pandarilla Posted January 1, 2020 Share Posted January 1, 2020 On a scale of 1-10, how awful would I look if I went into his Facebook acciunt and told everyone about their affair? This would mean both her and her husband would see it. I do not know if her husband knows. actually I know it’s a shit, petty, humiliating thing for me to do hence I am posting here and not actually on Facebook.I don't think there's anything wrong in finding and telling him, especially if this affair has lasted since early last year. That might actually do him a huge favour. As others have said, and as you know yourself, public humiliation is not the right thing to do. But becoming an amateur detective and finding him would not be unreasonable. This is not a one night thing that could be regarded as a mistake. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
welshbairn Posted January 1, 2020 Share Posted January 1, 2020 1 minute ago, pandarilla said: I don't think there's anything wrong in finding and telling him I don't think we're in a position to know that. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
djchapsticks Posted January 1, 2020 Share Posted January 1, 2020 4 hours ago, Jambomo said: No, I don’t have means of making contact with him. i’m not going to, I would just took like a trashy arsehole. I’ll just sit on P & B and talk about doing it. Would be nice though Good that you aren't going down that road. Facebook is the absolute bane of a lot of folk. I think a lot of people find it cathartic to have an outlet publicly to say what they want and folk to see it but it's a double-edged sword in that there is no filter so can paint folk in a really poor light. Glad you've taken the public silence route on this one. I'd also be a bit wary of telling the other woman's hubby as well if you have no knowledge of him or his character. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pandarilla Posted January 1, 2020 Share Posted January 1, 2020 I don't think we're in a position to know that.Do we not know that it's been a long term thing, and that she's married? If those two are true then I can't see any reason why she shouldn't tell him? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
djchapsticks Posted January 1, 2020 Share Posted January 1, 2020 2 minutes ago, pandarilla said: Do we not know that it's been a long term thing, and that she's married? If those two are true then I can't see any reason why she shouldn't tell him? As it could end up violently for the other woman or for the hubby himself. I'd be wary on delivering potentially devastating news to anyone I don't know, I'd hate the idea of sending someone down a rabbit hole or prompting a violent reaction to the person who has done wrong, even if they are a despicable b*****d. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pandarilla Posted January 1, 2020 Share Posted January 1, 2020 As it could end up violently for the other woman or for the hubby himself. I'd be wary on delivering potentially devastating news to anyone I don't know, I'd hate the idea of sending someone down a rabbit hole or prompting a violent reaction to the person who has done wrong, even if they are a despicable b*****d. Yeah but jambomo isn't responsible for any of that. If your answer to having a violent husband is to have an affair with a guy in a relationship then you waive any special confidentiality privileges (in my book, anyway). Delivering that news would not be pleasant - but I can't see how jambomo wouldn't be well within her rights to do it. -1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AL-FFC Posted January 1, 2020 Share Posted January 1, 2020 There are a lot of variables that i dare say a lot of us arent privy too, it could be she might have an open relationship with her hubby, it could be her relationship is on its arse. I would probably advise just keep it between you and your ex/hubby and let the other couple sort there own sh*t out. Facebook seems to be a public domain for a dumping ground for other folks dirty laudry online equivilent to Jeremy Kyle. Leave it off fb you caught him out do what you need for your side and let the other parties involved sort there own sh*t out. Not your problem then if she leaves her hubby then thats their problem if her hubby finds out not by you telling him - not your problem - your ex no where to go again not your problem - do what you need to do for you that way any additional dramas its not yours to worry about. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hearthammer Posted January 1, 2020 Share Posted January 1, 2020 He deserves to know what his wife's been up to - Been there as the unknowing husband with the "perfect" marriage. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bobby Skidmarks Posted January 1, 2020 Share Posted January 1, 2020 I dunno mate. I know you’d like to have some control and give her a taste of her own medicine by letting her husband know, but I’d try and distance myself from the whole fucking debacle and try and repair my head for a few weeks. These are crucial for you to realise it’s not your fault. None of this is. f**k knows, just my take on it and I’ve never been in this position. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8MileBU Posted January 1, 2020 Share Posted January 1, 2020 The shorter daylight hours never help this time of year either.Fucking right. Hate winter months. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
