Depression

[Turkmenbashi]

33 minutes ago, D.A.F.C said:

It’s not rambling. One thing that got me out the house was walking at first. You need to fill the thoughts of drinking with doing something else.

Try small walks or cycling, maybe join a club? Sitting drinking alone isn’t good, been there. Short term fix.

Walking is one thing I do a lot of already. I cycled a lot in Belgium. Don't know how safe I would feel in Glasgow, maybe I should do it

[D.A.F.C]

Walking is one thing I do a lot of already. I cycled a lot in Belgium. Don't know how safe I would feel in Glasgow, maybe I should do it

I'm sure there's areas that's fine. There must be cyclepaths etc?
Cant help you, barely know any of glasgow other than football areas and the town centre.
One thing I do know is that drinking alone, unless its just one or two, isnt healthy mentally or physically.
Don't want to sound preachy or aloof but genuinely just do any exercise or take up a new creative hobby instead.
Its hard to break out, I've still not been able to get out and meet new people as my confidence is -1000 due to years of toxic people but every single time ive exercised it makes me feel better.

[Thereisalight..]

23 minutes ago, D.A.F.C said:

I'm sure there's areas that's fine. There must be cyclepaths etc?
Cant help you, barely know any of glasgow other than football areas and the town centre.
One thing I do know is that drinking alone, unless its just one or two, isnt healthy mentally or physically.
Don't want to sound preachy or aloof but genuinely just do any exercise or take up a new creative hobby instead.
Its hard to break out, I've still not been able to get out and meet new people as my confidence is -1000 due to years of toxic people but every single time ive exercised it makes me feel better.

Got to agree with this. My confidence has been at an all time low in the last year. If it hasn’t been for walking/cycling/hiking, I dread to think where I’d be right now. It’s  literally saved me the last 6 months 

[anotherchance]

I've maybe needed to write this for a while. I think it's probably good for me to get my thoughts down. I feel like I am developing an alcohol problem. Until a couple of years ago I would almost never drink by myself, and would only drink when with friends and get incredibly drunk.
I started occasionally having a few beers by myself at the weekend if I had nothing better to do. But the problem I have is I cannot control myself, once I start I don't stop. I can't just have one. And since I quit smoking a year ago it got even worse since, I now drink when I'm stressed rather than smoking. And more and more often I've found myself drinking midweek alone and got worse since the lockdown started. It was never a problem, when I was working in the office but now I'm working from, I feel no one notices if I have a hangover. Although at the same time I'm not feeling the need to drink everyday. I guess I have a problem, but at what point am I a full blown alcoholic. I feel I can stop, which when I was smoker I never felt (yet somehow managed to), but I almost don't want to. Like, I still want to be able to have beers have the lads or a glass of wine with my parents, but I don't want to be alone doing it.
A few years ago I was quite fucked up. I was overweight, not taking care of my looks, not really socialising much, no self-confidence, I was a weird person. No where near ever getting a girlfriend. Not even trying tbh. In a shite job, etc. I have managed to sort all of these issues out. I remember over Christmas speaking to a number of people who hadn't seen for a few years who described me as looking 'healthy'. I am now in a decent job where I am getting paid well, it's not exciting and I don't love it but it doesn't leave me stressed either. Which I know is better than many. And honestly I having a bit of feeling of is this it. I have sorted out many of my issues in life and I still feel like is this it.
Even pre lockdown I had a bit of feeling of what am I doing with my life when I am not working. If people asked what my hobbies are, I feel like I have nothing to say. One day a week I would see friends, maybe and then the rest of the time doing f**k all. I lost interest in football ages ago, I am happy going to games but beyond that I have little interest in sitting watching a game anymore. Especially by myself, and I used to watch football all the time. I don't read, I don't do any sports. I don't play video games. Don't have much interest in watching tv. And have no interest in doing it, even if I used to.
I was living in Belgium until July,  returning to Glasgow. It was ok over there, I had many of the thoughts I mentioned above even then. But in May just after the lockdown started to get lifted, I met my girlfriend on tinder. It has been a short relationship. I don't know if she is the one, it's not been a longtime, and she is actually my first girlfriend (I'm 27 ffs) but I'm already wanting to move back. I can talk to her easily, I enjoy every minute with her, even if we have got nothing really in common. At the same time, if I go back and things quickly dont work out then potentially my problems will end up even worse. My worry with moving back, would be, we haven't really dealt with each other in situation which is anything like resembling normality. I am supposed to see her in Germany next week, hopefully that can still happen. Kind of feeling I'm stuck with what decision to make. This is also the first time in about three years that I have lived in Glasgow and I've not seen friends maybe as much as I was expecting, while partially down to covid and all that. I think there are other factors of people growing older and starting to have there own lives. Maybe since I was previously back home so infrequently, I have rose tinted views.
Compared to many I think objectively my life is going well. I have got friends, family, no financial difficulties. It just feels like for all that, I'm just so very bored. And everything feels like kind of pointless. I am not actively hating life, like I was a few years ago. Not even close, but I feel bad habits returning with the drinking, my diet is getting bad again after being healthy for a while, and losing a  lot of weight. But for all my improvements, I still feel like my life is just nothing, I feel during the bad years (idk when I was  maybe 17-24), I didn't make the most of life because of my own lack of self confidence meant I missed out of things and it annoys me. At the same time I feel stupid complaining, cause actually writing things down, I feel I have got so much going well for me.
It's a bit of a rambling post, but I don't know. I feel I need to say something somewhere.
Edit: this post was far longer than I had any intention of it being. Surprised I can write so much 

