Depression

[DA Baracus]

34 minutes ago, Thereisalight.. said:

My ego sure is hurt. She was in a new relationship within a few weeks and they’re now engaged after only 5 months. Just hurts I was so easily replaceable. When I told her about my Dad passing away we hadn’t spoke for a few months. She said sorry etc, then a few hours later she unblocked me to say she no longer cares what happens in my life, how happy she is in her new relationship and that’s if I contacted her again she’d call the police. Imagine receiving a message like that from someone you loved for years a few hours after I’d lost my Dad. I was destroyed how hurtful she could be. A few people reckon she’s probably a narcissist so now I’m questioning if she ever really loved me. 

Stop questioning it all now. So what if she didn't? That's on her and not a reflection of you.

I had similar where a burd I was living with broke up with me and was engaged to a guy within 2 weeks. Felt similar to what you describe. Took me a while to get over it but once I did I just realise what a whole waste of time the worrying and hurt about it was and how it wasn't my fault. At the risk of getting all 'Good Will Hunting' on you (what a film by the way!), it's not your fault. Unfortunately there are shit people in the world who d shit things to folk. She doesn't care about you so try and stop caring about her, and indeed thinking about her.

Easier said than done mind.

[Thereisalight..]

19 minutes ago, DA Baracus said:

Stop questioning it all now. So what if she didn't? That's on her and not a reflection of you.

I had similar where a burd I was living with broke up with me and was engaged to a guy within 2 weeks. Felt similar to what you describe. Took me a while to get over it but once I did I just realise what a whole waste of time the worrying and hurt about it was and how it wasn't my fault. At the risk of getting all 'Good Will Hunting' on you (what a film by the way!), it's not your fault. Unfortunately there are shit people in the world who d shit things to folk. She doesn't care about you so try and stop caring about her, and indeed thinking about her.

Easier said than done mind.

2 weeks, jeez. What’s wrong with some people

Yip that’s the annoying thing. I know she doesn’t give a shit about me, yet I still think of her and all the good times we had. She works in the care sector so I keep wondering how she is doing during these coronavirus times. The sad part is she wouldn’t give a damn if I died from it. Really wish I was the type who could switch off feeling and emotions like a light switch 

[DA Baracus]

10 minutes ago, Thereisalight.. said:

2 weeks, jeez. What’s wrong with some people

Yip that’s the annoying thing. I know she doesn’t give a shit about me, yet I still think of her and all the good times we had. She works in the care sector so I keep wondering how she is doing during these coronavirus times. The sad part is she wouldn’t give a damn if I died from it. Really wish I was the type who could switch off feeling and emotions like a light switch 

No such person exists.

[Thereisalight..]

12 minutes ago, DA Baracus said:

No such person exists.

I truly believe they do and they’re called Narcissists 

[carpetmonster]

56 minutes ago, Thereisalight.. said:

I truly believe they do and they’re called Narcissists 

Narcissists don't really have feelings in the first place - Trump is often theorized to have Narcissistic Personality Disorder if you want an example - and feelings are part of the human experience, for good and for bad. Imagine how shite it would be not to feel love, to feel joy, to have everything be pretty much a flatline - that's the dictionary definition of clinical depression. You get one shot at all this, it's better to get all of it, even if it's a b*****d at times. 

[Jacksgranda]

@Thereisalight - without being too birthday caird pish - take a bit of hope from your user name - light at the end of the tunnel etc

[Dons_1988]

2 weeks, jeez. What’s wrong with some people [emoji20]
Yip that’s the annoying thing. I know she doesn’t give a shit about me, yet I still think of her and all the good times we had. She works in the care sector so I keep wondering how she is doing during these coronavirus times. The sad part is she wouldn’t give a damn if I died from it. Really wish I was the type who could switch off feeling and emotions like a light switch 

You don’t want to switch off your emotions mate, as much as it may feel like it.

One day you’ll harness those emotions to do something good. This illness prevents you controlling that emotion and it ends up overwhelming you. I promise you though, you don’t want the days where you feel no emotions at all.

Get to the doctor mate. It’ll be a weight off the shoulders.

[Thereisalight..]