welshbairn Posted January 1, 2020 Share Posted January 1, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, pandarilla said: Yeah but jambomo isn't responsible for any of that. If your answer to having a violent husband is to have an affair with a guy in a relationship then you waive any special confidentiality privileges (in my book, anyway). Delivering that news would not be pleasant - but I can't see how jambomo wouldn't be well within her rights to do it. Possibly devastating the life of an innocent party by telling him something he didn't want to know wouldn't help Jambomo. As I said, we have no idea of the circumstances. I'm not claiming it would be wrong for her to tell him, just that it's impossible for us to know. Edited January 1, 2020 by welshbairn 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8MileBU Posted January 1, 2020 Share Posted January 1, 2020 On a scale of 1-10, how awful would I look if I went into his Facebook acciunt and told everyone about their affair? This would mean both her and her husband would see it. I do not know if her husband knows. actually I know it’s a shit, petty, humiliating thing for me to do hence I am posting here and not actually on Facebook.Nah don’t do that. Her husband doesn’t deserve to find out like that. Would probably be pretty embarrassing and humiliating when he’s done you no wrong. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carpetmonster Posted January 1, 2020 Share Posted January 1, 2020 6 minutes ago, 8MileBU said: Fucking right. Hate winter months. Vitamin D supplements help mate. As does going swimming; exercise is always a good idea anyway, but there's something nice about being in the water when you can see it blizzarding of snow thru the windows. No Kenneths please. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pandarilla Posted January 1, 2020 Share Posted January 1, 2020 Possibly devastating the life of an innocent party by telling him something he didn't want to know wouldn't help Jambomo. As I said, we have no idea of the circumstances. I'm not claiming it would be wrong for her to tell him, just that it's impossible for us to know.It might not be a positive thing for her to do - but my point is that she's well within her rights to tell him. She's not being out of order in any way by taking that action (unlike the FB post which would be pretty shitty, even if they arguably deserved it).Telling her husband might be the best thing that could happen to him, and on the balance of probability, I'd say it's more likely he'd rather know than not know. Like someone else said, he might already know - but even at that there's no harm done. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
welshbairn Posted January 1, 2020 Share Posted January 1, 2020 4 minutes ago, pandarilla said: Telling her husband might be the best thing that could happen to him Or it could be the worst, with unknown consequences. We can't possibly know, so shouldn't be giving advice in ignorance, other than cautionary. There are no universal rules in these things. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RH33 Posted January 1, 2020 Share Posted January 1, 2020 3 hours ago, scmwell said: Changed from citalopram to venlafaxine in the last month, feel worse than ever I feel the life being sucked from me. Relationship a mess feel like we should ge a divorce but scared of consequences kids financial etc They say never make decisions when at a low point. However if the relationship is over and the environment isn’t a healthy one to raise kids then it may be the best option. My youngest knows no different but my older two still kind of remember. While it was hard at the time everyone is much happier. My ex is remarried to someone whom he’s much more suited too. And I’m....,welll I’m having plenty of fun when I can Really though it’s only you and your wife who can decide and it isn’t an easy conversation. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Priti priti priti Patel Posted January 2, 2020 Share Posted January 2, 2020 3 hours ago, RH33 said: They say never make decisions when at a low point. However if the relationship is over and the environment isn’t a healthy one to raise kids then it may be the best option. My youngest knows no different but my older two still kind of remember. While it was hard at the time everyone is much happier. My ex is remarried to someone whom he’s much more suited too. And I’m....,welll I’m having plenty of fun when I can Really though it’s only you and your wife who can decide and it isn’t an easy conversation. If it's not too personal to ask, I would be interested to hear what it is about him that you didn't match up with but which he has found in his second wife. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Priti priti priti Patel Posted January 2, 2020 Share Posted January 2, 2020 On 31/12/2019 at 21:33, Raidernation said: Looks like I’ll be in my own tonight. Ah well early toned I guess Happy New Year big man. Like someone else said, "in awe of what you go through". I really picture you as someone of huge emotional strength. A bit of a giant of P&B in that respect. Very impressive. Glad you've posted again to say you'll not feel sad. You aren't alone in being alone. My mum went to bed at about 10 pm she said. She was on her own. She's had my dad die in 2005 and then her second husband die in 2013. Some people just have it bad, I guess, but from the comparatively small struggles I have I know the feeling of pride and relief when the sun shines again, and when that day comes again for people like you and her I guess the feeling is going to be immense. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RH33 Posted January 2, 2020 Share Posted January 2, 2020 4 hours ago, Margaret Thatcher said: If it's not too personal to ask, I would be interested to hear what it is about him that you didn't match up with but which he has found in his second wife. Shared interests. Dr Who, Sc-fi, comics, films. None of that interests me one bit. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Priti priti priti Patel Posted January 2, 2020 Share Posted January 2, 2020 16 hours ago, RH33 said: Shared interests. Dr Who, Sc-fi, comics, films. None of that interests me one bit. Fair enough. Was the lack of shared interests the main reason for the divorce in the first place? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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