Can relate to a lot of this mate - spent my late teens/early twenties in a complete rut, which culminated in me tanning a bottle of Morgan’s every Friday in my flat myself just because I could.

Between maybe 19-22 I didn’t make the most of things (for various reasons) - I guess now I realise that I can’t go back and re-live it, the only thing I can do now is maximise my life going forward.

By all means have goals and have a think about where you want to be. You’ll get there eventually, and if you’re anything like me, once you’re in a good place then regrets about the “wasted years” won’t be an issue at all.

[Bairnardo]

Once again sort of using this thread as a vent point. Wife was talking to the kids today about her nana, explaining how it all works, who's mum is who etc. It struck me that I basically have got to the point where I cant remember what it's like to have a parent. To have that anchor, the reference point into your entire past. Just a brief flash of feeling really fucking sad about it tbh.

Another thing I have been thinking about recently, and I dont even know if its fully me or not.... But I have spoken on here about my lack of capacity for empathy/grief in recent years, I sometimes think I am maybe broken beyond repair, in comparison to the person I was before. Not that I am miserable or anything, just that I feel like my capacity for spontaneity, having a laugh, etc is gone. And it's not that I never have a laugh and a good time. I do, it's just that I feel like I have been through just enough shit that I am sort of emotionless and not the person I used to be and wondered if anyone else gets similar.

[Bing.McCrosby]

On 21/09/2020 at 21:30, Turkmenbashi said:

I've maybe needed to write this for a while. I think it's probably good for me to get my thoughts down. I feel like I am developing an alcohol problem. Until a couple of years ago I would almost never drink by myself, and would only drink when with friends and get incredibly drunk.

I started occasionally having a few beers by myself at the weekend if I had nothing better to do. But the problem I have is I cannot control myself, once I start I don't stop. I can't just have one. And since I quit smoking a year ago it got even worse since, I now drink when I'm stressed rather than smoking. And more and more often I've found myself drinking midweek alone and got worse since the lockdown started. It was never a problem, when I was working in the office but now I'm working from, I feel no one notices if I have a hangover. Although at the same time I'm not feeling the need to drink everyday. I guess I have a problem, but at what point am I a full blown alcoholic. I feel I can stop, which when I was smoker I never felt (yet somehow managed to), but I almost don't want to. Like, I still want to be able to have beers have the lads or a glass of wine with my parents, but I don't want to be alone doing it.

