Depression

[DA Baracus]

Had one of the most embarrassing events of my life tonight/this morning.

Absolutely shameful.

[Jacksgranda]

Well don't disappear on us like you did the last time.

[Stellaboz]

Maybe it's not my place to say this but f**k it. It's not worth feeling embarrassed about. People care. Never forget. Lest you forgot!

[DA Baracus]

3 hours ago, Jacksgranda said:

Well don't disappear on us like you did the last time.

Still here.

10 minutes ago, Stellaboz said:

Maybe it's not my place to say this but f**k it. It's not worth feeling embarrassed about. People care. Never forget. Lest you forgot!

Hopefully I can use it as a lesson of sorts

[Stellaboz]

Hopefully I can use it as a lesson of sorts

I hope so. Just have to really try and convince yourself that you can take something positive from it.

[Bairnardo]

Not to make any assumptions here but if drink is involved I'd just write it off. Once the doom passes, just forget it.

[NotThePars]

On 21/07/2020 at 00:00, SweeperDee said:

I’ve came to the conclusion that I’m not very well, and it’s probably very much down to this entire lockdown.

It’s completely snuck up on me, but now with everything easing, I’ve felt like I’ve lost touch with most of my pals. It’s even more prominent after meeting up with this lass I’m seeing and going on a few dates; I just don’t know how to act, this is made worse by the fact I really like her and although she has said she likes me, she’s not 100% sure on what she wants.

I feel like a complete alien around folk now. I’ve been decent throughout my life at reading people, their body language, their tone, everything; but now I think even attempting to read people, and getting anxious about how they truly feel is making me mentally exhausted.

I don’t really know how to expand this further: I just feel a bit paralysed by everything. Little things that were fine to deal with before are now plaguing my mind, and beginning to feel insurmountable. I’ve always considered myself to be comfortable in my own company but I’m beginning to solely exist in my head and I’m not sure if I like it. I don’t know how to snap out of how I feel.

 

Feeling the exact same myself. Quite enjoyed the lockdown myself at first as it was an excuse to blast through a lot of stuff and generally have some time to myself but finding it a struggle and have this fucking weird anxiety about things returning to 'normal' even if I am looking forward to being able to go back to the pub and having the fitba back etc.  I hope you're figuring things out and losing some of that anxiety but you're definitely not the only one.

 

Usually try to avoid writing about this or reading the thread in general as I find it can lead to me spiralling or dwelling on things I don't want to. I've just felt this constant malaise for the last few months and lockdown ending is just gonna lead to it being worse, I think. I love Glasgow for a lot of reasons and feel like it's my home but I've seen most of the people close to me move away or drift apart which has led to a constant feeling of loneliness that I can't seem to shake. I've found myself relying heavily on my cousin and a couple of mates who have recently had children or have their own struggles which leaves them absent for long stretches which means they aren't readily available which leads to me feeling even more like a burden on their time. 

I guess I'm just not really sure of the solution or if I am then I'm not sure how much time and effort it's going to take. I've been applying for jobs down south where I know a few people and feel that the 'fresh start' will be mentally good for me but every time I engage with the job market I just become more aware of how saturated it is and is going to be with the effects of covid hitting. I've been far luckier than most in that I've landed a decent entry level civil service job so I don't have to worry about providing for myself. 

There's people I chat to occasionally on social media that I want to reach out to but there's always something stopping me cause even though we live in an online society it still feels weird to ask someone you speak to online if they fancy a pint. Very strange. As sad as it is, P&B has been a godsend over lockdown. Enjoy chatting shite to the biys on here.

There's just a confluence of factors that are hitting me hard atm. I've lost some friends I was close to and can't see others anymore due to geography. I'm not really enjoying myself or feel as comfortable as I used to in a city I consider my home. Lockdown has brought a lot of stuff into sharper relief that I was aware of but had avoided confronting and I don't know where I'm going or what I want to do. Last December's election has also hit hard and reinforced a lot of inherent pessimism I have about things getting better. I've tried getting back involved in politics around independence and am already bummed out.

Tl;dr/ to summarise the rambles. I'm at a loose end atm and I'm unsure where to go or how to resolve it. I'm also definitely underplaying how shite I've been feeling recently.

 

[D.A.F.C]

Had one of the most embarrassing events of my life tonight/this morning.
Absolutely shameful.

