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Only putting this in here clause it's a serious thread. Could be in infuriating things your partners do, but as I am about to come across as a right heartless bastrd.....

Someone at Mrs Bs work died recently. Someone who she, at best, were friendly enough colleagues who maybe text eachother back and forth but never socialised outside work. At worst, this person was a bit of an arse and a bully and ultimately Mrs B left rather than lut up with their shite. So we are talking someone who was not much more than a colleague.

Well Mrs B is now in her third day of full on moping about, crying, whining about it all etc. Its absolutely getting on my tits, and I know that sounds harsh but I am coming to the point...

See since I lost both my parents, I have a full on empathy bypass for stuff like this. Not like if someone loses family or a best pal, I actually feel fully worse for them, but see stuff like this, I genuinely feel like saying "what the f**k sort of loss is this to whine at me about?" Its like I rank a loss, deem it as nothing compared to what I have suffered then dismiss it. I honestly cant help it, and its total woe is me behaviour. Shite.
Its possible if the colleague was nasty then you can get a bit of a Stockholm syndrome and try to impress them. Maybe invested too much emotion.
I just grey rock pretty much everyone at work now which is shit but better than sharing stuff to get used to hit you with later on.
I'm probably the worst person to give advice on being sympathetic towards nasty people at work. Used to daydream about my main tormentor getting fucked up in various ways like the sketch in groundhog day.
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I would say this is completely normal behaviour. Since my diagnosis I have a complete empathy loss for people that moan about trivial illness. I know I shouldn't. It might seem trivial to me but could be the worst thing in the world for that person. Still, it pisses me off and I'm always wishing that's all I had to worry about in life.

Aye this is a slightly tricky one.

 

My wife's pal has no perspective on life's difficulties, and it annoys me immensely.

 

The whole 'typical that this has happened to us' mentality - with stuff that's genuinely trivial compared to my own health condition (and i know how fucking lucky i am that i don't have something completely debilitating, or even worse, terminal).

 

But as[mention=68117]Bairnardo[/mention] acknowledged, it's not a nice trait to be so harsh on other people's issues. Natural and understandable, but not nice.

 

 

 

 

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1 hour ago, Bairnardo said:

I think you might be on to something with the lockdown effect. A few things iv read here, and SweeperDees springs to mind makes me think, we all predicted all of these mental health problems from lockdown but yet still, feel totally unprepared for them to arrive. I feel a bit weird trying to go and do normal things now too. All awkward etc. 

Anyway, as to your other point, they were a wee bit older, and cause of death is not known yet but if I know Mrs B, I bet she will be thinking it was self inflicted and therefore her decision to jack in that particular workplace was a factor. Have mentioned on here before she suffers from depression and it manifests itself in her being way, way too hard on herself. That's partly why I put this in here. I know that I am not helping the situation but I really cant bring myself to be arsed about the death of this person, aside from standard "aw that's a shame"

To be honest I think anyone with any degree of intelligence and/or sensitivity has probably suffered to a greater or lesser extent over the lockdown.

I came to the conclusion a while back that the ones that have probably fared best are those lowest common denominator Big Davie Fae The Pub types who have breenged through the whole period convinced that it was aw a load a fuckin shite so they should just get the fuckin boozers back open cos they've got a fortnight in fuckin Benidorm booked up in June anyway.

Going through life with that kind of obtuse certainty would remove any need for extrapolation and reflection.

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2 hours ago, Bairnardo said:

I think you might be on to something with the lockdown effect. A few things iv read here, and SweeperDees springs to mind makes me think, we all predicted all of these mental health problems from lockdown but yet still, feel totally unprepared for them to arrive. I feel a bit weird trying to go and do normal things now too. All awkward etc. 