A few years ago I was quite fucked up. I was overweight, not taking care of my looks, not really socialising much, no self-confidence, I was a weird person. No where near ever getting a girlfriend. Not even trying tbh. In a shite job, etc. I have managed to sort all of these issues out. I remember over Christmas speaking to a number of people who hadn't seen for a few years who described me as looking 'healthy'. I am now in a decent job where I am getting paid well, it's not exciting and I don't love it but it doesn't leave me stressed either. Which I know is better than many. And honestly I having a bit of feeling of is this it. I have sorted out many of my issues in life and I still feel like is this it.

Even pre lockdown I had a bit of feeling of what am I doing with my life when I am not working. If people asked what my hobbies are, I feel like I have nothing to say. One day a week I would see friends, maybe and then the rest of the time doing f**k all. I lost interest in football ages ago, I am happy going to games but beyond that I have little interest in sitting watching a game anymore. Especially by myself, and I used to watch football all the time. I don't read, I don't do any sports. I don't play video games. Don't have much interest in watching tv. And have no interest in doing it, even if I used to.

I was living in Belgium until July,  returning to Glasgow. It was ok over there, I had many of the thoughts I mentioned above even then. But in May just after the lockdown started to get lifted, I met my girlfriend on tinder. It has been a short relationship. I don't know if she is the one, it's not been a longtime, and she is actually my first girlfriend (I'm 27 ffs) but I'm already wanting to move back. I can talk to her easily, I enjoy every minute with her, even if we have got nothing really in common. At the same time, if I go back and things quickly dont work out then potentially my problems will end up even worse. My worry with moving back, would be, we haven't really dealt with each other in situation which is anything like resembling normality. I am supposed to see her in Germany next week, hopefully that can still happen. Kind of feeling I'm stuck with what decision to make. This is also the first time in about three years that I have lived in Glasgow and I've not seen friends maybe as much as I was expecting, while partially down to covid and all that. I think there are other factors of people growing older and starting to have there own lives. Maybe since I was previously back home so infrequently, I have rose tinted views.

Compared to many I think objectively my life is going well. I have got friends, family, no financial difficulties. It just feels like for all that, I'm just so very bored. And everything feels like kind of pointless. I am not actively hating life, like I was a few years ago. Not even close, but I feel bad habits returning with the drinking, my diet is getting bad again after being healthy for a while, and losing a  lot of weight. But for all my improvements, I still feel like my life is just nothing, I feel during the bad years (idk when I was  maybe 17-24), I didn't make the most of life because of my own lack of self confidence meant I missed out of things and it annoys me. At the same time I feel stupid complaining, cause actually writing things down, I feel I have got so much going well for me.

It's a bit of a rambling post, but I don't know. I feel I need to say something somewhere.

Edit: this post was far longer than I had any intention of it being. Surprised I can write so much 

Try this book mate.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Kick-Drink-Easily-Jason-Vale/dp/1845903900

I bought this book for a family member to try and help. Who refused to take it. Just weren't in the place to accept they needed help at that point. But they are now sober and doing well.

So I ended up reading the book myself to try and get a better understanding.

Funnily enough reading the book actually made me question my own drinking. Which I had never seen as a problem, but the book posed certain questions about drinking habits. And made me realise that i was probably in denial and on the road to it becoming a problem myself.

I found it very relatable and it had a major affect on me. So much so I've not drank in nearly 4 years. Which has to be honest really changed my life for the better in all sorts of ways.

Its actually in points quite a funny and well written book.

I think it may really help pal, give it a go.

 

 

[parsforlife]

1 hour ago, Bairnardo said:

Another thing I have been thinking about recently, and I dont even know if its fully me or not.... But I have spoken on here about my lack of capacity for empathy/grief in recent years, I sometimes think I am maybe broken beyond repair, in comparison to the person I was before. Not that I am miserable or anything, just that I feel like my capacity for spontaneity, having a laugh, etc is gone. And it's not that I never have a laugh and a good time. I do, it's just that I feel like I have been through just enough shit that I am sort of emotionless and not the person I used to be and wondered if anyone else gets similar.

I haven’t felt like that long term, but there is certainly weeks where I feel like my emotions are just completely non-existent(baring anger, I can always find something to trigger that) and I’m just plodding along.  And then I’ll either have a wee cry or catch myself laughing at something and I’ll feel human again.   Lockdown has made those spells more common,  just with the lack of opportunity to break the monotony.