Who cares what people think. Everyone fucks up. Dont worry about it.

[101]

On 11/07/2020 at 18:21, Genuine Hibs Fan said:

Something that's been getting me down recently, and I'm sure it's something a lot of people can relate to, is loneliness. Been worse recently but has been hanging over me the last year or so really.

I've mentioned before that I was abroad for a few years, and there's a few things I feel have passed me by a little. Fulfilling work and steady finances was a big one but I'm moving into something really exciting and where I can start saving for a house etc next month.

The big one left is that feeling of having a group of mates, a gang that is your default social group, that makes you feel included.

I'm lucky in that I have a wee group back home in Perth that I'm still in touch with, another in Glasgow of uni mates and another group spread out all over the place. I'm committing myself, once things open up again, to making a trip to Perth or Glasgow for a day/night out once a month, and encourage my mates to come through here if there's a gig or something. And the spread out group were planning a football weekend trip abroad (cancelled this year obviously) that will hopefully be a yearly thing.

My best friend moved here from London in October and it's fantastic to spend time with her but she's new as well. I go to the pub with my brother and his pals who I've known a long time once in a while, and there's a couple of old pals I'd lost contact with but we don't have much in common anymore.

I realised at a certain point the last few years that I was quite an introverted person, but I feel I used that as an excuse for a while not to make an effort to meet new friends. I'm planning to start playing team sports again, join a club or two and do some volunteering now I won't be working weekends and evenings half the time. Has anyone else been through this and have any advice? I understand it's a bit trivial but it honestly feels like it weighs me down a lot and causes a lot of anxiety for me, which I suppose doesn't help in countering it.

 

Sorry to bump this post back up to thread.

The last of my close friends is moving down to England, meaning I'm sorted for nights out in England but not having anyone up in Scotland has been playing on my mind. I'm friendly with 2 boys from work the one closest to my age I was chatting away and stuff and was talking about his birthday and asked what he was doing and if he wanted to do anything with me but he palmed it off saying he was busy with his friends which knocked me for 6.

 

[AL-FFC]

1 hour ago, 101 said:

Sorry to bump this post back up to thread.

The last of my close friends is moving down to England, meaning I'm sorted for nights out in England but not having anyone up in Scotland has been playing on my mind. I'm friendly with 2 boys from work the one closest to my age I was chatting away and stuff and was talking about his birthday and asked what he was doing and if he wanted to do anything with me but he palmed it off saying he was busy with his friends which knocked me for 6.

 

Try not to read too much into it or take it personally easier said than done but, a lot of us either over analyse  situations for what it is and think is there something up with me or what not might be the case its been pals from way back he keeps in touch with and  they had planned something before you asked him.

[NJ2]

Had one of the most embarrassing events of my life tonight/this morning.
Absolutely shameful.

Sorry to read mate, try not to dwell on it (only human and we all do stupid stuff) and take solace in the fact the folk that cared about you before still care about you now.

[Raidernation]

Loneliness is a bugger. I used to struggle as there were days I’d come home from work and not interact at all, let alone talk to another human until I was back at work again. A certain amount of that was due to me withdrawing from people when I was drinking (and vice versa tbh) which just sent me into a spiral of lonely>depresssed>drinking>more depressed>more lonely>self pity>depression >drinking......ad infinitum.

It’s one of the reasons I’m happy to stay in a “recovery home” for now, but one day I’ll move out and hopefully have the strength/tools to cope without falling back into drinking my life away. It’s a scary thought but, with all that I’m doing “right” this time compared to before I’m sure I’ll know when I’m ready.

All I can add is try not to do what I did and start seeing yourself as a victim of circumstances or others and (this was a big one for me) realise I’m not the centre of the universe as far as others are concerned.

[Moomintroll]

1 hour ago, Raidernation said:

Loneliness is a bugger. I used to struggle as there were days I’d come home from work and not interact at all, let alone talk to another human until I was back at work again. A certain amount of that was due to me withdrawing from people when I was drinking (and vice versa tbh) which just sent me into a spiral of lonely>depresssed>drinking>more depressed>more lonely>self pity>depression >drinking......ad infinitum.