Anyway, as to your other point, they were a wee bit older, and cause of death is not known yet but if I know Mrs B, I bet she will be thinking it was self inflicted and therefore her decision to jack in that particular workplace was a factor. Have mentioned on here before she suffers from depression and it manifests itself in her being way, way too hard on herself. That's partly why I put this in here. I know that I am not helping the situation but I really cant bring myself to be arsed about the death of this person, aside from standard "aw that's a shame"

I don’t even know if it’ll go as deep as that mate - we’re in the midst of a pandemic and we’re reading about death all the time, however because it’s invisible and esoteric, it’s sometimes hard for people to connect with it. When it’s someone she knows, regardless of how it happened, it brings it home and pokes a big finger of one’s own mortality at you, which is doubly stressful when you’re having to make big adjustments to the way you live life in order to keep yourself and everyone else safe. 

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2 hours ago, D.A.F.C said:

Its possible if the colleague was nasty then you can get a bit of a Stockholm syndrome and try to impress them. Maybe invested too much emotion.
I just grey rock pretty much everyone at work now which is shit but better than sharing stuff to get used to hit you with later on.
I'm probably the worst person to give advice on being sympathetic towards nasty people at work. Used to daydream about my main tormentor getting fucked up in various ways like the sketch in groundhog day.
emoji38.png

Hahaha what were the top 3 scenarios? 

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2 hours ago, Hillonearth said:

To be honest I think anyone with any degree of intelligence and/or sensitivity has probably suffered to a greater or lesser extent over the lockdown.

I came to the conclusion a while back that the ones that have probably fared best are those lowest common denominator Big Davie Fae The Pub types who have breenged through the whole period convinced that it was aw a load a fuckin shite so they should just get the fuckin boozers back open cos they've got a fortnight in fuckin Benidorm booked up in June anyway.

Going through life with that kind of obtuse certainty would remove any need for extrapolation and reflection.

Yikes.

Never considered myself lacking intelligence and being a lowest common denominator type.

Never been to Benidorm though and haven't been back to a pub yet.

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1 hour ago, Genuine Hibs Fan said:

Hahaha what were the top 3 scenarios? 

1. Firebomb through window, had an entire scheme worked out where I would swap number plates and checked out all the local cctv first. Middle of winter when it was pishing down escape route through fields.  Burn clothes via oil drum planted in fields.

2. Win lottery and pay local drug addicts or bums to harass them and family constantly. Here mate do you want £1000? Ok see this paint, chuck it on this car. Stuff like that, relentless.

3. This was the weird one. Pay local gang or crime lords to kidnap. Get arsehole to drink water laced with lsd and mind altering drugs, huge amount.

Drive to large forrest. Tie to tree and cover with honey and sugar. Cheerio, check a week later. Hopefully still alive but now totally insane, drop off near home with forced hand written note saying they had a secret drugs problem and had a breakdown.

 

:lol:

I don’t think like this anymore and it was just for a short time. It did make me laugh occasionally thinking back to how much it got inside my head.

It’s pretty common and I’m sure everyone has done the same? Id never consider even stealing a persons sandwich in real life at work but it was a good way of coping.

Dont phone the police please.

 

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32 minutes ago, D.A.F.C said:

1. Firebomb through window, had an entire scheme worked out where I would swap number plates and checked out all the local cctv first. Middle of winter when it was pishing down escape route through fields.  Burn clothes via oil drum planted in fields.

2. Win lottery and pay local drug addicts or bums to harass them and family constantly. Here mate do you want £1000? Ok see this paint, chuck it on this car. Stuff like that, relentless.

3. This was the weird one. Pay local gang or crime lords to kidnap. Get arsehole to drink water laced with lsd and mind altering drugs, huge amount.

Drive to large forrest. Tie to tree and cover with honey and sugar. Cheerio, check a week later. Hopefully still alive but now totally insane, drop off near home with forced hand written note saying they had a secret drugs problem and had a breakdown.

 

:lol:

I don’t think like this anymore and it was just for a short time. It did make me laugh occasionally thinking back to how much it got inside my head.

It’s pretty common and I’m sure everyone has done the same? Id never consider even stealing a persons sandwich in real life at work but it was a good way of coping.

Dont phone the police please.

 

I don't know why but the bit in bold had me in stitches there, the large part probably! Those are some well thought out and entertaining plans, I especially enjoy tormenting them after winning the lottery. Downside is you couldn't trust addicts etc to not give the game away! 