2 hours ago, carpetmonster said:

Narcissists don't really have feelings in the first place - Trump is often theorized to have Narcissistic Personality Disorder if you want an example - and feelings are part of the human experience, for good and for bad. Imagine how shite it would be not to feel love, to feel joy, to have everything be pretty much a flatline - that's the dictionary definition of clinical depression. You get one shot at all this, it's better to get all of it, even if it's a b*****d at times. 

 

2 hours ago, Jacksgranda said:

@Thereisalight - without being too birthday caird pish - take a bit of hope from your user name - light at the end of the tunnel etc

 

1 hour ago, Dons_1988 said:

 

You don’t want to switch off your emotions mate, as much as it may feel like it.

One day you’ll harness those emotions to do something good. This illness prevents you controlling that emotion and it ends up overwhelming you. I promise you though, you don’t want the days where you feel no emotions at all.

Get to the doctor mate. It’ll be a weight off the shoulders.

 

Thanks  guys. The support and encouragement mean a lot

[harkinsbaldpatch]

You're problems aren't trivial even if you feel someone has it worse. That's a very common feeling though and one I, am probably most others on here, have felt before.
Have you thought about video calls with your parents? Might make a difference and might help. Also if you self isolate for a week and show no symptoms then, provided you drove there and didn't stop anywhere (shop for example) then you'd be safe to visit? Check that with the official advice though.
I know what you mean about the sleeping. Maybe if you made up some sort of schedule it could help? Are you working from home? Perhaps try things like scheduling a coffee/tea break at 10.00 and 15.00, and take it in the garden if you can. Make a list of things and tick them off at the end of the day so you can see that you've achieved them. Could be little things like read a chapter of a book, cleaned dishes, scheduled tea/coffee breaks etc. Have a look at the working from home thread; there's lots of good stuff there!

Thanks for the advice and kind words, went and visited my parents yesterday dropped off some more shopping for them but just to be on the safe side I stayed outside and left the shopping at the door. I'm back to work on Sunday which is something else I know I'm going to worry about, needs must and all that, hope you and your family are keeping well.

[harkinsbaldpatch]

Your problems might not be as bad as others, but they’re your problems. Might seem selfish but there are problems in the world that won’t impact on your life so don’t use them as a comparison of possible.
If you’re fit and healthy, and they are, you’ll be able to visit? This might not be the case though, so sorry I’m advance. It certainly speeded up my decision to come home for the time being.
On a personal note, last night I think I had my first nights uninterrupted sleep in weeks. Quite unnerved by it in all honesty! Don’t know if I’m happy or worried!

Thanks for the reply, I was ill for a couple months between Christmas and February, was off my work for a few weeks with viral conjunctivitis as well, i had only been back to my work a few weeks and fell ill again so self isolated just to be on the safe side, even though I feel better I'm just really wary of going anywhere near my parents incase I am infected, hope all is well your end.

[NJ2]

Thanks for the reply, I was ill for a couple months between Christmas and February, was off my work for a few weeks with viral conjunctivitis as well, i had only been back to my work a few weeks and fell ill again so self isolated just to be on the safe side, even though I feel better I'm just really wary of going anywhere near my parents incase I am infected, hope all is well your end.

No thanks required, we’re all here for each other [emoji106]
It’s difficult but you’re doing absolutely the right thing isolating. Only a couple of weeks and you’ll be able to visit again assuming you show no symptoms.
Not really sure how I feel at the moment tbh, a lot in the air all at once but we’ll get there

[Raidernation]

This is shite.
f**k all to do at work but I have to show up, struggling to get enough AA time, Zoom meetings are all good and well but not particularly helpful and my middle stepdaughter is only working weekends thanks to this and I’m not in a position to be much help. She’s getting a lot of shite from her c**t of an ex ( if it wasn’t for their kid... ah you get the idea) and I can’t do anything and it’s killing me.
At least I haven’t gone back on the booze but I’m having almost nightly drinking dreams.

I hate this shit and on top of that I’m playing phone tag with the doc about my recent blood test results. Normally they wait until my next appointment so why are they calling me now?