It’s one of the reasons I’m happy to stay in a “recovery home” for now, but one day I’ll move out and hopefully have the strength/tools to cope without falling back into drinking my life away. It’s a scary thought but, with all that I’m doing “right” this time compared to before I’m sure I’ll know when I’m ready.

All I can add is try not to do what I did and start seeing yourself as a victim of circumstances or others and (this was a big one for me) realise I’m not the centre of the universe as far as others are concerned.

KTF RN, I really owe Snorkmaiden a massive apology for getting her mixed up in my shit and making it seem like it was her fault somehow. I can't stress enough how this is the best place to unload & find a sympathetic ear or eye to empathise & give some poor quality, yet well meaning advice.

[DA Baracus]

9 hours ago, Raidernation said:

Loneliness is a bugger. I used to struggle as there were days I’d come home from work and not interact at all, let alone talk to another human until I was back at work again

That's me every single day.

I'm mostly used to it now but there are times where it does feel a bit shit.

Have been drinking alone far too much this year. I think there's only been 5 or 6 weekends this year where I haven't had a load of beers. I used to be so much better at not drinking alone but for some reason fell back in to it in January. It's only ever once a week but not healthy and can lead to stupid shit on my part, like Friday night. It had become like a habit and it was just unhealthy in so many ways.

Think it was the wake up call I needed though, so will stop doing it now. I used to only have beers before and after the football or, on the rare occasions it happened, if somehow out with friends. 

Means I'll hardly be drinking at all now and actually looking forward to that.

[Thistle_do_nicely]

21 hours ago, NotThePars said:

 

Feeling the exact same myself. Quite enjoyed the lockdown myself at first as it was an excuse to blast through a lot of stuff and generally have some time to myself but finding it a struggle and have this fucking weird anxiety about things returning to 'normal' even if I am looking forward to being able to go back to the pub and having the fitba back etc.  I hope you're figuring things out and losing some of that anxiety but you're definitely not the only one.

 

Usually try to avoid writing about this or reading the thread in general as I find it can lead to me spiralling or dwelling on things I don't want to. I've just felt this constant malaise for the last few months and lockdown ending is just gonna lead to it being worse, I think. I love Glasgow for a lot of reasons and feel like it's my home but I've seen most of the people close to me move away or drift apart which has led to a constant feeling of loneliness that I can't seem to shake. I've found myself relying heavily on my cousin and a couple of mates who have recently had children or have their own struggles which leaves them absent for long stretches which means they aren't readily available which leads to me feeling even more like a burden on their time. 

I guess I'm just not really sure of the solution or if I am then I'm not sure how much time and effort it's going to take. I've been applying for jobs down south where I know a few people and feel that the 'fresh start' will be mentally good for me but every time I engage with the job market I just become more aware of how saturated it is and is going to be with the effects of covid hitting. I've been far luckier than most in that I've landed a decent entry level civil service job so I don't have to worry about providing for myself. 

There's people I chat to occasionally on social media that I want to reach out to but there's always something stopping me cause even though we live in an online society it still feels weird to ask someone you speak to online if they fancy a pint. Very strange. As sad as it is, P&B has been a godsend over lockdown. Enjoy chatting shite to the biys on here.

There's just a confluence of factors that are hitting me hard atm. I've lost some friends I was close to and can't see others anymore due to geography. I'm not really enjoying myself or feel as comfortable as I used to in a city I consider my home. Lockdown has brought a lot of stuff into sharper relief that I was aware of but had avoided confronting and I don't know where I'm going or what I want to do. Last December's election has also hit hard and reinforced a lot of inherent pessimism I have about things getting better. I've tried getting back involved in politics around independence and am already bummed out.

Tl;dr/ to summarise the rambles. I'm at a loose end atm and I'm unsure where to go or how to resolve it. I'm also definitely underplaying how shite I've been feeling recently.

 

for whatever it's worth you're not alone in them feels.

Dunno if this says something about me maybe being antisocial/not all that personable to be fair, but sometimes that bit in Clerks 2 pops into my head - that thing where one of the guys says "I'm nearly 40 years old, I don't want to have be making new fuckin' friends at my age" which always resonates with me, especially as I'm getting ever closer to 40 now.