I think we all have thoughts like that and it's amazing how much time you can spend on that stuff. Not always the healthiest though and I'm glad you're beyond it though. Always a good sign when you go from genuinely fantasising about that to laughing about it! 

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14 hours ago, Bairnardo said:

Only putting this in here clause it's a serious thread. Could be in infuriating things your partners do, but as I am about to come across as a right heartless bastrd.....

Someone at Mrs Bs work died recently. Someone who she, at best, were friendly enough colleagues who maybe text eachother back and forth but never socialised outside work. At worst, this person was a bit of an arse and a bully and ultimately Mrs B left rather than lut up with their shite. So we are talking someone who was not much more than a colleague.

Well Mrs B is now in her third day of full on moping about, crying, whining about it all etc. Its absolutely getting on my tits, and I know that sounds harsh but I am coming to the point...

See since I lost both my parents, I have a full on empathy bypass for stuff like this. Not like if someone loses family or a best pal, I actually feel fully worse for them, but see stuff like this, I genuinely feel like saying "what the f**k sort of loss is this to whine at me about?" Its like I rank a loss, deem it as nothing compared to what I have suffered then dismiss it. I honestly cant help it, and its total woe is me behaviour. Shite.

I'd go with some others and say you should explore if there's anything deeper behind this.

If I'm in a more 'fragile' state, I definitely get more hyper sensitive to stuff. About a year ago a neighbour from my childhood was murdered (I knew her, but not really) and it happened at a difficult time for me. It made me feel pretty miserable about the world and had me pretty upset, feeling like life was just one big misery up until you die.

A few weeks later I'd sorted myself out and had much more perspective, recognising that it was a shite thing to happen but given my relationship to her was acquaintance at best, I really couldn't allow it to affect me.

Long story short, it might be worth asking her why it's upset her so much, without it sounding like 'whats the big fucking deal'. There oculd be more going on.

Either that or she's an attention seeking dram queen. :)

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32 minutes ago, Dons_1988 said:

I'd go with some others and say you should explore if there's anything deeper behind this.

If I'm in a more 'fragile' state, I definitely get more hyper sensitive to stuff. About a year ago a neighbour from my childhood was murdered (I knew her, but not really) and it happened at a difficult time for me. It made me feel pretty miserable about the world and had me pretty upset, feeling like life was just one big misery up until you die.

A few weeks later I'd sorted myself out and had much more perspective, recognising that it was a shite thing to happen but given my relationship to her was acquaintance at best, I really couldn't allow it to affect me.

Long story short, it might be worth asking her why it's upset her so much, without it sounding like 'whats the big fucking deal'. There oculd be more going on.

Either that or she's an attention seeking dram queen:)

Has she a drinking problem, too?

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After seeing my pal in Perth for a few pints; during the whole time I forgot I was having issues. However the problem I noticed the day after was actually leaving; I felt sad that I was leaving my pal after seeing him for the first time in ages. Obviously that’s pretty rational, but once again it somehow feels amplified and more intense.

The girl I’ve been seeing stayed over last night and it was a fucking brilliant time. Films, wine, shenanigans, all brilliant. But after she dropped me off for work this morning it was the same sinking feeling of possibly not seeing her again; it’s absolutely fucking daft, but it’s just the same sort of thought process I used to have when I was a teenager. It’s like I’m developing separation anxiety; problem is I’m twenty fucking five, not just 5 years old.

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10 hours ago, DA Baracus said:

Yikes.

Never considered myself lacking intelligence and being a lowest common denominator type.

Never been to Benidorm though and haven't been back to a pub yet.

Having read through the last few pages |I'm slightly confused and concerned that you might have thought what I'd posted was aimed at you or anyone in particular on here. This isn't the type of thread I - or I would hope anyone on here - would do that on.

