’ve been supportive of me, and know I could most likely be signed off so they’re happy for me to just plod along but that’ll only last so long.
I recently moved out and I live alone but I’m never really by myself. People are always there, in and out. Not necessarily checking up on me, but just being around because it’s what they’d do regardless.
Socially I have given up drinking almost completely. Going from a Friday Saturday Sunday pub goer to having 4 beers over a weekend hasn’t really been as challenging as I thought. I fill my time with TV and talking to people, whether it be in the house or over the phone.
I’ve been prescribed 100mg of setraline (?) and some other tablet for GAD that slows my heart rate each day. I didn’t feel as helpless after taking them for a while, but I felt numb and sort of like a non human. I existed but I didn’t really have a feeling. The last week I’ve not taken them, and although I’m more ‘sad’ I feel my ‘happy’ is better when I find it. I could have been considered suicidal for a while, but I have zero intentions of putting the people around me through hell just to get out of it myself.
One thing I did that seemed to help short term was make amends with people who I had wronged over the years. I’ve never done anything particularly bad, but my immaturity at a young age probably hurt people more than I thought.
I don’t really know why I wrote this, because I honestly don’t know why I feel like this and sometimes feel I have no real reason to, but there you go.

[die hard doonhamer]

1 hour ago, kev23 said:

I’m 26 and recently been diagnosed with depression and GAD. My life, up until around 4 months ago was always fine. I just lived a normal life with good days and bad days and never really thought too much of it. One day towards the end of July I just had a breakdown and I’ve never been able to get myself out of this feeling of dread and helplessness despite not knowing exactly why I feel like this.
I have a very good family, good friends and I’ve recently, by chance, become close to my ex who has done so much for me over the last few months. We broke up for no real reason a year back and I probably don’t deserve her to be there, but she is and she’s brilliant. On paper, everything should be fine but it’s not and my mind just doesn’t stop.
I’ve worked in the same place for 7 years, and I don’t really mind it. However I’ve taken more time off (4 individual days) in the last 2 months than the whole time I’ve been there. They’ve been supportive of me, and know I could most likely be signed off so they’re happy for me to just plod along but that’ll only last so long.
I recently moved out and I live alone but I’m never really by myself. People are always there, in and out. Not necessarily checking up on me, but just being around because it’s what they’d do regardless.
Socially I have given up drinking almost completely. Going from a Friday Saturday Sunday pub goer to having 4 beers over a weekend hasn’t really been as challenging as I thought. I fill my time with TV and talking to people, whether it be in the house or over the phone.
I’ve been prescribed 100mg of setraline (?) and some other tablet for GAD that slows my heart rate each day. I didn’t feel as helpless after taking them for a while, but I felt numb and sort of like a non human. I existed but I didn’t really have a feeling. The last week I’ve not taken them, and although I’m more ‘sad’ I feel my ‘happy’ is better when I find it. I could have been considered suicidal for a while, but I have zero intentions of putting the people around me through hell just to get out of it myself.
One thing I did that seemed to help short term was make amends with people who I had wronged over the years. I’ve never done anything particularly bad, but my immaturity at a young age probably hurt people more than I thought.
I don’t really know why I wrote this, because I honestly don’t know why I feel like this and sometimes feel I have no real reason to, but there you go.

It helps to write it out. We're going through a tough time for everyone at the moment, and that is probably paying a bigger part than you might give it credit for. It's easy to sit and think 'others have it much worse, I should be fine', but at the end of the day we need to look after ourselves.

Keep talking, putting it all in writing is a good move. My, along with many others in this thread, PMs are open if you, or anyone, wants a chat with a random stranger on the internet.