Had several friends at secondary that I used to go to the pubs and that with, sometimes good times, usually not all that great if I keep the rose tinted glasses off, but as the years have rolled on I'm only in regular contact with one guy that I've been friends with since primary school. He's basically all that's left of my social life at this point, and I had a wee laugh at a still game rewatch where one of them goes "well, that's us humped. We're officially out of patter for each other" because it's kinda what it's like for us now; once we're done with current events and football when we meet up we just end up doing that Trainspotting 2 thing of going on a mutual alcohol fuelled nostalgia trip . I'm not griping about it as the guy is pretty much my closest friend, but the problem I guess is that it's at the point where instead of going out with him every Friday and Saturday like I did when I was in my teens, we only really meet up once every few weeks for some drinks. I always look forward to the next one, though, so at least it's not at a horrible point where we're making excuses to not have to see each other anymore. I hope that never happens, and I don't think it will.

Older brother is now down in England with a kid of his own, and my other older brother has had a fair amount of trouble with bipolar over the last few years. The bipolar brother can be... challenging to remain patient with, I have to confess. He's sometimes absolutely horrible and treats my mum disgracefully, and over the last year or so I've started running out of time for him for various reasons. Won't go into it all but I fluctuate between sheer resentment for him to gut wrenching pity. I fear for what he's going to do once my mum and dad aren't around to run after him anymore.

There's been handfuls of folk I've gotten on alright with at work and the like but never enough to actively spend time with outside of the office. It's sometimes a bit sobering to think that maybe no-one else has cared enough to try. Maybe I could have made more effort myself, too, but as above it goes back to that Clerks 2 thing.

Punted social media a while back, don't really miss it. Felt like I always had to create an image of some sort. I don't think that applies to P&B in quite the same way, so this has filled any gap from Facebook and the like perfectly well tbh.

I try to look at the better sides of things too to be fair even if it's just stuff that's along the lines of "well things could be a lot worse". Got a solid wid as my long term partner and she's angling for me to marry her, so I must be doing something right in that relationship if nothing else.

No, I'm not posting any pictures of her.

[Stellaboz]

No need, yer a wee stunner yersel!

[Doctor]

i dont know what i have is necessarily depression, i wouldn't say i feel down or hopeless or anything like that, i just find myself constantly intolerant of other people, i'll lose my temper and go on a 5 minute rant because the person in front of me is using their footbrake rather than their handbreak at a red light, i'll see another person as sub-human-scum just because they choose to wear a face mask with a pattern on it

i really dont want to call it depression but i don't know what the word is for just realising you hate being a human being and sharing a planet with a bunch of other human beings and how much better the world would be if none of us existed 

[DA Baracus]

3 minutes ago, Doctor said:

i dont know what i have is necessarily depression, i wouldn't say i feel down or hopeless or anything like that, i just find myself constantly intolerant of other people, i'll lose my temper and go on a 5 minute rant because the person in front of me is using their footbrake rather than their handbreak at a red light, i'll see another person as sub-human-scum just because they choose to wear a face mask with a pattern on it

i really dont want to call it depression but i don't know what the word is for just realising you hate being a human being and sharing a planet with a bunch of other human beings and how much better the world would be if none of us existed 

Nihilism 

[Scary Bear]

3 hours ago, Doctor said:

i dont know what i have is necessarily depression, i wouldn't say i feel down or hopeless or anything like that, i just find myself constantly intolerant of other people, i'll lose my temper and go on a 5 minute rant because the person in front of me is using their footbrake rather than their handbreak at a red light, i'll see another person as sub-human-scum just because they choose to wear a face mask with a pattern on it

i really dont want to call it depression but i don't know what the word is for just realising you hate being a human being and sharing a planet with a bunch of other human beings and how much better the world would be if none of us existed 

Think it could be Stress. You’re welcome. I’ll send my bill.

[NotThePars]

3 hours ago, Doctor said:

i dont know what i have is necessarily depression, i wouldn't say i feel down or hopeless or anything like that, i just find myself constantly intolerant of other people, i'll lose my temper and go on a 5 minute rant because the person in front of me is using their footbrake rather than their handbreak at a red light, i'll see another person as sub-human-scum just because they choose to wear a face mask with a pattern on it

i really dont want to call it depression but i don't know what the word is for just realising you hate being a human being and sharing a planet with a bunch of other human beings and how much better the world would be if none of us existed 

Sounds like you've got Charlie Brooker brain