[NJ2]

This is shite.
f**k all to do at work but I have to show up, struggling to get enough AA time, Zoom meetings are all good and well but not particularly helpful and my middle stepdaughter is only working weekends thanks to this and I’m not in a position to be much help. She’s getting a lot of shite from her c**t of an ex ( if it wasn’t for their kid... ah you get the idea) and I can’t do anything and it’s killing me.
At least I haven’t gone back on the booze but I’m having almost nightly drinking dreams.

I hate this shit and on top of that I’m playing phone tag with the doc about my recent blood test results. Normally they wait until my next appointment so why are they calling me now?

It’s murder just now, don’t worry you aren’t alone with that, but you know drink isn’t going to make any of that better.
A clear head will help you be the best help you can - even if you don’t think that’s much, just being there, supportive and available will mean more than you realise.

[The_Kincardine]

23 minutes ago, Raidernation said:

This is shite.
f**k all to do at work but I have to show up, struggling to get enough AA time, Zoom meetings are all good and well but not particularly helpful and my middle stepdaughter is only working weekends thanks to this and I’m not in a position to be much help. She’s getting a lot of shite from her c**t of an ex ( if it wasn’t for their kid... ah you get the idea) and I can’t do anything and it’s killing me.
At least I haven’t gone back on the booze but I’m having almost nightly drinking dreams.

I hate this shit and on top of that I’m playing phone tag with the doc about my recent blood test results. Normally they wait until my next appointment so why are they calling me now?

Chin up, buddy and glad you've a distance to the bevvy.  This is a really tricky time as we can;t go out and 'sort' things as we'd like to.  I know, in my case, that my eldest has issues with her maw and my son has a few things he'd want to offload but can't.  I'm taking the easy (for now) option and dealing with the  simple stuff such as making sure my elder daughter and I have as peaceful a time together as we can.  Simple wins, eh?

Hope the blood tests are nothing to worry about.  He's probably being eager rather than anything else.

Edited April 2, 2020 by The_Kincardine

[Thereisalight..]

I’ve found the last week to be tough. I’m missing work, still getting my head around the fact my ex was 99% likely a narcissist, it was my Dad’s birthday and the first one without him here. I’m getting into a really bad routine of not wakening up until midday, lazing around for a few hours and then going out a walk or a hike, coming home and having dark thoughts. I miss simple things like going a drive out of town, going to the local bakery for a hot filled roll, obviously missing the football. 

[Guest Moomintroll]

I’ve found the last week to be tough. I’m missing work, still getting my head around the fact my ex was 99% likely a narcissist, it was my Dad’s birthday and the first one without him here. I’m getting into a really bad routine of not wakening up until midday, lazing around for a few hours and then going out a walk or a hike, coming home and having dark thoughts. I miss simple things like going a drive out of town, going to the local bakery for a hot filled roll, obviously missing the football. 

A big positive there is that you are still getting out for that daily walk, try to use that to clear your head and keep yourself going for the rest of the day . Goes without saying but if you feel it's getting too much get your arse on this thread pronto & talk to someone.

[NJ2]

I’ve found the last week to be tough. I’m missing work, still getting my head around the fact my ex was 99% likely a narcissist, it was my Dad’s birthday and the first one without him here. I’m getting into a really bad routine of not wakening up until midday, lazing around for a few hours and then going out a walk or a hike, coming home and having dark thoughts. I miss simple things like going a drive out of town, going to the local bakery for a hot filled roll, obviously missing the football. 

Fresh breakup and first birthday after your dads death is always going to be shite - putting aside the state of the world just now.
At least you’re still getting a hike in. Next time, take a few photos or just stop to take in a view or some wildlife and remember you’d not have seen that if you were just sat in the house moping.
Book, music, radio or tv programme you like when get home and try use that to distract yourself. Plan as well ie “I’ll watch this until 6pm then I’ll do dishes and what not then I’ll read until 10pm and I’ll brush teeth and go to bed”. Try follow steps for a good sleep and see if that helps you get up earlier.
You certainly aren’t alone in missing those things and it’s pish, but it won’t last. One day soon enough things are going to get back closer to normal, just need to hang around long enough to enjoy it when we can mate [emoji106]

[Thereisalight..]