Also you have just mentioned you feeling grief.  So it’s clearly still an emotion you feel.  It’s often necessarily to shut down those feelings,  personally I feel better if I get the chance to allow the emotion to run free.  Not always possible and it can leave me shut off from the world for hours or even days lost in my mind,  but the relief once I go though that is fantastic.  I don’t want to say that’s a magic formula that will work for you necessarily. Maybe worth a thought tho,  ‘getting by’ isn’t a great place to be and if experiencing the lows allow me to enjoy things a bit more then It’s a price worth paying.

[paranoid android]

Bumping in case folk have been looking for the thread. 

Hope all is well. 

[mathematics]

2 hours ago, paranoid android said:

Bumping in case folk have been looking for the thread. 

Hope all is well. 

I was looking for it, thought it had been binned due to some Heads Gone.

Edited October 21, 2020 by mathematics

[Genuine Hibs Fan]

Been struggling quite a bit recently. On the face of things everything should be on the up - my girlfriend and I are moving in together in the new year; I have a new job that isn't exactly fun but pays significantly more so I'm not only out of financial worries but saving for a flat, and is at least challenging. I've managed to kick the fags and changed my relationship to booze and weed to be a lot less concerning; and while I'm not exercising as much as I'd like I'm getting out and about and eating healthily.

I'm just constantly in a state of low level anxiety or depression though, and I think that is a lot to do with covid really. There's a couple of family members who really don't have long left and I'm worried about getting to see them at all before it happens, every plan my girlfriend and I have made to do something special out the house/see parents together/get a holiday has been cancelled; and I've gone from loving to absolutely detesting working from home. I appreciate absolutely zero of these things are unique to me, but I feel like my mental resilience has just crumbled in the last few months. 

I'm on holiday next week, the second full week I've had since early January I realised the other day. I suppose between that, starting a new more difficult job and everything else that is going on for all of us it's not a surprise I'm feeling burnt out. Hoping that just spending a week getting ahead of little jobs I've been putting off and stressing about, being active, reading and sleeping like the dead will do me some good

[welshbairn]

I sympathise, starting a new demanding job with only electronic communication would be horrendous. No casual questions when you're getting a coffee or whatever, or just some light relief by sharing problems in a jokey way. If it was me I would definitely get out your flat and avoid feeling guilty about the little jobs you probably still won't do, and go for a proper holiday that Covid still allows. Even a caravan park in Fife would be a change, no doubt someone will have better suggestions. 

[Genuine Hibs Fan]

Just now, welshbairn said:

I sympathise, starting a new demanding job with only electronic communication would be horrendous. No casual questions when you're getting a coffee or whatever, or just some light relief by sharing problems in a jokey way. If it was me I would definitely get out your flat and avoid feeling guilty about the little jobs you probably still won't do, and go for a proper holiday that Covid still allows. Even a caravan park in Fife would be a change, no doubt someone will have better suggestions. 

Aye plan was to spend the second weekend (my birthday) just staying in a hotel and get to a couple of good restaurants in Glasgow with the gf, maybe see some old pals for a few pints but obviously that's been binned as of today. Might see about getting away to east lothian or Fife right enough cheers for the suggestion mate.

On work yeah it has been horrible for various reasons. Not the company's fault and folk do their best to be helpful even if they aren't really able to. Office is open as of today with very low capacity so will be taking advantage of that as much as possible after the holiday

[die hard doonhamer]

I've always read this thread without ever really feeling the need to contribute in it. I'm struggling at the moment though, particularly with my work. I had 6 months off work after my daughter was born last year (thanks to a very generous paternity leave policy). I went back to work a couple of weeks after lockdown, and like everyone else have been working from home since. Before I went off on paternity leave I'd made it clear that my preference would be to go back to a different role. There was a major restructure while I was off, I wasn't consulted and was just placed in the same role I was in before. It left me feeling pretty bitter, tbh. Since coming back I've really struggled to find any motivation for the job, and it's come to the point where there are moment that I am sat at my desk (which is a dining room table sat at the bottom of my bed) and feel that I just want to have a good cry. There has been another minor restructure in my team in the last month and it looks like I've again been overlooked for a move, which is hugely frustrating. I'm at the point where I feel stuck, I want to look for someone different but obviously the job market isn't exactly booming.