It was more following on from a conversation I had the other day with someone at work which made me think - he was saying a few weeks ago he had approached a few of his members of staff to see if they'd want to go into the office to carry out a task which couldn't be done remotely...a couple of the more thoughtful ones admitted the thought of going back was giving them the fear and they probably wouldn't get any sleep the night before they went in. Conversely the stolid zero-imagination plodder gave him more or less exactly the response I mentioned earlier that we should have been coming in the whole time cos it was aw pish, hence my comment that that sort of lack of capacity for reflection and imagination might actually be advantageous in these times

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1 hour ago, dorlomin said:

depression.jpg.9410516f9f0c5b35957ab4c263656542.jpg

 

The concentration problems is one of the most debilitating for many as so many careers in the modern world require the ability to focus on boring tasks for extended time periods. 

Concentration was a big factor in my horrendous failure at university.

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Guest JTS98
23 hours ago, Bairnardo said:

Only putting this in here clause it's a serious thread. Could be in infuriating things your partners do, but as I am about to come across as a right heartless bastrd.....

Someone at Mrs Bs work died recently. Someone who she, at best, were friendly enough colleagues who maybe text eachother back and forth but never socialised outside work. At worst, this person was a bit of an arse and a bully and ultimately Mrs B left rather than lut up with their shite. So we are talking someone who was not much more than a colleague.

Well Mrs B is now in her third day of full on moping about, crying, whining about it all etc. Its absolutely getting on my tits, and I know that sounds harsh but I am coming to the point...

See since I lost both my parents, I have a full on empathy bypass for stuff like this. Not like if someone loses family or a best pal, I actually feel fully worse for them, but see stuff like this, I genuinely feel like saying "what the f**k sort of loss is this to whine at me about?" Its like I rank a loss, deem it as nothing compared to what I have suffered then dismiss it. I honestly cant help it, and its total woe is me behaviour. Shite.

I think it's maybe connected to the idea that people who go and cry outside football stadiums after an ex-player or current player they never met die are really just letting out a bit of 'life is tough and I'm unhappy' steam in a social context that makes that acceptable. An emotional safety valve kind of thing.

Your missus maybe just sees this as a chance to let some pent-up sadness/frustration/anger out in a time where she can pin it on the death of the ex-colleague. Or maybe it's not even that conscious a decision. It just happens.

Edited by JTS98
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  • 3 weeks later...

Seems the most appropriate place.

Feeling pretty shit tonight,  missing my mum like f**k.  She died 4 years ago and there no special occasions recently/ coming up but I was innocently flicking through a few pics of my niece and it hit like a brick everything she’s missing from.  I’ve not had the best of weeks mentally which is probably contributing but I haven’t felt this low in a long time. Not expecting any response really and I’m not exactly open about my feelings but feel venting here is better than nothing.

Edited by parsforlife
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12 minutes ago, parsforlife said:

Seems the most appropriate place.

Feeling pretty shit tonight,  missing my mum like f**k.  She died 4 years ago and there no special occasions recently/ coming up but I was innocently flicking through a few pics of my niece and it hit like a brick everything she’s missing from.  I’ve not had the best of weeks mentally which is probably contributing but I haven’t felt this low in a long time. Not expecting any response really and I’m not exactly open about my feelings but feel venting here is better than nothing.

Grief is a hellish thing and can hit at anytime, think a lot of us especially on here can relate to loss affecting them especially when added in with depression.  Try to remember the good times with your mum and if she was here know she wouldnt want you being down on yourself.  Good to vent, this place thread has helped me a good few times in opening up and knowing its one of those things your not going through it alone. theres no shame in having issues with your mental  health and talking about it.

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21 minutes ago, parsforlife said:

Seems the most appropriate place.

Feeling pretty shit tonight,  missing my mum like f**k.  She died 4 years ago and there no special occasions recently/ coming up but I was innocently flicking through a few pics of my niece and it hit like a brick everything she’s missing from.  I’ve not had the best of weeks mentally which is probably contributing but I haven’t felt this low in a long time. Not expecting any response really and I’m not exactly open about my feelings but feel venting here is better than nothing.

My mums birthday is coming up next week, she passed in June 2016 & it still hurts like hell so I know what you mean. I really should vent more here as it does help so keep venting m8.

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