Just now, Moomintroll said:

 

 

A big positive there is that you are still getting out for that daily walk, try to use that to clear your head and keep yourself going for the rest of the day . Goes without saying but if you feel it's getting too much get your arse on this thread pronto & talk to someone.

 

Cheers for that. Yeah the walk has been a real lifesaver. I combine it with a trip to the graveyard, I feel that gives me the motivation to actually get out the house if I have a “place” to go. It’s just a shame I have to go there 

[Thereisalight..]

3 minutes ago, NJ2 said:

Fresh breakup and first birthday after your dads death is always going to be shite - putting aside the state of the world just now.
At least you’re still getting a hike in. Next time, take a few photos or just stop to take in a view or some wildlife and remember you’d not have seen that if you were just sat in the house moping.
Book, music, radio or tv programme you like when get home and try use that to distract yourself. Plan as well ie “I’ll watch this until 6pm then I’ll do dishes and what not then I’ll read until 10pm and I’ll brush teeth and go to bed”. Try follow steps for a good sleep and see if that helps you get up earlier.
You certainly aren’t alone in missing those things and it’s pish, but it won’t last. One day soon enough things are going to get back closer to normal, just need to hang around long enough to enjoy it when we can mate

Thank you. The break up was about 6 months ago but it was a headfuck how quick she moved on and erased me from her life. It hurt to know she’s engaged now. She also blocked me this week despite me not messaging her for about 2 months. I guess you can never decipher a narc. 

My Dad would have been 66 and I wish he could be her ex as he wouldn’t believe what is happening in the world right now. 9 weeks ago we lost him and it’s been a long 9 weeks without him.

ill probably go a hike tomorrow and take photos and see some wildlife. The hills I go to I went with my ex, and at other times my Dad so memories come flooding back 

I should try and schedule my night a bit better as I usually just waste hours on social media places like here or Twitter/FB. Nothing productive 

I hope so! My work is tied up in events so getting back to work and going to sports again would be a good distraction. 

[NJ2]

Thank you. The break up was about 6 months ago but it was a headfuck how quick she moved on and erased me from her life. It hurt to know she’s engaged now. She also blocked me this week despite me not messaging her for about 2 months. I guess you can never decipher a narc. 
My Dad would have been 66 and I wish he could be her ex as he wouldn’t believe what is happening in the world right now. 9 weeks ago we lost him and it’s been a long 9 weeks without him.
ill probably go a hike tomorrow and take photos and see some wildlife. The hills I go to I went with my ex, and at other times my Dad so memories come flooding back 
I should try and schedule my night a bit better as I usually just waste hours on social media places like here or Twitter/FB. Nothing productive 
I hope so! My work is tied up in events so getting back to work and going to sports again would be a good distraction. 

Thank you. The break up was about 6 months ago but it was a headfuck how quick she moved on and erased me from her life. It hurt to know she’s engaged now. She also blocked me this week despite me not messaging her for about 2 months. I guess you can never decipher a narc. 
My Dad would have been 66 and I wish he could be her ex as he wouldn’t believe what is happening in the world right now. 9 weeks ago we lost him and it’s been a long 9 weeks without him.
ill probably go a hike tomorrow and take photos and see some wildlife. The hills I go to I went with my ex, and at other times my Dad so memories come flooding back 
I should try and schedule my night a bit better as I usually just waste hours on social media places like here or Twitter/FB. Nothing productive 
I hope so! My work is tied up in events so getting back to work and going to sports again would be a good distraction. 

That’s still pretty fresh tbh. Given there’s been developments in that she’s got engaged and weirdly blocked you is something new and just makes you think of it all again.
That’s very recent for losing your dad mate, ex, dad and now this - it’s totally understandable feeling low. He probably checked out before the whole world went daft, can’t say I blame him! If you can go to the hills and enjoy being there, remembering good times then keep doing it - it’s absolutely fine to look back fondly on the good times. There’ll be more good times as well, with someone else or by yourself but there will be food times again.
Yeah, I go through spells of that where I put something on then just sit on twitter or pie and Bovril and realise I’ve not even watched what I wanted and I’m fucked off at the world again so a bit planning and structure helps me get through.
It had better get back to normal anyway, Hearts haven’t lost for a fair while now and I’m getting uneasy! Will I get to boo again?!