Feels like a bit of a rambling post. I know what I'm feeling is very common at the moment with the world we're living in. I needed to write it down though.

Edited October 22, 2020 by die hard doonhamer

[The_Kincardine]

29 minutes ago, die hard doonhamer said:

Feels like a bit of a rambling post. I know what I'm feeling is very common at the moment with the world we're living in. I needed to write it down though.

I don't do front line recruitment but I do work (part time) for a large consultancy and this has been a common call going back to April/May and lots of people are evaluating their job roles and you're no exception.

Hope all is well with yer wee yin and, although it's not the best time to be a new dad, young yins have this way of bringing joy to us.

Right now?  I'd go with security of employment as my priority and then take a view in about a year, frustrating though it may be.

[welshbairn]

43 minutes ago, die hard doonhamer said:

I've always read this thread without ever really feeling the need to contribute in it. I'm struggling at the moment though, particularly with my work. I had 6 months off work after my daughter was born last year (thanks to a very generous paternity leave policy). I went back to work a couple of weeks after lockdown, and like everyone else have been working from home since. Before I went off on paternity leave I'd made it clear that my preference would be to go back to a different role. There was a major restructure while I was off, I wasn't consulted and was just placed in the same role I was in before. It left me feeling pretty bitter, tbh. Since coming back I've really struggled to find any motivation for the job, and it's come to the point where there are moment that I am sat at my desk (which is a dining room table sat at the bottom of my bed) and feel that I just want to have a good cry. There has been another minor restructure in my team in the last month and it looks like I've again been overlooked for a move, which is hugely frustrating. I'm at the point where I feel stuck, I want to look for someone different but obviously the job market isn't exactly booming.

Feels like a bit of a rambling post. I know what I'm feeling is very common at the moment with the world we're living in. I needed to write it down though.

If there's someone above you in the company that you trust, I'd have a word. Much more difficult working from home though. As Kincardine says you might have to grit your teeth and get through it till things get more normal.

[die hard doonhamer]

31 minutes ago, The_Kincardine said:

I don't do front line recruitment but I do work (part time) for a large consultancy and this has been a common call going back to April/May and lots of people are evaluating their job roles and you're no exception.

Hope all is well with yer wee yin and, although it's not the best time to be a new dad, young yins have this way of bringing joy to us.

Right now?  I'd go with security of employment as my priority and then take a view in about a year, frustrating though it may be.

All good with the little one, thanks. She's our third, so I like to think we're quite relaxed and comfortable with parenting now.

18 minutes ago, welshbairn said:

If there's someone above you in the company that you trust, I'd have a word. Much more difficult working from home though. As Kincardine says you might have to grit your teeth and get through it till things get more normal.

I work for a FTSE 100 company, I'm starting to think a move to a different department is the best thing to try and explore. A big enough change, but retaining the security of 8 years of service.

[thistledo]

The combination of everything that's going on and the situation we all face daily really eats at you right now. You're alone much longer with your thoughts which I feel often breeds a lot of negativity and you find yourself second guessing or questioning every little thing. Small inconveniences and minor disputes for me have been magnified 10 times or more, the other week in work I was full on ready for chucking it over something that happened and now I look back and think how utterly ridiculous my train of thought was. In all honesty, I have been bored for years with what I do, I literally only do it as it pays well. But I guess now is not the time to try something else. 

[Venti]

1 hour ago, thistledo said:

The combination of everything that's going on and the situation we all face daily really eats at you right now. You're alone much longer with your thoughts which I feel often breeds a lot of negativity and you find yourself second guessing or questioning every little thing. Small inconveniences and minor disputes for me have been magnified 10 times or more, the other week in work I was full on ready for chucking it over something that happened and now I look back and think how utterly ridiculous my train of thought was. In all honesty, I have been bored for years with what I do, I literally only do it as it pays well. But I guess now is not the time to try something else. 

Think Kincardine was spot on. A fair few folk sick of their job & realising they want a change, but it's not exactly feasible  right now.

[The Moonster]

Struggling right now. Two weeks ago I was given the news that my best mate had passed away. I haven't seen him this year with lockdown and he generally moved between his mums house and dads house, so it was difficult to co-ordinate. It was a real shock and added to the stress over the last two weeks, it wasn't exactly clear how he had died, I've basically been running every scenario through my head non-stop and it's been eating away at me. I've been told this morning that the cause of death has been reported as suspected alcohol withdrawal. Of all the scenarios that I was running through my head, that wasn't one of them. He was quite a depressive guy, he'd go in and out of periods of being healthy and unhealthy but I genuinely didn't know he was relying on alcohol so much. Over the last few months he'd started losing weight through changing his diet/exercising and was starting to look at dating again, I genuinely thought he was on the right track. I still can't really get my head around the fact I won't see him again and I can't really understand how this has happened. He would've turned 32 in 2 weeks time. I wish I'd known he was drinking every day, feel a bit fucking stupid that I've not noticed that my best friend was an alcoholic.

This year has been the most stressful of my life without doubt. With my work and covid going on, I feel exhausted at the end of every day now. I've noticed it doesn't take much for me to get angry and I've probably lashed out at people/things when I should probably have thought better of it. I should probably think more before I call someone out on here because I don't know what they're going through. I see a few pages back that @Thereisalight.. has been struggling, so I'm sorry to you for being a dick on the COVID thread, I sincerely hope you are okay man and I'll reign it in. 

His funeral is next week and at the moment I've been told there's room for me to go, but I don't know if that will change when these tiers come in. I just feel absolutely drained and I don't know how to deal with myself. I just want to hit Pause and have everything stop until I feel better. 

[engelbert_humperdink]

3 hours ago, The Moonster said:

Struggling right now. Two weeks ago I was given the news that my best mate had passed away. I haven't seen him this year with lockdown and he generally moved between his mums house and dads house, so it was difficult to co-ordinate. It was a real shock and added to the stress over the last two weeks, it wasn't exactly clear how he had died, I've basically been running every scenario through my head non-stop and it's been eating away at me. I've been told this morning that the cause of death has been reported as suspected alcohol withdrawal. Of all the scenarios that I was running through my head, that wasn't one of them. He was quite a depressive guy, he'd go in and out of periods of being healthy and unhealthy but I genuinely didn't know he was relying on alcohol so much. Over the last few months he'd started losing weight through changing his diet/exercising and was starting to look at dating again, I genuinely thought he was on the right track. I still can't really get my head around the fact I won't see him again and I can't really understand how this has happened. He would've turned 32 in 2 weeks time. I wish I'd known he was drinking every day, feel a bit fucking stupid that I've not noticed that my best friend was an alcoholic.

This year has been the most stressful of my life without doubt. With my work and covid going on, I feel exhausted at the end of every day now. I've noticed it doesn't take much for me to get angry and I've probably lashed out at people/things when I should probably have thought better of it. I should probably think more before I call someone out on here because I don't know what they're going through. I see a few pages back that @Thereisalight.. has been struggling, so I'm sorry to you for being a dick on the COVID thread, I sincerely hope you are okay man and I'll reign it in. 

His funeral is next week and at the moment I've been told there's room for me to go, but I don't know if that will change when these tiers come in. I just feel absolutely drained and I don't know how to deal with myself. I just want to hit Pause and have everything stop until I feel better. 

Can only sympathise mate. When I was taking drugs daily, I done my absolute utmost to hide it from family and friends. Withdrawals, I would play off as the flu or a stomach bug. So try not to overthink that you didnt pick up on your best mates dependance on alcohol, as most addicts I've come accross it is there dirty little secret. Most will only come clean when they are finally done with their addicition. Repeating myself and rambling, but don't feel stupid about not noticing his addiction. Keep ploughing forward, next year is a new year

Edited October 28, 2020 by engelbert_humperdink